Relax, I Got You
The night of Amber's party, Kentin drove his dad's car over to pick me up. My aunt called her good wishes to us from the porch. We waved goodbye to her as Kentin pulled out of the driveway. The whole way there, me and him blasted the radio and sang along to all the songs we knew. I actually felt like that night was going to be a 'bunch of fun'. But no, remember how I said things got worse? That night, might've been one of the worst nights of my life. I still cringe thinking about it. Okay, I'm going to tell it, in all it's cringe-worthy glory.
"Hey! You showed up! And you look amazing!" Amber said opening the door for me and Kentin. She hugged me, smelling of fresh apples. I was starting to associate that smell with anyone who I shouldn't get close to. I pulled away from her and went inside to the party. The place was full of buzzed people, some on the couch making out, others in the kitchen tyring to get buzzed and dancing figures everywhere. I was overwhelmed at first, but felt Kentin right behind me, making everything okay. Amber pulled him away and started dancing on him. He gave me a panicked and confused look. I gave him a thumbs up and went to the kitchen. I poured myself a red plastic-cupful amount of what I suspected to be beer in a cup. I took a sip, it tasted awful, but I downed it anyway. Feeling the buzz take it's toll on me, I steadied myself. The music suddenly seemed too loud, the lights too bright, and I just wanted to dance. I started dancing, and I could feel someone behind me, their hands on my hips. At first, I thought it was Kentin, but my vision was not at it's best. They leaned down and whispered into my ear.
"Let me get you another drink." It was Nathaniel. I felt fear rise in my stomach, but he had a killer grip on my arm. He handed me another red cup filled halfway with beer. I took it and drank from it slowly. This cup of beer was different. More bubbly. I grinned up at him, my mind already starting to fade away. I felt him dragging me away from the kitchen. The music faded from my ears. Then I realized we were in another room, and the door was closed.
"Nathaniel, where are we?" I slurred to him. The room was too dark for me to see him. I felt him push me back into a wall. I tried to get away from him, but my body felt too heavy to move. I wondered where Kentin was. Probably dancing with Amber still. My thoughts were random and half-thought. I felt a hand up my dress. It was cold. I shivered and made a noise that was almost like a small scream. "Stop, that." I felt him keep going, his hand reaching even farther up my dress. Why had I even decided to wear such an easy-access dress in the first place? "Stop that." I repeated the words over and over again. He pressed himself up against me. I could feel myself stiffen. I couldn't move. And he knew it.
"Relax, Camilla. I got you." He whispered coldly. His intentions were apparant by this time. The memories of how Castiel had touched me, and how it felt warm and loving flooded my head. Nathaniel's touch wasn't warm, it was cold, uninviting and wrong. I couldn't stop him, no matter how hard I tried. I could feel him trying to enter my entrance right when the door opened to reveal Li there, her face shocked. And that's all I remember, before blacking out.
I awoke a few hours later, the house dark, empty. I could faintly hear sirens. I still couldn't move. A police officer pulled me to my feet agressivly.
"C'mon, get up." He let me go and I fell right back onto the ground again. "The hell?" He called someone named Joseph over. "I think she's on something. Take her with you." Joseph picked me up and carried me to the back of an ambulance. He laid me down and I flipped out.
"Don't touch me! I-I don't love you, please?" I was hysterical, the words I'd wanted to scream at Nathaniel finally able to leave my mouth.
"Calm down, I'm taking you to Sweet Amoris General." He assured me, he flashed a light into my eyes. "You appear to be on something." I blinked, trying to make the light go away.
"No, my aunt, wants me..home soon. Kentin! Where's Kentin?" I asked frantically. "Tell him, I said-" And then I blacked out again.
I awoke the next time, in a hospital bed. My aunt right next to me, Kentin on the other side, my aunt looked like she'd been crying. I finally felt like I could move. I felt wide awake and panicked.
"Auntie, I'm so sorry! " I said to my aunt hurridly, feeling tears run down my cheeks. "I just wanted to party."
"It's not your fault." Aunt Danni assured me taking my hand in her's.
"She's right, you were given gamma hydroxybutyric, a date rape drug." A male doctor said from the end of the bed. He was looking over a clipboard. "But it appears you were never raped."
"He tried to! He almost did, then, Li walked in." I felt out of breath after spewing all of that out. The doctor nodded.
"Who's he?" Aunt Danni asked me. I tried to think back, the memories coming back in flashes.
"N-Nathaniel." I finally said. The air felt stale. It smelled just like it had when I had gone to see Castiel. I wondered faintly if he was still in the hospital.
"I'm going to fucking kill that motherfucker." Kentin growled. I couldn't believe how angry and upset Kentin sounded. I put my hand on his angrily shaking one. I smiled weakly up at him.
"It's all good, the police'll take care of it." I told him. His face softened a little.
"If you say so." He told me. My aunt touched my shoulder.
"I'm going to go now, I'll be back as soon as I can tomorrow morning." Aunt Danni promised me. I nodded. "Goodnight, Camilla."
"Goodnight, Auntie." I told her. She smiled and walked out of the room. The doctor followed closely behind her, and I could hear a muffled conversation being shared between the two. Kentin squeezed my fings gently.
"If anything, you looked absolutly beautiful tonight." He whispered to me. These words made me feel warm inside, like after everything, I was still normal.
"Thank you." I said quietly feeling my face flush. He leaned down and kissed my cheek. The familiar smell of soap and laundry detergent filling my lungs.
"Sleep tight, Camilla." Kentin leaned away and left the room. I felt myself smile a little as he left. I closed my eyes and drifted into what would be the worst sleep of my life. I don't remember exactly what I dreamed, but it was filled with blood, painful memories and lots, and lots of darkness.
The next morning, some police came into my room to basically harrass and interogate me about what had happened. After they'd left, the doctor told me I could go home. I disagreed and begged to stay for another day.
"Why would anyone in their right mind want to stay here?" Dr. Jesse asked me jokingly. I shrugged.
"I just don't want to go back to how things were before." I told him simply.
"Can't argue with that. One more day, but then, I have to release you." Dr. Jesse left me alone then. I sat there, letting everything hit me. How had Nathaniel possibly gotten to that point where he so desperatly wanted me? My thoughts and emotions were interupted by a soft knocking at the door to my room. I looked up to find Aunt Danni standing there.
"Oh, I wasn't sure if you were asleep or not." She told me sheepishly. She came and sat on the end of my bed. That movement reminded me of how I had been the last time I had talked to Castiel. I winced. "Did I sit on you?"
"No, no. Just thought of something." I said. "How are you?"
"Good, the house felt empty without you being there." She sighed. "I feel really horrible about all of this. And I can't fathom what you must be feeling."
"Ah, it's not that bad." I lied. She frowned.
"Camilla Fiona Edwards, don't you dare lie to me." Aunt Danni said firmly.
"I'd rather spare you the details. Consider it a favor." I protested just as firmly. She didn't look any more impressed by my point. "What? Do you want me to tell you how I feel about losing my parents, then the one guy I was comepletly crazy about? How I wanted to cry but knew there was no point in doing so? H-How right when things were starting to look up, I was violated by someone I thought I could somewhat trust? I had felt so pretty, beautiful even, and that was all stripped away from the me the moment that bastard let his hands roam under that dress and to places I'd never let anyone touch. You wanna hear all about my feelings? I feel like absolute shit, and I don't want to come to terms with it right now. Okay?" The tears had started to fall down my cheeks. My aunt recoiled a little and took me in her arms.
"Sweetheart, you don't have to tell me anything until your ready to." She said softly. I let her baby me until the tears stopped flowing down my face. When visitor hours were over, it was almost painful to see her go.
The next morning, I was released from the hospital. I got to stay home that day from school since I was released too late in the day to make school. My aunt had invited some friends over to welcome me back home. I didn't really want the 'get-together', as she insisted upon calling it. Li had hugged me tightly when she saw me. I hugged her back a little.
"Camilla, I'm so happy that your okay." Li said squeezing my shoulders and looking right into my eyes. Worry clouding her dark brown eyes.
"Were you the one who called the cops?" I asked her quietly. She nodded.
"I screamed when I first saw, but I had been looking for you. I had wanted to tell you something." She explained further. I nodded, taking all the information in.
"I owe you one. A big one." I told her with the most sincere grin I could muster. She grinned back and waved my favor off.
"If it were me, you would've done the same." Li didn't seem like a bitch like I had catagorized her as being. She was nice, loyal and pretty genuine. I ducked my head and walked away from Li. I glanced around the room. I went into the kitchen to get more water in my cup. I bumped into Lysander on the way.
"I'm dearly sorry." Lysander mumbled to me, his deep voice almost unnerving. I didn't look up at him. He reminded me of all the times I had spent hanging out with him and Castiel. "Hello, Camilla. How are you?"
"I'm fine. And you?" I asked politly as I refilled my cup with ice cold water.
"Wonderful." I could feel his eyes watching me for a second. "Are you okay?" I nodded and tried to walk away from him. He gently grabbed my wrist and I turned back to look at him. "I understand your being upset, I'd be too-" His voice dropped to a little above a whisper. "-He will remember you. Sooner or later." I snatched my wrist out of his grasp. I didn't want to relish in my almost gone feelings for Castiel. The people at this 'get-together' were all people who I didn't want to talk to or people who reminded me of things I didn't want to be reminded of. I snuck off into my room. Only to bump into Kentin.
"The hell? What are you doing in my room?" My voice was laced with anger.
"Calm down. I didn't feel like dealing with those people out there. Ya know, Amber had showed up, but she winded up crying and just left." Kentin said making himself comfortable on my bed. I sat down next to him. My anger dissapating.
"Why did she even bother coming then?" I asked him. He shrugged. He glanced at me, his bright green eyes reluctant to tell me something.
"She feels really guilty. She was talking to me about it. Like if she wouldn't have pulled me away from you, Nathaniel might not have..." He shook the thought away. "Anyway, she just feels like this is all her fault."
"But it's not. Nowhere near her fault." I sighed. "Why would she think that?"
"I dunno. She invited you, I geuss it's like a host is responsible for each attendee or some shit. Whenever you get a chance, talk to her." Kentin stopped and gazed down at my face. "You look really pretty, Camilla." I felt myself flush.
"Thanks." I said looking away from him. Ever so lightly, I felt him tilt my head up to him. I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine. His hands were in my hair and mine were around his wasit. I bit his bottom lip and deepened the kiss. I pulled away before things could go much farther. I liked Kentin, a lot, but enough to go through with this?
"Thanks for coming! I really appreciated it!" I called to the last geusts leaving the party that night. It had grown dark and my aunt was beat. She tiredly drug herself to her room and I heard her mattress creak and she fell onto it. I chuckled a little and turned off all the lights in the house and went to my own bed. I changed into some pajamas and fell onto my own bed. Almost stubbing my toe in the process. I sighed loudly as I laid there staring up at my ceiling. I couldn't get the thought of wanting to kiss Kentin again out of my head. The way those lips of his had felt on mine. I didn't want to lead him on. I just couldn't. He was too dear and too precious of a friend. But I wasn't willing to try, if he wanted to. I tried closing my eyes over and over again. And four hours later, I finally did fall asleep.
My first day back was nothing like what my welcome home 'get-together' had promised. I couldn't walk anywhere without someone calling me a whore, slutty piece of shit, and bitch. To the mass, it appeared like this; the new girl had somehow, not only seducted our always rule-abiding, mature and uptight asshole of a student body president, but had also made him want to rape her. Now in that view, I could see how I was the whore, seductress and skank everyone was making me out to be. At first, I was the bad-girl, then I was oh-she-just-lost-her-parents-and-boyfriend girl. Now I was student body whore of Sweet Amoris High. I tried to avoid the halls as much as I could. I didn't feel like dealing with people, plus, I was not at a good point where I could really defend myself.
"Hey, I think we should talk." Amber said to me shyly during lunch. I followed her down the hall and to the staircase. There weren't a lot of people around and she was trying really hard not to get emotional. "I feel really bad about what happened. I tried to come to your welcome home party to tell you that, but I just couldn't stop crying."
"I know, Kentin told me." I touched her shoulder comfortingly.
"What happened, that was my fault. If I wouldn't have invited you, or if I would've stopped trying to steal Kentin away from you-"
"It's not your fault. It's not. You didn't tell your brother to try and...well you know. It was his decision, and I just happened to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Ya know, my family hasn't talked to Nate once since he was arrested. My dad refuses to even let me say his name at home. They weren't even pissed about my having a party, they were more pissed about what happened. It wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have thrown the party, see this all comes back to me!"
"No, stop it. Your making it all come back to you. Amber, I'm over it. You should be too." I was complete bullshit on that last part and I think she could tell.
"I'm so jealous of you, guys just fawn over you, and your so pretty." She sighed and blinked back tears. "I wanted to be you that night so badly, and for this to happen..I'm just so sorry, Camilla." Tears had started to fall down her face.
"There's no need to be jealous of me. Guys may fawn oveer me, but look at all the shit I've gone through ever since I came here. Almost all of them are guy related. You don't even know the whole reason I did come here. I was expelled from my last school, a result of more guy problems." I told her. She sniffled. I patted her back soothingly. "Amber, just be happy okay, things could be a lot worse, just remember that." I gave her shoulder a light squeeze. She hugged me tightly and hurried away from me. I watched her go, only because for some reason, she was also starting to seem like less of a bitch. Or maybe, her conscience was just kicking in.
I met Kentin in the parking lot. His lips curved into a huge grin when he saw me coming towards him. I tucked a srand of hair behind my ear.
"Hey, I didn't think that you were going to wait on me." I said a bit sheepishly. He fell into step beside me.
"Of course I did." His hand brushed mine and my face felt hot. "How was your first day back?"
"Different. I talked to Amber and she really did seem upset about everything." I told him. He looked down at me, his eyes searching mine.
"And how do you feel about that?" He asked me. I shrugged.
"I just want everyone to be happy. I don't want this to go on longer than it needs to. But everyone has all these intense fucking emotions about it, so it just can't be over."
"Well, yeah everyone has emotions about it. A lot of the people in our class were there that night. They saw Nathaniel get wasted, they saw him drug you, and nobody did a goddamn thing. The emotion is mostly guilt, not anger."
"Their guitly consciences don't change what happened. It still happened. I just want it to be over." I closed my eyes and sighed. We were at the end of my driveway by that point. "Walk with me to the door?" I asked him. He took my hand and squeezed it.
"Um, Camilla, I hate to be the one to mention it, but are we going to talk about what happened yesterday?" Kentin asked me. I shrugged.
"What's there to talk about? We kissed, we both liked it, what else is there to say?"
"You know what I mean. I really like you, and you know that, but..." He drifted off. He ran a frustrated hand through his bright brown hair. "Say something, please?"
"Kentin, I like you. A lot actually, and I want to kiss you again. But I don't want to mess up our friendship."
"Screw the friendship." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It was firece and I could tell how desperate it was for both of us. I let my fingers get lost in that mass of brown locks on his head. His hands slid slowly from the small of my back to my waist and finally resting on my hips. I didn't care who could see us. I didn't care if my aunt was watching. I just wanted to remain like that, for hours, a day, in Kentin's arms. His lips on mine. My heart was pounding in my chest. He pulled away first and rested his forhead on mine, gazing directly into my eyes. "You know I want to be more than friends." And for once, I couldn't agree with him any more if I wanted to.
"And so do I." I told him coyly. He grinned and kissed me again, though not as deep as the one before.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Camilla." He smiled down at me and walked away from me. My lips tingled from the feel of his on mine. I mentally tried to calm myself down and walked inside. Just as I had thought, my aunt was inside.
"I admit to spying. I was going to interreupt, but then, I realized how cute you two are together." Aunt Danni admitted. "That and you two just started hardcore making out."
"I'm not sure how I should feel about that." I said a bit giddily. I practically floated into my room and flew through my homework. Maybe things were looking up for me again.
A/N: Hey! So this is my first author's note...how do you like the story so far? Oh, and believe me, Castiel isn't gone forever, he'll be back ;) Thanks for reading. Keep the awesome comments coming! (I read them all, promise.)