Summary: With the person responsible for their betrayal dealt with, Clarisse and Joseph try to resume a "normal" life.

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Chapter Ten: Starting Over

November 30

Clarisse's eyes fluttered open, not that she'd been asleep. Her eyelids irritated the bloodshot eyes they were supposed to protect. Sleep had been a complete stranger last night, not even for a brief visit. Images of Lydia with Lester—the young woman enjoying being with him—had forced her to spend what little time was left of the night emptying her already empty stomach. Even if she could move past those images, the thought of being a "plaything" of Lester's in any long term situation sent her straight back to the bathroom.

Sheer will and determination forced her from the bed and through her morning routine. Braving a glance in the mirror, she allowed herself a small smile. Somehow, she'd managed to make herself look marginally presentable. Makeup simply had to be God's consolation gift to women for whom He allowed no rest.

A sigh escaped. He wouldn't be fooled though—he'd never been fooled. Joseph had always been able to see past every carefully constructed façade she'd ever built. Thankfully, he wouldn't see her until she arrived at the office. Since the incident, he'd not been the guard walking with her to work in the morning. She expected Felix or Lionel would be waiting just outside her door to do the honors.

Standing in front of her door, she exhaled slowly and plastered a smile on her face. Felix doesn't need to start or end his day with a weary, unhappy queen. Her eyes widened as they drank in the sight of Joseph, adorned all in black, a small smile on his face, leaning against the opposite wall waiting for her. Her smile morphed from forced to genuine happiness. "Joseph, I wasn't expecting to see you this morning."

He returned her smile and nodded. "I was released for duty as I recall. I see no need to change a routine that worked for us for the past few decades, do you?"

Her smile faded slightly. "But after last night…you're certainly well within your rights to come in a little later."

"You're not coming in later, are you?"

He had a point. "Well, I''m certain I retired before you since you had other matters to attend to." She refused to think of what dark hole Lydia might be awaiting her fate in.

"Did you sleep?" His eyes focused on her face. She could almost feel the scrutiny as he looked beyond the makeup and the façade to see her.

She shook her head slowly, the smile disappearing completely. "Perhaps tonight…"

He extended his arm to escort. "Perhaps we both will."

Silence rested heavily between them, more awkward than comfortable as before as they slowly made their way to the office.

"What's on the agenda today, Your Majesty?"

Clarisse was grateful they were speaking of neutral topics, not of what they learned last night. It was too soon. They would have to at some point…Dr. Weston would make sure of that. For now, though, she welcomed the diversion of a full day of work. There was comfort in the routine. "I'm afraid nothing but paperwork. Though a Sunday, there is much work to catch up on because…well, you understand. What about you?"

He touched the hand she'd placed on his arm and smiled. "I have some paperwork, though I'm certain my stack will pale in comparison to yours. After that, I intend to enjoy my favorite part of the job."

"Your favorite part?" A slight blush colored her cheeks.

"Watching over my queen."

She returned his smile. "I have it on good authority, she would want no one else to be responsible for such an important task." Her chest tightened slightly remembering his words that he'd be willing to walk away from her and the job if it meant her happiness and comfort. Exhaling slowly, she thanked God, again, she'd been able to convince him otherwise.

He nodded and gestured to her office door. "Let's get started on our day."

^^C/J^^

Clarisse worked hard throughout the day, primarily to keep her mind preoccupied. With Joseph's presence near the door, she was both comforted and unnerved. Add to that the consistent lack of sleep and the events of last night and the resilient Queen of Genovia felt both her age and the pressure of life in the public's eye.

Giving in to the very human need to relieve some stress, she removed her glasses and squeezed the bridge of her nose. She fought against the sigh of relief wanting to escape at having completed another day of paperwork.

"Your Majesty? Is everything alright?" Joseph's concerned voice threaded into her conscious thought.

"Everything is fine, please sit." She motioned to the chair opposite hers as Charlotte arrived with two cups and a teapot. "Thank you, Charlotte. You may call it quits for the day. I'm going to finish my tea and then call it a day myself."

Charlotte's face held the same worried look she'd come to expect from her. Clarisse wished for the strength to help Charlotte through this emotional time, but truthfully, she was barely holding herself together. Last night had depleted any reserves she might have been able to muster over the past few days.

"Are you sure, Your Majesty? I don't mind staying."

Clarisse smiled softly. "I'm sure, Charlotte. Please get some rest. I promise to call if I need anything."

The younger woman nodded. "You do the same" Charlotte cast one last worried look at Joseph before taking her leave.

Not wanting to give him a chance to say anything, Clarisse picked up the teapot and poured the hot liquid into their cups. "I know you don't know the meaning of light duty any more than I do. I figured we could both use a cup of tea." She added milk and sugar to hers, leaving his with just sugar. "How is Scott doing?" Her eyes found his. "How are you?"

Joseph watched as she poured the tea. Sitting at tea with Clarisse hinted at the surreal. Twelve hours ago, he'd watched her question a look-alike who hated her enough to want her dead…or worse, subjected to Lester's sick games. He stifled a shudder when he considered the same man also had every intention of allowing Rich to end his life, slowly and painfully.

Returning his focus to Clarisse, he admired her ability to carry on as though they were having a normal evening tea and talking security matters. Even though he knew it was all a front, he was willing to let her pretend. They both needed to do that right now just to get through the days and nights. "Shades is Shades, not one to share his feelings. He's a professional and did the job required of him."

He watched her eyes sharpen and then lower to his hands, resting on the desk. A small sliver of warmth seeped into his limbs as he remembered how wonderful it felt yesterday when their hands had touched. His heart warmed as she reached across the desk and took his hand in hers. He relished the strength and comfort even the small gesture offered.

"You promised me you would find the person responsible and you did. I appreciate you allowing me to see it through. I know you could've stopped me and were well within your rights to do so. Thank you for knowing how important it was for me to see her and speak to her."

Joseph concentrated on the soft feel of her skin against his and tried to breathe. He remembered how she'd held his hand that night when she thought he was asleep, the words she'd spoken to him. He longed to return to the days when he could touch her and didn't have to worry about what dark memories an innocent touch might arouse. "I've never been able to say no to you or deny you anything, especially when your eyes implore me with such intensity." He released her hand, not wanting to dwell on his physical weakness the last time she'd held it so tightly. "Allow me to walk you to your suite?"

She remained seated, her eyes holding his. Once again memories from that weekend, the times they'd communicated with nothing but their eyes, surfaced. Though she said nothing, her eyes told him so much. Finally, she nodded and stood, following him to the door.

"After you." Slipping into old habits, Joseph allowed his hand to rest on Clarisse's lower back as they walked to her suite.

Clarisse wasn't strong enough to stop the trembling building in her limbs with each step as her heart rate accelerated. The last time he'd escorted her with his hand at her back had been the short trip to the hell: The cuffs, the stained mattress…the horrors. After several steps, she stopped cold in her tracks and turned to face him. "Perhaps, you could just walk beside me tonight? I… The last time…" He wouldn't really make her say the words aloud would he?

Joseph held up his hand to silence her. "It's okay. Old habits, I'm so sorry, Clarisse." Damn, damn memories. How could he have forgotten those few steps he'd taken with her, under duress, to escort her to the place where she'd spend most of that horrific weekend? He'd done it that day to offer comfort and strength—now, the same gesture brought fear. His hand moved from her back to hover near her cheek. "May I?"

More tears fell as she inclined her head slightly to give permission. Her eyes closed at the tenderness of his touch as he wiped the tears from her face. "We will get past this, Clarisse. I promise. One step—one day at a time."

Her eyes opened to find his staring intently at hers, once again saying so much more than his spoken words. "One day at a time."

^^C/J^^