Jack was watching as John was preparing a basket for a picnic. He wanted to take John to his by far favorite place on earth, to give him a more positive view on life. He had even prepared John's swimming outfit, in a hope to get John to find the pleasure in life again. John was uncommitted to his work. Normally he would cut the sandwiches into smaller pieces so they could feed each other with the small nibbles. He sometimes even prepared a sweet sauce, depending on the sandwich items, to make the dish more messy and sexual. John loved nibbles but he was to uncaring to make it more romantic. It ached in Jack's heart, but he already knew they were nowhere close to recovered.
They had been shopping for food the day before. John had been hard to get out of bed. It had been one of his weaker days. He had even refused to talk to Jack, but his husband didn't want him in bed that day. John had just dragged himself after Jack as they walked around in the supermarket. It pained Jack to see how he ignored the pail of bananas beside him. He had refused to put on his suit again and was just wearing a simple gray T-shirt that belonged to Jack and a pair of matching sweatpants. The outfit looked far too big for the broken man, making him look more fragile and hurt. It looked like Jack was a horrible husband. It actually looked like he had been the one who had been abusing and assaulting his husband.
"Do you want me to add a banana?" Jack asked as he was filling the basket with the food that John had made. John had clearly not taken any effort in what he had been doing, it was a surprise that he even agreed to make the food in the first place. He hoped it was a good sign. To be honest with himself, Jack still had no idea if he was making the right decisions, maybe the mental hospital was a better idea. It felt like it on the bad days.
He sighed when John didn't answer and put the banana in anyways. He gave John a sign that they were about to leave. John went to Jack's work car, the black SUV, out of habit but Jack stopped him.
"Not today, remember how we used to get to the lake? Back before we became lazy parents and drove everywhere?" John shook his head. It was hard to know if he didn't remember or just didn't care. "I'm going to drive you to the lake, on the back of your bike. Just like old times."
John was holding Jack's waist as the younger man biked through the city. It was a lovely day, he would normally insist to cool himself down in the lake. He didn't enjoy it like he normally would. It took a while before they got to the lake, but Jack was determined to get at least one smile form John again. He really missed his teacher, his Doctor. It was moments like this he understood how important the older man was in his life. He had an attraction to Chris, but it was nothing compared to his love and compassion for his husband.
He laid the quilt down on the grass by a tree so they could place the basket in the shadows. He didn't want to have to warm strawberry Juice. He gave John the banana and one of the pair of the saddest sandwiches he had ever seen in his life. He ignored the sight as he begun to eat. It didn't taste or feel as good like when the Doctor would lay with his head on Jack's knee and let his husband feed him as he read for Jack. Jack didn't care about what he read, he just loved the sound of his voice.
John was just watching his food. He didn't want to eat at all, he wanted to go back to his bed. He was sipping on some tea while Jack had chosen the strawberry juice. Jack gave him a look that told him that he would force the food down if he didn't want to eat. He ignored Jack's eyes and was studying the water. He wanted to float for a while, but knew that Jack wouldn't let him down until he had at least tried to eat something. He took the banana in his mouth and chewed on it. It took him almost a half hour to just eat half of it, he couldn't get it further down. Jack was happy for the moment. He gave his broken husband his swimwear so he could cool himself down in the water. He gave John a kiss on his cheek to show him that he was pleased with the effort.
"Don't swim too far away, I want to get a chance to help you if anything happens without drowning myself." Jack had tried to swim with John before, but he wasn't as trained in the water as John, so he didn't keep up with his husband for to long. It ended with John having to save his exhausted body and get him to safety on the pier.
He smiled when he saw how John was floating in the water. He was about to take off his shoes and dip his legs in the cool water when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Jack turned around and was greeted by a face that belonged to his friend from their school days and now colleague, Owen Harper. Owen was pushing a stroller. He had been absent from work recently to take care of his husband. He had forgotten about Owen and Toshiko having their own little baby. Apparently it was a boy, they hadn't settled for a name yet, but they had started to like Sam.
"How's everything with John? I heard he almost lost his brother, must be hard for him." Owen was ignoring the child, and was acting like he didn't care about him and saw him more as a bother but Jack could see right through his friend. He knew he loved his son.
Jack didn't know how he should answer. Owen was his friend, but he didn't want to bother him with his problems with John. They had long avoided the topic of Chris. John didn't seem to care about his brother's accident.
"He's a little better, but I can't keep my eyes off of him for too long. I don't trust him enough just yet." Jack explained. They were talking casually for some minutes when Owen stared to search for something.
"Where is John anyway?" Jack smiled and turned back to the lake to show him how John was swimming in the water.
"He's right beside the pier, taking a dip," Jack answered. His heart skipped a beat when he at the first glance didn't see his husband. Then he saw him, under the water. He swore as he ran down and dived down the pier to get him up. He had only turned his back from his husband for five minutes, and he was already trying to drown himself. He hated himself for being so stupid.
Owen had placed his stroller beside the quilt and was ready to tend to his patient when Jack had gotten him up. He relaxed when John was breathing but gave him a quick checkup so nothing was wrong.
"He's fine, We'll be going now. Jack I'm telling you as a friend, you need help. I'm sorry but this isn't our old teacher John Smith. Take care." Jack was angry when Owen told him to get help. He had everything under control. He had just let the Doctor out of his vision for a short time, a mistake he wouldn't do again.
"What the hell were you doing?" Jack couldn't keep his anger in. He shouted at John for the first time in some while. He knew he gained nothing when he shouted at his husband. "Let's go home."
John was helping Jack to clean up after them. He sat beside Jack, but hugged him and let his head rest against his husband's back. He used to do it when Jack was giving him a lift, he loved the closeness to Jack.
"I'm sorry," he whispered in Jack's ear. Jack hoped it was the truth and that John really was sorry, and not being sorry for getting caught. He didn't think too much of it when he parked the bike outside their home. John waited for Jack to lock the bike. He was really tired and wanted to sleep.
John was watching Jack as the other man was making it comfortable for him in bed. He was quiet for a while.
"How is Christopher?" Jack almost thought he had heard wrong when John was asking about Chris. He gave his husband a smile.
"River told me that he was trying to wake up. It won't be too long now, we can visit him when he wakes up." John nodded and tried to give Jack a smile back. He knew his husband had tried to get him to smile the whole day.
"I want to see him. I want to see my daughters too, I miss them."
It was the best thing Jack could hear come from John's mouth. He was starting to head in the right direction again. It made him really happy, Owen was wrong.