If it hadn't been the need for air, he would never have ended the kiss. Touching her, holding her, kissing her made it real and he desperately wanted to hold on to that feeling. He had gone so long without it, had spent so many days fighting the fear of never being able to call her 'his' Ginny, that he was afraid he would wake up any moment and realize that he had been dreaming about her yet again.

"It's real right…" he asked trying to slow down his breathing enough to voice his thoughts.

Her eyes were still closed and he thought she looked breathtaking as her face lit up with that beautiful misty smile he loved.

He cupped her face in his hands, planted a soft kiss on her forehead and whispered, "Thank you…Gin…I…"

"Shush…" she placed her finger on his lips and whispered, "I love you." His heart fluttered, he had waited for months to hear her say 'I love you' again and no matter how many times she said it now, he knew he would never get tired of hearing those magical words.

He made himself more comfortable on the floor and pulled her on his lap. "I love you too…" He breathed burying his face in her hair. He knew they needed to talk and he wasn't naïve enough to believe that things would be easy, he was still extremely insecure and it would take a lot of time and effort to make her trust him the way she used to, but for now he was happy… happier than he had been in the entire year.

Filling his senses with her strawberry and vanilla scent, feeling the softness of her hair under his fingers and the smoothness of her skin beneath his lips, he felt like he was home again.

"Harry…" she whispered softly, running her fingers through his messy hair, "what now? where do we go from here?"

"Wherever you want Gin…I want to make this work…I'll do anything…" he replied between pressing feather light kisses on her neck.

"I want you to do a little less kissing and a little more talking for starters…" she chuckled.

"Yeah…sorry" He grinned sheepishly, lifting his face up to meet her soft brown eyes, "It's just been so long…couldn't stop myself."

She smiled back, but he realized it didn't reach her eyes. "Gin, did I do something wrong?"

"You are sure about this….right?" She asked looking at his face searchingly.

His heart clenched painfully as he saw that dreaded shadow of apprehension cloud her eyes again. He pulled her closer as if afraid she'd change her mind and put the distance he hated back between them. "Never been surer of anything else in my life Gin…I want this to work…I want us to work…"

"I want us to work too Harry, but the last year was awful, do you think we can put it past us? I mean it's not going to be easy…" It was apparent from her tone that she was fighting an internal battle between what she wanted and what she feared.

"Gin, it's because of last year that I am sure we can put it behind us…" he spoke softly, curling a strand of her hair around his finger, "I was miserable…I hated what I had become without you and I don't want to go through another day of that misery ever again…"

"Ginny!!!Are you there?" He almost jumped out of his skin on hearing Hermione's voice.

"It's the floo; I got the fireplace installed last night." Ginny replied with a slight smile as she got up from his lap to answer Hermione's call.

"Hi! Hermione."

"You are alone right?" He heard Hermione say from the other end.

"No…umm, Harry is here…" she answered softly.

"Harry?" Hermione asked her voice dropping to mere a whisper, he couldn't hear the words that followed apart from 'Jacob' and 'talk'. His heart plummeted to his stomach as he wondered why Hermione was whispering about the git.

"He came here just as Jacob was leaving…we were umm talking…" Ginny didn't bother to lower her volume as she answered.

"You are okay, right?" The concern in his best friend's voice sent a jolt of irrational anger through him. Why did she think Ginny wouldn't be okay if he had dropped in? But before he could dwell on his feelings of resentment towards Hermione, he heard Ginny's answer and it made him feel childishly vindicated.

"Yeah…I'll talk to you tomorrow okay, he's waiting…"

"Lunch? I want to talk to you." He knew that tone, it was the one Hermione used when she had made up her mind not to take no for an answer.

"Yeah…Lunch, promise. Bye." He couldn't see her face, but he could make out that she had said the last part with a smile. He wondered nervously about how their lunch conversation would go...would Hermione be okay with Ginny's decision to give him another chance…did she think Jacob was better for Ginny?

"Sorry…that was Hermione's standard evening call…" Ginny interrupted his reverie as she plonked herself on the couch and patted the place next to her, "come up here…my bum's aching from sitting on the floor."

He wanted to ask her about Jacob, but he didn't know how to start. He wasn't sure how she'd react and he didn't want to make her angry, but then he also knew that he wasn't going to get a moment's peace until he got his answers.

"Umm Gin..." he began nervously as he joined her on the couch, "I wanted to ask you about Jacob…"

"What about Jacob?" She asked evenly.

"Why was he here? You said it wasn't serious, but then you don't just call someone you are dating casually to your apartment at night…right?" He knew it didn't come out right. It had sounded much better in his mind, but the words were already out and it was too late to take them back.

Her reaction was just what he had expected. "What are you trying to say Harry? That I am stringing you along while I am having a torrid affair with Jacob?" She asked jerking away from him, her eyes flashing with anger.

"No…no! Sorry I didn't mean it like that…" He panicked, "Damn! I am sorry…I don't know why I fuck up every time…it's just that I saw your picture with him in Witch's weekly and I was scared…" he was babbling, he knew that, but he just couldn't get the words right, "I am sorry, but you have no idea how I have spent the last year in constant fear…"

"Say that one more time and I'll hex you into next week Potter!"

To say he was completely taken aback and flummoxed by her angry retort would have been an understatement. He racked his brain to figure out just what he had said that had sparked of this reaction, but got nothing. So, he just stared at her with panic and confusion written all over his face.

"I have no idea? I have no idea how it felt?" She poked his chest angrily, "I was the one who was dumped remember? The second time!!! So, I felt worse and more miserable than you did!"

She glared at him challenging him to contradict her and he just sat there like a dumb idiot he thought. If he had felt guilty earlier he had no words to describe what he was feeling now.

"Sorry…" he mumbled staring at the floor. He didn't have the courage to meet her eyes. He had acted like selfish prick, he had been so blinded by his own misery that all that he had thought about was how awful he was feeling, how lonely he was without her, how much he feared losing her…he had felt guilty about hurting her but had never realized that she was probably more heartbroken than he was.

They sat quietly for several minutes. He continued to stare at the floor, lost in his own thoughts of self loathing, but he was conscious of her taking deep breaths to calm herself. He didn't dare to speak, for all he knew she'd throw him out if he as much opened his mouth again.

With a sigh she broke the silence, "I guess I can't blame you completely…I haven't really spoken to you about last year and I know I haven't been as obvious as you have been."

Ginny had always been a little unpredictable, but he had never felt so confused around her. In the space of an hour she had gone from angry to loving, vulnerable, angry again and then surprisingly forgiving! He didn't deserve the last part, he knew that, but he couldn't help being thankful for it.

She rubbed her temples lightly and continued in the same calm voice, "We have a lot of issues to sort out I guess. Are you sure you are up to it? I have changed a lot in the last year and living with me will probably not be easy. ?Are you sure want it Harry? Because if you are not, tell me now…I really don't want to go through a painful break up again."

Even though he knew that he didn't deserve her trust just yet after everything he had done, her apprehension still hurt. He figured he didn't really have a choice other than trying harder to make her see that he really was serious about their relationship.

"I know we have issues Gin…I know it's not going to be easy. Perhaps you have changed, but you are still Ginny right? You are still my Gin…the fiery, brave, passionate, loyal, loving woman I fell in love with. You may not trust me like you used to, but I am willing to spend the rest of my life working to earn it back if that's how long it takes. I love you Gin, I'll to do whatever it takes to make it work because I don't want a life without you in it baby…it doesn't work for me…" He finished barely able to control the tremor in his voice.

"Doesn't work for me either…" she said softly taking his hand in hers.

With a sigh of relief he entwined his fingers with hers. "So, where do we start from?"

"We've never really talked about last year…I mean you've told me a bit, but I haven't really told you anything about myself, unless we know how it was for both us, it'll be hard to put it behind and move on, right?"

"Hmmm…yeah…you sure you want to talk about it?" He asked tentatively.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I still have a lot of resentment and anger, unless you know about it, you won't be able to understand me or my reactions for that matter and I need to know about you…you've changed in a lot of ways too…"

They didn't speak for a few minutes, he was trying to collect his thoughts and he figured she was doing the same thing.

"You want to know about Jacob first?" She asked softly, finally breaking the silence.

He nodded, "If it's okay with you."

She pulled her hand away from him gently, he didn't try to stop her; he knew she had a habit of cocooning herself in her personal space when she had to discuss something that was likely to disturb her emotionally.

"I have known Jacob for sometime," she began, "I met him for the first time at Quiddich party a few months back and we bumped into each other several times after that, their training ground is near ours. He had asked me out a few times before we left for Spain but something or the other always came up, so we didn't really get around to dating. You remember you came to see me before I left for Spain right?"

He nodded mutely wondering why she had suddenly switched from Jacob to him.

"You know you looked so sincere and heartbroken that it almost killed me to turn you away. A part of me wanted to forgive, forget and believe everything you told me, but I was scared. You hurt me a lot Harry…I didn't want to set myself up for another round of heartbreak. I told myself you were only trying to get back because you were lonely and you'd get over it in a while. Anyway, I told you I couldn't offer you anything more than friendship, but I couldn't forget the look on your face when you said you weren't giving up. I wanted to focus on my game and all I could think about was you, to top it all you kept sending me those sappy owls and I didn't know what to do. That's when Jacob asked me out again." She paused biting her lower lip as if contemplating what to say next.

He sat there quietly not knowing what to think, he had an idea where she was heading and he wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or even more jealous.

Just as suddenly she had stopped speaking, she started again. "He's a wonderful person…he made me laugh… he is good looking … we could talk about Quiddich for hours and I realized that spending time with him helped me distract myself from thinking about you. I know it was wrong, I wasn't being fair to either him, myself or you, but I needed comfort then, I needed a distraction and he provided it. I thought I was doing fine, I didn't really have a relationship with him, it was more like friends with benefits and I was okay with that, but then you appeared in Spain and turned my life upside down yet again!" She exhaled audibly as she finished, pulled her knees close to her chest and stared at her feet quietly. He didn't know if she expected him to say something, but he spoke anyway.

"Ron told me you were seeing this Quiddich bloke and I had to come…I was scared I was going to lose you, not that I had you then, but the thought of you actually seeing someone who wasn't me was more than I could bear…"

She shook her head a little in response, but didn't look up to meet his gaze. "I knew you were lying about the meeting. When I saw you standing outside the dressing room for an instant I was so happy and then I realized I shouldn't be; I was trying to get over you! I wanted to tell you to go back and leave me alone, but you looked so miserable…I couldn't. The way you looked at me, brought back so many happy memories, it hurt. I mean here I thought I was doing okay, but one look at you and I was back to square one. I was really confused after you left. I told myself you wouldn't try so hard if it were just a phase… I knew you weren't lying to me when you said you loved me, but then I realized you had said the same things after the war too and despite that you broke up with me. So, I didn't know whether I should trust you… "

"Are you changing your mind about me again?" He asked barely holding back the panic and fear in his voice.

"No…" she replied with a small smile, "but you might, after you hear everything."

He shook his head vigorously, "trust me, that's never going to happen."

She merely shrugged in response and continued, "So, getting back to Jacob, I decided I'd go to the party show my face, tell Jacob I wasn't feeling well and return to the hotel. But, my plans don't always work…so the next thing I know, I have Jacob asking me if I'd consider going out with him…like you know a girlfriend and I didn't know what to say! So, I asked him for time and well that's why he was here, I told him I spent so much time with him in Spain because I wanted to get over my ex and it wouldn't be fair to him if I got into a relationship while I was still so hung up on someone else."

"And he was okay with that?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah, I told you he's a great person, I was honest to him and he was quite sweet about it, even though I know I didn't deserve him being so nice to me. Anyways, we parted on good terms and have decided to stay friends."

He didn't know what to say to her. He wasn't happy that she had decided to stay friends with Jacob; he was angry and jealous because she said that twat helped her forget him even if it was for a while and the worst thing was he had this uncomfortable feeling that she still wasn't sure about him.

"Are you still confused about us?" He voiced his thoughts finally, trying hard not to sound as anxious as he was feeling.

"No…I have figured getting over you is a lost cause for me and trust me I've tried really hard!"

"Gin, you know you sound more resigned than happy about taking me back." He said quietly. It took a lot of effort on his part to say that, but he had to be sure, he didn't want her to make any decision that she wasn't happy about…he had hurt her enough already.

She looked up to meet his eyes and to his relief there was no sign of doubt or apprehension in them. "No, it's not that. I love you and I believe you when you say that you love me, but as I told you the anger and resentment will take a while to go. I don't blame you completely, a lot decisions I took after the break up were out of my own weakness, though I can't deny the fact that what you did hurt a lot…"

He wondered what decisions she was talking about. She had shut out almost everyone apart from Hermione after their break up, so he didn't know what she had done in those six months before she decided to let him back into her life. She didn't wait for him to ask though.

"You know I went for the Quiddich tour after we broke up right? It helped in a way because I didn't have to be at a place that reminded me of you…helped me think. I mean I was still angry with you for breaking up with me but I realized that I had made a lot of mistakes too. I really took you for granted, ignored you, acted like a self-centered prat, so I figured maybe if I went back and tried to sort things out, we could give it another shot. But then your pictures with that auror you dated started appearing in Daily Prophet with amazing regularity and I felt as if I had been living a lie for two years. It hurt so much to think that while I like a fool was killing myself with guilt thinking that I had hurt you, you were probably happily making out with her. I completely lost it for a while, I remember I used to call Hermione over the floo regularly and bawl my eyes out…it was so not like me. I hate crying and I was doing it everyday…I felt like such a weak and pathetic little girl, wallowing in self pity and misery because her boyfriend dumped her and was dating someone else…it was awful… I couldn't stand what I had become…."

She took a deep breath, pursed her lips and stared at her nails; he figured she was trying to sort out what to say next.

"I am sorry Gin…" he mumbled hoarsely.

She didn't look up, pretending she hadn't heard him. "My game suffered, I could hardly play…" her voice cracked as she began talking again, "I was always distracted and tired…wasn't sleeping well and constantly got into arguments with my teammates. Now that I look back I realize that I had become this unbearable and cynical bitch, whom no one wanted to talk to. So, finally Gweong told me that she'd throw me out if I didn't get my act together. I was told to pack my bags, take a week's break and come back only if I was ready to play again. I felt so humiliated, I had hit rock bottom you know... life just wasn't working out for me. I had lost you, I was about to lose my career, I couldn't seek comfort in my family… I didn't know what to do. I could have spoken to Hermione or Neville, but I didn't want to. It was one of those phases, when you feel so disgusted with yourself that you don't want anyone to see you like that. So, I packed my bags, but didn't come back home."

"Where did you go?" He asked his voice trembling with supressed anger.

"I checked into a nearby hotel. I wasn't thinking rationally then…I wasn't thinking at all…" she answered shaking her head, she had given up the pretense of sounding calm and he could feel the anguish in her voice as she spoke. "Anyway that night I went to this muggle pub ….I don't know how much I drank because the last thing I remember was making out with this strange bloke I had never met in a seedy hotel room. I was drunk, I knew what was happening, I also knew it wasn't right but a part of me wanted it because I wanted to feel something apart from self loathing and hurt. I know it was stupid decesion to get drunk and check into a hotel room with a guy I barely knew...I mean I should have known that you can't expect a sloshed bloke you have been making out with in damned hotel room to stop when you tell him to. I tried to though, when he started hurting me, but I was too drunk to form a coherent sentence leave alone make him listen to me or even push him away…so I just gave up and let him do whatever her wanted…I don't remember when I passed out…" she clenched her fists, took a deep calming breath and continued, "The next morning I found myself lying naked and alone…I was terrified and disgusted with what I had done…I got dressed and ran…you know I don't even know his name or remember clearly what he looked like… I spent hours trying to scrub the feel of his skin off me…it wouldn't go…"

Her words hit him like bludgers, he felt bile rise up in his throat, almost choking him. His head started spinning as his mind filled with images of a nameless faceless bloke attacking Ginny's body. He wanted to banish those images, but they only became more detailed and vivid, he felt ashamed of himself for thinking of her that way, but the harder he tried to push the images away, the more intense they became. He felt suffocated and dizzy…he couldn't breathe; he wanted to scream and hit something, anything that could help him release the rage he felt inside. But he sat there staring at her as if he was paralyzed. He had hated himself several times in his life, but what he felt right now was beyond hatred…it was pure unadulterated revulsion.

She was still staring at her toes, oblivious to the effect of her words on him. "That day I decided I needed to get my life back on track… "She started speaking again but in a voice so low it was is she was talking to herself,

"I couldn't go on living like this….I couldn't go back home or to even to Ron and Hermione's place, because then I'd have to tell them why I had been sent back in the middle of the tour, Luna was traveling with her father, so I called Neville. I stayed at his place for a week, he was the one who called Hermione. She told Ron that she was going to her parents' and came to stay with me at Neville's. Anyway, so the two of them helped me restore some amount of my sanity…I went back focused on my game, practiced till I was too tired to think about you. For a while I even tried to hate you…but I couldn't…couldn't help missing you, so I tried to get over you by dating other people, but we know how well that worked…"

He had heard her words, they registered in some part of his brain, but he found himself unable to react. A part of him wanted to hold her, protect her and never let her go and the other part wanted to run away because he felt too ashamed to face her. It was the latter part that won.

"I…I need to use the washroom…" he heard himself say.

His voice jolted her out of her reverie… "Are you okay?" She asked startled.

"I…I…need to go Gin…washroom…"

"Yeah…it's right next to the fireplace…"

He didn't know how he managed to take those few steps. His brain registered her calling out to him, but he slammed the door shut and collapsed on the floor, he felt cold sweat and hot painful tears running down his face as he emptied the contents of his stomach in the toilet.

"Harry…are you okay?" He heard her muffled voice.

"Yeah…yeah…give me a minute…" He replied trying hard control his trembling voice.

"You are not…Harry come out and talk to me…"

The concern in her voice triggered a fresh wave nausea, with a loud groan he turned to the toilet to throw up again.

"Alright…I am coming in…"

The next thing he registered was the soothing feeling of her warm hands stroking the back of his neck. "It's okay Harry…I am sorry…." She whispered sweetly.

"Merlin, Gin! I am sorry…I am so so sorry…." He sobbed as he turned to face her, "Can you ever forgive me for what I did?"

She kneeled down next to him and cupped his face in her hands. "I have forgiven you baby…I didn't tell you all that to blame you, I wanted you know, so that you could understand where I am coming from. You aren't responsible for my actions...the mistakes I made were my own, you didn't force me to act the way I did Harry. I love you…I want us to work and that's why I thought it's important for both of us to know about the past…"

He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her t-shirt, "I want us to work too Gin…" he cried, "I know I don't deserve you…but I want you Gin…so badly….I love you…I am sorry baby…I know it's not enough…."

"Harry…Harry…you are crying like a baby…come on….it's okay…we'll work it out…" She said gently as she rocked him back and forth.

He knew he was crying like a sissy idiot, he knew he should have been the one to comfort her instead of the other way round, he knew he had been a fool to put them both through so much misery, he knew he didn't deserve her, but most of all he knew then that come what may he was never ever going to let her go.

Okay, I had planned to cover a 2 month period and write a shorter conversation between Harry and Ginny, but when I sat down to write, I figured I couldn't shorten it. So now there will be two or perhaps 3 M chapters.

I'd love to hear what you guys have to say about it, good, bad, whatever! Also a request to the 40 odd readers who have added the story to their alert list, how about leaving a review guys? Good reviews motivate me and criticism (as long as you don't flame me) helps me improve…so do your bit please:)