CHAPTER 11:
Much Ado About Asses
"I like this tea, Nana" Yachiru said approvingly as she swung her legs over the chair she sat on. Ever since she started spending time with Ruka, Zaraki had come back to the division's dinner hall happy after pulverizing opponents and not spending his free time spoiling her. He'd even offered Ruka a seated position if she got tired of the ninth division and needed a change but the brunette knew it was for Yachiru's benefit only. Still, it was nice to be invited into the bloodthirsty division.
"Thank you, Yachiru" the woman responded politely as she served herself another cup. Yachiru tried to play the respectful child act, sitting like a dutiful little girl with her hands in her lap. . .but threw it out when the pastries were brought into sight. She devoured hers into crumbs within a minute. Ruka, Nanao, Rukia, and Yachiru had decided to have breakfast together before heading to their respective divisions to start their working day. Rangiku had decided to sleep in two extra hours although Ruka was sure she'd sleep till noon and promised to join them for lunch next time. The sun had settled into a nice lilac haze as baby blue peeked through to welcome the early morning and a good breeze flew by. It was going to be a good day. . .so Ruka hoped.
Ruka sat uncomfortably on the wooden chair, her butt was completely sore along with her poor spine so the hardwood wasn't making it easier to sit idly. She kept fidgeting in her seat, passing it off by either taking a sip of her tea or dabbing her lips with a napkin but hell, it hurt nonetheless. After fifteen minutes into their small breakfast, she curled up in a ball to lie on her side and groaned, "Crap, my butt hurts. Stupid Kurotsuchi. I couldn't even sleep a wink yesterday. I hope one of his experiments gets loose and gobbles him up like a gummy bear."
Nanao pushed her glasses up as she took in her friend's news and asked firmly, "You were with the twelfth captain?"
"And you lived?" Rukia questioned skeptically as she placed her tea on the table, eager for an answer. She was still doubtful about her friend's claim of dating the crazy man but maybe she'd been brutally honest the whole time. You never knew when it came to that brunette.
"Yeah, the asshole kicked me out of his office like a dog on the street- not that anyone should kick dogs either!" she spat angrily as yesterday's meeting warmed her bloodstream in renewed fury for the man. How dare he treat her like that? If she could've kicked him in the crotch and lived, she would've. She touched her own lower back gingerly and hissed painfully to the group, "Left his damn foot indentation on me."
"Clown face kicked you? On the butt?" Yachiru asked in awe and burst into giggles, falling into her chair with a grin as she held her sides. Ruka shook her head in amusement and gave a glance at Nanao, who appeared relieved all of a sudden when she admitted the kick to the keister.
Ruka's eyebrow perked up and she asked suspiciously in a low tone, "What did you think I meant when I said my butt hurt-", realization of a sexual insinuation dawned on her and she exclaimed in horror, "Oh! Nanao! You filthy perverted woman! How dare you?!"
Nanao blushed quickly at being caught with her mind in the gutter while Ruka turned red in embarrassment for the sexual accusation, sipping her tea absentmindedly to ignore that ludicrous idea. Rukia simply burst into laughter at Nanao's cherry face and Yachiru, in her young innocent mind, remained puzzled to what they were freaking out at and blinked. Nanao cleared her throat roughly, shooting her best friend a glare from across the round table, and spoke calmly despite her betraying jittery hands, "That is not what I meant at all, Ruka."
"The hell it isn't! You thought I slept-" she berated loudly but then remembered a child was present, a peppy innocent girl that'd no idea on adult situations (besides killing, of course) and crossed her arms. Calming down, she took a note from Nanao's book on relaxation and grumbled, "I did not do whatever hideous things your mind has conjured up. You can be as bad as uncle Shunsui sometimes and this time, it's not a compliment."
"I am not like the captain! He's a complete pervert!" she exclaimed indignantly to such a comparison and crossed her arms huffily in a similar fashion to Ruka. Their other two friends merely watched them, their set of eyes flicking back and forth like ping-pongs at each hurled argument.
Yachiru scratched her pink head and frowned, "I'm confused. Clown face didn't kick you?"
"Yes, he did but Nanao thought otherwise" Ruka answered sweetly with smile, shooting a dark glare at Nanao the next second. Seriously, did she think she was gonna maul Kurotsuchi into the bedroom to hump like bunnies in heat? Absolutely not, he lost that option ages ago. So long ago that Rukia was probably still alive in the human world.
"The thought alone should give anyone heart attack" Nanao shot back and Rukia choked slightly on her tea at the idea of being seduced by a painted madman. Had all the decency in the world been extinguished? She grabbed her Chappy napkin and coughed into it, fighting back her gagging reflex as she fought that hideous image. She pointed to the coughing Kuchiki before hitting her back roughly, more for emphasis than help, and exclaimed, "See? Even Rukia's showing symptoms."
"I'm going to die laughing" Rukia groaned helplessly, leaning back into her chair as she coughed to clear her airway. She decided to just listen to the conversation rather than get an unexpected shock and choke again. She wouldn't be good to anyone dead. . .and no shinigami was going to humiliatingly die from a pastry. That would be embarrassing enough on a death certificate.
Ruka grinned like a Cheshire cat and placed her elbows on the tables to lean her face on her hands, retorting slyly, "The thought of you and another man would give uncle Shunsui a heart attack but I don't complain."
"I'm not going to date your uncle!" she remarked tightly, raising her voice, and Ruka enjoyed watching her friend turn red. It was only a matter of time before Nanao would like being showered by fancy gifts from her uncle. If she was really serious though. . .hmm, Ruka would have to enlist a matchmaking army. The brunette stopped a girlish laugh from leaving her lips when Nanao muttered tastelessly, "But if I had to, I'd choose him rather than. . .what did you call him, Yachiru?"
"Clown Face, Skeletor, Penguin, Brain, Mayurin, Blueberry, I change them every month" she replied cheerily and ate a cookie in two bites, licking her small fingers to grab every crumb. Eagerly, she looked to Ruka and asked brightly, "Did he really kick you?"
"Yes and it isn't pretty" Ruka muttered irritably at the humiliating incident and frowned deeply, brooding in her chair as she told them, "I literally have his initials on my right butt cheek and part of his footprint. Do you know how embarrassing that is? If I had a boyfriend, I'd be dead right now." Her frown turned into a manic grin when she declared smugly, "But at least I got this!"
She pulled out the patch of blue hair she'd ripped from his head from her sleeve pocket to present it proudly and her best friend cringed at the limp hair. Her blue eyes glittered madly as if she'd just killed the strongest hollow while Yachiru and Rukia burst into louder laughter. The little girl poked the clump of blue hair while Rukia hoped her ribs wouldn't hurt by the end of their breakfast. Nanao's blue eyes shifted from the hair trophy to Ruka's triumphant face and shook her head to her crazy dealings.
"You could file assault and show Captain Hisagi the, um, evidence" she informed firmly, worried at why she went over there in the first place. Many times, she'd distinctly told her to never engage that madman, even more so for their past relationship. Glancing at Ruka's open palm, her tightened lips curled upwards and she scolded harshly, "And throw that away, it's creepy!"
"He was the first one I told!" she huffed and disagreed on throwing the patch away. That was a trophy worth keeping; who else could pull off hair from the most feared man and live to tell the tale? She could even be a legend. . .okay, that was way too farfetched, even for her. Turning to her side before it numbed again, she muttered irritably, "But I did threaten Kurotsuchi so that could backfire on me."
"Why did you go over there? You two aren't on a friendly basis" Nanao questioned sharply and tapped her fingers on the floral tea cup she held. This, she wanted to know.
"The captain ordered me to and I couldn't say 'Sorry, but we had this huge falling out and I'm afraid he'll kill me once we're in the same room', could I?!" Ruka exclaimed indignantly and sipped her warm tea to calm her. No way was she about to appear sloppy or lazy with her workload and she'd risk seeing Mayuri over such a blemish. With a crazy gleam in her eye, she pondered aloud to the women, "I should get shoes with my initials and brand them on his face. That would show him!"
Nanao sighed despairingly at her friend's half-baked idea and burst her bubble with a snap, "Then he'd kill you in the most brutal way possible or lock you away in his research lab to never be seen again."
"Nanao!" she whined in disappointment, pouting like a five year-old and banging her fists on the table to carry out the look, and the other two laughed at her impertinent nature. Yachiru loved it since it meant insane adventures while Rukia knew her brother would go rampant and nag her to death. Ruka traced her finger over the edges of her teacup and sniffed miserably, "You never let me carry out my insane ploys."
"Because I want you to stay alive and not be killed before the year ends" her friend replied dryly and shook her head at how an aristocrat of her stature could act this silly. That was one reason why the two became friends since Nanao had been a shy child while Ruka had been a gutsy teenager. It was funny because both were naïve and eager to prove themselves to the world but now. . .now Nanao had to wonder on her friend's mental balance. Also, she had to wonder why Byakuya's temperament hadn't rubbed off on her. Maybe the great Kuchiki had finally given up on training her before she warped his mind?
Nanao sighed, slightly amused when her friend fidgeted uncomfortably, and pointed out, "Ruka, you're supposed to give me wise advice, you're the oldest one here at the table."
Ruka grimaced sourly at being named the 'responsible' one in the group and blurted disagreeably, "I'm not wise, if you wanted that, you sure took the wrong road with me," Nanao glared at her for the comment but Ruka simply grinned cockily, "I'm sure Byakuya regrets it too but I know you all love me deep inside. Right, Yachiru?"
"Right!" she replied chirpily with a grin, slamming her tea cup onto the wooden table, and Ruka fed her another cookie. The girl ate it instantly, almost biting off Ruka's fingertips as well, and muffled brokenly to her treat, "Mm, I warb you."
"I'm sure she means me" Ruka said confidently to the others with a wave of her hand but her voice wavered with paranoia at being replaced, "Right?"
"Just don't do crazy things to rile up that captain, okay?" Nanao scolded her like a mother hen and the brunette pouted, shifting her eyes to the side deceivingly to ward off the order.
"Define crazy" her friend asked cheekily, twirling a piece of limp hair with hopes of having it actually curl but got zip. Nanao didn't buy her innocent ploy for a second, even when she added a hopeful smile. For the moment, the brunette wished she could be naturally good-looking or have the charismatic material to trick people.
Suspiciously, Nanao warned sternly, "Ruka."
"He kicked me, I deserve vengeance!" she insisted woefully and Yachiru raised her fist into the air in agreement, hoping her older friend had a scheme already planned.
Yachiru smiled widely and piped in with her own daring idea, "You should steal his makeup! He never leaves home without it."
"That's suicide and don't you dare think about it!" Nanao commanded both of them and they frowned in disillusion. If Nanao disagreed heavily, then they knew they were way over their heads for any chance of success.
"Give it up, Ruka, it ain't gonna happen" Rukia comforted her friend, patting her on the back, but knowing the lieutenant. . .retaliation would be imminent. She swore her friend was exactly like her brother when their pride was bruised, lethal and unrelenting.
Yachiru plopped herself into Ruka's lap without warning and the older woman winced as pain shot up her tailbone. She needed painkillers badly. Curiously, the child asked her with a toothy grin, "Have you seen 'im without the mask, Ruki? If he already looks scary, his real face must be ugly like a Hollow's or somethin'!"
"Uh. . ."
(113 years ago)
Ruka walked sluggishly into the dining hall of the twelfth division to get a midnight snack from the kitchens. She'd been reading up on scientific journals for her current project and had decided to appease her nonstop growling stomach. Five hours of nonstop reading did that to a person and water wouldn't satiate her food churner. She entered the dark kitchen with hobbling steps and heard fumbling inside which sent her defense into overload and she grabbed the nearest object: a bag of bread rolls.
I can't believe I forgot my zanpakuto, she thought miserably and blamed her trusting nature. There could always be threats lurking in the Seireitei, regardless of how many warriors it housed.
Spotting a shadow digging through the food pantry, she quietly snuck up from behind in the dark and saw that this person was a complete stranger in the reflected moonlight; not from her division and therefore, it was her sworn duty to kick his ass. That was all she needed to know and proceeded to beat the intruder down with the bread bag.
"Ow! What the-" a sharp voice yelled out to the silent attack and struggled against her. He noticed who it was instantly and shoved her away, reprimanding sharply, "Kyoraku!"
She stopped for a second, blinking at the darker man, then proceeded to hit him again, demanding with a shrill yell of paranoia, "How do you know my name?! Only twelfth division members are allowed here! Wait till my captain gets a hold of you! He'll lock you away as a science experiment!"
"It's Kurotsuchi, you pest!" he shrieked with a familiar scowl and she halted but remained unconvinced. Growling between clenched teeth, he turned on the nearest lantern with his candle and Ruka raised the bag again in defense until evidence was set forth to clear him and he snapped tightly, "Touch me again and you'll be in a bath of acid!"
She stared at the man before her as his golden eyes glared at her, the candlelight glow illuminating his features much clearly. Well, the glare and ongoing pessimism was there. The short weird haircut he had was still there and most definitely blue. If she added a simple white bath of paint, he would match it with exact precision. Huh, so it was him. Her eyes widened to the shock of finally seeing him like a normal human being and she pointed out, "You're not wearing your paper cones!"
"They're not made from paper!" he shot back defensively to her mockery and she cringed when she saw what remained of his ears; gold metal and surrounding cauterized flesh. Why would someone chop their ears off without a care? Talk about serious risk of infection. Her eyes stayed on them before shuddering, waving him away with a hand, and he rolled his eyes to her squeamishness and questioned stiffly, "Why were you beating me?"
"I thought you were a burglar" she answered easily with a shake of her shoulders as she stared at him in awe. He wasn't weird-looking underneath, he looked completely normal. . .except for the missing ears, that is. Hell, he looked better than most guys in the division. . .not that she was looking or anything. Besides, that would be a total case of fraternization within the ranks and could risk her job for it. No, thank you. She motioned to her face and explained her point of view, "You always wear that pasty makeup in public, how was I supposed to know it's not permanent? I've never seen you like that and I was only doing my sworn duty-"
He held out his hand and simply ordered, "Give me the bag, Kyoraku."
She held it against her chest, believing he was about to return the favor gladly, and raised her chin to question suspiciously, "Why should I?"
"Because I need the bread" he stated flatly with thinned lips and she handed it over regrettably. Her arms flew up to her face for protection in case he started beating her with it but blinked in surprise when no blow landed on her. Wasn't he the revenge seeking type? He snapped everyone's heads off half the time at work. Instead, she saw him walk off calmly to a table nearby to fix his meal and Kurotsuchi inquired simply without a glance, "Why are you here?"
"Study break" she replied as she sought her own snack and dug through the wooden pantry to grab a bottle of water and a piece of day old corn bread. She bit off a piece hungrily, wiping off any crumbs from her mouth, and mumbled contently with a full mouth, "All right, carbohydrates to keep me going."
"It's 2 a.m" he pointed out coldly as he fixed himself a sandwich and she walked over to his table to nibble on her snack. His prowling hours were usually between 10 and 12 at night but he'd been up jotting notes until he ran out of energy so he headed out here. He'd never run into his assistant before and like everyone else, his real image threw everyone off. The SRDI lieutenant pointed to her from across the table and warned, "You better not slack off in the lab."
She waved a hand dismissively to his sour demeanor and scoffed confidently with a grin, "I can handle a few hours of sleep, Kurotsuchi, it's boring to sleep anyway. I mean, all you do is dream about large sharp-toothed monsters devouring your flesh."
Kurotsuchi simply stared awkwardly to her comment, raising a thin blue eyebrow, and wondered if the lack of sleep was affecting her logic. Wasn't he supposed to be the extremist out of both? Whatever, her craziness wasn't his concern. He returned to fixing the toppings of his meal and she burst into sudden laughter, surprising him to the abrupt loud noise and he snapped acidly, "What is it now?"
"You look too normal, it's eerie" she snickered chidingly and he placed a full pitcher of water between them at the table to block their faces. He saw her sapphire orbs peer at him through the clear glass and she giggled, "You look funnier from this underwater angle."
"Kyoraku, I think you need sleep" he suggested blandly but it came out with a commanding bite since he was already irritated and ripped off a piece from his sandwich with his teeth. To Ruka, it reminded her of a hungry panther and briefly wondered what kind of zanpakuto this man wielded to match his personality.
She glanced away from the pitcher to peek at him and smiled in friendly jester, "I think you should stop wearing all that weird makeup. Next thing you know, kids will start grabbing at you and telling you to do tricks. There's a word for it in the world of the living. . .ah, yes- a clown."
"I hate you sometimes, Kyoraku" Mayuri muttered darkly and she gagged when she finally caught a glance at what he was eating. He stared at the sliced bread roll in his hand when he caught her dismayed expression and asked puzzled, "What? It's just tomato sauce, seaweed, white cheese, soy sauce and vinegar. People eat this all the time. . .right?"
Her face turned three shades whiter within seconds and she groaned weakly, "Ugh, I think I'll go to sleep now. I don't feel so good."
"Kyoraku" he protested skeptically to her weak stomach and she stood up to leave, purposely avoiding looking down at the table. Why was she suddenly squeamish to that but not a beaker full of active bacteria? This girl was making the gears in his mind work longer than they needed to and shook his head to dismiss any interest he held concerning her.
"Forget it, not even your good looks could make me stay" she blurted aloud and left the room in a hurry, corn bread completely forgotten and a bottle of water half-empty.
Kurotsuchi simply licked his fingers free of red sauce (it amused him that it held the resemblance of blood) and pondered to himself, "Wait. . .good looks?"
(End)
"I'm done eating" Rukia groaned disgustedly and shoved her pastry away. Usually, her friend's stories carry laughter but this time, it was too much to keep stomached.
"See? You've sickened a lieutenant already with your behavior" Nanao nagged at Ruka who rolled her eyes while Yachiru simply ate their leftovers while they weren't looking. However, the lieutenant's righteous sense caught her and she scolded her lightly, "Yachiru, it's not sanitary to eat people's leftovers."
"But it's free food" she defended nonetheless with her fists hitting the table and proceeded to eat Rukia's half-eaten bread.
"She's so cool" Ruka stared in awe, completely transfixed with shining eyes and a bit of drool dripping down the side of her mouth as she watched Soi Fon beat her subordinates into the ground during training. That woman was the epitome of badassery when it came to punishing disobedience of the law in the Seireitei. She was also the role model fighter Ruka wanted to be but nobody said it was going to be easy. Anytime she trained with the older woman, she'd ended up in Retsu's infirmary. . .but Ruka always hopped back the next day to go at it again. Her lips widened into a perky smile and spoke aloud to anyone who was listening, "I always loved training with her. I think I'm the only one who's actually paid her to."
For the afternoon, she had the assignment of watching the daily duties of the second division captain (not that she'd complain) and lieutenant (okay, him, she definitely would complain about)per new regulations to establish trust between divisions. Soi Fon had almost kicked her out when she popped up grinning like a Cheshire cat and tried to sign paperwork to get her off her hands but the mandatory two hours couldn't be bypassed. Like a kid on Christmas, Ruka tagged along with hopes of training with her once again. They mostly spent the hours outside as Soi Fon explained the new changes of the Seireitei whether structural or judicial while Ruka nodded like a bobblehead and Omaeda ate behind them, boasting his own abilities in the squad. Ruka knew that more than half the time, the captain was doing most of the work while he slacked off to fill his stomach.
"Until. . ."
(40 years ago)
"Move it or you'll be dead in two seconds!" the second squad captain barked and Ruka hightailed it through the field, looking for any kind of decent cover. When the woman gave a warning, you could be sure your imminent demise was near.
She'd already been painted on her chest with a red dot that Soi Fon used on her practice dummies and Ruka had to avoid the second strike. Easier said than done. Her defenses during flash stepping had gotten better under Soi Fon's training since Byakuya was too damn lazy to contribute an hour of his time but there was no way she could beat the second captain. Her best chance was to die honorably but she'd try.
She spotted a black blur behind her and shouted in its direction, "Hado 31: Shakkaho!"
The red orb brushed past the captain's shoulder and she stopped for a moment to shake her head and reprimanded coldly, "You should've used a bakudo, third seat."
Ruka sighed for going for the easiest attack rather than the most strategic and huffed, "I thought I could catch you-"
"And I just achieved it" Soi Fon smirked lightly and tapped the second dot onto her chest before Ruka could finish blinking. Oh, come on! The brunette gaped like a fish caught in a net and the captain admonished proudly, "You're dead now, Kyoraku."
Ruka's shoulders dropped in disappointment to her failure and she mumbled under her breath, "Well, at least I tried."
The brunette lightly frowned as their training came to the finale and fell to the floor to fake her gasp of death, convulsing over the grassy training floor like a poor wounded animal. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes and piped up, "Is that any good?"
"Drone on a little longer, I like hearing my enemies wail" Soi Fon ordered with a sadistic smirk but scolded roughly with, "In the field, you show no pain, Kyoraku."
"Gotcha, I get my arm seared clean off and I give no peep" Ruka nodded with an impish grin to the instruction and faked a wail of despair as she apparently 'died' on her back. However, in the middle of appearing like a dead possum, she heard wooden creaking nearby and sat up to see where the noise was. Scratching her head, she asked aloud, "Do you hear-
"Ruka" Soi Fon warned stiffly as she helplessly watched one of the squad barracks collapse from Ruka's uncoordinated hado spell. How the hell had she taken down a barrack with one attack? Wood chips and gusts of debris flew into the air as the roof collapsed inside and the support beams gave in seconds later to lay everything flat and broken onto the pavement.
"I promise I'll pay you back" Ruka responded meekly and proceeded to make a desperate run for it but the shorter woman grabbed her by the collar, immobilizing her completely under her grip. The brunette flailed her arms as she was dragged towards the captain's office and yelled frantically, "No! Captain Fon! I don't want to be your footstool today!"
(End)
"At least I paid it off" she murmured to herself and felt a wet drip fall onto her bare shoulder. She turned to see what had fallen on her and her face took on a look of horror as she saw an orange blotch of dressing dripping down her arm. What the hell?! Without waiting to see who it was, she screamed furiously, "Omaeda!"
She wiped the disgusting sticky substance off her skin and proceeded to grab his sandwich from his open mouth. Did the buffoon not know how to keep his food in his mouth? How could he even be hungry, he'd just chowed down an entire bag of chips just ten minutes ago! So where the hell did he managed to grab that and perch himself next to her so she could catch his stupid crumbs? Damn bottomless pit. Throwing it to the floor, she stepped on it for emphasis to her madness (she'd atone for ruining food later) and yelled, "When you eat, you make sure shorter people like me aren't underneath! You just ruined my 'Soi Fon kicks ass' show! What're you, a bottomless pit? I haven't seen you stop eating since I arrived here!"
Soi Fon pinned her opponent on the floor, pressing her foot in their chest until she heard a resounding crack and let go. She told the groaning person to go to the healing division as she walked over to the arguing lieutenants. For a petite brunette, that woman had the loudness of a giant and Soi Fon wondered what the hell she was going on about now. Nobody in the Seireitei knew with her. . .well, maybe Komamura but even he had his limits. Her gray eyes narrowed as she targeted the two troublemakers and barked sharply, "What's all the racket over here?"
"Your dumbass lieutenant here dribbled dressing over me while I watched you train" Ruka explained politely but her face was set in a glare as she bared her teeth at the man. She didn't care how rich or high-ranking he was, nobody should spill dressing over somebody while on duty. She wore her uniform with pride and she wasn't about to let the glutton ruin it with a large stain. She jabbed her finger at his chest since she was too short to put it between his eyes and hissed, "She's the coolest fighter in the Seireitei and you ruined it! Now I'm wearing orange dressing instead of lotion I wasted money on!"
"Then you should've moved while I ate, short pint! Sounds like I caught you stalking my captain" he shot back to her stupid screeching and the two glared with teeth baring at each other. Ruka retorted it was for her assignment and in no way, would she disrespect the captain like that. To Soi Fon, they appeared as playhouse toddlers fighting over a swing. Ugh, she hated kids.
"Enough!" the captain ordered before they attacked each other like rabid dogs and both nodded obediently to her will. Much better. Now, to get rid of the most annoying and be left with the lesser evil. She flicked her thumb towards her lieutenant and commanded coldly, "Omaeda, go check on the third quadrant and report to me in one hour."
"Gladly" he obeyed with a condescending smirk towards Ruka and hobbled away quickly. To the brunette, he looked more like a fat panda off in the search of its next bamboo meal.
"Why do you put up with him, captain?" the brunette casually asked as her lips thinned in distaste for the man. She didn't know him before meeting him at her first lieutenant's meeting but already knew he wasn't her kind of people.
Surprisingly, the other woman replied dryly in a joke, "I'm too lazy to murder him and file more paperwork on his 'accidental' death."
Ruka grinned cheekily at her remark, hoping it was actually a real joke since Soi Fon rarely did, but whatever, it's not like she'd miss the guy anyway. If it ever came into reality, she'd root for Soi Fon's alibi. Her mind shifted gears as it grew bored on mulling over Omaeda, the little gray cells simply didn't deem him worthy, and she asked impishly, "So now that I'm back, I thought, I don't know. . .if you'd like to give me another training session?"
"You blew up part of my division last time" she pointed out bluntly and wouldn't be letting the woman anywhere near any kind of building while Ruka sulked at the refusal.
"But you're awesome! I'll get you a Yoruichi 8x10 frame with a full autograph sending her love?" the brunette begged, clasping her hands before her face in mercy as she tried to bargain and the captain considered. She gave a half-hearted 'meh' and Ruka stretched her bartering skills to their fullest, hoping she'd nab the captain's training without pissing off Yoruichi. There were limits to her friendliness but she'd bet on her giving the freebie rather than Soi Fon's impassive personality. Desperately, she added in, "I'll throw in a large black cat plushie that can record her voice on it? Humans have that technology now."
Soi Fon smirked to the substantial offer and patted her head like a puppy, "See? You give a little, you get a little."
Immediately, Ruka perked up at the acceptance and she grinned slyly, "Does that mean I'm trustworthy now? Everyone thinks I'm liable to blow up the Seireiei-"
"You did blow up a living quarter a month ago" she pointed out matter-of-factly and gave her a knowing look that Ruka shifted her gaze away from. Okay, that was ages ago in 'Ruka time' so it was old news and hardly worth recognizing; although she did gain comeuppance. The shorter woman continued by scolding tartly, "If anything, we should prohibit the transportation of any flammable materials into your hands.
Ruka pouted at the possibility of being proclaimed as a health hazard and crossed her arms childishly to complain in a long drawl, "But it was to uphold my honor. You'd do the same if someone tried to usurp your position with Yoruichi Shihoin."
"Hmm, you do make a valid point" the captain commented slowly, dismissing the scolding she'd had in store for the woman. Whenever the previous second squad captain was mentioned, her brain turned into mush and her gray eyes twinkled. Not to seem soft in public of all places, she crossed her arms and ordered, "I don't care if you blow up other divisions but mine is strictly off limits. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, ma'am. . ." she obeyed quickly with a military salute but paused to ask hesitantly, "What if part of a building from another division falls into yours?"
Soi Fon gave her that creepy smile she gave to enemies near death and stated darkly, "You don't want to know."
"Gotcha, captain" Ruka squeaked quickly and changed the subject to save her little speck of a life. Captain Hisagi wouldn't approve of finding her dead body dumped over his new captain's doormat at one in the afternoon and would save him the trouble of digging a hole to dump her in. Raising her index finger, she brought up curiously, "Here's a question for you. How do you get Yoruichi to hang out with you?"
"We usually bump into each other or I go- I mean, she comes to me" the captain restated to sound like the dominant one out of the two and quirked an eyebrow. "Why?"
"I can't get Byakuya to do anything, he sits there like a stump- all glare and no movement" she confessed with a slight frown on her face to her friend's inability to have fun. She couldn't compare him to anything else but an old dried stump! His fun consisted of boring aristocratic events or chores and training. She didn't mind training with him until he made it his mission to point out that life in general was never meant to be amusing. Really, how could she have such a downer as a best friend? He'd been a regular hell-raiser ages ago! He'd once put a frog inside one of his elder's tea just for kicks before dumping a bucket of honey over the man and feathering him an hour later. Now that was the Kuchiki she remembered.
"Oh no, I'm not getting involved in your schemes" Soi Fon argued instantly at the woman's tendency to cause disaster. She'd already heard of the gigantic garbage pile she'd thrown into the Kuchiki estate and would hear nothing about future plans. Firmly, she stated to the woman, "You came to be signed off as trustworthy so that is what you're going to do."
"Oh!" she groaned to her burst bubble but nodded agreeably since she wanted the task done so she could visit the third squad tomorrow. The faster she finished this, the better. Swatting away a bothersome bug that kept breaking into her personal space because of the dressing stains, she asked listlessly, "Anything I should know about the third squad?"
Soi Fon's face became nauseated in disgust and she warned tightly, "A lot of thumb wars, belching, and sake drinking."
"Great" she muttered flatly to that uncomfortable prospect and followed the captain to the mess hall for lunch.
Their feet barely made noise over the cemented ground as they walked onwards and Soi Fon took notice of the brunette's recent hair style, prompting her to ask awkwardly, "Ruka, why is your hair similar to mine?"
"Well, I got it blown off and I thought 'what's the coolest short style I can think of?' so naturally you came to mind with the sheared layers but I don't have any bangs- so there's no carbon copy to worry about!" she explained cheerfully, ruffling her shaggy locks proudly, while Soi Fon wondered if she ever made Yoruichi Shihoin feel this way. By that, she meant annoyance.
"C'mon before I change my mind about signing the damn thing" she muttered flatly but felt a little elated at having an aristocrat look up to her. She'd grown up tending to them like a foot servant but now she had a tagalong to call her own. True, not the kind she'd want with total obedience (plus her tendency to blow up things wasn't a good trait) but the brunette would do as long as she didn't explode or accidentally gore her division.
"Why did I pick so many clubs?" Ruka groaned in exhaustion as she sat down sloppily in Byakuya's clubhouse and as always, she'd arrived first. Everything was already in its neat order since she knew Byakuya was notoriously stubborn when it came to organization. Darting a quick scan around the room, she deemed it clear and collapsed onto her back over the wooden floor for relief. Her face broke into a wide cheesy grin as she sighed blissfully, "Ah, sweet relief at last."
Byakuya stepped into the room a minute later and found her sprawled like an old dog over the floor. Would she ever behave correctly in his presence? A sigh escaped his lips lightly and he resisted from tapping his foot as he admonished aloofly, "Ruka, you're not displaying yourself respectfully. A lady must-"
"Put a sock in it, my spine is killing me" she growled to protect her aching spine from a world of pain and flipped onto her stomach to tuck her arms under her chin. Man, a good masseuse would've been good right about then. His face hardened to the interruption but he said nothing of it and she declared it a victory. She knew he could be a softie in his weird 'I am so much better than thou' attitude and complained loudly, "I need to see Retsu. Must. . .have. . .healer meds."
Byakuya let her rant until her attention shifted to another subject and she smiled again, pointing to a painting tucked neatly against the left corner of the room as it pictured a familiar koi pond with a bridge overhead. Proudly, she lifted her hand to wave it like an announcer and declared, "I brought you a gift of my own talents and don't you dare say you're flunking its art value because if so. . .then your home isn't worthy of them so ha! I may be down like a crippled dog past its prime-" she paused at her constant uses of old dogs this whole day and decided a change had to be made and showed her canines to grin, "but I will not be afraid of biting your ankles!"
Byakuya simply let a small smile form on his lips to her childish threats which brightened her mood considerably and he spoke with the tiniest subtle hint at joking, "You're not bribing me for your grade, Ruka, but I will accept it graciously."
Hey, it was worth a shot, she thought to herself craftily.
"That's all I ask" she smiled happily at finally giving him a gift that he wouldn't destroy or have it blow up in his face and watched him set the painting behind one of the sliding doors in the clubhouse. He returned to his seat with that unfailing grace of his (not to mention making her look shabby) and Ruka joked to ruffle his feathers, "You can be really picky sometimes, Byakuya. I liked it when you used to get all angry and that purple vein popped out of your forehead-"
"Scatter, Sen-"
She jumped up in alarm instantly, forgetting the twinge of pain in her back, and yelled frantically, "No, don't kill me! You can't kill the only childhood friend that still talks to you!"
What? I have lots of friends!, Byakuya thought indignantly but said nothing of it. He'd enjoy this current torture for the strike at his personal life.
Throwing herself at his feet for mercy, Ruka noticed no pink petals of death were flying around her and she glared up at him from her degrading position on the floor. Great, now she looked like a pauper asking the king for more rice this season. She could see a hint of mischief in those slate eyes and she snapped to protect her bruised pride, "You were joking, weren't you?! Death isn't funny, you know! Oh, you're so lucky Monosugoikaze is lazy or else-"
"Scatter, Senbon-"
She clamped a hand over his mouth that promptly cut off his air supply and cried in self-preservation, "No, I'll listen! Just don't cut me into tiny pieces of sandwich meat. I wouldn't taste good," his thin eyebrow rose to that awful idea of cannibalism and she faked a gag to state, "I'm likable to give indigestion with all the chemicals I'm exposed to."
He ushered her away so he could finally breathe again, shaking his head to the inner workings of her strange mind, and Ruka threw herself on the floor again in relief at being spared a swirly pink death. Really, she'd rather die being incinerated or drowning rather than by his flowers of doom. Byakuya could only wonder at how she was raised this way despite being from a good aristocratic family. True, Shunsui Kyoraku was the most flamboyant one he'd met so far but she spent most of her time alongside himself so obviously, his composed demeanor wasn't rubbing off on her. Well, it could've turned out worse and she could've been parading herself indecently. He just knew the next words out of his mouth would be regretted later but dared to ask anyway, "Ruka, would you like to have dinner with Rukia and I tonight?"
Whenever she was in the Seireitei, the two would always meet for dinner to catch up (though she managed to track him down within an hour just fine) and opted to have the dinner in his home. Why, you ask? After many years of living a privileged life, Byakuya is used to certain foods so when Ruka cooks up exotic foods from her travels that he's never eaten. . .well, nobody on the third floor of his home can avoid the barfing sounds as he hurls back that same dinner. Last time, he'd allowed her to cook and decided on a simple foolproof lobster theme. . .it didn't blow over well either.
'You expect me to just throw it in the boiling pot? Are you insane?! It's alive!' she'd yelled furiously as she threw the helpless lobster back in its safe salty bath. She shut off the heat that was burning hot, throwing water in the wooden pile that served as a stove in her parent's home. Both were engulfed in white smoke within seconds and Byakuya held back a growl to her childishness. Nonetheless, she managed to prod his chest angrily between the gray smokescreen, 'This is not what I had in store when it came to cooking a lobster!'
'It's a lobster, its death is inevitable' he justified sharply and grabbed the lobster himself but she punched him in the gut. Really, she was exaggerating now and reprimanded, 'Ruka!'
'That little guy is going back to the water and we're having steamed cabbage' she retorted firmly and glared at him as the smoke settled between them. She pushed the lobster's sanctuary pot aside and snapped resolutely, 'One more word and I'm throwing you in the water. Let's see how you like the role reversal.'
His eyes narrowed at her threat with a glare that would turn most into begging bundles and he ground out, 'I came for dinner and I am eating it.'
She crossed her arms and challenged him right back, 'Well, it's my house and I say we're eating cabbage. So either love it or leave it.'
"Well?" he asked impatiently when she didn't respond to his request. What was it now? He prayed she wouldn't cook an animal he'd never heard of and tried to keep any anxiousness clear off his face.
Ruka's face blanched at his request, scrambling up on all fours, and she blurted out in horrified exclamation, "You do plan to eat me, don't you?! You don't cut your hair with Senbonzakura, you eat people with it! How dare you turn little Rukia into a cannibal!"
"Ruka!" he reprimanded sharply, almost rethinking his entire childhood friendship with her at this point. Sometimes, he was almost sure she irked him like this on purpose. She slouched as she sat up, submitting to his order with a grumble under her breath.
"All right, I'll go" she mumbled weakly to his unwavering stare and scratched her head with an innocent grin. After five seconds, she looked away before he scrutinized her further and mumbled, "Anything to stay out of ninth. Man, they're boring to talk to except my captain. He's cool, even better than you."
He shot her another glare for the lack of respect and she massaged her neck to grin nervously, "Not that you're not cool, that is. You get respect as a noble anyway so yay for Kuchiki!"
She patted her pockets for who knows what while he didn't find the joke amusing and told him absentmindedly, "Hmm, I don't have fireworks to celebrate but I have an old sparkler in my bag if you want a mini praise of fire."
Byakuya was about to object but noticed purple bruising around her neck, similar to a hand print, and observed it carefully in silence as she babbled on. It most definitely wasn't a marking from training. Someone had assaulted the lieutenant. His friend. Ruka saw his growing dark stare and looked down at his target causing her to quickly cover her neck with her shikahusho to conceal it. This was not going to be a peppy conversation by the looks of it. Nervously, she started on another topic to draw him away but he cut in coldly, "Who touched you?"
"No one, I. . .um, I was training, simple as that" she stammered shyly but he grasped her arm suddenly to raise her black sleeve as she protested and observed it for similar prints. What was he now, her father? It was irksome when he became overprotective, then again, she would to if the same happened to him. She tried to yank her arm back but his grip was airtight and gave up the struggle when he tightened it even further.
"There's no bruising on your arms from training" he stated sharply and let her go for an explanation, eyeing her suspiciously to hear her say in this. She was going to tell him whether she liked it or not; he could be as persistent as she to get what he needed. She winced inwardly, biting her bottom lip worriedly when his voice asked tightly, "Who was it? The truth, Ruka."
"It's nothing, please don't worry-" she evaded to dismiss the whole thing but he wasn't dropping it. The years hadn't mellowed out his overprotection and she frowned as she realized he was cornering her. Was this how Rukia felt whenever she got hurt or messed up in a mission? She rather liked it when he got angry rather than have him give her that impassive mask which revealed nothing. Boy, the years sure changed people.
"If you don't tell me, I will take it up with Captain Komamura and your uncle" he pointed out crossly and she turned away from him stubbornly. Was she seriously trying to cover up for the person at fault? He closed his eyes for a second to give himself a moment of serenity to combat his friend's naivety on the situation. Firmly, he emphasized on every word to get through to her thick skull (for a smart woman, she sure could be an idiot) as she crossed her arms defiantly, "Ruka, someone hurt you and I'm sure anyone else who sees this will believe the same."
"I can take care of myself, Byakuya" she assured softly as having it go public was the last thing she wanted. When Byakuya Kuchiki told you he was outing your secret, an hour was the most he gave you to prepare. She wanted to settle the whole matter with her signature of revenge but knew her friend wouldn't drop the problem. It was to maintain the Seireitei's principles and their pride as nobility as any typical aristocrat was taught. Well, maybe him since she didn't care about her title by name.
"You've proven otherwise with that injury" he said frostily to knock her down a peg for protecting the attacker and she gazed at the floor meekly. Upsetting her wasn't part of his interrogation method but he wouldn't go soft on her just because she was his friend. Crossly, he questioned, "Was it someone from your new squad?"
"No" she mumbled under her breath and wringed her hands together nervously in her lap. Sometimes he could really be a stick in the mud.
"Why didn't you use your zanpakuto? Self-defense isn't against the law" he grilled to get to the bottom of it in case there was an offender loose in the Seireitei harassing women that needed to be taken care of swiftly. The other reason was to confront his friend's attacker. She'd always been too trusting of others since childhood and he was constantly there to bail her out. He wasn't trying to be a martyr over it but it was the truth, yet he never stopped doing it. Call him crazy but he stuck by to every mess she got into. He crossed his arms with that fearsome captain's air about him and asked quietly, "Did they catch you off-guard or did you allow them to do this?"
She sighed noncommittally, knowing she'd told her captain already and news would spread quickly for humiliation's sake, and confessed grudgingly between clenched teeth, "You're going to hear about it anyway so. . .Captain Kurotsuchi did it during an article pick-up for Hisagi's magazine and I may have provoked him. Keep this to yourself, okay?," her finger prodded his shoulder with no real threat behind it, "I mean it, buddy."
"Why?" Byakuya asked stiffly, not amused in the slightest by her antics for peace and would definitely pay a visit to the certain captain. The man was allowed to do just about anything in Soul Society without getting a fine or facing restrictions. He hated people that defied their laws more than anything. . .oh, and people that attacked his loved ones but still.
"Don't laugh or I will tear off your kenseikan" Ruka ordered sharply and stood up as pain prickled down her spine for the hundredth time. Man, she needed those painkillers real bad. She shifted her weight to one leg to postpone her suffering and felt tiny under his gaze even though she was the one towering over him at the moment. Embarrassingly, she glanced at the hardwood floor and admitted to him, "I told my captain that he kicked my ass. Literally. That's why I've been lying on the floor like a lazy animal since I came in."
She rubbed her backside with both hands and mumbled irritably, "You have a throw pillow I can use for the meeting?"
His lips thinned to her easygoing tone on her injury and she cringed when he stood up to snap at her like a parent scolding their unruly child, "He assaulted you, Ruka. You've never been one to pin the blame on anyone."
(118 years ago)
Byakuya had just finished his last class for the day and slung his pair of books over his shoulder with a witty grin as he held onto the leather strap. In a few months, he'd be a graduate of the Academy and be placed into the ranks of the court of pure souls. His spiritual energy alone guaranteed a spot and his name would allow him to rise as well. He hated it when Ruka scolded him that skill and strategy would allow him to succeed in battle, not political influence. She was right but he wouldn't admit it. He was a guy, guys didn't relent to girls.
As he descended the white steps of the academy, he spotted Ruka next to their after-school meeting spot in front of a large tree. The two would head to lunch before starting their extracurricular lessons (mostly on her part) and talk about what squad would suit them. Both wanted to be accepted in the same squad to remain in each other's company and he took it upon himself to watch over his meek friend. His slate colored eyes narrowed when he saw his little friend arguing with another male student wearing a smug grin. He knew the guy, they were pretty much the class bully in their year. As he approached, he could see that Ruka's arms were clutching a small cardboard cutout box towards her chest.
Damn, it must be about that stupid pet rock again, he thought tiredly about her newest quirk and restrained himself from sighing aloud. Why the hell does she keep bringing it? That's, like, the biggest 'hit me' target sign.
"Ruka, is something the matter?" he asked calmly even though he was irritated on the inside and her blue eyes lowered shyly to the grass.
"No, this jerk was just leaving" she muttered with a slight glare towards the taller student but he laughed mockingly to her passive way.
"I guess you Kyorakus are all the same: all talk, no action" he insulted rudely and she remained silent. Obviously, there was no way she could win in a fist fight and zanpakuto usage was banned outside of the academy walls.
"Why don't you take a hike before I hand your ass over to you on a silver platter?" Byakuya spoke coldly and placed himself between the two to guard his friend. Ruka's hand wrapped around his arm from behind worriedly but he stood tall as he smirked, "Kyorakus may be gentle and lazy by nature-" "Hey!" "-but Kuchikis sure as hell aren't and picking on girls just screams sissy all over the place. What's wrong? Too weak to take on someone your own height? Trying to compensate for something else?"
"You nobles are all the same, cocky" the guy sneered while Ruka tried to tug her friend away, not wanting to cause a scuffle on her part. Byakuya's lips only widened to stand up to the challenge and the blond bully frowned to his unrelenting posture. He threw a punch towards the dark haired teen as he threatened, "Boy, you're asking for it!"
Byakuya dodged with ease as he shoved Ruka to the side safely with his precise reflexes that almost knocked her down. She sighed exasperatedly to his stubbornness on retreating from anything when he grinned smugly to laugh, "No, I'm begging for it, who's gonna give it to me? You? So far, you can't land a single hit on me. At least you'll make good Hollow food on your first mission."
The guy growled angrily to the direct insult but before he could attack the other student, Ruka threw several rocks to land perfect blows to his face. It's not like the guy was gonna get any uglier anyway. Byakuya might've had cat-like reflexes but she held a perfect aim in all ranges. The other boy reeled back in surprise and pain to the attack which she took full advantage of to grab Byakuya by the sleeve and flash step the hell out of there.
"Ruka, I would've had the guy crying like a baby in two minutes!" he objected with an annoyed growl to her interruption as he ran besides her and shook his head. Here he comes to rescue her and she makes them flee the fight? Most girls would be cheering to have their honor upheld. He didn't get her sense of right and wrong sometimes. The bigger question was why she didn't tell him about it, best friends kept no secrets from each other. He threw her a glare for keeping him in the dark and snapped defensively, "Why didn't you say anything during lunch break?"
"I didn't want you in trouble and this pet rock's brought nothing but misery!" she mumbled scornfully and glared at her little red box containing a gray rock. Seriously, didn't her uncle know how embarrassing this was and the bruising it did to her self-esteem among her peers? Of course not, he told her to take it to take it to school and it would bring her new friends. If she was more outspoken, she would've told him to pick up a parenting book but no, she'd stick to bringing the rock as a tagalong of endless humiliation. Byakuya was easily the most popular guy in school with his background that hooked the best of friends and good looks that girls trailed after while Ruka had to fight through crowds at lunchtime just to swap notes. Frankly, she remained surprised that he kept their friendship close despite their different runs in crowds but was touched by it. She really hoped he wouldn't screw it up by becoming cocky (even more so) or turn into a jerk; happy people were more her kind. Her fingers dangled the box to wave it in front of his face and she exclaimed tiredly, "I'd rather lose the stupid rock than risk either of us being suspended so close to graduation."
"That's only if you get caught" he pointed out haughtily with a cheeky grin and snorted with disappointment to the rule abiding Ruka. His hand patted her back as he jumped over a few rocks in his path and told her, "You have to learn."
"Oh, like using a binding spell at the start of class and letting a guy break his face down the stairs was so invisibly crafty?" she argued smugly to an incident of a week ago and smacked his shoulder playfully to deflate his ego a bit.
"He took my seat, I couldn't let the Kuchiki honor be tarnished!" he shot back matter-of-factly to justify his actions and she shook her head to his hotheadedness. Byakuya switched the blame game from him back to her and tried to keep his voice uncaring as he pointed out, "I won't be there forever to fight your battles, Ruka."
"I didn't ask you to. . .but thank you, Byaku" she smiled appreciatively and gave his ponytail a gentle yank as his face dropped to the given nickname.
(End)
"He's a captain" she mumbled out pathetically and pointed to her zanpakuto in emphasis. Like she'd really stand a chance against Kurotsuchi. Bluntly, she reasoned, "There's no way mine would ever defeat his and with my skills, I'd need to use it. With my luck, I'd be poisoned before I make the first strike. Besides, Kyoraku's aren't snitches or violent towards others."
"Says the woman who threw me down the stairs a week after I brought Rukia to live at the Kuchiki estate" he stated flatly as his eyes narrowed heatedly and she gave him a goofy grin for the reminder. The strike to his dignity and the painful bump he'd gotten on the back of his head sure wasn't funny either. Why couldn't she stay meek like long ago instead of this sarcastic go-getter?
"I was teaching her indoor soccer, it's not my fault you walked right into the ball and fell down the stairway- at least you didn't land on your head" she justified innocently with a sweet smile (which he didn't buy for a millisecond) as she tried to sway the topic of her bruises away. He wasn't biting that baiteither.
Byakuya shook his head to her careless behavior and gave her the most serious stare he could muster, worse than his 'touch my Senbonzakura and die', before stating clearly, "I have never approved of your association with that man but out of respect for you-"
"Aw, so you do respect me" she cooed excitedly and tried to pinch his cheek, only to be swatted away like a bothersome fly. Why couldn't he break from that icy fortress of his and join in her banter? She'd been his sidekick ages ago but now she got squat when she wanted to use him as hers. Woe was her humorous life without a Kuchiki to play scapegoat with.
"Out of respect, I accepted it, but no captain should lay a hand on an unarmed woman" he finished tersely and she pouted to the lectures that never ceased when she was in his company. She stared blankly at him as he kept talking and swore he had to have a handy book somewhere filled with lectures written just for her. Byakuya snapped his fingers before her eyes as he saw the glazed look overcoming her attention and she straightened instantly as he berated, "He could've sent you away by summoning his lieutenant, he shouldn't have laid a hand on you. You cannot trust everyone and expect them to return that honor, especially when everybody knows a man like Kurotsuchi is not to be trifled with."
"I didn't know he'd overreact, I'm also at fault-"
"Stop covering over the mistakes of others, anybody who hurts you like this shouldn't be protected" he ordered sharply with a no nonsense tone and she nodded quietly to obey the captain. Best friend or not, he was still her superior in the workplace and his word held higher authority than hers. His fingers went over the purple bruising and she winced to the sensitivity of her skin which allowed him to score another point by saying, "An injury like this would've caused asphyxiation and possibly broken cartilage or bone inside your throat, it is no laughing matter. You should not meet that man in any setting unless another captain or lieutenant is present. Your dealings with shady people worry me sometimes, Ruka. I don't want to find you dead over an incident that could've been prevented."
She gazed at the ground like a scolded child but saw the whole point in his words: She'd acted like a naïve idiot who should've sought help. Leave it to Byakuya to make you feel incapable of looking after yourself. Still, his last honest words reminded her that he was only looking out for her best intentions to keep her on the right path. . .and alive with all of her limbs. That was pretty sweet and she'd take it as a sign that she meant something. It felt nice to matter to somebody rather than be a convenience. She shuffled her feet uncomfortably and murmured glumly, "I'm not a helpless baby, Byakuya, and I'm not easy to kill either. If I was, I would've been dead long ago with half the stunts I pull off. Just. . .trust me on this, okay? That's all I ask."
Byakuya took his hand away to cross his arms impassively and knew he was somehow going to regret his choice, "Fine, but it doesn't mean I have to like it."
Two hours later, Ruka presented her next piece of calligraphy to her friend after packing up her belongings and he mulled it over as she tapped her foot impatiently. Her eyebrow twitched as she saw him pick at every stroke, alignment, color depth, and was about to yell it wasn't made to be a masterpiece when he spoke,
"Acceptable."
"Damn right it is, picky Byki" she remarked proudly and yanked her paper back from his grip, tearing it completely in half. Her mouth slacked in shock as she saw the two torn pieces of paper and she accused him instantly, "You did it on purpose! You hate it when I don't make you look good!"
"Your patience needs work, Kyoraku" he said simply as her fit didn't rile him one bit and gave her the other half without another look. He suspected that she wanted an apology but it was her own hasty action that tore the paper so there would be none. She glared at him despite her short height and he pointed to the door to suggest coolly, "You may leave."
She pressed her two torn pieces together, wishing they would stick miraculously and sulked for her ruined work. There went two hours she wouldn't get back. Her friend passed by without so much as a sorry or 'it's okay' and she was ready to kick him right in the ass before the whole class as an audience when he stated quietly, "And a clan head must always look good."
"I knew it!" she exclaimed loudly about their constant competition of supremacy (though both knew he beat her by a long shot the size of the Seireitei itself) and all the other members inside the room stared at her in alarm to her outburst. Okay, now they probably thought she was crazy. . .even more so. Meekly, she searched their faces for recognition to what had transpired and asked weakly, "You heard him, right?"
Retsu tilted her head to the side, giving Ruka one of her 'there, there' smiles and asked kindly, "Heard what, dear?"
She groaned at having the once in a lifetime admission kept between them only and came close to pulling her hair out to match her paper. Why was he so crafty?! Her blue eyes glared at Byakuya's turned back and she stomped off towards the door as she grumbled miserably under her breath, "It's not fair. He's the good one and I'm the bad seed."
The door to the clubhouse opened and Yachiru bounded in curiously with a smile on her face as she dodged Ruka, stepping on her feet accidentally as she zeroed in on her main target. The brunette dropped her papers to massage her throbbing toes as tears stung her eyes- for a short kid, Yachiru sure could break bones. Byakuya's fists clenched at the new arrival's intrusion and Ruka winced inwardly as she hopped around on one foot, hoping he wouldn't use his bankai on them for causing him grief. She just knew that whole coffee incident wasn't over. Byakuya Kuchiki never forgot a person who humiliated him; she should know, she's been on that list plenty of times. The pink-haired girl bounded up to Byakuya with a carefree grin despite the apparent annoyance on his face as he walked around the room to avoid her. Ruka gave his escape attempt twenty seconds before it backfired but Yachiru crossed the distance in ten and yanked on his hakama to grin happily, "You have any sweets, Byakushi?"
The captain pulled out a brown box from his sleeve and gave it to her without any explanation. Yachiru opened it eagerly to see what Byakushi had given her and cried out when she saw what was inside. Not that dreaded thing. Her hand held it at arm's length as she exclaimed with offense, "No! I don't want that thing! It's weird!"
She gave him back the box hastily with a disappointed frown, leaving the house as quickly as she'd come in. . .stomping over Ruka's other foot on her way out. The brunette could only muffle a whimper as to why life was treating her awful this week and slumped against the wall to soothe her other foot this time. Byakuya's eyebrow rose as he saw her rubbing her sandaled foot like a toddler would and sauntered over to see what little Yachiru had caused. Byakuya couldn't help but find a sordid satisfaction from seeing the duo separated and one of them hurt from another's exit.
Instead of inquiring with a friendly tone, he sighed to flatly remark, "You're not even out of this house and already, you've been injured."
"Thank you for your obvious kind words to my condition, your majesty" she shot back sarcastically and released her foot to try walking over the floor. Pain tingled in her toes but she'd ice them a little before heading to bed. . .oh damn, she had to go to dinner first. His face broke into a small frown which she relished in causing but her mind also wondered what had stopped the candy-addicted child in her tracks. Nothing and nobody stopped that little bulldozer. Impishly, she snuck over to peek at the box but her curiosity got the better of her and she grabbed his hand to pull it away to analyze its contents. Byakuya let her indulge (in hopes that maybe it would repel her too) to his creation and she stared puzzlingly at. . .well, she didn't really know how to describe the caricature-looking taiyaki.
Bursting into laughter, she laughed even harder when he scowled at her reaction to his personal creation and lowered her guffaws to not disturb the class. Whoopsie, not very polite of her. Ruka stared between her friend and the box, begging the question amusingly, "What is this?"
"I call it the Seaweed Ambassador" he pointed out stiffly to protect his artistic pride and yanked it out of her hand before she could make another grab for it. He tucked it away into his sleeve as she muffled another laugh behind her hands and restrained himself from sighing at her childish tomfoolery. Blandly, he stated uncaringly, "Apparently, Kusajishi will never like it which is. . .good."
"I think it's cute and hey, it's food- can't beat that" she giggled innocently but she wouldn't have minded eating the thing. Food was food and if the creation was delicious, she'd turn it into stomach acid. Was her friend trying to start an eatery business? She could never tell with that extreme poker face of his. On the other hand, she couldn't disregard the style of his work and grinned cockily to fake an airy sigh, "You may have beautiful handwriting but your artist's hand isn't at my level. Who knew your artistic creations would remain stuck at prepubescent cartoon levels while mine surpass-"
"Scatter-"
"No!" Ruka ran off without another word and the stoic captain simply returned to his work as Renji raised his hand to finally be listened to after ten minutes. Byakuya decided to take that little victory onto his scoreboard once again. With perfectly executed precision, he'd killed two birds with one stone; a Kuchiki never failed, after all.
Shinigami Extras:
Rangiku squealed like teen schoolgirl and grabbed Ruka into a tight hug to cheer, "You joined my club!"
"Well, Sajin did ban me from partying but not a club" she replied with a muffled voice from within her friend's bosom. Really, those airbags were liable to asphyxiate somebody one day. Her arms flailed wildly for desperate release as she cried out from between her breasts, "Ran, I can't breathe!"
She let her go with a playful pout on her face and sighed, "You're almost as bad as the captain: 'Matsumoto, stop hugging me, 'Matsumoto, don't leave your sake here', 'Matsumoto, don't give random people my address', 'Matsumoto, don't paint my nails', 'Matsumoto, cover yourself', and on and on."
. . ."So what're you teaching today?"
The blond smiled brightly at the brunette's question and placed her finger in the air to declare with a proud grin that Ruka was instantly wary of, "A dancing technique that has become quite popular in the world of the living."
Ruka leaned forward in anticipation and her friend replied giddily with a clap of her hands, "Pole dancing."
The brunette blanched to the horrendous idea and she shrieked, "What?! Why would I want to learn a thing like that?!"
"To show off your body as a work of art" she shrugged casually with a perky smile that had Ruka deadpanning and pointed to a few metal poles already installed inside the clubhouse. Ruka turned red at what she would do on such a metal contraption and Rangiku assured with a simple wave of her hand, "You'll do fine and I'm sure someone will enjoy the dance you learn."
"I'm not going to show anyone!" Ruka exclaimed shrilly, embarrassed to actually having to this. . .this. . .ugh, she couldn't find an indecent enough word. She shook her head to refuse partaking in this meeting and groaned helplessly, "Oh man, I picked the wrong day to join. Isn't there another dance you can do?"
"No, I have it all planned out" her friend replied chirpily as nothing was considered extreme to her and squeezed the grumpy woman again. It did nothing to lighten her mood and Rangiku scoffed to her conservative nature, patting her cheek to gush, "Oh, you'll look adorable since you're short."
"Thanks, Ran" she muttered dryly and regretfully surrendered to the humiliation she would face.
Half an hour later, Ruka stood before the pole and glared as if it were her greatest enemy; even greater than a Hollow. She had opted to do one of Rangiku's instructed movements but lazily and could only stare in dismay as her friend performed each like a limber cat. No wonder she was the most popular, she had the looks and everything that swooned men and sometimes women to their feet. Ruka hadn't been able to enlist Nanao to go with her, who'd absolutely refused flat out, and could only sulk alone like a wet kitten.
"What's wrong, Lieutenant Kyoraku?" Nemu, the only person she recognized there, softly asked her from the left.
"What's wrong is that I'm draping myself over a pole for. . .well, I don't know what for but I don't like it!" the brunette ranted irritably and gripped her short hair in both her hands to release her frustration as the other woman stared blankly. Ruka was embarrassed enough to be wearing one of those stupid skintight spandex creations and hated the feeling of exposure. She looked at the pole disdainfully and growled out, "The last time I draped myself over anything- well, let's just say it's bedroom privacy and it should stay that way. Behavior like this should be outlawed in my view. . .oh heavens, you can see my curves! They weren't meant to be seen by the outside world! Why did old man Yamamoto allow such a club to form?!"
She panted as she pulled on the black fabric over her stomach in hopes of stretching it out to become baggy but got squat. This wasn't fair! Craving to kick the pole, she knew Rangiku would make her pay it. . .plus the fact that her foot would probably break was also a heavy no-no. Instead, she took the peaceful road of zen and asked Nemu, "How the heck are you so flexible?"
"I was designed to have a fighter's body, meaning flexibility and agility along with other traits to survive in the battle field" she replied calmly and Ruka could only blink at her eerily calm. Wow, she must've made Kurotsuchi proud with her easygoing nature instead of rampaging around with his attitude.
"You're so quiet and composed, a trait Mayuri had in his earlier years" the older woman smiled genially and wiped sweat from her eyebrow since all of the movements in this dance actually took out good energy from you. Her lips turned down into a frown as she ground out blandly, "He's only become worse from what I've seen but I'm sure he treats you okay."
"You could say, he is a rather strict individual" Nemu hesitated lightly on the topic and the other's eyebrow raised. Was quiet little Nemu hiding something? Her interest peaked when the lieutenant added in, "Nobody is perfect but he is my creator."
Ruka smiled wryly and shook her head to chuckle, "He's made it worse with the makeup. He once grabbed a boiling beaker from my station to empty, I screwed up apparently under his scrutiny, and he didn't wince at all. Years later and I still can't do that without screaming bloody murder."
"You knew him well?" she asked curiously to satisfy that itch that's been brewing in the back of her mind and the brunette grinned at finally getting a reaction besides calmness. Both were practically psychoanalyzing the other but none was the wiser.
"About seven years I'd say" Ruka responded easily with a satisfied nod since she had enjoyed her time there. Well, her time before she dumped Kurotsuchi and left to join the thirteenth squad with Byakuya. She leaned against the pole to state with a smile, "Worked as one of his assistants. I left the twelfth division while he trained to become captain and rarely saw him afterwards. Only once I believe."
Rangiku stepped in between the chatting women and pointed to the metal poles to order, "Get going, ladies. No time for chitchats."
Ruka groaned loudly and grabbed her friend by the arms to plead, "C'mon, Rangiku, I'm going to ruin my spine every time I fall and Kurotsuchi already knocked out half of my tailbone!"
Her friend burst into laughter like her friends had done earlier (she was getting tired of telling everyone only to get laughed at) and Nemu allowed a smile to crack on her face. The blond guffawed loudly as she held her sides and her blue eyes sparkled as she asked slyly, "He kicked you? That is it, right? It wasn't a late night fetish nookie gone-"
"Rangiku!" Ruka cut in before everyone in the room heard her and Nemu blushed at the lieutenant's words. Nobody needed to learn or even fathom that she'd been romantically linked to the man and only Nanao, Rukia, and Sajin would really know. Narrowing her sapphire eyes, she scoffed to bluntly scold, "Who knew you and Nanao had the same perversity. Look, can we just drop it and let me take off early? I already did three of those loop around thingies and landed on my ass- that's when I call it quits. There's no such thing as 'third time's the charm' for me."
Rangiku let out a long dramatic sigh but knew she couldn't keep the temperamental woman any longer in something she didn't want to do and muttered reluctantly, "Fine, but only because you look so cute in that little outfit."
"I'm killing the creator of spandex" Ruka grumbled about being anything remotely cute and grabbed her things off the floor. Upholding the last strings of her remaining dignity, she nodded stiffly to the women in goodbye, "Lieutenants."
A/N: Okay, a longer chapter for this monthly update since I have other projects I'm working on and the shinigami extra was actually part of the chapter but it was kinda short so I sliced it into the extra instead. The chapter seemed packed enough already so yeah. A thank you to everyone who's put me on their alert list and a response to my last reviewers:
-Getsurenka: I'm glad my humor's tickling you, that's what I'm aiming for with Ruka's character. I know how you feel about lectures, I can hardly stay awake sometimes in boring three hour lectures.
-Kira michi: I try to update as soon as I can but I tend to write long chapter fiction so my other stories take up a lot of time, especially one I'm writing on a movie called District 9 (the fans squeeze me for it) but don't worry, I'll always update this story. The story's getting off, finally, as Ruka begins her assignments of visiting every squad but I'm still not sure which team to root for, RukaxMayuri or RukaxByakuya. Maybe the readers can help me!