-1Author's Note: Please remember that I am not Shonda and that you can have faith in me.
Mark couldn't get enough. The desire to possess consumed him. He deepened the kiss, caressing the recesses of Meredith's mouth with the tip of his tongue. She responded the way he knew she would, pressing her slender body flush against his, her lower body grinding against his groin. Groaning, he slowly slid his hands down her back, splaying his fingers across her backside.
Derek's hands slid up her bare legs, under the short denim skirt she had worn. Two of his fingers move the crotch of her panties aside.
Jaw clenched, Mark pulled Meredith's body even closer, assaulting her mouth with a punishing kiss. Any protests she made fell on deaf ears. His mind was to wrapped up in the memory of her and Derek.
Meredith broke free of the kiss, shimmied out of her underwear, and then scooted her body onto the edge of the desk. She leaned back on her forearms, legs dangling, while Derek knelt over her.
He could feel his blood starting to boil, felt his rage spewing forth, coursing through his body. His fingers wrap around her upper arms, digging deep. Once more he doesn't hear her protests as he slammed her body against the back wall. With rough hands, he unbuttons her denim shorts, shoving them down her hips, leaving angry red marks on her pale skin. The white and yellow bikini panties beneath barely rode her hips.
She closed her eyes as he slid fully into her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her nails raked down his back.
"God damn it," Mark hissed, shoving himself away from her. He couldn't get it out of his head. Meredith. Derek. The two of them fucking on his desk. Every time he closed his eyes he could see them, could hear them. Hell, he could practically smell sex in the air. He lifted his arms, running his fingers through his hair, the dark blonde locks standing on end.
"Mark?" Meredith whispered, looking at him from bewildered green eyes. He couldn't look at her, yet he couldn't look away either. Her hair had come loose, a mass of sun streaked waves around a flushed face, and her lips were swollen, bruised even. With her tank top pushed up, almost over her bra, and her shorts partially shoved down, she looked used. Not the consensual sort of used either. No, she looked as though someone had grabbed her, used her against her will, then cast her aside. On some level he had.
"I can't get it out of my head," he yelled. She jumped back, pressed herself against the wall. "Every time I close my eyes, it's right there." He balled up his fist, needing to hit something. He started to swing at the wall, then stopped himself.
"I…I'm sorry…I don't understand." Meredith shook her head, confused. She didn't understand. Mark wanted to laugh. Of course she didn't understand. She wasn't the one to walk in to find the person they loved fucking someone else. She wasn't the one who had her heart ripped out. She wasn't the one with images implanted in her head that wouldn't go away.
"You. You and Derek. Every time I look at you, or him, that's all I see. You. On my desk. With him fucking you." Mark's chest heaved, his breath coming in small pants. He had loved her since he was nineteen years old. He had been too stupid back then to know what it was he was feeling, and by the time he did know she was too good of a friend. Each time she had brought a new man around a tiny piece of his heart had been ripped out. "Why? Why did you assume it was him? Is it because you want him? Is that it Mere? You want Derek, so you assumed…" He stopped when he seen the look on her face. Hurt. Pain. Betrayal. Every emotion that was humming through his body was written on her face.
"Do you have any idea what this has done to me?" Meredith cried. Her clothes were still a mess, still half on, half off. "I didn't want it to be Derek. I assumed it was because I heard you say I love you. And there was once, a long time ago, when Derek said it. He said he loved me. You," she paused, taking a deep breath, "you never once indicated that you felt anything for me. Not once. If you had…God. Don't you get it? I love you! I always have! It has always been you. Every guy I have dated…I chose them because there was something about them that reminded me of you. They never were though." She moved away from the wall. Her fingers trembled as they tugged her shorts up. "They were never you, and you never once gave me any reason to think we could be more. So, yes, I assumed it was Derek because I already knew he loved me." Her eyes glistened like emeralds behind the sheen of tears. "I just wanted someone to love me. To feel like I mattered to someone. I wanted that person to be you, but I was willing to settle for Derek because I knew how he felt."
Mark couldn't move. He couldn't words that were milling around in his mind. So, he stood there. He stood there while she walked away, looking defeated.