I don't know why I wrote this but it feels just so right to write this...

Effie's POV

"Your friends will die..." the man said just before the tip of the whip touched my bare bloody back. I felt like gasping-screaming even, I dare not feel the whip against my skin. This feels like a dream- a dark disturbing nightmare. It looked real but it feels so not real...

I got up; sweating and gasping for air. It is all just a dream after all; a dark twisted demented dream. It was a manifestation of all of the years of lying, fooling myself and hiding all the pain. Such a dark past; covered by a mask of fake happiness- every single day of my life I put on a fake smile, I lie about my happiness to others even to myself, I acted naive and clueless... I guess trying to fool others would fool me sometimes too; into thinking that nothing was wrong.

My whole past feels like a dream despite knowing that it wasn't. It has pain,sadness, suffering, joy, hate and love. Why is it that I want to hold on to such a life despite trying to move on? And what of now; why is my past so hazy, so dreary and dreamy? It feels imaginative and not real...

How can all of those things happened anyway? Why was I born in the Capitol? Why was I assigned to District 12? Why did I meet Katniss, Peeta, Haymitch and others? Why does my life feels so out of control despite trying to control it.

They say that a person makes his/her own fate but what about the things that we cannot control? What about them? Are we held responsible for the happenings that are beyond us? If so, how can we control them? How can we move on and start over or maybe even... change the past...

But the past can't be changed... That's a sad known fact but it's true that we can move on and start a new life from scratch- that is what I had attempted to do. But I can't let go of the past despite everything; maybe I'm just too scared of the future... Maybe I really don't want to move on but I must. I will suffer more if I don't.

This is just another lonely night where I try to repair my own confusions. I can't even understand myself. I am merely an individual lost amongst a crowd of people who are trying to find their own way in this world. What's my way; what path should I choose and will it lead me to the fate that I've been dreaming of?

What's the difference between dreams and real life anyways? No matter how illogical or impossible a dream is you will think that it's real at that time and sometimes real life would seem so dream-like. If we can wake up from a dream; can we also wake up from reality?

Did I make the right choice to choose District 12 as my new home? Where in this world should I fit in? Is everyone playing a charade with me; pretending to like me or do they truly care? I wish everyone would just accept me.

Maybe it's time to change the course of this dream. Maybe everything seems hazy because it's time to let go of it- for real. It's time to stop lying to the world and to myself. I want to be happy for real.

So what is life?

Haymitch's POV

I took my ninth bottle of liquor from the cupboard then I dumped the contents down my throat. Sometimes I just couldn't help it. It's a part of me now. Alcohol is who I am but I am so urged to move on. Effie has a point; it has destroyed my life but it's a part of me. Can I really take out such a part?

Why is it so hard to stop anyways? All I have to do is STOP but why can't I? It just calls to me; it lures me but why can others abstain from it when I can't?

I am weak...

I must try to stop; Effie wants me to. Funny, how that woman gave me the will to do something I usually can't. I guess I really do love her and to think that it was once the exact opposite. Life is so strange; you can't really anticipate what will happened and when it will happened. Then, can we really control it if it's so unpredictable? Are we really masters of our own fate?

But I know I must try to. If I don't do anything; it will all stay the same but if I try to change I might actually have a chance to make things better. I can't really say what will happened next though...

So what is life?

This one took a while...

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