First of all hugs and cuddles and homebaked cupcakes for everyone so kind to read, favourite and follow this story, and a nice cherry on top for MissCookiiie, Athese and .7 who keep coming with the reviews ;). You guys totally rock!

So now I'm not fighting with my brother anymore, let's see if Mike and Raph can fix things between them a bit.

Mikey's p.o.v

What just happened? I thought Raph wouldn't lash out if I would show him some respect and kneel. He's been tearing the dojo apart for hours and now none of us can coax him out of the place. It's been quiet for some time so I think it's safe to go in. Leo didn't really want me to but I know Raph needs someone to talk to. At least, I hope he needs someone to talk to because if he doesn't, I'm dead meat.

This time I just shove open the door and watch my older brother sitting on the ground in defeat. For just a few seconds I let my eyes wander through the dojo. Nothing seems to have changed at all in here. The tree is still there, the weapon racks look the same, the mats didn't change. The only thing is that we're now one dummy short. And that Raph is bleeding on one of the mats, not seeming to care about it at all.

I take a few steps closer and place a hand on his shoulder. He shrugs it off roughly but it doesn't bother me. I go sit in front of him, not kneeling because I'm not sure if it will anger him more.

"You know Raph," I say, reminding myself that calling him 'Raphie' right now would get myself into a really big disaster. "You've not changed a bit in three years. Your still hard-headed even though you listen to Leo more often now. You still beat up everything you can get your hands on though, but I guess that's alright. Maybe you should tr-"

"Mikey," Raph speaks up slowly. "Shut Up." He doesn't shout it or anything. He states it very quietly. It actually worries me more than Raph shouting.

"Why? I was just telling you to-"

"I mean it kid," he says, a little louder this time. "Ya don't know what happened. You don't know anythin'!" The volume of his voice rises with every word he says. "You don't know what we've been through and you don't know what they did. You don't know me or Don or Leo 'cause you've been friggin' DEAD! You've been dead and gone and in yer own happy place and now you just can't just waltz into your life anymore 'cause there is no place for you here! You cost us too much and now we finally learned to live without ya, you just can't come back and act like everythin' is bloody OKAY!"

Every sentence, every word, he says is like a punch to my stomach. I thought they were glad I was back. Did I hurt them with returning, because I didn't mean to. Not that I really had a choice in coming back to life but still… I didn't mean to hurt them in any way. I didn't mean to ruin their lives just after them losing so many people dear to them. What have I done? I didn't mean to.

I can't help myself and a few tears slip down my cheeks. I've been crying way to much these last few days. Over April and Sensei and just everything that happened. But the guys, they've been crying too. Because I've hurt them with coming back. They finally had their lives on track and I ruined everything.

Two strong arms encircle me though. A soft touch brings my body closer and a heavy head leans on top of mine. There are no words of comfort because Raph has never been very good at these. But just being there, cradled in my second-oldest brother's arms, it feels like I came home. I've been close with Leo and Donnie, but not with Raph yet. Now or small brotherhood is complete again. If you don't mind the cracks that still run through our bonds. We can mend them in time.

"I'm sorry, little brother," Raph breathes into my ear. "I didn't mean what I said. I was angry. Nothin' is yer fault. It's just me."

I nod against his plastron but otherwise do not move an inch. I want to treasure this moment for as long as it might last. And I'm not sure if I can stop crying if he lets go of me. The words he said, those weren't light. He didn't just say them because he was angry; there must be some sort of truth behind them.

"What were you angry about then? You didn't just say those things," I mumble. It feels strange to be comforted by the one who hurt you in the first place. On the other hand it is exactly the way our relationship has always been. We hurt each other, but after that we heal each other. Maybe Sensei was right and we just don't know our limits that well.

"I was angry 'cause… 'Cause a lot of things happened over the years which you don't know 'bout. But that ain't your fault. It's ours 'cause we didn't tell ya."

"Then tell me," I say. Why do they try to keep me in the dark? They've practically fallen apart these last three years, Sensei is dead and April is in a coma because of us. What news can make this any worse?

"It ain't a pretty story, Mikey. It's 'bout Casey."

I take a deep breath but don't reply. Oh yeah. That can make this worse. We didn't know Casey for that long but especially for Raph, he had been an amazing friend. They were getting along great although I didn't always like that as much. Still I don't want anything to happen with my older brother's best friend. The guy just doesn't deserve such thing.

"He got himself in juvie," Raph suddenly says. I break out of the hug and stare into Raph's eyes. Juvie? Casey got himself arrested? When Raph, and the rest of the guys needed him he got himself arrested?! I think Raph notices my angry look because he slowly shakes his head, pulling me closer again. For a second I can't think of anything else but the euphoria of having my older brother hugging me twice this day. I'm not one to shy away from showing some brotherly affection but for Raph this really is a big deal.

"It wasn't his fault. After what the Shredder did ta April, he and Donnie both went nuts. But he got it worse as he went on some crazy mission to interrogate every single footninja till he got the one responsible. Sometimes he left people very badly hurt. Cops went after him and because he wasn't careful or nuthin', he got caught. Never seen him after that. Read about it in the papers, that's how we found out."

Raph's voice is steady but I know the loss of his best buddy hurts him. They understood each other and therefore needed each other. They kept themselves in check that way. Casey was also the guy Raph went to when he needed to release some frustrations. I wonder how he does that now although I have a slight idea with the ripped apart dummy and all. It isn't healthy though.

"C'mon Mike," Raph says while pulling away. I almost want to whine but stop myself. This is probably the best I can get in like, ever, anyway. "Let's get some air."

We both walk back into the living room and find Leo on the couch watching tv.

"Hey Leo," I say casually although I can see the surprise in his eyes. I guess it does look weird as only an hour ago Raph was destroying everything within his reach. "Where's Don gone to?"

Again, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to ruin the mood of my second-oldest brother. I didn't mean to ask it if I knew. But I did and I guess I can't mend things by just saying I didn't mean to.

"He's ah…" And that was already enough to make Raph rant again.

"He's doin' it right now, ain't he?" He growls. "Of course. Why evah listen ta me, right?! Why evah-"

Leo stands up now, a scowl on his face. I take a few steps back from my raging brothers. I haven't seen them fighting like this in such a long time. And to tell you the truth, I'm scared. Often Sensei and Donnie where there with me so I could hide with Don and then afterwards calm Raph down while Sensei did Leo. But now I'm alone.

"Stop it Raph!" Leo shouts. This is about healing. Don can find closer if he can just see it for himself. Why won't you let him!"

"And what about me then, Fearless? What about me! I don't wanna see no body! I just wanna pretend this is my brother and get on with it!" He roughly points towards me and I think I get it. Raph thinks there is still a body buried there. And if there is, therefore he thinks I'm not the little brother he had over three years ago. And that would hurt him. As long as he doesn't know what's in that grave he can pretend I'm his brother; tell himself that.

But that doesn't work for me. I don't want to have my brothers pretending around me. I'm me. I know I am because I can remember everything we did together. I'm just me.

My train of thoughts is interrupted by a loud bang. Raph and Leo stop screaming at each other and I can hear footsteps coming closer. Eventually Donnie comes in, his face so pale you can hardly see it was originally green.

CLIFFHANGER! How I hate those things so this is revenge for everyone putting up a cliffhanger. Next chapter I'll tell if there is a body or not, promise. Till then, rant, review, favourite, tell you friends about it, as long as you do something positive with this chapter. See ya