Author's Note: Thanks, as always, for the great feedback! We're past the halfway point now, and on to the journey to find Septimal Moon. But what will Ritsuka find there? And what will he and Soubi face? As always, lots of questions. Answers to come! Enjoy. –Lex
Chapter Eleven: Bonds
Twelve Years Before:
"Soubi."
"I don't feel like talking," Soubi replied sullenly. He had been walking down the hallway towards the cafeteria when Ritsu had come up from behind him.
"You didn't come to my room last night," said Ritsu, sounding slightly hurt.
Soubi looked around. The hallway was empty. "What's the point?" Soubi asked, reassured that no one would overhear them. "You've chosen a sacrifice for me. I'll be leaving here in a few days."
"You always knew this day would come, Soubi-kun," Ritsu replied, putting his hand around Soubi's shoulders. Soubi pushed Ritsu away.
"I wanted to be your fighter," Soubi said, his voice low and full of emotion.
"And I explained to you that there could be only one fighter for me," Ritsu answered, simply. "You were never meant to be mine."
"You told me that I could be anyone's fighter," Soubi insisted.
"You cannot be mine," came the cool response.
"Why?" demanded Soubi, raising his voice slightly. His cheeks were red with anger. "Why? Because I'm not her?"
Ritsu looked surprised.
"I know about you and my mother," Soubi said, defiantly.
"There was nothing between us, Soubi," Ritsu explained calmly. "She was my fighter, that's all."
"You wanted there to be more than that," Soubi insisted. "You loved her, didn't you?"
Ritsu looked at Soubi. "Yes," he replied. "I loved her. But we never…"
"That doesn't matter," Soubi retorted angrily. "You wanted her."
"Yes, Soubi," Ritsu admitted, "I wanted her."
"How did she die?" Soubi demanded, his face hard with rage.
"I cannot tell you that," Ritsu replied.
"Cannot or won't?" Soubi hissed.
Ritsu did not reply.
"You killed her didn't you?" asked Soubi.
"No," replied Ritsu, still quite calm, "I did not."
"But you're the one responsible for her death and my father's, aren't you?"
Ritsu looked quite pale and his green eyes looked slightly haunted.
"That's it, isn't it?" Soubi continued, mercilessly. "You are responsible for their deaths."
"I…," Ritsu began, unsure of what to say.
"You only wanted me because I looked like her, didn't you?"
"No, I…"
"You slept with me because you couldn't have her. You never loved me, did you?"
Ritsuka took a deep breath. "That's not true, Soubi-kun, I…"
"You're a liar, Ritsu. You used me. You never cared for me, and you never loved me – you loved her!" Soubi's head hung low now; he refused to meet Ritsu's eyes.
"You're wrong, Soubi-kun," Ritsu said, reaching for Soubi. Soubi knocked Ritsu's hand away and stepped back several feet.
"I'll go," said Soubi, under his breath, "since that's what you want. But I'll never come back here. Do you understand? After I leave, I never want to see you again."
"Soubi-kun, please…," Ritsu began once more. "Listen to…"
"I'm through listening, Sensei," Soubi said, turning and walking down the hallway. "I know my place. I know what I must do. I will not fight it."
Ritsu watched Soubi walk away. In truth, he had always known this day would come, but he was surprisingly sad all the same. Gentle Soubi, who had overcome his anger to become a source of quiet strength. The sweet boy who had accepted his fate until now without complaint.
"Soubi," said Ritsu to himself, after Soubi was out of earshot, "I always loved you. It's just that I never deserved you."
The Present:
"Ritsuka!"
Ritsuka sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. Had he heard Soubi's voice? The line between dream and reality seemed somehow blurred. It took him a few minutes to realize where he was – the simple dorm room looked nothing like Soubi's apartment. He heard the sound of students in the hallway and it all came back to him.
Get it together, Ritsuka, he told himself, frowning and stepping out of the bed. This is your chance to show Soubi you are strong.
He showered and changed, glancing briefly at the clock beside the bed and mentally chastising himself for having wasted most of the day sleeping. It was now nearly dinnertime and, but for the empty growl of his stomach, he felt far better than when he had arrived early in the morning.
Unlike the dormitories, the communal living area had a high, vaulted ceiling and a large fireplace which burned so hot he could feel the heat from across the room. Walking into the common room, he spotted Kio sitting in a comfortable chair looking through a spell book as he drank tea and ate cookies.
"Ritsuka!" Kio said, grinning broadly. "Glad to see you up and around."
"You should have woken me up," Ritsuka said, frowning.
"Cookie?" Kio offered, ignoring Ritsuka's comment. Ritsuka took the cookie without a word, then helped himself to several more. "They're having dinner in the cafeteria," Kio added. "That'd probably be a better choice than cookies."
Ritsuka frowned again. "Have you seen Nagisa-san?" he asked.
"No," Kio said, "but one of the students told me that Nagisa wants to see you in her office."
"Where is her office?" asked Ritsuka.
"I'll tell you if you promise to get some real dinner after you get done with her," Kio replied, with a smirk.
"Hn," replied Ritsuka.
"I know you're going to go chasing off the minute you have a chance," Kio said, serious now. "You're no good to Soubi if you're so weak that you pass out before you even find him."
Ritsuka sighed. "You're both mother hens," he said impatiently.
Kio smiled but said nothing.
"Fine," Ritsuka said. "I'll get dinner afterwards. Promise."
"I'm going to hold you to that," Kio said, laughing. "Besides, you damn well need a mother hen, you know."
"Ritsuka-kun!"
"It's good to see you, Nagisa-san," said Ritsuka, blushing slightly at the older woman's overly-friendly embrace. His embarrassment only seemed to encourage her more, and he delicately extricated himself from her grasp.
"I should lock you up, you know," she laughed, raising an eyebrow at him. "You were supposed to stay in bed a few more days."
"I'm fine," Ritsuka replied, walking in and taking a good look around the room. He had never been in Nagisa's office before. When he had trained with Ritsu, he had spent most of his days in the gym, eschewing the main areas of the school - the other students had heard of him or, perhaps, had heard of Seimei, and he had not wanted the attention or the inevitable questions.
Nagisa's office, unlike Ritsu's, was colorfully decorated. The rich floral prints of the chairs and sofa met the bold striped patterns of the draperies in an explosion of energy. Whereas Ritsu's office was understated, almost austere, Nagisa's office was a reflection of the myriad contradictions of the woman who still dressed in the clothing of a young girl. Here and there, the office's surfaces were adorned with tiny figurines – the kind of cheap, brightly painted porcelain that one might find at a Chinatown souvenir shop. The walls were hung with simple Japanese watercolors, obviously expensive and done in a style that reminded Ritsuka vaguely of Soubi's art.
The fleeting thought of Soubi was a reminder to Ritsuka that the other man was still held captive somewhere. This thought physically pained Ritsuka, and he took a deep breath, willing his mind to focus on the woman with the two high pigtails and the pink glossed lips.
"Let me see your chest," Nagisa ordered, assuming at least temporarily a more professional demeanor. Ritsuka lifted off his shirt to reveal a long, pink scar that ran from over his right nipple to just below his heart. She ran her fingers along the wound. "Is it still sore?" she asked, after a moment.
"Just a little," he admitted.
"That's normal," she said. "The wound is healing nicely, but the muscles underneath will take a bit longer to recover. You should try not to overexert yourself for the next week or two."
"Thanks," he said, pulling his shirt back over his head, "for saving my life."
She smiled, the childish expression now returned to her face. "That was a reckless thing you did in Ueno," she said.
"It was necessary," Ritsuka answered, taking a seat on one of the overstuffed chairs.
"Ritsu tells me your gamble paid off," she said. "He didn't think you could do it. Neither did I. What would you have done if Soubi hadn't…? "
"I never doubted him," Ritsuka said, cutting across her.
Nagisa's musical laughter filled the office. "You are so cute, Ritsuka-kun," she said, brushing his cheek with her hand. "You do love him, don't you?"
Ritsuka blushed again, but said nothing.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, you know," she continued, unfazed. "Lord knows that man needs someone to take pity on him."
"Soubi doesn't need pity," Ritsuka retorted, becoming quite defensive.
Nagisa laughed again. "I didn't mean it that way," she said, sitting down on the couch and crossing her legs beneath her. "Sit down and relax, Ritsuka," she added, smiling and tapping on the cushion next to her.
Ritsuka sat on the chair facing the couch, scowling.
"Really," she said, smirking slightly, "I didn't mean it the way it sounded. It's just that Soubi-kun is so…depressing. I think he just enjoys being miserable."
It was hard to argue with that statement, so Ritsuka decided not to answer.
"I know some of what he went through," Nagisa said, shedding her childish demeanor once more. "I know how heartless Ritsu was with him – I really do. Ritsu told me what he did to Soubi."
"Ritsu told you?" Ritsuka asked, shocked by this revelation.
"Yes," she replied, "after he recovered from Seimei's attack. I think he felt guilty, although he'd never admit it outright."
"What he did to Soubi was unforgiveable," Ritsuka said, angrily.
"Yes," Nagisa said, sadly, "I suppose it was." She shifted slightly on the couch, leaning back against the pillows. "Still, Soubi is a grown man, Ritsuka. At some point, we all have to move forward and live our lives, in spite of our pasts. Maybe now, Soubi can do that…" Her voice trailed off wistfully.
"I have to find him," Ritsuka said, deciding that it would get him nowhere to defend Soubi any longer. He needed information, and he was convinced that Nagisa had it.
"Why do you think I know where he is?" Nagisa parried, smiling coyly at him.
"Because you've known where Seimei was all along," Ritsuka replied, watching for her reaction.
"When did you realize that?" she asked, clearly impressed.
"I saw the look of guilt on your face, eight years ago," Ritsuka replied. "I didn't understand what it meant until a few months ago, though. You and Seimei worked together on Septimal Moon, but it was more than that. You wanted him."
Nagisa sighed. "He was a fascinating boy, your brother," she admitted. "Attractive, too, just like you, Ritsuka-kun. Ritsu wouldn't give me a second look, and I suppose I hoped maybe Seimei would. I was foolish. I didn't see him for the monster he was until it was too late."
"He got the security codes from you, didn't he?" Ritsuka asked. "That's how he got in here so easily, isn't it?"
"Yes," she replied and, for the first time, there were tears in her eyes. "It's because of my stupidity that Ritsu was hurt. I trusted Seimei. When he told me he wanted to come back and work with me, I believed him."
Ritsuka felt oddly sorry for her, the grown woman who, in many ways, was not much more than just a child. "Seimei would have found a way inside, even if you hadn't helped him, Nagisa-san," he said, kindly.
"You are so different from your brother," Nagisa said, smiling again. "Soubi is a lucky man."
"Where is he, Nagisa?" asked Ritsuka. "Please. I don't want to see Soubi hurt again."
Nagisa looked at Ritsuka sadly. "I don't want anything to happen to you, either, Ritsuka," she said.
"Please, Nagisa," Ritsuka repeated.
"All right," she said finally, hopping up from the couch and walking over to the window. It was now completely dark outside; the sky was cloud-covered, without stars. "I'll tell you. But only if you agree to take Zero with you when you go chasing after him."
"Fine," Ritsuka replied, stifling an urge to tell her that he didn't need any help when, truthfully, he knew that he needed all the help he could get. "I'll take them with me."
"There's a school on Hokkaido," she said, "outside of Sapporo, in the foothills of the mountains. After Seimei's attack on Seven Voices, they began training their own fighters there. I sent another Zero pair to find out what they were up to. They reported back that they had found Seimei, but then we lost contact with them. A few months later, they turned up on the grounds here." Ritsuka's eyes widened. "They were dead, Ritsuka," said Nagisa, solemnly. "Both of them."
"Why would they have dragged the bodies back here – all the way from Hokkaido?" Ritsuka asked incredulously.
"Seimei's always been one for drama, I guess," Nagisa answered. "How else can you explain gouging out Ritsu's eyes and writing a message to you in Ritsu's blood?"
Ritsuka had no answer. In spite of everything he knew about Seimei – in spite of everything Seimei had done to hurt Ritsuka over the years – Ritsuka still could not forget the kind, protective older brother he had known as a child. He had never truly been able to reconcile these two different 'Seimeis'. It was as if his older brother really had died ten years before, and he had been replaced by a new, frightening person who looked and sounded just like Seimei, but who was nothing like the brother he had lost.
Nagisa smiled once more. "I told you this only because I want you to understand the danger, Ritsuka-kun," she said. "Youji and Natsuo are more experienced than the Zero pair we lost. Still, given what Soubi told me about the fighter pair you met in Kyoto, Septimal Moon's fighters are probably stronger."
"Why do you think the Three fighter killed his sacrifice?" Ritsuka asked.
"I can guess," Nagisa replied. "If Septimal Moon is working to create an army of spell fighters – they would want to keep that work secret. By leaving behind a badly-injured sacrifice, they would also be leaving behind information that we might be able to use to defeat them in the future. You have to remember that the Zeros are not human – they are created."
"I refuse to believe that they aren't human," Ritsuka said. "You've seen for yourself that they have emotions; that they want to keep living."
"I understand," Nagisa replied, "and I, too, have come to understand that they are not merely tools. But your brother is hardly warm-hearted – he always saw them as something to be used and discarded, if necessary. To him and to Septimal Moon, they are replaceable. Weapons."
This thought made Ritsuka shiver; he felt slightly ill at the thought that Youji and Natsuo could be thought of as weapons to be discarded when they had outlived their usefulness.
"I'll be leaving in the morning," said Ritsuka, standing up now. "I appreciate your honesty, Nagisa-san."
Nagisa walked over to the door and embraced Ritsuka once more – this time, in a genuinely warm manner. "I'm happy to have helped. If you need anything from us, please let me know. I'll arrange transportation to Sapporo for you and the others."
"Thank you."
"And Ritsuka-kun?"
"Hmm?"
"Please bring Soubi back here," Nagisa said. "He needs to speak with Ritsu. They both need it."
"I'll do my best," Ritsuka replied. "That's all I can offer."
Ritsuka met Kio, Youji and Natsuo near the front entryway to the school at the first light of day. Youji and Natsuo looked extremely pleased to be permitted to accompany Ritsuka to Hokkaido, having never journeyed beyond the main island of Honshu.
Kio looked least pleased of all, although he had insisted on accompanying Ritsuka. "Someone has to make sure you don't get yourself killed doing something stupid," he had said, the night before. Ritsuka had just laughed and thanked Kio for the vote of confidence.
As they gathered their things, Nagisa and Ritsu met them to say their goodbyes. Nagisa, as always, embraced Ritsuka in an overly-friendly manner, relishing Ritsuka's obvious discomfort. Ritsu, however, took Ritsuka aside, away from the others.
"I have something I'd like you to give to Soubi, when you find him," Ritsu said.
"When I find him?" countered Ritsuka.
"I have no doubt you will find him and bring him back safely, Ritsuka-kun," Ritsu replied, with a knowing smile. "I am quite confident in your abilities."
"I hope I'm worthy of your confidence, Minami-san," Ritsuka replied, masking his surprise at the unexpected compliment.
Ritsu pulled a small book from his pocket and placed it in Ritsuka's hands.
"What is it?" Ritsuka asked, running his fingers lightly over the worn red-leather cover.
"That is a diary," Ritsu replied, his face suddenly quite sad. "It was Soubi's mother's diary."
"His mother's?"
"I failed Soubi on so many levels," Ritsu said, with a sigh. "It is because of me that his parents died. And it is because of me that Soubi…" His voice trailed off.
Ritsuka frowned, happy that Ritsu could not see the expression of pity on his face. He took a deep breath and reached out to hold Ritsu's hand. "I will make sure he gets this," he said, finding that he no longer harbored anger towards Soubi's former teacher.
"Thank you," Ritsu replied, squeezing Ritsuka's hand.
"Would you please do me one other favor when you see Soubi-kun again?" Ritsu asked.
"Of course," Ritsuka replied.
"Tell him that I have always loved him," Ritsu said. "And please, tell him I am sorry."