Chapter XI: Of love and lust and life
AN: Hi guys! So, this is the first chapter of the finale, which will be divided in two. I thought a lot about how to post it, but if I had posted it as one chapter it would've been too long, so here you have the first part of the finale. I don't know how this thing will end, honestly, the story is kind of writing itself the moment I sit to write. I may be posting the second part of the finale this weekend, but I can't guarantee anything. I am sorry in advance for the grammar mistakes, I didn't have time to proofread it. Thank you all for the sweet and motivating reviews you guys leave, I love hearing your opinions and deeply appreciate each kudos and each comment. Enjoy!
Sara was expecting and in a certain sense she was prepared for the backlash of her explanations, she was prepared for the tears, the denial, the cries, the frustration even for the fury that Morgana would feel after everything she had just told her. She was half prepared for the insistence of finding another way, half expecting even the anger that could follow after she basically told her that she shouldn't go with Kara. And yet… neither of those things came. There was no outraged discussion, nor exasperated pleas, there was no irascible reaction at all and after a moment of complete silence that began worrying Sara.
Most of the people, ordinary people, would be quite angry after hearing they have to let the love of their life go away forever, but then again, Morgana was never ordinary why would she start behaving like one now?
"Morgana, do you understand what I just explained to you?" – Sara asked quietly, touching Morgana's hands carefully. She was freezing! Morgana's hands were as cold as ice. The brunette was the personification of calm and for a moment Sara thought she saw her eyes reddening, but the seconds passed and the tears she expected never came.
Morgana was stoic, frozen in time, looking pointedly the chipped surface of the wooden table, her mind running through everything Sara just explained to her and sentences like "She won't go without you, but you can't go with her", "Kara will die if she stays here", "I know you love her, but she needs to go back to her own world…" kept replaying in her mind. How was she supposed to take this news? Crying the frustration of the situation couldn't even cover half of the emotions she was feeling, so she decided, if she couldn't express all these emotions then she'd show no emotion. Fate had already made its move and Morgana found herself in check, one more move before the inevitable check mate.
"I understand perfectly, Sara. But I can't promise you I won't go with her." – Morgana said retrieving her hands back from the touch.
"Dear God, Morgana… You can't play with time like that! Kara came here by accident and she screwed up the time continuum enough already, you can't just jump universes. It doesn't work that way." – Sara was getting desperate already, she expected resistance, but this uncertainty was much more unnerving.
Morgana couldn't take it anymore, her mind was telling her one thing, her heart the complete opposite and she needed time to think, she needed time to be with Kara and kiss her and hold her close, but time was exactly what she didn't have.
"I know what I have to do and I also know what I want to do. I can't and won't make you any promises, my intention is not to inflict pain or suffering on anyone, let alone Kara, but I've had too many people taken away from me and I'm no saint, Sara, don't expect me to behave like one. So, just as I don't make any promises, please don't make any more efforts trying to persuade me to just let her go." – Said Morgana while getting up and moving towards the door of the kitchens. The only thing she wanted was to go back to her room, but the problem was, she forgot that she wasn't alone there, so instead of going there, she just ran towards the only place where she felt like she could breathe again, Kara's room.
It was pure torture, it was a bittersweet sensation to finally stop in front of the wooden door behind which the most beautiful and gentle person was laying on the bed with eyes wide open, restless, turning from one side to the other. The gentle knock on the door startled both of them and it felt like forever until Kara opened slightly the door. For a moment Kara wondered if her eyes were deceiving her, she had been thinking about telling Morgana everything tomorrow, but ever since Sara went out for a walk, she had been pacing up and down, back and forth, gathering courage and chickening out each time she made more than two steps towards Morgana's room. She could see her room window from her own room, she could see the candles were still lit and she could also see the silhouettes of three women in Morgana's room, surely the brunette was having fun with her new friends, the last thing Kara wanted was to hurt her more, Morgana deserved to remain happy at least for tonight. But Kara had overlooked one teeny tiny detail, Morgana wasn't happy, not without her, but the brunette was a magnificently proud creature and she's never have admitted it.
Kara wanted to ask the girl in front of her what had happened, but her gut was telling her that she already knew what had happened, no idea how, but it was obvious… Sara had talked with Morgana. There was no other reason why the brunette would be here now, standing bare feet, shaking visibly and looking at her with furious, glassy eyes.
"Morgana, I…" – Kara tried to talk to her, tried to ask her if she wanted to come in or talk or even argue, but Morgana only rushed in the room, closed the door and hugged her. She hugged her so tightly that if Kara was a mere human, she'd have at least one broken rib. This hug was never like the tender and gentle ones they used to share before, it wasn't warm and comforting, it was strong and desperate. It wasn't a hug that reminded her of the long days after which Morgana would hug her all night in their sleep, it was a hug that you'd expect before a long and uncertain journey. Nothing about this hug was happy, Kara could feel Morgana's heart thumping rapidly in her chest, her shallow breaths, the burning, hot drops of water down her neck, the exact spot that was only kissed before, was now soaking wet from the tears of the most precious person Kara had ever met and there was nothing she could do, but return the hug. Talking was overrated, banal in a moment like this one. Nothing ever said could cover the full intensity of their feelings, it was as impossible as trying to invent a new color in the color wheel.
"Hey, come on, come to bed." – Said Kara after a while when Morgana finally began easing her grip around the blonde's shoulders.
After a few more hours, Morgana's breathing had evened out, finally resting, finally in Kara's arms again.
"I won't leave you alone, I promise." – Kara vowed whispering and permitted dreamless sleep to claim her too.
2 Days Left
The morning came too soon for their liking and Morgana found herself waking up first. She woke up content, smiling to find Kara holding her tightly against her, she was happy for a moment, but when memories of last night flooded her consciousness it became too much to have Kara this close and she gently extracted herself from the sleeping blonde.
She had come last night to her, needing to see her, needing to have her close, knowing fully well she'd regret her decision, but it was worth it. If she only had two days with Kara she'd make sure to use them fully.
Making her way back to her own room, Morgana saw another familiar blonde walking quickly with a saddle in her hands and rushing to the stables.
"Morgause!" – Called out Morgana.
"Morgana! We were so worried when you didn't come back last night. What happened?" – She asked with truly preoccupied voice.
It wasn't a story Morgana felt ready to discuss with Morgause as much as she liked her, so she settled for a little white lie.
"I am sorry I worried you, the multiple staircases on my way back resulted to be more challenging then I initially expected and I thought I'd sit for a second in the kitchens, but I guess I fell asleep." – Morgana laughed it off.
She was almost certain Morgause didn't believe her, but the blonde didn't seem to want to press the issue further, she always gave permitted Morgana her privacy and that didn't change now.
"Well, I am sorry I didn't accompany you in that case. I liked spending time with you, I hope we get the chance to do that soon again."
"Soon? Are you leaving? But you just came…" – Morgana tried to understand what was happening, first Kara is leaving, now Morgause…
"I am afraid I must go, Morgana." – Morgause said looking at the ground, she was sad and that much was clear to Morgana.
"You are sad, what happened Morgause? Is it because I offended you last night? I really didn't mean to…" – But before the brunette could continue, Morgause stopped her.
"No, no. It wasn't because you did anything wrong, believe me. It's just that, a friend of Nimue found us this morning while we were searching for you and told us everything about Uther's plan to attack the last remaining druids… I… I had to tell you before, but I wasn't sure how you'd react, but then we got to spend some time together and I saw that you couldn't be more different than Uther and …" – Morgause was panicking, but Morgana remained calmed yet again. That was beginning to unnerve her, even though she felt nervous, her body was stoic and the only thing betraying her inner feelings were her freezingly cold hands, every time she was in a tense situation she remained calm, but on alter at the same time.
"It was you… You were with the druids the other night of Alban Arthan when they entered Camelot…" – Morgana said in what was almost a whisper, quickly touching her lips with one hand like she had just revealed the biggest secret of the girl in front of her and in a way… she had.
"You are a druid."
"A priestess of the old religion, to be more exact, but yeah." – Morgause said a little more relaxed now, seeing that Morgana didn't run away instantly after realizing it.
"And Nimue… She was also with you, right? I knew she seemed too familiar to me somehow and I could only see your hair and lips from under your hood the other night, but I had a feeling you seemed familiar too."
By this point, Morgana was having an out loud monologue with herself rather than a consistent conversation with Morgause, but as stupid as it seemed she needed the confirmation.
"There are many things you don't know yet Morgana, you were born to do so many important things, you were born to be a queen, but nothing of that will be possible if Uther kills our kind."
"Our kind?" – Morgana tried to sound surprised, but she knew very well what was Morgause talking about.
"Yes, Morgana, our kind." – Said Morgause and took Morgana's right hand in hers, the touch unlocked something in Morgana, something she had tried to keep buried for a long time and both eyes shined in bright resin color for a few heart beats and suddenly an unvoiced understanding was reached.
"Go and be careful." – Said Morgana, she didn't want to lose another friend because of a foolish conflict.
"Be safe, Morgana." – Said Morgause and quickly pecked her lips. Even though it lasted longer to be purely platonic, it wasn't like her kisses with Kara either. She stood there watching the blonde ride away and quickly made her way back to the throne room.
Her hands were still cold and her feet burned from the furious steps she was making, not stopping for anything before reaching the throne room where Uther and Arthur were looking at the maps.
"I hope your men are ready Arthur, we march in two days. You know the terrain around the waterfall is treacherous, be prepared for a possible ambush and don't forget that these people fight with magic, not with honor." – Uther said looking at his son as the door opened and a furious Morgana entered the room without even knocking for permission beforehand.
"So, it's true?! You are planning a massive slaughter of innocent people; didn't you kill enough already?" – She asked Uther.
"Morgana…" – Arthur tried and Uther only looked at her with an angry stare.
"And you, Arthur! You are going to help him commit mass murder?" – She shouted even madder at the prince.
"That's enough Morgana! Calm yourself and don't forget to whom your talking!" – Uther shouted back.
These situations were the ones Arthur hated the most, Morgana was a headstrong young woman and Uther was the king who had the absolute authority. One was his best friend, the other one was his father, last time a confrontation like that happened, she ended up in prison for a day.
"You are planning on killing children and women! What a benevolent king you are if you're ready to kill anyone who opposes you! What example for the future king are you?" – Morgana wasn't backing up.
"Tread carefully Morgana or you might end up being accused of treason for your words." – Uther said suddenly all too calm and like Morgana, that reaction was even worse than his anger. Maybe it was true what people say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
"Only a mad man hears the truth as treason." – She answered equally calm.
"Morgana!" – Surprisingly enough it was Arthur who shouted this time and grabbed Morgana's arm forcefully dragging her outside before Uther could even begin shouting orders for her incarceration… again.
Leaving Uther fuming behind, Arthur didn't let go of Morgana until they were well into the corridors leading away from the throne room and right to Artur's.
"You need to learn when to keep your mouth shut Morgana, you know how he is! Why do you feel the constant need to challenge him?"
"Because he is a weak king consumed with hatred and he corrupts everything he touches, you can't listen to him Arthur. For god's sake, killing all these people is wrong, you know they can't even fight well!" – It was his turn to bare Morgana's rage.
"What would you have me do, Morgana? Go behind his back? He'll never make me king if I do that!"
"Is that your main concern? Being king? What people would want to follow a king like you who can't defend his own opinion, who remains silent when there's an injustice? Camelot was supposed to be a fair place, a place where we are all equal and yet he had always favored the knights and the noblemen."
"Camelot is young, Morgana, the king is not. Thing will be different when I am king, you know I don't want to attack the druids. I just can't risk going behind his back!" – Arthur said decisively.
There was no sense in continuing this discussion, Morgana knew that there was nothing she could do to stop the attack, so she chose the world old strategy "If you can't beat them, join them" only with a little twist.
Taking a step back, Morgana was quietly looking at the ground and after a moment she did what she had learnt to do best over the years living in the castle. She put neutral expression on her face, steeled herself and looked into Arthur's eyes.
"Then I'm coming with you."
"Are you crazy? Do you want to attend my funeral? Because if something happens to you, father would kill me for it. You know that despite his weird way of showing it, he loves you just as much as me. Besides you were just telling me how against this you are, that sudden change of heart is very improbable."
"I wasn't asking for permission Arthur. You know I am better than any other knight to watch your back and if there is no other way… I can't watch you die." – She said with a softer voice. Morgana knew very well what Arthur wanted to hear and she played him right into her trap, sometimes playing with the male's delusions were the fastest way to achieve a goal and Morgana never shied away for reaching her goals, whatever the cost was. This war was interfering with Kara's plan, out of all the days and out of all the places the battle had to be directly below the field where the knights were planning their attack, she couldn't just stand in her room while her world was crumbling down.
"Actually, I was going to take Merlin for this." – Arthur said not even trying to sound convincing. They both knew Merlin wasn't a good choice for a battle companion.
Morgana arched up an unbelieving eyebrow and smirked humorlessly.
"Yeah, right."
"Okay, okay! We will talk with father after he has calmed down a little, but if you get hurt out there, I'll kill you myself." – Artur could already hear the "Absolutely not!" his father would surely say, but he learnt a long time ago that Morgana was indeed the best option when it came to picking your battle companion.
"As if you could ever touch me without my permission." – And there was that sassy smile again.
Of course, Uther protested, of course he tried to pull the "I am the king and I say no" card, but nobody could resist Morgana's insistent sweet words and big eyes. Especially her father. Sounding apologizing and honestly upset, she managed to get Uther to agree with her and once this was taken care of she had to go and see Kara. They hadn't talk all day and the conversation they needed to have couldn't be avoided any more.
The sunset painted the sky in warm orange hues when Morgana made her way to Kara's room, entering without even bother to knock on the door this time. She was ready to have a serious talk with the blonde, but when she saw what awaited her inside, her words froze in her throat, hell, her whole body froze in one place.
Kara's room wasn't as big as hers, but she always seemed much more inviting to Morgana, now every corner of the room was decorated with little white flowers, the same ones Kara used to put in her hair from time to time. On the table, there was a goblet of whine sweetened with honey and all sorts of sweets, undoubtedly Michael had been very busy today. There were small raspberry and lemon crème tartelettes, strawberry muffins, honey cakes, blueberry and blackberry parfait, peach eclairs and of course pineapple and chocolate rolls.
"Kara, what is all this?" – Morgana asked, but it wasn't with the harsh tone from a few days ago, she was gentle and surprised even and that made Kara feel all warm inside.
"I know we have a lot to talk about, but I figured after last night, we could at least do it with our bellies full." – Kara explained and smiled. That smile was brighter than the sun and Morgana didn't stand a chance not to melt on the spot.
"We really do need to talk." – There's nothing more she would have liked than not talking, but they needed to talk, at least for now.
"I know, I promise I will behave." – Kara teased and Morgana shot her a look that could only mean one thing "Stop playing with fire."
"Today I just learned that Uther was planning an attack against the druids in two days' time." – Morgana said and Kara's smile quickly faded from her face. She expected to talk about the portal and Morgana going with her, but that was getting more complicated with each passing second.
"The problem is, that the attack is meant to take place not even a mile away from where your portal was supposed to open."
"I wanted to talk to you about that though. I need to know that you'll come with me. Please Morgana, I can't imagine leaving you behind." – Kara knew she should have listened to Morgana first and wait for her to finish, but that worry has been on her mind ever since Sara told her about the portal opening.
"I know we had our ups and downs, but I can't lose you." – Kara admitted almost ashamed of sounding so needy.
"You won't lose me Kara. I promise you, whatever happens, you won't lose me." – Morgana said and moved closer to Kara, kissing her softly, conveying everything she felt towards the blonde.
Sure, the last couple of days seemed like a never ending emotional roller coaster ride, but Morgana wouldn't waste any more time. Neither of them was guaranteed tomorrow, neither of them could see the shady future that awaited them, so why should they waste the wonderful present?
Soon the sweet kiss escalated to something much more, more aggressive, more urgent, more inviting and their clothes quickly decorated the hard castle floor. Their hands however, kept the leisure pace and when Morgana straddled Kara, both of them lost their interest in talking. Where one kissed, the other nipped, where one would tease the other would bite and where one would dig her nails, the other would moan and gasp. Yet the couches were never quite enough, they both needed more.
"I can't lose this Morgana." – Said Kara gently just as she put her hand on Morgana's chest, right above her beating heart and trailed kisses from her neck to the side of her left breast.
"I am not leaving you, no matter the time continuum in the multiverse." – The blonde continued.
Once they were completely naked and tangled around one another, it seemed much easier to say everything they had in their minds, no worries, no preoccupations of sounding stupid or desperate or childish.
Morgana let a single tear escape her eyes, she had never felt more loved than right now and she had no words to return Kara's feelings, she had only actions to show her heart's desires. And just like that she trailed kisses and licked playfully until she found that one spot on Kara's slender neck that drove her crazy and sucked until a purple spot appeared and Kara threw her hear back, enjoying every second. Her powers were subsiding with every passing minute and that was probably the only positive side of it, she could finally wear proudly Morgana's mark on her skin.
That night they didn't sleep. They spent the whole night making each other scream in pleasure and it wasn't as if either of them objected spending the night hours that way. Merlin on the other hand didn't appreciate the constant moaning and pleadings of "more", "Rao, faster" and "don't stop please" at all that were coming from Kara's room, only a door away from his. At least Gaius was still on his trip to the outer villages, or that situation would've been far more embarrassing. He remembers the times when he'd tease Morgana a morning after a night like that, but after everything that he came to know from Kara and from the prophecies he just prayed that he would not have to kill her himself. She would put Arthur's life and Camelot's fate in danger, there was no question if Merlin would do what it took to stop her, he'd even give his own life, gladly, for Camelot and for Arthur.
Of course, Merlin knew of the war they were about to enter and her knew about Nimue and he saw the moment Morgause and Morgana shared in front of the stables, but he had yet to discover that things were even more complicated than that.
1 Day Left
The morning sun found Kara and Morgana snuggled together, neither sleeping, just resting contently and satisfied, one against the other. Just when Kara's stomach growled they both remembered that they didn't actually got to the pastries last night, too caught up in the moment, they hadn't finished their conversation either.
"I think that means it's time to eat something." – Said Morgana kissing Kara's side and tracing shapeless patterns on the blonde's skin.
"It would be a waste not to try Michael's works or art." – Answered Kara.
"There is no greater work of art than you, love." – Said Morgana and Kara kissed her passionately.
Of course, a kiss like that never ended with something chaste, it was like having a bite from the ambrosia of the gods, one bite wasn't enough. And so, after another round of morning exercise, they decided to get up and eat those deliciously looking sweets.
Eating, showering and rushing back to bed was the only thing the couple managed to do before having the dreaded conversation of last night again.
"So, what is out plan for tomorrow?" – Kara asked and pulled Morgana closer to her, playing with her hair and gently caressing her face to which Morgana looked her with an arched eyebrow again, damn that eyebrow it made Kara fall in love more every time when she saw it.
"I promise I'll let you finish talking." – The blonde hurried.
"I was thinking, since it will be very close to your portal, maybe I would be able to find us a "safe passage" of a way. I know the grounds, I can navigate us around the battlefield so that no one sees us. Since I'll be dressed with my armor, no one would dare question my movements on the battlefield, and you and Sara will be with me. In case we ran into trouble, Sara and I can take care of it."
"Why would you be wearing your armor?... No, no, no… Please, tell me you didn't sign up for a war!" – Kara stopped her movements.
"It was the only way Kara, we can't get to the field where we need to go if we don't go through the grounds around the waterfall, there is just no other route."
"You are not fighting on the battlefield, Morgana. What were we talking about just last night?" – Kara tried, but she was obviously annoyed with the brunette's decision.
"Come on, Kara. You know I am the best with a sword, please trust me on that one. Sara and I can fight our way through if we must, but you are getting weaker with every hour that passes, I'm not risking you, love. You told me you can't lose me, that goes for you as well." – Morgana spoke and for a moment seemed much older than she actually was.
"Why can't we just go before and wait for the portal to open there? It would be much simpler." – Kara asked.
"It's a war territory Kara and the druids already know about the attack. They may not be such skilled fighters, but they have magic, powerful magic on their side and the place is already filled with traps, if we go with the knights we can use them to see where the druids have set their traps and not get caught in them."
"But then the knights will be trapped."
"It's war Kara, both sides will have victims and that's one war you can't stop or prevent." – Morgana knew that wasn't something Kara wanted to hear, but at the moment they didn't have an alternative. They didn't have time to think of one, the simple fact was that… they didn't have time.
0 Days Left…
(TBC)