Anna played her fingers on the bottom of her glass, twisting it back and forth. The table bumped slightly and she jumped, looking up to see John. He managed a weak smile at her before taking his seat. Anna folded her hands next to her plate, trying to blank her face.

"I thought was said half past?"

"You did." John waved off the offer of wine, "My rehearsal went long."

"That happen often?"

"Often enough. Usually I spend my days off taking a bit of time to rehearse but since last night I had a performance…" John shrugged, "You make do."

"I would imagine." Anna winced, "And do you enjoy your work? Even with, what I would assume, are late hours and rehearsals and the constant potential for something to go wrong?"

"It's far more exciting than repairing clocks."

"I could see that."

They sat in silence a moment as John put his hand on the table. Anna wanted to take it in hers but the distance between them stretched farther than just the dimensions of the table. John cleared his throat.

"What of your father's clocks. Do they still give you trouble?"

"Occasionally." Anna smiled to herself, "I was actually just having one fixed before I came down to London for the engagement announcement."

"Was it the same piece in the back."

"It was." Anna risked a sip of her drink, her mouth feeling drier than she would like. "I think I rather shocked my poor repairman when I took it in hand to mend myself."

"I doubt the great Lady Ravensburg taking things in hand would be an odd sight for your household."

Anna blinked, feeling her smile fall at his words, "What makes you say that?"

"I've heard of the business acumen and professional prowess of Lady Ravensburg. The way you crushed your competition and grip your whole empire in your fist."

Anna nodded, "Is that what you think of me? That I'm a heartless taskmaster casting all others away to manage for myself?"

"No," John shook his head, "I think you're capable and intelligent and it's no surprise to me that's what you've become. What you did, with what life gave you, is to be commended and applauded."

"I'm glad you think so. Not many others do."

"If I'd had more time last night I could've told you so then."

Anna bit her lip, "I do want to apologize for how Mr. Green interrupted the show last night. That was unacceptable and rather out of hand… though, unfortunately, not out of character."

"I get the feeling you spend an awful lot of time apologizing for him."

"His behavior does make one rather self-conscious."

"With the way he escorted you out last night I did wonder if perhaps we needed permission to even meet today." John scanned the room, "What will your fiancé think if someone sees us?"

"We're not children, John." Anna took a sip of her drink, "I'm Lady Ravensburg and if I want to meet someone for something as simple as a meal in a public restaurant to show my gratitude for a rather heartfelt performance then that's what I do. If my fiancé doesn't like he, he can lump it and he knows it."

"I forgot, you control your own destiny." John ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth, "Which makes me wonder why you're marrying someone who neither loves you not treats you as you deserve."

"What would know about what I deserve?"

"I know enough about you to know you're living below what you deserve with him. Any woman who settled for him would be."

"I assume that you think so because you believe that he doesn't love me."

"I know he doesn't."

"Are you a mind reader?"

"No, I'm just someone who-" John bit back the end of his response and Anna waited but when John continued her heart sank a little, "Someone who loved you very much once."

"Once?"

"Yes."

"And those emotions you had for me, so long ago, then entitle you to know what I deserve now? I've changed since then."

"No one changes that much."

"Then you really don't know me anymore." Anna took the menu from the waiter, "You left me to seek your life abroad when I said you deserved me. If you didn't grasp what I deserved then why would you assume to think you know now?"

"I just believe you deserve better than him."

"I deserved you."

"I didn't deserve you." John sighed, "I was beneath you."

"Says you." Anna turned to the waiter, "We'll both take the meat medium rare with the potatoes on the side. Leave the asparagus broiled and lightly salted. And a red wine, for now."

John handed over the menu and the waiter vanished. "You don't think I had any idea what you deserved?"

"No, I don't."

"And why not?"

"Because I remember being very vocal about what I deserved once. It was raining and we were in a barn." Anna wanted to smirk at the red blush over John's cheeks. "And then, that same day, you left me."

"The village would've turned on you."

"And why would that've mattered?"

"You would've lost everything you had."

Anna gestured around her, "Do you think this fills the hole you left in my life? Money or position or glamor?"

"You've made an empire for yourself."

"What's the point of it if there's no one to share it with?" Anna took a breath, "Life itself has no meaning without someone to share it with you."

"I thought leaving would let you find that person."

"You were that person." Anna tried to control her emotions, "Why'd you leave me John?"

"Because of what people would think."

"No," Anna shook her head, "It wasn't just that you were frightened of what people would say or how they'd react. You made a decision when you let me have my way with you in that barn and then you made a decision to leave. Why?"

"I-" John sat back, studying Anna, "I needed to make something of myself."

"And you couldn't have done that as a respected clockmaker? Or as my husband?"

"No," John leaned forward, "As hard as you've worked in the life that you have, you were born to a position where you could grow. I wasn't. To find my place in this world was harder for me than you."

"It would've been easier if we'd found that place together."

"Perhaps," John sucked on his tongue, "But I needed to face the truth and I couldn't do that in the shadow of Ravenworth Castle."

"What truth?"

"That I was always a better illusionist than a clockmaker." John shifted in his chair, "I needed to come to terms with that."

"And traveling the known world did that for you? You found yourself in the hills and vales of the world?"

"I did. I also gained an education, a reputation, and a purpose." John shrugged, "I was in Prague, finishing my coursework there when war broke out. The Army drafted me as a translator in India and then I spent time in the Orient. I couldn't get back to you and thought, since so much time had passed, you no longer needed me."

"But you never came to see for yourself?" Anna sighed, "You assumed that I would just move on, after everything we'd endured together?"

"I did."

"Did you?"

John looked affronted, "Of course not. I could never forget you."

"And you think that after you held my father in your arms as he died or me in your arms the day of his funeral, that I could just move on, that I'd forget you?"

"I thought it possible."

Anna laughed but there was no mirth in it, "How could you think so little of me to believe I'd simply take all of that and cast it as a happy memory before losing myself in the arms of another man at the first opportunity?"

"Because I didn't think much of myself."

"I thought the world of you, John. I told you as much and you all but threw it in my face." Anna snapped and then pulled back as the waiter delivered their respective meals.

John waited until the waiter left to answer, "In the end my assumptions weren't far off."

"How'd you figure?"

"You did align yourself with Green."

"Purely for convenience. He owns a shipping company and I own a business that needs to ship materials. It's a match for business, not pleasure."

"There are hundreds of shipping magnates you could have lured, why him?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because he's terrible for you Anna." John stopped himself and Anna's widened at the use of her name. John lowered his voice, "He's not the man for you."

"The man for me decided he didn't want to be with me." Anna cut into her meat, "I made a deal with the devil I knew."

"You'll suffer, Anna."

"I already suffer. That's what women in my position do: suffer."

"But you don't have to." John pushed back from the table, raking a hand through his hair, "I though you didn't want to marry him."

Anna cut her meat further, scowling and refusing to look at John. "I still don't want to marry him."

"Then why?"

Anna put down her utensils louder than she wanted. Waiting for the eyes that glanced over to look away Anna hissed at John, "Because I don't have a choice."

"You do have a choice. A choice to be happy."

Anna swallowed, almost biting through her cheek, "I once asked you if you'd help me be happy. Do you remember how you answered?" John hung his head, "You refused me."

"I did."

"I had my chance at happiness John and it was taken from me. What I do now I do to protect me and mine."

"You don't have to."

"You have no idea what I have to do."

"Then tell me what I can do and I can help."

Anna paused, meeting John's eyes. "Would you, if I asked you to, help me run away?"

"Anna-"

"I'm being serious John. Would you take me away from here? Away from this engagement? Away from that man? Would you take me to India like you promised me in that barn? Will you fulfill your promise to me?"

John dropped her gaze and shook his head, "I couldn't do that to you. The shame it'd bring on you would-"

"Would what, 'destroy me'?" Anna barked out a laugh filled with bitterness, "I'm already a shell, John. How much worse could it possibly get for me when I'm already dead?"

"Anna you don't mean that."

"Don't I?" Anna used her napkin to dab at her face, "I'm not the person I was once. Life is gray for me and, what's worse, I don't care to see colors anymore. The world darkened when you left and I resigned myself to the truth that it'll never get brighter. That's the life I live now John. The life you cursed me to."

"Someone else could make it brighter for you."

"You could be that person."

"I can't."

Anna stood, digging in her handbag to draw a few notes out of her pocketbook and dropped them on the table, "You were always so concerned with how it would look, with how others might perceive it all, and not enough with how I would feel. That's why you left, Mr. Bates."

"And why's that?"

"Because you're a coward." Anna walked out of the restaurant and hailed a cab. The cab took her to Grantham House where Mary waited in the hall for her. She practically leapt out of her chair as Anna approached.

"Did you tell him?"

"How could I? He wasn't willing to even acknowledge we had something once." Anna removed her coat, "If he won't even save me, after all we had together, why would he save someone he's never met."

Mary waited for the footman to take Anna's coat before whispering, "Your son is his flesh and blood. He deserves to know that Jack exists."

"He lost his right to 'deserve' everything when he left. And he lost it again when he refused to deserve me now." Anna took a breath, "I'm going to rest. I've a long train ride tomorrow."