It was not easy, it was one of the hardest things Yuuri had ever done. Being away from Yuri was complete torture. His days were sunk back into loneliness he was not used to anymore. Once Anfisa was off to school, he found himself back in bed and crying till he fell asleep. It had been a week and Victor would be back in a few days.

It was good Victor had been busy and stayed that weekend in New York. Yuuri was not sure if he could explain his mood. How could he explain he had broken up with his lover so he could go back to being a good husband?

Yuuri hated himself for so many reasons. For allowing himself to fall for Yuri. For sleeping with Yuri. For leaving Yuri. For losing his best friend.

They had thought it was best to distance themselves for the time being. It would be too hard being around one another, knowing the passion between them. They had two families to think about, two husbands, three kids… their hearts did not matter anymore.

"We need to make things right," Yuuri said.

"What is right is this!" Yuri cried out.

"You know what I mean," Yuuri whispered.

"I don't want to fucking lose you," Yuri was crying harder.

It tore at Yuuri to see those green eyes fill with tears. To see that hard angry face crumble the way it did. To feel Yuri pressed against him crying. It took everything in Yuuri to be able to walk away, to not look back, to not walk back over there. He wanted to throw himself at Yuri, tell him it was all lies and he wanted it all back.

But they had been selfish, they had been careless with their emotions- and it led Yuuri into this hell he was now living in.

He wasn't eating, he wasn't running, he had even stopped going to the rink. He told Georgi he was not feeling well and taking some time off. All Yuuri wanted to do was hide in his bedroom, and smell the pillow that still smelled like Yuri.

A knock at the door drew Yuuri's attention and he sat up. Even with the room dark, he knew it was Anfisa home from school. She curled next to him in bed.

"Still not feeling good," she asked and felt his forehead.

"No baby, I'm not," he replied.

"Maybe you should go to the doctor. You want me to call dad?" she asked.

"No baby, just need to rest," Yuuri said. At least in the dark, his red rimmed eyes were covered.

"I'm worried about you," she said as she hugged him tightly.

"I'll be fine, I promise. Just need another day or two of rest."

"I got you some soup from the cafe you like," she said.

"Thank you honey. Aren't you eating with the twins tonight?"

"They invited me over for dinner, but their dad is sick too. We end up just ordering take out and hanging in their room."

Yuuri's breath hitched. Yuri was upset too?

"Well you can go over there, I'll just put a movie on and rest some more, ok? I'll cook tomorrow night, promise," Yuuri said as he kissed her forehead.

"You sure, daddy?"

"Yes baby, I'm sure."

Anfisa left and Yuuri knew he had to make some changes. He had been slacking lately, drowning in his own despair. The house had not been cleaned in over a week- though him and Anfisa were not messy people, it still needed things done. He really needed to change the bed, but at the same time he didn't want too. The sheets barely smelt like Yuri anymore, and he knew once he washed them, it was all gone. A heavy sigh and Yuuri sat up. He looked over to the pillow that was his husband's, and that Yuri had always laid on. Running his hand over the material, a tear slipped out.

"I am a terrible person," Yuuri whispered to himself as he got out of bed and started to remove the sheets and blankets off the bed. He would start there at least.

Yuuri managed to do the basics around the house in the span of an hour. He couldn't remember when he had last showered and walked to the bathroom. His hair was clumped and he had hair on his chin. He was never able to grow actual hair on his face like Victor could, which worked for him. A good shower and shave would do him well.

When Anfisa had gotten home, Yuuri was on the couch with a blanket and wine. Smiling, she joined him on the couch.

"Yuri says hello," Anfisa said.

Of course he did.

Two days later, Yuuri was back on the couch, watching sad romance movies when Victor walked through the front door.

"Vitya?" Yuuri asked.

"Hey beautiful," Victor said as he dropped his bags and walked over to where Yuuri was, hugging him tight.

"What… what are you doing back?"

"Anfisa called me, worried about you," Victor said as he kissed his forehead.

"Meddling kids," Yuuri grumbled.

"She said you had not been feeling well… and that Yuri was not feeling well either," Victor said.

Yuuri nodded.

"I called Yuri," Victor said.

Yuuri's body stiffened as he leaned against his husband. What had Yuri said?

"He said you two had a fight and you were being too damn stubborn," Victor said as his arms wrapped around Yuuri. "Care to share what the fight was about?"

Yuuri shook his head and felt the tears in his eyes. Yuri did not lie to Victor, but Yuuri felt terrible now. He had allowed this and his feelings to go this far, enough to make his daughter worry and his husband to come home and check on him.

"Well," Victor said as he rubbed Yuuri's back, "I guess it is good that Otabek is going to be home for a bit. And I was thinking… why don't we head to Japan for a bit? See your family? The holidays are coming, and I always loved going there."

"That would be good," Yuuri said as he held onto his husband tighter. Maybe getting away from everything was what he needed.

Time didn't always make thing easier. They spend two weeks in Japan and though it took Yuuri's mind away from it all, things started to revert back how they were. His husband was doting and loving- home more.

Then it had spaced out again. Longer times away, missed calls and messages. Yuuri was fed up. He could not continue his life like this. He needed his husband and that was that.

"Yuuri… you are sad again," Victor had said as he came into the bedroom.

Yuuri had been in there all day, he was not surprised it had taken Victor till dinner time to realize it.

" Now you see it," Yuuri spit out.

Victor went to the bed and laid next to Yuuri but Yuuri was pissed. He had debated just going back to Japan for a bit- but Anfisa had school and he couldn't just up and leave.

"Yuuri, what is wrong?" Victor asked.

Yuuri sat up and waved his arms around, "This! All of this! US!" He was yelling and didn't even try to keep his voice down.

"Yuuri… I know I have been working a lot-"

"A lot! That is all you do! Even when you are home! I feel like I don't have a husband!"

Victor flinched, Yuuri knew Victor hated when he said things like that, he knew Victor loved him, but he needed Victor to see what this was all doing to him.

"I can't keep living like this… I have a husband on the weekend… a husband who only fucks me when I beg or initiate it! A husband who can't even call me when he is away…" Yuuri started to cry and he couldn't talk. It was everything he had been going through for years and until Yuri was in the picture, he had managed it. Now with Yuri gone, it all came rushing at him.

"Baby, I love you," Victor said.

"I KNOW!" Yuuri yelled, "Trust me I know. You do all this for us! You work nonstop, you ignore you husband and your daughter… all for what? Our fucking bank account?"

Victor shook his head. Yuuri knew he hated fighting, he hated Yuuri sad and crying.

"I just want you to love me… love me like you use too… I feel like I am burden you hold onto," Yuuri couldn't stop once he started, "Do you even want to be with me anymore?"

That was when Victor leaned forward and took Yuuri in his arms.

"Yuuri, I love you more than life itself. I am so sorry, I wanted everything and did everything for you. I spent so much time building a life for us, I forgot to live it," Victor said as he peppered Yuuri's face with kisses.

"I want us to be a family again," Yuuri said.

"Why don't we all move to Paris this summer?" Victor said.

Yuuri kissed Victor. It was what he needed to do.

"Yes, let's move to Paris."

Anger moved Yuri again. He was always angry. Every morning he went out before the sun was fully up and ran- hard. His feet pounding the street as he pushed his body too hard.

This was all stupid. He hated himself for feeling this way. His husband would soon be home and he should be happy. He did not want to end it with Yuuri, for once he had felt happy and not so angry at everything. He didn't hate that Otabek had left him behind, he didn't hate his evenings because he had someone with him- he just wasn't angry anymore.

Now it all came flooding back. The anger, the resentment.

"We can still see each other… we just don't have too… you know," Yuri said. Hating how vulnerable and needy he sounded.

"You know we can't. You know what will happen," Yuuri said.

He was right though. If they got around one another, they would kiss and that would lead to more. He gone by a few days afterwards, Yuuri wouldn't answer the door. He had texted Yuuri, only to see the message was delivered… never read.

Maybe Yuuri was right… maybe they needed to stop. Yuri had gotten too involved, he let his stone walls down… he had let Yuuri in. He hated himself for it. He hated so much these days. He had gone by the rink, hoping Yuuri would be there. Georgi had told him Yuuri was sick and staying home for a bit and he was not sure if Yuuri was coming back.

Yuri felt he had been used, then tossed away. After a few days at the rink and yoga, he took off some time of his own. Cleaning the house, deep cleaning. Moving all the furniture, rearranging all his books, movies, music- keeping busy. Cooking elaborate dinners for the girls, hoping Anfisa would give him anything more than Yuuri just being sick .

Most nights he drank till he fell asleep on the couch, it got more and more as the days went by. He just told the twins he was not feeling well, when all he was doing was nursing a hangover.

Even when Otabek was back, he was still alone. If Otabek was not at his studio, he was in the spare room ignoring him. He had a new artist and he was spending more time working music and locked away.

He had found out Yuuri and their family went to Japan for the holidays, Otabek took them to Almaty to spend with family there. It was nice being back as they had lived there for so many years. The chaos of the Altins was a great distraction. Yuri thoroughly enjoyed Almaty and he missed it. Maybe it was a mistake moving back to Russia. Otabek would surely bitch if he brought it up.

The problem was not getting laid. Otabek was insatiable. Every night and morning, Yuri woke up to Otabek hard and wanting him. That was never their problem . They had never figured out how to communicate properly. They both knew this and they would both try. Even as Yuri was on top of Otabek, rocking his hips as Otabek moaned and thrusted up, Yuri knew he was lucky for the life he had. Two daughters, the hottest man, and all the money.

Then why did he still feel like something was missing?

Yuri even reached out to Mila and Georgi more. They would meet for lunches and Mila finally got a nanny to help her with all her kids. Distractions, Yuri needed distractions. Weeks went by and it turned into months. Yuuri was so close, but about as far away as he could manage.

"Hey babe!" Otabek said as he left out his room. Yuri was on the couch and curled up with a blanket and a movie. "Victor called over."

"Oh?" Had Victor and Otabek kept touch?

"Yeah, they wanted to know if we wanted to come by for dinner. I know you and Yuuri are still not talking… but they are moving in a few days to Paris," Otabek said.

Yuri knew they were moving. Anfisa had come over and the twins were upset. The girls loved their time together, but even Anfisa was excited to go. She had rambled on to Nina and Nika over the school they had enrolled her in. They had all be practicing their French the last few weeks.

The last thing Yuri wanted to do was go over and have dinner with the Nikiforovs, but he knew Otabek was going to drag him over there. It was weird being back at their house. Boxes around the house, and walls bare. Yuri's air was trapped in his lungs as they walked through the door and Victor smiled when they all stood there.

"So glad you two could come! I went by the cafe and got us a simple dinner for tonight. Mainly wanted us to have a little time together," Victor said.

As soon as they got into the kitchen, he saw Yuuri opening a bottle of wine. Yuuri smile at him, but the smile never reached his eyes. Yuri missed that stupid smile and he hated to admit it- he missed Yuuri so much.

"Hi," Yuri said as he shifted on his feet.

"Hi," Yuuri said back.

"Hey Victor, want to come over to my place and hear the new track from that artist I was telling you about?" Otabek said.

"Yes!" Victor said as they walked out.

"Well that didn't looked planned at all," Yuri said as he scratched the back of his neck. "I can… go."

Yuuri shook his head, "Please don't."

Yuri had no idea what to say. What does one say at a moment like this?

"So you decided to leave the country to get away from me?" That was not what Yuri wanted to say, but he found himself asking it.

"Yeah, actually I did," Yuuri said as he handed Yuri a glass of wine, then used his other hand to tip Yuri's chin. "I need all the miles I can between us… this has been killing me."

Yuri saw that Yuuri was thinner, and his normal loving expression was gone.

"How did we fuck this up so bad?" Yuri asked.

"Well we sure did… I was hoping with distance and time… I could maybe have my friend back," Yuuri said as he sipped his wine.

"What if I don't want my friend back?" Yuri asked. Yes, he missed Yuuri, but whenever he thought of him, it was not in a friend-like way.

Yuuri gasped and sat at one of the chairs in their kitchen. "I feel like I have lost you."

"Yuuri, you know how I feel… being friends with you… that is not what I want."

"I know… I know… I was hoping… with time…" tears started to run down Yuuri's face.

Yuri grabbed his hands and held them tightly before bringing a hand to his lips and kissing his palm.

"I don't want to lose you, but I don't know if I can just be your friend… even now…" Yuri leaned over, he kissed Yuuri and heard the cry into his mouth as Yuuri kissed back.

Yuri wanted more, but he knew they couldn't. He held Yuuri's face and felt the tears on his cheek as Yuuri grabbed the back of his hair. They shared a moment longer in the kiss before pulling away, leaving their hands on the other.

"We can't," Yuuri whispered.

"Consider it my good-bye," Yuri said.

Yuuri pulled him about into his lap in the chair he was sitting at. Their mouths coming back together. Yuri just wanted to taste him one last time, and he would let him go, let Victor have him. He could do this, he knew he could. He had Otabek and the girls. That was what he needed- but Yuuri was what he wanted .

Breaking from the kiss, Yuri stared into Yuuri's eyes. A different life, circumstances- maybe they could have been. It would have been good, it would have worked.

Standing up from Yuuri's lap, he wiped his eyes and turned his back to Yuuri. He hated showing emotion. The back door opened as Otabek and Victor walked back in. They could see both of them upset, and Otabek walked over to Yuri and held him tight.

"Please tell us you two are talking again," Victor said.

Yuri could only nod and hide his face in his husbands neck. He knew Victor was holding Yuuri and all Yuri wanted was to get out of that house.

"Take me home," Yuri said.

As they turned to leave, a hand grabbed his wrist, spinning him around and Yuuri was hugging him. They were both crying, and neither cared their husbands were right there. Yuri held Yuuri to him tightly.

"I'll… stay in touch," Yuri said.

"Please."

Yuri walked home with Otabek, and they never spoke of it. Otabek even stayed with him that night on the couch and watched a movie as Yuri curled up to his side. The familiar fingers in his hair, the familiar scent of his husband. They could do this, they could make this work.

35 Years Later…

Yuuri had not been to Russia in a long time. They had settled and made a wonderful home in Paris. Victor never did retire, but he worked a lot less. They had an amazing life and Yuuri had been very happy.

They were blessed with four grandchildren from Anfisa. She had met a great French artist and they settled down near where Victor and Yuuri could spoil them daily.

Yuri and Otabek stayed in Russia. Otabek was able to work and be there more for Yuri. It took Yuri threatening to leave him and take everything that opened Otabek's eyes. They went into marriage counseling and it took them some time, but they started to talk .

Nika and Nina had blessed them with five grandchildren. Yuri loved seeing Otabek grow old and having babies hanging off of him.

Life had been good for them both. Yuuri and Yuri stayed in touch through emails and text, but never spent time together. It was still too much, even after all those years.

Otabek had passed in his sleep and Yuri moved in with Nina and her family. It wasn't till six years later he saw the obituary story for Victor. He was curious as to why Yuuri had never contacted him. The funeral had been a few days ago. He couldn't believe it.

As he got up, his body objecting to the sudden movements, he grabbed his coat and headed to the graveyard. He knew Victor would want to be buried in Russia, only made sense.

It was cold, who was Yuri kidding, it was always fucking cold. The older he got, the more it bothered him. Grabbing his coat and he scarf Otabek always wore, he made his way to the graveyard.

Did he go there expecting to see Yuuri? He told himself no, but there he was, standing by Victor's headstone. When he looked up, their eyes locked.

Sure Yuuri was older, but he aged well. His hair white and his eyes still stone when he smiled.

"Yurio," he said.

"Fuck, I have not been called that in over thirty years," Yuri laughed out.

They hugged each other. It felt good, it felt familiar.

"They abandoned us again, didn't they?" Yuuri asked as he put his hand on Victor's headstone, a tear falling down his cheek.

"Da, they did."

Yuuri took his hand, and smiled.

"I guess it is just me and you."

Yuri could only nod and squeeze his hand back.