DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Naruto. Naruto and its characters are created by Masashi Kishimoto. This is purely Fanfiction and had been written for entertainment purposes only, without any intention of infringing upon any copyright.

Desires of the Heart
Part I: Confliction

Chapter 11
The Voice in the Head

Everything seemed to happen in a blurred rush after the encounter with the Leaf Shinobi.

Deidara and Tobi had silently taken off on one of the blonde's clay bird. As the bird had risen higher and higher above the ground, Sakura kept her eyes to the ground, not finding the heart to look up with the keenness that she usually felt about Deidara's strangely interesting ability. She was more scared of the look of worry mixed with pity that Deidara was sure to throw at her. She was scared that it would make her break into heart welting sobs. She couldn't have that now, not when she had come so far.

When Deidara's big white bird was nothing more than a dot in the sky, Kisame had just nodded at his partner and they had sauntered off to a distance, conversing in hushed tones. Kisame didn't try to catch her eyes like Deidara did, for which she was thankful to the shark-man.

She couldn't bear to look into anyone's eyes. She couldn't bear the image that she would see reflected in the depths of their eyes. A white gaunt face, with dark circles under her emerald eyes which were far too lifeless to belong to a sane person...

But what scared her was the coldness in her eyes; it reminded her of Sasuke- how petrified she had been when she had seen him regard them with his eyes for the first time after so long. She knew it would reflect the monster that she had become in this little amount of time. The very same monster that had killed fellow shinobis of Leafs in cold blood...

As if a switch was flicked open, Sakura's vision swirled around her in hues of the light of the setting sun and the dark brown notes of the looming trees, pain exploding in her head like her brain had started swelling. She gasped and pressed her hand on a tree for support, squeezing her eyes closed to try and keep the nausea from getting the better of her.

'No! No, no, no...'

'What done is done,' she repeated the line over and over again in her mind. Strangely, Inner didn't retort or speak at all as a matter of fact. And for once in a long while, Sakura wanted nothing more than to hear the faint voice of her Inner self; her scorn would be bearable, welcome even, than these overwhelming tide of emotions that she struggled to keep at bay.

Feeling breached her being as her knees started to buckle, arms feeling as heavy as lead and head so light that she felt like it could have just floated away. When she tried to focus her vision on the blurry mass that was the forest, everything around it then kept turning steeply from side to side. Every little thing seemed heightened to her now despite the range of sensations that slowly crept up to her.

Deep inside her core she felt the dull, stabbing pain as her stomach started to churn and hurriedly tried to counter it; the sharp flex stinging her throat as she tried to fight the sensations. Cold sweat started breaking out. Feeling the dampness on her forehead, arms and legs as the acrid stench of bile rose in her throat, she opened her mouth to suck in a deep breath, hoping desperately that it would work.

The first heave made her cover mouth, not wanting to interrupt the partners engaged in deep conversation few yards away, and effectively muting the retching sound as she gagged. The pain was just agonizing as her ears started to ring from the pressure inside her head. Letting go of the tree, she dropped on the floor of the forest. Sakura mustered all remaining strength and clasped both white hands to her mouth as the heave subsided temporarily, offering the briefest relief.

'Please, not here!'

Another bout unpleasantly washed over her and she could feel the blood draining from her face when the feeling returned with full force. Tears started forming in her eyes, sliding down her face as the second round, too, subsided for the moment. Her body, burnt out, was too weak to handle the attack against itself and left her trembling on the cold ground beneath her knees. Nothing. Her body refused to give up anything in spite of the sharp sensations that kept hitting her. She didn't know what felt worse, actually vomiting or feeling like vomiting.

She glanced at the direction of Itachi and Kisame; who knew what they were talking about. All she knew was that she couldn't suffer another of this vomit attacks. Before she could take another decent breath, her gut gave another painfully dry heave. Pink hair wet with sweat and dirt, brushed the ground as she silently bent over and choked on the gag, trying to be as silent as she could.

She hated this helplessness; she hated it with every ounce of emotion she had left. When she thought she couldn't bear it, it receded. And it was like she could breath for the first time as Sakura straightened with her dull green eyes wide and full of tears, gulping large gasps of air to regain strength to her feeble body.

She took a sharp intake of breath as she stared up to Itachi's bright crimson eyes boring into her, his face pulled into his usual impassive slate. She pulled her shaking hands away from her face, licking her parched lips in the process and trying to wet her raspy throat. She squeezed her eyes close so that the remaining tears that welled up in them, spilled over down her cheeks and ran down her neck and disappeared into the lining of her dirty red vest. She sniffed in a very un-lady like manner.

Itachi looked down at her for the longest time, his red eyes swirling unblinkingly. Sakura flinched away when his arm shot out towards her, thinking that it was intended to hit her. She squeezed her eyes shut as her heart thundered against her chest, as if wanting to rip out of it. Scrunching her brows, she slowly opened her eyes a moment afterwards, her vision having improved a great deal from before. Itachi was still looming over her like some over-grown bat.

She noted his toe nails colored similarly in metallic purple as his fingernails, through his half-opened sandals. She hadn't noticed that before. She slowly dragged her eyes up north, her eyes taking in every minute detail of his perfect contour. Her gaze rested on his outstretched arm, her brain sluggishly comprehending the implications behind it, as her heart quivered making her gasp unceremoniously.

'Itachi...'

Was this the same Itachi that she had met a few days earlier for the very first time? She looked up to check and found herself unable to look away. Her heart seemed to have leaped up to her throat.

"I think I'm fine on my own, Itachi-san," She found herself replying in a voice that she barely recognized.

"You don't want my help?" The Uchiha wondered out loud, looking away and withdrawing his outstretched hand briefly, to run it through his hair. She stared wondering what was wrong with him, and watched him nod at Kisame over his shoulder, who just disappeared without a word.

And then he looked back at her. Sakura realized she might want to eat her words when he approached her in deliberately slow steps. Itachi gave her a look which, if he had been anyone else, Sakura could have written it off as anything. But since this was Itachi, it only made her feel discomfited.

"I'd like to continue our journey," she murmured instead, still nowhere near able to meet his gaze that she felt burning through her very soul. It made her squirm even in a situation like this, where it was becoming a desperate struggle to keep her crushing emotions of distress at bay.

She could feel the warmth radiating off him within their proximity as he stooped down beside her. She could smell the fire and soot mingled with his natural aroma of sandalwood mixed with a tang of masculinity.

"It's rude to stare," she blurted out bluntly, her mind too disoriented from her mouth to take notice of her slip. Clearly, she couldn't keep her thoughts apart from the words she said. In fact she didn't even consider her words until she felt Itachi's eyes no longer trained on her.

'Oh! Has he realized that he has been making me uncomfortable? About time.'

'No,' suddenly Inner was back with her nose flaring, 'You just told him that staring at someone is rude.'

She was aghast. For the first time she found herself peeking up at the elder Uchiha with widened eyes. Shit! She had certainly triggered some horrible fate upon her; you can't tell Uchiha Itachi what is rude and what is not! You just can't.

But by some miracle Itachi didn't look irritated as she had thought he would. Nor did he exactly look like he would kill her. She didn't dare let go of the breath that she was holding in; pissing of Itachi wasn't exactly on top of her agenda right now. Surviving this mess probably was though.

And to guarantee her survival, she had to make it absolutely certain that Itachi hadn't taken any offense at her thoughtless inanity. Hence, all other thoughts except the assurance of Itachi's pity were wiped out from her mind for the time being.

'Does it really mean that much to you?' Inner Sakura grumbled in objection, believing that seeking Itachi's assurance was the most palpable route to hell.

'I think I'm going to hell either way,' she reminded it sardonically, 'Don't you remember what Itachi said the other night? "Someone who betrays their comrades are surely to suffer a terrible fate."'

'I see, now we are living by his rules as well, are we?' Her mind snapped; it didn't even wait to listen to her protest as it went back to its hibernation leaving her with her bag full of troubles.

Breathing in, she began meekly, making sure to keep her eyes to the ground, "I-Itachi-san?"

"Hn."

It seemed that he wasn't interested in looking at her way anymore. It was a good sign, Sakura told herself; she didn't think she would be able to bear it if he did look her way.

"I..." She trailed off, not sure what to say. How do you apologize to an S-class criminal? She tried again, "I apologize for my rudeness earlier. I wasn't exactly...aware of what I was saying with..." She broke off, gulping, "With everything that has happened recently."

She waited tensely for his response, her reflexes prepared for retaliation if any strike came her way. After what seemed like an eternity, Itachi merely grunted, "Hn."

Sakura's mouth fell. She had just apologized for the love of god! How inconsiderate was this jerk?

"I..." She was certain that Itachi could feel the fear that rolled off her in thick waves. For one moment she was reminded of the time when Deidara had invited her to dine with the Akatsuki for the first time, the time that she had seriously ticked Itachi off.

"Hn."

For the first time, Sakura couldn't find the will to be annoyed at the non-committal sound that always got on her nerve, even in the old days when Sasuke used to do the same. Sakura realized that she had finally found the culprit who was responsible for Sasuke's lack of vocabulary.

But for the first time, instead of working her up, it calmed her down, because it was Itachi's way of saying "no sweat" without actually saying it. She smiled. And for the first time since falling into the grasp of Akatsuki, oddly it didn't bother her. She realized that her heart and mind had finally acknowledged everything that was happening; although acceptance was far away, she was certain of that.

Out of nowhere Sakura's world was sent spinning again as another painful, gut-busting contraction cut off her air supply, withdrawing her far from her preoccupied mind. She groaned and bent forward, clutching her stomach. She felt two strong hands grip her under the arms, pulling her up from the floor, but couldn't complain.

Everything in her vision went haywire. The dark foliage, the earth, the trees, all faded from her vision. She felt a sting pass throughout her body and felt the numbing sensation creep into her system which immediately alarmed her. She stopped squirming once her vision cleared and the lamp, the mass of white which was the bed, the faded wallpaper, all came into focus.

"Where..." She trailed off, her voice faint as her eyes fluttered close against her better judgment, leaving her at the mercy of Itachi.

Subconsciously, she felt someone grab her around the waist.

"Stay awake," a voice ordered briskly as she felt herself being led to the bathroom, the cool, marble surface beneath her feet being the only thing that she could rely on to tell her where she was.

A garble noise came from her throat as a response.

'Oh great. Shame yourself more. As if it hasn't been enough already. You're just pathetic!'

She felt herself being positioned over the toilet, which she gripped with all the strength that she had left, trying to open her eyes against the mind numbing dizziness that engulfed her. Her cheek rested on the cool porcelain.

Somewhere, a fluorescent light had been turned on allowing her to make out a tub in front of her, but that was about everything she could take in at the moment. A shadow at the edge of her vision moved towards her. She was now wondering how much more embarrassment could she bring onto herself aside from this. And if she still could look Itachi in the eye when this ends...

'Itachi!'

Another dry heave gripped her insides as Itachi's strong and capable hands pulled the loose pastel pink hair which stuck to her forehead, away from her face. It felt like it forever, before she felt a strong push on her abdomen. Nothing. She choked. The elder Uchiha knelt behind her as she was pulled up to lean against him, bracing herself against his body. The hand on her abdomen pushed.

Like a switch was flicked off, Sakura blacked out.

Somewhere outside she could hear the booming thunder rolling, rain dully pelting on the tile roof. From looking up she turned her gaze down to her sticky, wet hands. Her eyes flickered towards the door in the room; the black oak was partially open that showed only the darkness beyond. Under the yellow light of the lamp, Sakura slowly recognized the place.

'A bathroom?' She asked herself, as if uncertain, and realizing that she had no clue as to how she got there in the first place.

She wiped her hands gingerly on the fluffy towel she was wearing, funny that she couldn't remember changing into it either; and feeling as if someone had stuffed her head full of cotton. If only Naruto could see her now. This was one bad decision after another, making her watch as her entire life fell apart bit by bit until she had nothing remaining.

"Are you regretting, Sakura?" It was whispered so quietly that she thought that she had imagined it rather than hearing it; her head snapped towards the doorway so fast that she felt a pain shoot up in it.

There Itachi stood, leaning against the wooden door that had been closed a second before he slid it open so silently that it had failed to catch her attention. He had discarded his Akatsuki robe, she noted tiredly, thinking how much better he looked without it. How much more human...

It was the first time he hadn't called her 'kunoichi' or 'girl', but acknowledged her by her proper name, she realized. And through all her anguish, the sound of it made her suck in a breath as her heart skipped a beat. Itachi seemed to be going easy on her; his eyes non-judgmental, his words not harsh and commanding as it was customary for him. Was he doing it to make her feel better? How could she tell; she didn't know the first thing about him!

Of course, she regretted. His question was not even plausible.

"N-No," Yet she lied; not that it sounded convincing, slowly shaking her head.

Itachi didn't push her; he merely changed the topic and asked simply, "Do you want something to eat perhaps?"

It made her laugh out loud drily, a sound that sounded foreign to her own ears. Only Itachi could act as if nothing had happened. Here, she was, going through the toughest phase of her life... But Itachi had already gone through this. In fact, something that was a thousand times worse; killing his own family with his own hands. She couldn't even begin to think what it could have felt like to have your own family's blood all over you.

She rose to her feet, wobbling a little, but using the tiled wall to balance herself. She was unprepared for the cold air that hit her bare legs, and looking down she realized that she was clad in nothing but a towel that reached a little down her behind. The prospect of Itachi taking off her clothes...

"Everyone is waiting," he said in a husky whisper, rolling the words off his velvet tongue. She didn't have any idea of knowing what to say to that, really, because she was fighting off the urge to move back when he wasn't even invading her private space. It felt that way all the same.

"Come downstairs to join us," he added in a low baritone, red bright eyes smoldering against her dull jade, "when you are done changing."

And like that, he left.

Leaving her to deal with the surge of warmth that shot throughout her stomach. Sakura let go of a breath didn't realized she was holding in, hurrying to the door and quickly shutting it after him. Leaning on the wooden frame and sliding down towards the floor, she shut her eyes tight.

'The way he...'

Her insides fluttered. Sakura was tired and miserable. She was losing her battle with the inner turmoil that brewed darker and darker by the minute. She wasn't sure about who she was anymore. She missed her friends, her home and everything that she had ever known. She wanted back the very thing that she couldn't have; her loyalty.

'Itachi had made sure of that!' She seethed to herself, too tired to glare.

'Look at you, being a self-righteous bitch,' her Inner snapped, sounding out of the blue, her face pulled into ferocious lines, 'Admit it! Killing the Leaf had nothing to do with Itachi... It was all you,' she spat, 'Admit it, you coward.'

'SHUT UP!' She roared back at her mind, why it wouldn't understand, she didn't get! 'It's all that man's fault! He is the one who dragged me into all these shit!'

'Yes, blame it all on him, Sakura,' Inner told her quietly which was very rare, normally it was the louder of the two of them, 'And keep on hoping that he will see past all of it.'

'What do you mean?!' She snapped angrily.

Inner chuckled deviously, 'Oh, you're the one with the brains, Sakura. I'm sure you've figured it by now... Why your heart flips every time you see him, why you can't keep your eyes off his despite knowing just how lethal they are, why you want to know every bit of him behind that mask he wears...'

Sakura was appalled, 'Wh-What do you me-mean? I don't-'

Inner Sakura cut across her, not bothering to let her finish, 'Don't bother hiding it, Sakura. At least not from me,' It chuckled, 'there's nothing that you can hide from me. I am you. In fact, know the things that go inside you better than yourself. I know what your problem with Itachi is.'

'What nonsense are you talking about?' Sakura was becoming highly irritated at Inner's attitude and began contemplating if she should tune it out before it totally messes up whatever grip she had gotten over herself.

'No use tuning me out,' Inner drawled, 'In fact, do yourself a favor and listen me out for once in your life. I've been in the deepest corner of your heart. I know the darkest desire of your heart.'

Sakura frowned, 'Enough is enough!' she warned her inner self but it paid no heed to her.

'You desire,' Inner smacked its lips, 'Uchiha Itachi...'

Sakura was aghast at the mere thought, 'Wha-'

'... You, Sakura, desire Uchiha Itachi's affection...forget about your love for Konoha or all your friends,' Inner paused, 'You crave for Itachi's affection more than your loyalty or your desire to go back home. You desire his touch, his warmth, his everything. Do you know why? It's because you lo-'

'ENOUGH!'

Inner chuckled and raised its hands in surrender, 'Hahaha, it's all in your heart, you know. The deepest, darkest desire of your heart. The question is if you will give into it...'

'I SAID SHUT UP!'

Inner pouted, '...Or maybe,' Its eyes flashed, '...you already have.'

And just like that all the walls that she had built around herself came crashing down, letting out all the emotions that she had been trying so hard to contain. Sobs racked throughout her body.

'I...I said enough already,' she whispered to herself, pulling at her own hair.

Inner Sakura only laughed maniacally, the sound echoing throughout the empty traverse of her mind. 'You are stupid!' Inner hissed at her.

'Damn it all!' She shrieked silently.

Her vision began betraying her as she tried to stand up shakily, cringing when she could feel the familiar sour, metallic taste filling her mouth. She clutched at her head, rocking from back to front. Everything went out of focus and her world spun.

"AAAARGH!"

-Flashback-

There were only five of them remaining, of which one already had a stroke catching up to him which he still didn't realize; a courtesy of Samehada, she had no doubt.

Out of the corner of her eyes she watched as Itachi withdrew himself from the battle vicinity, motioning Kisame to follow his suit which the shark-nin complied with, much to her surprise. She had thought that Kisame of all people would have refused to share his 'thrill' of the kill, because she could swear that nothing turned him on like killing in cold blood. She remembered the conversation that they were sharing about their previous lives; now it seemed a million ages away. Kisame's side of the story didn't sound like he enjoyed killing; at least not in the beginning.

'He has probably changed over time,' Inner Sakura mused, 'Just like you are changing now.'

That was Sakura's cue to shut out the sanest part of herself behind the heavy doors in the deepest corner of her mind and hang an enormous lock to it. Now, without the faint whispers of rationality and consciousness, she was free to be whoever she wanted to be.

Her eyes flickered down at the countless lifeless bodies littered at her feet. She didn't care enough to count how many lives were lost at her selfish cause- it didn't concern her anymore, she told herself. Not when the Hokage had proved to have so little faith in her. They'd said that it was orders to kill her on sight.

'And she says that she thinks of me like a daughter,' she seethed to herself.

She eyed the five of them through her hooded eyes, all of them looking the same in their heavy black garbs and masks. She didn't think she knew any of them personally. But the insignia that reflecting on their headbands would be burned into her memory forever.

Thump.

Was she sure about this was what Itachi had asked her. Hell, she was. What did the Leaf think they were playing at? Did they have so little faith in her as to believe that she had indeed betrayed her village? That she had joined the likes of Akatsuki and accepted their ideals instead? Sakura had thought that Tsunade, Kakashi, Naruto and everyone knew her better than this. However, clearly she couldn't have been more wrong.

Thump.

How many times have Naruto helped an enemy, for the greater good? How many times had Tsunade forgiven him? Did she need to have a demon sealed inside her to show a little humanity to people who showed kindness to her and were more human than anyone could have imagined, and to get away with it?

How dare they lose faith in her? How dare they doubt her loyalty? How dare they not see that she was doing whatever she had to do for the better of everyone?

Thump.

And anger consumed her, and she cared no more of consequences or reason or anything.

Thump.

She crouched low, silently daring the Leaf to make their move. But they remained still, their poses prepared for any attack that might come their way, their eyes darting between her and the Akatsuki partners who stood observing at a distance. Sakura hoped that they saw the revulsion burning in her eyes as clearly as she saw in theirs.

And then she flung herself towards all of them, watching them part their leg simultaneously and dig their foot firmly in the ground to steady them. Sakura smirked. Her eyes darted from one to another, taking in their stances and whatever injury they had received from fighting Itachi or Kisame, and it seemed like all of them received one or two.

Thump.

The one with the long gash on his thigh interested her the most. Being a medic she could tell that the wound was deep, and if left untreated, would be the death of the man. And it also meant that he was an easier target to take out first. He was limping at the very end of the formation, the other four trying to shield him.

As Sakura rushed towards them, she saw the one whom she assumed as the captain of the squad, draw his katana. That was a good sign, she told herself. Dodging the long blade that came her way, she did a backward flip and dodged again, just in time to let the barrage of exploding kunais soar past her head.

She narrowed her eyes, and everything that she had ever learnt came crashing down to her. What was the easiest and the neatest way to get rid of them, was the question that she always asked herself when coming face to face with enemies. This time, however, no such though occurred to her. All she cared about was showing them that they had indeed lost her by losing their faith in her. Her anger flashed.

"Shannaro!"

Sakura disappeared into a blur of pink and red. As one by one each of the first four shinobi fell to her feet, their bewildered, lifeless eyes staring into her very soul, Sakura didn't think she had ever enjoyed anything more than this.

Thump.

She looked at the very last one standing, the one with the stroke creeping up to him. He looked frightened, not for his own life, she could tell, but for the lost lives of his comrades. A feral grin crossed her lips as the tempting prospect of letting him live occurred to her.

'Let him live, and let him carry news back to Konoha of what they've done to me!' she shouted to herself.

"Run," she whispered, "RUN!"

She watched him stare at her with a mixed look of apprehension and bewilderment, before he began to step backwards, never trusting her enough to turn his back to her. However, he didn't even make it ten steps before he tripped over his own feet and went tumbling down on the forest floor.

Thump.

Itachi appeared behind him in a flash, unknownest to him. The elder heir caught her tremulous eyes with his steady ones, as he executed the last of the prey by slitting his throat, his gaze never leaving hers.

-End of Flashback-

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

"...kura?" Someone was calling her from far away, it seemed.

Thump.

"Sakura." The voice was sharp and firm, sounding every bit of the melodious that she always thought it was. Perfect.

Thump.

Her eyes fluttered open, hazed under the thick, dark lashes. And there he was, looming over her, his eyes reverted to their original shade of the fathomless black.

Thump.

It was still hypnotic, sharingan or not.

Thump.

"Please..." Her voice was cracked, and her lips chapped.

Thump.

Did he understand what she begged for? He must! She watched him nearing to her, leaning close towards her as he gripped the edge of the wooden tub, his warm fingers brushing against her.

Thump.

His hand came to rest on her other side, caging her in. Their faces were inches apart and she could see the fine details of his lashes and the creases running on each of the sides of his face. His warm breath fluttered across her face as he peered into her eyes.

Thump.

"Please..." She whispered again, broken.

Thump.

Have mercy. She searched into his eyes, but the fathomless orbs remained as impassive as his face, rarely any emotion traversing through them Even rid of any emotions, Sakura thought there was some kind of a melancholy lingering somewhere deep inside his eyes, and it made her breath be caught somewhere between her lungs and her throat. He lowered his lashes for a moment. And she felt the powerful urge to reach out and cup his face into her hands; test the contours of his flawless face.

Thump.

It had been exactly seven days since the beginning of all these shit. It shook her to just think that just a week had been enough to destroy her sixteen years' life worth of everything. At last, she thought that she was beginning to grasp the true message of this cruel world.

Thump.

Out of the blue, it occurred to her. If she was like a flower, then Itachi was the darkness; and a flower was bound to wither in darkness. And in time she would also wither away, unless she found a way to stop all this.

Thump.

And what was 'all this' anyways? When his eyes shot open, they were bright red and spinning, gleaming in the darkness of her mind.

Thump.

Suddenly, it didn't matter. Suddenly, nothing mattered. It was like floating on a carefree breeze that lulled her to sleep. Nothing hurt, nothing was cold, there was no nausea, no daunting memories; absolutely nothing at all but...

Thump.

...Uchiha Itachi.

To be continued...

A/N: I don't know. Am I doing enough? I've this gnawing feeling that this isn't good enough. Yeah, I'm a pessimist at heart.