"Took you long enough," Joe complains when Jamie returns to the car. "Thought she said it was just two blocks."
Jamie feels his brow furrow and he reaches for his seat belt out of habit or muscle memory or something other than conscious willpower because he doesn't have any of that left. "Sorry," he manages.
"Gonna close the door there?"
"What?"
"The door, Jamie, close it!"
"Oh. Yeah." Jamie leans for the door, hardly pulling it shut before Joe pulls away from the curb where he's been waiting.
"What's wrong with you? Couldn't handle seeing an accident?" Joe asks. "It wasn't even that bad. I've seen worse."
"The smaller car's totaled." It takes way too much effort to give such a simple response, and he doesn't know why his mind is so scrambled. He's kissed girls before, on the lips even - including Theresa in a couple of instances from the summer before 9th grade he'd rather not remember - but none of those times left him with this lasting heat radiating across the surface of his skin from where Eddie touched him...
"Is it," Joe says flatly. He turns his head to look at Jamie as he drives with one wrist lazily draped over the top of the steering wheel.
"Think so."
"You gonna tell me what's going on with this girl?"
"Eddie?"
"No, Aunt Lisa. Of course Eddie."
"Eyes on the road!" Jamie barks, bracing himself as Joe hits the brakes to avoid a drunk couple staggering parallel to the sidewalk.
"I'm not going to hit anyone," Joe mutters. "God, you're worse than driving with Mom."
"Eddie's my partner for a project," Jamie says. "That's it, Joe, you know that."
"Do I? Do I know that, Jamie?"
"Well, I know that." But it's not true - he sees it now, thanks to Eddie's little gesture that alerted him to the possibility that she reciprocates his feelings. It occurs to him that maybe that's why he can feel her lips against the angle of his jaw as if it's five minutes ago and they're still on the sidewalk outside her building - he hoped but he didn't dare let himself think that Eddie could possibly like him the way he likes her. The thought that she does thrills him. But he'll never admit it under pressure from Joe's teasing.
"You like her. It's okay to say it, little brother."
"Joe -"
"Jaaamie," Joe drawls with the same intonation their mother used as a warning when they stepped out of line as kids. "You're sixteen, not six. You don't have to dance around it like some baby in junior high."
"Leave me alone."
"You wanted to kiss her at midnight, I could tell," Joe rolls on. "Is that what took you so long walking her home? She didn't kiss you in front of everyone at the house but she made up for it before she went inside…"
"Joe!"
"That's what took you so long," Joe declares, nodding as if he knows. "Niiiice, Jamie! I'm proud of you."
"Leave me alone!"
Joe ignores him. "You're not great at keeping these things secret. Everyone can tell. Why do you think Mom made me chaperone to take Eddie home?"
"Because - all the people drinking - driving is dangerous -"
"Because she doesn't want you trying to get in some girl's pants in her backseat."
"That's not true!" Jamie cries. He knows Joe is just digging for a reaction out of him but he can't resist. "Come on, I would never -"
"Maybe not, but you know how Danny used to work his sweet and innocent act with Mom, and remember the time Dad made him clean the whole interior of the station wagon? That's because Erin caught him in the school parking lot one night during a basketball game -"
"That's disgusting," Jamie mutters, sliding down in the seat like he's embarrassed that everyone outside the car can see him.
"So you understand where Mom's coming from when she's careful about letting you and some girl be alone in the car."
"She told you to watch out and be safe when we left."
"Yeah, watch out for any makeout sessions in the backseat," Joe says, a levity in his voice that has Jamie groaning in exasperation. "I know why you sat back there."
"I was letting her have the front seat if she wanted. She got in the back after I was already - this is stupid, Joe."
Joe can barely hold in a laugh, adopting an airy tone appropriate for the token best friend in a low quality romcom. "Your feelings are not stupid, Jamie."
"What feelings?" he croaks. He presses his thumbs into his eyes as if he can make Joe disappear.
"Cute," Joe muses. "You try and deny it but you're just digging yourself a deeper hole...I see right through you, Jaymo."
Jamie clenches his jaw, cursing his inability to just ignore. All his life his siblings have known exactly how to get under his skin and he's never been great at breaking the cycle by withholding the response he knows they want. But this, the teasing about Eddie, needs to stop now. It's late - early? - and he's tired and he hates that his good mood from a full day around Eddie's sunshiny smile has been erased in the time it's taken to drive about three city blocks.
But his silence doesn't deter Joe, who continues in the same taunting, almost condescending tone. "I think it's sweet, really. She's smart, right? The math nerd and the future valedictorian, a match made in heaven… I had my doubts, the blonde hair when you usually go for brunettes but I think you two've got a real shot."
"Quit it, Joe, please."
"Relax, Jamie, I'm just kidding around."
"You're not funny."
"Matter of opinion."
"Not really."
But Joe finally relents and they sit beside each other without talking for a few minutes as Joe retraces their route back to Bay Ridge. Jamie once again lets his mind wander to more pleasant places, like Monday's return to school, routine - normalcy. Other than final prep for their in-class presentation, their calculus project is finished and so that excuse to see Eddie is gone - but at least they'll have school, and Jamie cautiously hopes that now, maybe they won't need excuses to see each other outside of it.
"Seriously though, Jamie." Suddenly Joe isn't so flippant but Jamie still arches a suspicious eyebrow as he turns his head to listen. "I like her for you. She seems fun. You need somebody fun. You're too uptight all the time."
"Joe -" Jamie groans.
Joe lifts one hand, palm forward in a gesture of innocence. "Just some brotherly advice. Girls aren't like…studying for a test -"
"What?"
"You treat girls the same way you treat school and debate and cross country and everything else."
Jamie frowns, confused, as he waits for Joe to continue.
"Like when you run," Joe sighs. "How last year Coach Hyde told you that you'd be better if you quit using your brain when you race, quit overthinking it and just let your legs do what they know how to do - same thing. You overthink. Don't do that. You can't be all analytical about girls. It never works. You just have to go for it."
Jamie purses his lips in consideration. Honestly Joe has hit the nail on the head - three times now things have started to move in the right direction with a girl he likes, only to fizzle out after a month or two when he inevitably panicked over something silly, something that wasn't worth getting anxious or distancing himself over, but he can't help it. He never stops thinking, analyzing, agonizing over things that other people either don't notice or don't care about, and it's circled around to bite him every time.
And just now, he realizes, it happened again. When Eddie hugged him he had to actively tell himself to hug her back. A second later her lips were on his face and it was like slow motion inside Jamie's head as he processed what was happening. His train of thought went flying off the tracks and he couldn't just respond on instinct, without thinking, without deciding - which is why, by the time he realized what she was doing and thought that maybe he should do something too, Eddie was already gone, leaving Jamie alone in the cold.
That brain of his is both a blessing and a curse.
"You make things harder than they need to be," Joe continues, snapping Jamie back to the present. "You have to just let go sometimes, you know?"
Jamie sighs. "I'm not good at that."
"Yeah, I know. But work on it. Have fun for once. Eddie seems like she knows how to have fun so just... go with it."
The bright busyness of Brooklyn's New Years festivities has given way to the quiet nook of single-family homes tucked away in the sleepiest corner of Bay Ridge. Turning onto their street, Joe slows the car to a crawl and glances at Jamie. "She likes you too," he adds. "It's obvious."
Jamie says nothing as Joe eases into the narrow space between the two others in the driveway. Both boys duck out of the car and Joe catches Jamie's eye as they head for the side door.
"Just keep it simple," Joe says, one last piece of unsolicited advice, but by now Jamie is listening. "You'll be fine."
Jamie nods as he shuts the door behind him, sealing the warm air inside the now-darkened kitchen. "Thanks Joe."
"Yeah. Goodnight."