AN: Woo! Real updates! We're trying to make up for so much lost time, so be expecting some lovin' in the near future.

But, on a more serious note... Gaiz! This chapter deals with serious issues, okay? No one is quite sure what they are yet, but they evidently affect many American schools... or something...

This is totally a lie, but whatever.

But for real: all typos are placed strategically on accident, but are left just as strategically on purpose.

ON: honestly... i just wanting to post tara's actually chapter here because it was so perfect on its own... buuuuut i'll grace you with my perfect writing skills (which means my shit)

AN: So, without further ado, please read and review!

Tara's:

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

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"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself.

Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it.

Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.

Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!"

Previously...

"What have you done?" He, too, began to cry. I'd like to believe that on their way to their evaporational death, our tears are having a sorrow-tastic orgy right now. His tears of wisdom strolled down his face in a march of sorrow as he said: "Ebony… Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."

"NO!" I screamed in all caps (ON: I'm sure we've made this joke before...). I was horrified! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her to fuck off... please take a moment to picture some random chick telling Hermione Granger to quote-unquote "fuck off"... it's hilarious!

I ran to my room crying myself (as opposed to someone doing it for me?). Dumblydore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room 'cause he would look like a perv that way. ...I'm not changing that statement... it's pure gold.

Anyway, I started crying tears of unicorn shit and then slit BOTH my wrists, to change it up a bit. They got all over my clothes – y'know, my wrists – which I must have described in the last chapter. I took them off – y'know, my wrists – and decided, since I have so many clothes anyway, I wasn't going to wash them, and all the blood made them look more goffikk... cuz you can NEVER look too anti-social!

I jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and, instead of having a yummy meal someone in Africa would kill for, I tried to stab it into my chest. I'm a genius. I was so fucking depressed. I dare you to go through this story and count how many times I say that! I got out of the bathtub and let the water magically (geddit? cuz we're at Hogwarts? did you forget? cuz i did) dry off as I but on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and SIX pairs of skull earrings! Where? I don't know. Where ever they decided to fit today. I couldn't fucking believe it! Whether the reason was the fact that I couldn't tell what exactly was on my shoes or that I wasn't a prostitute yet has yet to be discovered. Really. I have my own designated corner and everything.

Then I looked out the window and screamed! Snap (who?) was spying on me and was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin (double who?) was onom-nom-noming to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. (which is actually important and use of good story telling because dorms in Hogwarts are on, like, the 78th level and there is no possible way they could be looking in the window if – ... fuck it. it's just useless information.)

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED, ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT?" I screamed putting a black towel with some fag's face on it over the clothes I just told you I was wearing. I wasn't really naked, so there wouldn't be any need for a towel.

Suddenly, Vampire ran in! To my room, guys. Not the black hole drilled into the pelvis between my thigh fats. Duh.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. -Insert "Harry is now a woman" joke here- The "Abra Kedavra" spell worked almost as well as an "Open Sesame" spell and had the teachers on the floor, screaming in pain. Or maybe that was the gazillion rounds of bullets I just fired at them... eh.

Oh, and the camera broke. What luck.

Dumblydore ran in! "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has- NOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted. Honestly, I was really interested in what he had to say! He waved his wand and suddenly...

Hargrid (triple who?) ran outside on his broom (?) and said: "Everyone, we need to talk!" Why? I don't know. Nobody knows.

"What do you know, Hargrid?" (about what?) "You're just a not-little-Hogwarts-student-but-actually-a-giant-slash-teacher!"

"I MAY BE not-little-Hogwarts-student-but-actually-a-giant-slash-teacher BUT..." Hargrid paused for no reason "I'M ALSO A SATANIST!"

A-WHUUUUUUUUUUUT? I never would have guessed...

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice (correct) as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him (incorrect). Seriously though, when did that happen? His hand was obviously shot when I maniacally shot off a gazillion bullets without reloading this pistol. "There must be other factors!"... What?

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. It doesn't make any sense; I just like to yell a lot.

Loopin held up the camera triumphantly whilst riding an elephant, aka: triumelephantly. (ON: Let it be known that I WILL make a picture meme of this.) "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" Lol... this guy!

I felt faint, more than I normally do, like how it feels when you don't drink enough blood. I'm sure we ALL know how that feels, amirite? Time to hit up Vol-D-Mart for some O positive. Amirite?

"Why are you doing this?" said Loopin to no one in particular while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook/cock/cloak.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. Haha. Not "You're a slut" you stupid whores! I didn't know whether to feel shocked or happy or to just bite him because he was annoying as all get-out.

"BECAUSE... BECAUSE..." Hargrid said and he paused IN THE AIR dramatically. Then he started singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent... which doesn't exist and really doesn't need to.

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice because he was afraid it meant he was connected to syphilis – I mean Satin... [AN: I couldn't change this typo guys. I'm sorry, Olive. XD]

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"I gasped.

ON: ... this is straight up poop.

AN: But it's really not. XD

I think this is probably my favorite chapter. There are about three others that I might like more than this. Buuuuuuut… this is too good. Just. B. E. A. U-tiful. XD

Anyway, Olive couldn't really find anything to change with this and asked me to change anything… except for what she specifically said not to change. So… I pretty much just left it alone. For the most part.

Hope you enjoyed.

plz reed n revoiw.!