Sorry about the wait, writers block, kids, work, broken down laptop (to hide from the kids) and well, lame excuses but that be the truth!

Once again, i don't own anything – enjoy. No lemons today but a lot of connecting.

Chapter 9

The silence was deafening. I asked the question, now I needed to know the answer. I had to know why she was avoiding me, but hear it directly from her own lips. I knew I had put her through hell and back, but why did she really pull that stunt tonight? Did she not know that she could've easily have lost control and slaughtered a room full of innocent people? As proud as I was for Bella for not only her astounding restraint but also standing up to that revolting piece of shit vampire. She could've fought him and still being a new born she could've won the fight, but he could also have gone back to the Volturi and alerted them of her presence. Although there was a high chance they would've turned a blind eye to one newborn but, I've seen it before, a flood of newborns created to mask the real problem, a vampire turning on his own kind. Of course vampires will pick and chose the coven, if any that suits them at the time but rarely do vampires go around killing each other for their own selfish gratification. James knew she had a mate from the moment he saw her, he also knew she was a newborn. Not only that, but he was obviously attracted to her, who wouldn't have been. He would've also known her mate wouldn't have been far. He was out to provoke an attack of some sort, and unfortunately my Bella just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Bella's head was resting on my chest and all I could think about was, thank fuck she wasn't human. If all this had happened when she was, she would either be writhing in pain, venom flowing through her veins or just dead. I quickly shook that thought from my head; as I had already caused her to feel the burn and she lost her life at my hands but she was also here, laying in my meadow, with me.

"I don't know Edward, it's so hard, and I want to hate you so much." She sighed.

Hate, the word I never wanted to hear from her.

"Bella, if I could change what I've done, I would in a heartbeat. You would still be with your father and going to school with your friends. But I can't take it all back, we both know this, I know better than to ask your forgiveness, I would never expect you to ever forgive me for taking all that away from you. But the one thing I will never regret, and that is having your presence in my life every day now." I tenderly stroked her cheek and ran my fingers through her hair.

"I want to cry Edward but I can't even do that. I know I'm drawn to you, as much as I try to fight it, I can't stay away. As much as I do miss everything about my life, right now, this minute, I feel in my heart it could be even worse if you weren't in my life as well." She gave a heavy sigh and drew lazy circles on my chest which was a gesture that meant a lot to me even if it didn't have meaning to her. I stroked her hair while I spoke.

"Bella, as much as I love to hear you say that, the fact still remains, I did this to you out of anger and spite. I don't expect you to forgive me. Hell, I can't even forgive me. Although I'm drawn to you as well, I'm trying so hard to give you the space you need to think about things but it very difficult for me to stay away. I can't stand it if I don't know where you are and don't know what you're doing. It's not that I want to be possessive of you, but I just can't help it. I feel an ache when you're not by my side. I'm jealous of my family because you laugh and play with them but you won't give me the time of day." I sighed. I felt like a jealous, greedy, selfish prick, but it was the truth. In a way I wanted her to tell me to go fuck myself that she wanted nothing to do with me and that would be my own fault if she did, I knew that. I went on.

"I know I deserve everything you want to give me; I don't expect it to change any time soon. But all I ask is that you talk to me, yell at me, something." I pleaded. I didn't know what to say now; I had laid everything on the line. She knew exactly how I felt and now all I could do is try and find some level ground where we could try to communicate to each other and not through my sister.

"Edward, I promise I will try. I can't stay angry with you, although believe me, I want to. But I don't want to cause friction in your family either. I just feel that your family is the only family I have now; they've been so nice to me, helping me to adjust to my new, well lifestyle. Alice keeps me informed as to how Charlie is, and I know she's editing and it pains me. But she is my link to my old life. I know that staying angry with you will only affect everyone else and that isn't fair. Not to mention it will do me no good as because I said, I'm drawn to you and being angry with you is hard. So I guess I'm going to just go with the flow as I'm too tired to keep fighting you, so I'm not going to anymore."

She sat up and just looked at me, so I sat up to join her. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, although I will never feel completely at ease as every time I look at her I still see the frightened girl I took without her permission, without her even knowing what I was doing to her. I let her suffer and she is still suffering every minute she is away from her father. I had to find a way for her to be at peace with him. We all knew he was frantically looking for her. Alice has been watching Charlie and sees him crying into Bella's pillows; Renee has been to visit and cried with Charlie. The FBI has been searching for her at the request of Charlie but has had no leads.

I put my head in my hands; I caused all of this, her parent's anxiousness, their sorrow. I had their daughter who was well, not alive and well but safe and well and I couldn't tell them she was here. It would be far too dangerous for them, especially with Bella being a newborn. A newborn with incredible control but still too dangerous for them to be near her.

I felt her arm around my shoulder as she knelt before me.

"Hey, it's done now and I have to try and make the best of the situation I'm in, can you help me?" She asked as she lifted my chin, her eyes bore straight through me, but it was the small smile that was my undoing.

I threw my arms around her crushing her to me.

"Of course I can anything you want." I grinned. That was all I could ask for, a chance and with that we both got up and ran to the house. Of course we were greeted by a grinning Alice when we walked through the door holding hands. I could hear lots of growls and snarls coming from the living room and raised an eyebrow at Alice.

"Um Rose and Emmett are in there and I really wouldn't advice opening the door." She chuckled. I just rolled my eyes and laughed. The three of us went and sat outside on the porch. The sun was starting to come up now, a rare event in Forks but I was glad to be witnessing it with a smiling Bella. The three of us chatted about mundane things, from choice of animal to favourite places we've been. Bella was in awe of our stories.

"Wow it's so amazing I'm so jealous of you guys, the most I've ever travelled was here to phoenix?" she laughed. Her laugh was intoxicating. She told us about high school, which again left me a little sad for her because of my actions. Her family, she told us she had a love for books, which we could happily help her out with and she squealed at Alice when she was informed of our library. All three of us glanced over to the tree line as we picked up the scent of Jasper. He must've been hunting as Alice knocked over her chair running for him. Of course he picked her up and twirled her and they both ran back off into the woods. I had absolutely no doubt as to what they were doing. In a way I wish Bella and I could be doing the same but I was at the point now where as much as I loved having my way with her I felt that was all we had. I wanted to get to know the real Bella. The sunlight starting filtering through the trees and started washing over Bella's face, I was mesmerised by her beauty, she had her face lifted enjoying the heat of the suns rays and I was just awestruck. I wanted her so badly, but I had to control myself. She was willing to give me the chance to prove I'm not a fucking monster and I'm not going to mess that up.

The growling stopped and there were a couple of loud bangs as Bella and I looked at each other.

"I think they're finally finished." We both said in unison then laughed. It was amazing seeing her whole face light up that way, for the first time I really felt like everything would be okay. We got up and headed inside to hear Esme yelling at Rose and Emmett for the state of her sitting room, demanding they clean it up as we walked past her grinning like idiots.

"Hold up a minute you two; I don't want to have to find another trashed room." She glared.

"Mom we're just going upstairs to listen to music, that's all." I chortled. Esme can be ultra sensitive when it comes to her things being destroyed. Em and Rose did have their own place to demolish but that's exactly what happened, the whole foundation crumbled due to their, well extra activities. So they were backing home again. Esme is well and truly on her guard with those two now and for good reason. But it was kind of embarrassing that she'd assume we would do the same thing. Not that she'll ever know about the shed we broke.

We got to my room and Bella flopped down on the bed, rolled on her side and looked at me.

"What?" I said with a shit eating grin, she was drawn to me and that meant a lot and right now, nothing was going to take that feeling of contentment away from me.

"Listening to music huh? You could think of something more original than that couldn't you?" she giggled, oh I could never get tired of hearing her laugh.

I walked over to the stereo and flicked on some Linkin Park then flopped on the bed beside her.

"Yes Bella, we are going to listen to music. I really want to show you there is a nice side to me, the one you probably never thought existed that night as I was preoccupied with one thing and one thing only. You deserve much better than that and like I said, I'm drawn to you to and I want to spend as much time with you as I can and help you adjust" I couldn't even break eye contact with if I tried, I was so mesmerised by her simple beauty. I wanted to lean over and kiss her and tell her she'll be okay.

"Like I said Edward, I trust you; despite everything that's happened so far I believe that you will help me find my place in this life." She whispered as she slowly dragged her fingers across my cheek. She then slowly leaned in to kiss me softly. I was elated, I felt free, I was in love.