A/N: Here we go! Beta by Iris and Anika :)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Kate didn't get home until eleven that night. For some reason Captain Gates was pushing her detectives to work on the case harder than usual. She had been breathing down the team's necks, hounding on them to chase down lead after lead.
Earlier in the evening, Kate sent a text to Castle, telling him to go ahead and have dinner with Arriana because she was still held up at work. He hadn't seemed happy about it, but there was nothing Kate could do about it.
Kate slid her key into the lock, opening the front door. The lights were off, but a beam of warm, yellow light shone from under the crack of Castle's study door. He must be writing.
Kate took off her shoes and hung her jacket, opting to head upstairs instead of facing her husband right away. Arriana would be asleep since it was already so late, but Kate quietly made her way to the bedroom anyway, checking on her little girl. Picking up Snuggles, which had fallen from the bed, Kate placed the soft toy beside Arriana's pillow.
She dropped a kiss onto her daughter's cheek, whispering "Sweet dreams" before she snuck out. Feeling slightly better, she made her way down to Castle's study. Kate knocked twice and opened the door.
"Hey, I'm back," Kate greeted.
Castle had been typing away on his computer, but he looked up to tell her, "Yeah, I heard you come in."
"I went to check on Arri," Kate said by way of explanation, still standing hesitantly under the doorway.
Castle saved his work and put away his laptop, standing as he wondered how they should do this: work things out.
More than anything, he wanted to talk to Kate and finish their earlier conversation, but she looked dead tired on her feet. He rubbed a hand wearily across his face.
"Have you eaten dinner? There's some leftover in the fridge. I could heat it up if you want to shower first," he offered.
Kate hadn't even noticed that she had skipped dinner, but now that Castle had mentioned it, she was beginning to feel a little hungry. And a shower before their conversation would be nice. Kate knew that she would be too physically and emotionally drained after their talk to want to shower.
"Sounds great. We'll talk after, okay?"
She passed him on her way to their bedroom, leaning over to give him a chaste kiss. Castle was hesitant at first, but he gave her a quick peck in return before leaving the study.
Half an hour later, they were putting away the last of the clean dishes. Not wanting to put it off any longer – it was looming overhead like an ominous dark cloud – Kate initiated the conversation.
"Alexis is coming over for dinner tomorrow."
"Oh." His answer was short and flat.
Kate knew she had to address the real issue here. She had a long way to go in apologizing.
"Castle, I'm sorry about… everything. I'm sorry I didn't come to you about the case sooner, and I'm sorry for not coming clean when you asked me if there was anything bothering me and… for trying to keep lunch with Alexis a secret."
"Kate, you can't do this." He gestured between them, continuing, "You can't just do things on your own and then apologize to make up for everything. It doesn't- Marriage doesn't work that way."
"I know," she said softly, sinking into the couch. The living room was still dark – they hadn't bothered to turn on the lights, and Kate pulled up her feet to tuck them underneath herself. The moon cast a pale, silvery glow on her face, highlighting half her features while leaving the other half in shadows.
It mirrored how Castle was currently viewing Kate. He could see the struggle and turmoil on the surface, but her actual thoughts and feelings were hidden deep in the shadows, blending all too easily with the dark.
He sat down beside her.
"So, what's really going on here?"
He waited patiently as the silence stretched, knowing Kate would begin talking when she was ready. At length, she began speaking softly.
"I saw a mother kill her own daughter, Rick. Karen Stone shot her own daughter."
Turning to look at him, she asked in a hollow voice, "What kind of mother would do that?"
The haunted black pits of sorrow in Kate's look floored Rick. He reached to gather her in his arms, pulling her into his lap as she continued talking.
"How could someone do that? After all the effort and energy she put in to raise her daughter, how could she shoot Bree to protect herself? I would die before hurting our girls, but she just- I can't- I didn't know- and I couldn't protect her-"
"Shhh, sshhh, it's all right Kate, it's all right. I'm here for you," he murmured, rocking Kate gently. The tough detective exterior disintegrated, leaving Kate – wife and mother – in his arms, breaking down in tears at last.
Finally, after her soft sobs had ceased and there was only the occasional hiccup or two, he began to talk.
"Kate, you can't protect everybody. What Karen Stone did was a terrible thing and no one could have anticipated that."
"But how could she do that to her own daughter? Her flesh and blood."
"We'll never understand how some people think, Kate. Lots of people do bad things everyday, but you won't be able to continue doing your job if you let them affect you."
"Compartmentalize, I know. Normally I can do that, but I don't know, Rick, this just hit a little too close to home for me. I mean, Bree was practically the same age as Alexis! They could have known each other or… or…" Kate broke off, aware that she was rambling.
"I just… I just keep thinking, if I was in her position, and it had been Alexis standing there asking me to give up, what would I do? Would I actually try to fight my way out of there? I know I didn't give birth to Alexis, but I just- I love her so much, Rick, and I wouldn't hurt her, right?"
"Of course you wouldn't, Kate. You're completely different from Karen Stone."
"I'm sorry for being such a mess," she apologized, wiping her face hurriedly, "I just- I'm normally not so emotional. I don't know what's up with my hormones the past few days."
"Hey, you're only human. You don't have to be the badass detective every moment of the day, you know." He dropped a kiss onto her temple, holding her tight.
Kate shifted her weight so she could lean against him comfortably. She clung to him, not too tightly, but not ready to let go either, just sitting there in silence.
"Kate, why didn't you come to me about this?" he asked softly.
Kate remained silent for a while, gathering her thoughts and choosing the right words.
"You have this light, Rick," she said, placing a hand on his chest, resting against his beating heart. "You see the good in people, you believe in second chances and magic, and I don't want to take that away from you. How could anyone still believe in all that when they've seen how ugly and evil humanity can be?"
"We've been working together how many years now? Kate, I know I don't act like it all the time, but I am an adult. I've seen the real world; I've been out there, Kate. I'm not disillusioned – I see all the ugly parts there is to life, but I also see the beauty in life."
He remained silent for a beat, letting his words sink in before he continued.
"And I choose to focus on the beauty – that's how I keep on believing even though sometimes it feels like there's no more hope. You don't have to try and protect me from that Kate. I'm… hurt," he admitted.
Kate tensed against him, but he continued talking because she needed to hear this.
"You hurt me, Kate, when you chose to keep this from me. I'm your husband and your partner; do you know how I feel? Knowing you were keeping something from me; that you didn't trust me to share it with me."
"It wasn't my intention to hurt you. I just didn't want you to see me like this."
"But you hurt me anyway when you kept me out, Kate. We're married now, for better or for worse, remember? I want to be there for you, Kate, during the good times and the bad times. Especially during the ugly times. You don't have to do this alone anymore; you're not in this alone. You have to let me in, Kate. To share the good times together, and to help you carry the burden through the hard times."
She gave a few small nods, knowing Castle was right.
"I know that, Rick. And I do want to let you in. It's getting easier with time, but sometimes I can't help but want to hide my weak side. Old habits," she offered softly.
Castle chuckled, leaning in to rest his head against hers.
"Tell me about it. You push and I keep coming back to scratch at your wall, remember?" he teased. "But you're getting better," he acknowledged, recognizing the effort she's been putting in over time.
"We're getting better," she countered softly.
That earned a smile from him.
"Yes, we are."
They were content to just sit that way, seeking comfort in each other's presence. Kate was getting heavier in his lap though, and he knew that she was on the brink of falling asleep.
"Hey, you ready for bed?" he asked softly, not wanting to startle her.
"Mmm, just about," she mumbled. "I'm really sorry for keeping you out, Castle."
"Don't do it again?"
"Promise I'll try."
"No, that's not good enough."
Kate sat up, lifting her head off his shoulder to look at him in the face.
"Trying isn't good enough, Kate. I want you to promise to come to me no matter what, and I'll do the same with you. I'm pushing this, pushing us, because I know that we can do this, I know that we can do better."
Kate looked like she still had some reservations, so he offered a compromise.
"Look, the next time something happens, anything at all, we have to tell each other okay? I want our marriage to work, Kate, and sometimes, it takes hard work and effort. We don't have to talk about it right away, but at least we'll know what the other person's going through. Kate, you nearly drove me crazy with worry."
"Okay, we can do that, promise to tell each other when there's something going on, and we won't push to talk about it until the other one is ready, okay? Unless the other person, which is more often than not probably going to be me, needs a big kick up the ass, then you can poke and prod all you want."
"Thanks, Kate."
He leaned in for a kiss, knowing what a big step this was for her, for the both of them.
"Be patient with me, Rick," she requested, knowing how hard it must be on him.
"Only if you'll do the same for me."
Rick knew he wasn't without faults – sometimes he drove Kate crazy to the moon and back, and he wanted her to feel like she wasn't the only one who had to work to be better in this relationship. He had some ways to go as well, and Kate would need to exercise her patience too.
"I'm really glad Alexis is coming over tomorrow," he said, smiling at Kate.
"Yeah?" she asked, standing up and offering a hand to him.
He reached for it and she helped him up. As they began walking hand in hand to their bedroom, he spoke again.
"Yeah, all my girls under one roof – I couldn't be happier. Especially after what Karen did, it'd be nice to hold Alexis in my arms again."
"Mmhmm, I had that irrational urge as well," she admitted, pulling down the covers and arranging their pillows.
"Lunch helped?" He asked, turning down his side of the bed.
Kate smiled brightly back at her husband, only a tinge of guilt remained. "So much."
As they climbed into bed, Kate suddenly asked, "Do you think I'd wake Arri if I went and cuddled with her now?"
"Let her sleep, our girls are fine – the both of them. You can cuddle with me instead," he offered, lifting an arm to make a hollow space for Kate.
"Mmm, yeah, that works as well." Kate snuggled into the space he made for her, letting him ensconce and protect her from the big, bad world. He was her rock, grounding and tethering her amidst the storm. He was her pillar of strength.
And tonight, Kate shed her role willingly. Even though she was used to being the strong one when it came to the two of them, Kate chose to take a step back.
Tonight, she was the vulnerable one who needed Castle to be strong.
A/N: I know it's rather short, but the next chapter is twice as long, and I really love it - can't wait to share it with you guys :) But I'm rambling. Thoughts on this chapter?