A kinda lemon in the flashback. Be warned. Smeyer owns all.
BPOV
"I think everyone here is jealous," Edward leans over and whispers in my ear.
I look at him questioningly. "Why on Earth would they be jealous of me?"
He smirks. "Not of you. Of me. Because I'm here with the most exquisite woman to ever exist." He lightly presses his lips to my shoulder before standing up straight again.
I look around the crowded room. Men and women are all staring at us, envious expressions painting their features. I can't help but smile to myself as Edward takes my hand and squeezes it lightly. He may think they're jealous of him, but really, they're all jealous of me. Not only do I look incredible in my backless, navy satin gown, but at my side is Edward. Perfect Edward, holding my hand, smiling at nothing but me.
"Dance with me, beautiful," he says, leading me to the center of the room. The crowd parts to let us in and a slow, dreamy waltz begins to play. Edward's arms encase me, leading me, holding me.
"This is perfect. I never want this to end," I whisper, laying my head on his chest.
"It never has to. I'll never leave you, Bella. I'm right here. Right here by your side." He gently clasps his hand with mine and twirls me out away from him. As I laugh lightly and spin back towards him, I slam hard into his chest, knocking the breath out of myself.
"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asks, in a slightly panicked voice. But I don't want him panicked, I want him to keep going.
"Don't stop dancing," I murmur.
"Bella? Wake up, Bella. You're dreaming."
Dreaming? I'm dancing. Not dreaming. I pull myself closer to Edward but he stops dancing, and starts lightly shaking my shoulder.
"Bella, come on, wake up."
I groan. Christ. It was only a dream. Go figure. "I'm awake. Stop shaking me."
Wait. Shaking me? Who the hell? I open my eyes and my chest tightens in a panic. My eyes widen and I'm suddenly wide awake as I scramble away from where I was laying on top of Edward.
"What the hell are you doing?!" I manage to squeak-yell at him.
He holds his hands up. "Wait, Bella. Please don't be mad, let me explain."
I hold a hand to my chest and can feel my heart beating erratically in my chest. As I struggle to calm my ragged breaths, I remind myself that it's just Edward. Not James. Not anyone who would hurt me. Just Edward. He's a good friend. I like him. In fact, this is something that might happen if he finds out I like him. We could lay together. Cuddle. He'd never hurt me. Never force me into anything.
Finally, I manage to calm down a little. I crack my eyes open, not sure of when I squeezed them shut. I glance up at him and he looks scared and worried.
As I manage to nod at him to tell me what's going on, he explains, "Last night, you fell asleep when we were hugging and I was afraid that you'd be afraid if you woke up in my arms, but I didn't want you to think I ran away after you told me what you told me last night so I let you sleep on the couch and I slept on the floor beside you here so you'd see I wasn't going anywhere and a little bit ago, your hand fell down on my chest and then you grabbed my hand and you were holding it and then you started talking about someone being jealous of you and dancing and then you fell off the couch onto me but you kept talking about dancing and held onto me when I tried to wake you up and I swear I didn't mean to freak you out. Please forgive me, Bella, I should have never stayed here tonight."
"Oh God, just stop please," I pant out. He's panting for breath from forcing out his explanation so quickly and I'm finally managing to get my breathing under control. "Its okay, Edward. You just scared me, is all. I'm not mad." I glance over at the clock by the TV. Almost 4 AM. "I'm sorry for keeping you here. You have work in a few hours, don't you?"
He looks at the clock, too. "Yeah. It's okay though. I don't mind at all." Shooting a worried glance my way, he says, "Are you sure you're not mad? I know I probably should have woken you up and then left but after the crying and all, I just didn't have it in me to wake you up."
I smile and stand up, gathering the blanket from the floor and tossing it on the couch. "It's fine, really. I just . . . it's been a long, long time since I woke up next to someone and it just scared me is all. I'm fine though."
"Okay. Well, I guess I'll go get ready for work, then." He grabs the pillow from the floor and puts it with the other as he stands up. "Um, do you want to get some breakfast or something?" he asks, running his hand through his hair.
"No. Thank you, though. I think I'm just going to head to the gym for a bit." I've got to clear my head. I can't believe I was lying on top of him!
"Okay." He looks nervous. What's he got to be nervous about? I'm the freak who slept on him. "Um, do you want me to come over tonight for dinner? I can bring take out."
Is that what he's nervous about? Idiot. "Of course. Definitely. I, uh, have therapy later. So, yeah, that would be great." God, could this be any more awkward?
He nods, and offers me a small smile. "Great. Good. Okay," he says as he grabs his jacket from the back of the chair and his shoes from by the door. "I'll see you tonight then."
"Alright, sounds good." I follow him to the door and watch him step over and into his own apartment, then lock the door again.
Well, no use in dwelling over it. Time to get to the gym.
*****
MPOV
Yes! There she is. Alone. Perfect. It's Friday, perfect night for a date. God, she's gorgeous.
Straight to the elliptical. As always. Gotta keep that body in good shape. Should I go now, or wait until she's on the stair climber? I'll go now. She'll want time to make plans with me.
"Bella!" I call out as I jog over to her. "Hey, Bella!"
She turns to me and smiles. Glad to see you, too, baby. "Hi Mike. Did you need something?"
"I was thinking tonight maybe we could go out and get some dinner, maybe catch a movie or something."
"No thanks, Mike, I've got plans."
"With who?" I demand, stepping around in front of her as she turns away from me. She will not ignore me.
"With Edward," she says. "You remember, you met him the other day?"
"With that homo?" The queen was taking up all her free time!
She stops the machine and glares at me. "Excuse me?"
"He's a fag, right? Why don't you ditch him and spend some time with a real man?" Come on, baby. I know how to treat you right.
"Okay, first of all," she says, jumping down from the elliptical and glaring at me - what the hell is her deal? "Edward is not gay. Secondly, I will not be 'ditching him' because I have already made plans with him." God, I hate air quotes. "And third, I don't see a real man around here, so excuse me, I've got to be going."
As she stomps off towards the locker rooms, I'm stunned. That bitch! Who the fuck does she think she is? Insinuating that I'm not a man? I'm more of a man than that pansy-ass Edward will ever be! Stupid bitch is nothing but a fag-hag. She'll see one day, I'm right for her. She'll get tired of being around that queer and come running to me for a taste of what its like to be with a man. Bet she'll even beg. Can't wait for that day.
*****
BPOV
I slam my purse down on my desk and gather more attention that I'd like. "Sorry" I mouth to the few people who look my way, as I quickly duck down to hide behind my cubicle walls.
When will that little creep finally just take a hint? Why can't he see that I'm not interested in dating him? Why won't he leave me alone? Why did he insist that Edward was gay?
Whatever. Maybe I'll take Edward up on clearing things up with Mike. I mean, what could it hurt to have him think we're dating? At least he'd move on to someone else. Or maybe Emmett could do it. He's a hell of a lot scarier looking than Edward is anyway.
Ooh, I know. I'll mention it when we all three have dinner together. It'll get the attention off Edward and Emmett will see that they both want the same thing - for that creepy to leave me the hell alone. You're brilliant, Swan!
Now I just have to get through the day, and therapy. Maybe Emmett can come over tonight. They can be all macho together over Mike, then after he leaves, I can talk to Edward some more about whatever I tell Dr. Whitlock in therapy today. If he still wants to hear, that is.
"Morning all!"
Perfect. I stand up and smile at Emmett. His usual, jovial greeting being returned by the rest of the staff. Everyone loves him, that's for sure.
When I catch his eye, I wave him over.
"And a very lovely hello to you, Miss Bella. What can I do for you this fine morn?" he asks, leaning against my cubicle wall as I sit back down.
"Well, I talked to Edward last night and I was thinking that maybe you could come over tonight if you don't have plans? I really want you to get to know him some."
He nods slowly. "Of course, I'll have to move some things around, call the President, let him know I'll be canceling our dinner, but I think tonight would work for me." He raises his eyebrows, suddenly seeming excited. "What are you cooking for us?"
I groan and let my head drop back. "All you ever think about it food, Em! As a matter of fact, I'm not cooking tonight. We do take out on therapy nights."
"But Bells, you're practically a master chef. I was hoping for your food." He pouts out his lower lip and gives me those damn big puppy dog eyes.
Not this time, big boy. "Tuck it back in, mister. I don't cook on therapy nights. That's that. If you behave tonight, I'll let you come over one night when I do cook. I'll even let you decide what I make. BUT, only if you behave. I mean it. I don't want you scaring Edward off."
He brightens up considerably. "I can be good. And I will be getting that meal. Anyway, what time should I come over?"
"Seven? Does that work for you?" That'll give us plenty of time to talk after he leaves.
"Seven it is. Alright, I'm going to get to work before Esme notices what time it is." He gives me a wink and a nod, walking away.
Now, to warn Edward so he doesn't freak out tonight. I pull out my phone and send him a text.
*****
EPOV
I'm tired as hell and irritable, and it obviously shows since everyone is giving me my space today. Only getting a couple hours of sleep last night might have sucked, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. Bella is finally opening up to me. I still can't believe all that happened to her. Poor thing. God she must have been so scared. And her body. Those scars. What kind of monster could do that to a little girl?
As I feel my anger rising again, my phone chirps to alert me of a new text message. I quickly snatch it up and I can feel the anger rush out of me. Bella!
Emmett joining us tonight 7. I'll get dinner. Please don't be mad? -B
Oh God. Okay. I knew this was coming. I just thought she'd give me more time. But it'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'll make Emmett realize I care about Bella and only want good things for her. I can do it. I type out a reply and hit send.
Sure on the food? I don't mind getting it. -E
A few minutes later.
Positive. He eats like a bear. See you tonight :) -B
At least Bella seems sure this won't be a disaster. I can do this, for her. I have to.
*****
BPOV
Seven o'clock exactly. I wonder which one of them it is.
I quickly cross my apartment to the door and peek out the peep hole to see Emmett's hulking figure blocking everything else from view. I unlock my door quickly and pull it open.
"You're oddly punctual tonight, Em. Come on in."
"Is he here?" he asks, stepping in past me as I re-lock the door.
"Not yet. Should be any minute."
"Well, your boy toy better not be late. I don't want my free dinner getting cold. What are we having, anyway?" he asks, sniffing and wandering towards my never-used dining room. I figured it would be better than our normal coffee table dinner.
"Thai." A knock on the door keeps me from following him. "Don't touch anything yet!" I all after him as I turn and peek out again. There he is, running his hand through his hair nervously. I can't help but smile. He's such a good friend for agreeing to this. I make quick work of the locks and open it for him. "Hey. Come on in." I lean closer and whisper, "Emmett's already here," as a warning.
He nods and runs his hand through his hair again. "Is he in a good mood?" he asks quietly, taking off his jacket and draping it on the back of the chair. I lock the door again as he steps out of his shoes. I smile at that. Even nervous, he's still completely comfortable here.
"There's food. Of course he is. Come on," I say, leading him towards the dining room. Emmett is hunched over, looking in the various take out containers when we enter and straightens up at me clearing my throat. "Em, you remember Edward."
"Sure do. Nice to see you again, Ed," he says boisterously, stepping around to slap Edward on the shoulder. I see him wince a little, either from the nickname or the slap, I'm not sure.
"Nice to see you again, as well Emmett. Glad you could join us tonight."
"Free food and my best gal. I wouldn't miss it for the world," Em says.
Edward nods and the three of us stand there in an awkward silence. Well, this is going just wonderfully.
"Beer?" I ask them, eager to get everyone to loosen up. They both nod. "Great. Go ahead and sit. I'll get them." I scurry into the kitchen. This could very well be a complete disaster. What was I thinking?
As I'm walking back in carrying three beers, I hear Edward saying, "Well, we usually eat in the living room. I don't think I've ever really noticed she had a dinette set."
"That's because it's usually covered in papers," I say, placing a beer in front of each of them. They've sat on the sides of the table, leaving me to sit at the head of the table. They look at me expectantly. Yup, definitely going to be a disaster night. "So, family style. Dig in."
I scoop some pad thai on my plate and begin eating to avoid talking. Emmett wanted this, he can lead the conversation.
"So, what do you do, Ed?" he asks, loading his plate with a bit of everything.
"Uh, I work with computers. Writing programs and such."
"So you're a computer nerd, huh?"
"Emmett!" I glare at him, but Edward gives a little chuckle.
"It's okay, Bella. Yeah, I guess I am a computer nerd," he says to Emmett. "You work with Bella, right? Doing the same stuff?" I notice he's only barely picking at his food. He's still nervous. Emmett, however, is not nervous at all, stuffing his face.
"Yep."
Silence. We eat, drink our beers, and exchange some glances for several minutes. I'm starting to feel like screaming when Emmett starts talking again.
"You make a lot of money doing that?"
Tactful, Emmett. "I do okay," Edward replies.
"You got plans for the future, then? Or are you going to do that your whole life?"
Edward seems to think about it for a minute. I don't think he'd planned on needing to have his life goals in order for dinner tonight. "Um, well, I'd like to one day write my own programs and sell those, rather than writing someone else's programs."
"Hm," is the only response from Em.
More silence stretches on. This is painful. Awful. It can't possibly get any worse.
"You seeing anyone, Ed?"
Okay, I was wrong. If Emmett outs me for my crush, I will kill him.
"No. I haven't had a girlfriend for quite some time."
Emmett eyes him. "So what's wrong with you?"
I shoot a glare his way. "Emmett!"
Edward replies, "I've never been one to want a relationship for the sake of relationship. I want to be with someone I care for deeply, who deserves to be treated like a goddess. There aren't a lot of those girls around anymore."
I look over at him. Hadn't he said I needed someone to treat me like a goddess?
"So then how many girls have you randomly fucked out of a relationship? You always use a condom?"
I choke on my beer I was sipping and slam my bottle down on the table. "Emmett! Kitchen! Now!"
I quickly jump up and stomp into the kitchen, waiting with my arms crossed over my chest for Emmett to join me. He's definitely crossed the line with his questions.
He saunters in, like he hasn't a care in the world. "What's up, Bells?"
"Emmett McCarty! Where do you get off asking him questions like that?"
He rolls his eyes at me. Actually rolls his eyes. "They're legit questions. If he's not seeing someone, he's gotta be fucking someone. And if he's fucking random chicks, you gotta make sure he's clean. Who knows what he could have?"
"Will you lower your voice?!" I hiss at him. The last thing I need tonight is for Edward to hear that. "And it doesn't matter anyway. What he does with his penis is his business! Not yours!"
"Bells, I'm just trying to make sure he's a decent guy."
"Well do it without embarrassing him! Or me!"
I stomp back into the dining room and sit down, shaking my head.
Edward is blushing. Great. He heard.
"You heard everything we said, didn't you?" I ask him.
"Um, yeah. I did."
"Fuck," I mutter. "I'm sorry."
"Hey," he says softly, "don't worry about it, okay?" He shrugs when I look up at him, giving me his crooked smile. I can't help but return it. "To answer his question, by the way, none."
Emmett chooses that moment to come back with three more beers. "Sorry about that, Ed." He hands us both one and plops back down, goofy grin on his face.
"Hey, Em?" I say. Time to bring out my secret weapon - creepy Mike.
"'Sup?"
"There's this guy who won't seem to take a hint and quit asking me out. I was wondering if you would maybe straighten him out."
"Wait, is it that guy from the gym?" Edward asks.
"What guy? Someone's been hassling you?" Emmett asks, sitting up. Over-protective big brother Em was coming out now.
"Well, I mean, he's just really persistent and he stares at me. Edward saw, right?" I say, turning to him.
"Yes. Little creep was practically eye-fucking her. I can't believe he didn't back off after the other day."
"You met him? So you can point him out?"
"Yeah."
"Bells, me and Ed will take care of it. Don't worry." He and Edward both nod.
"Are you sure you guys don't mind?"
"Positive. Anything to keep him away from you, Bella. If anyone at all, ever, makes you uncomfortable, let one of us know." Edward smiles at me reassuringly. Perfect. Mike won't bother me anymore, and Edward and Emmett have found some common ground. Now, we just get through the rest of dinner, and I'll see if Edward wants to hear what I told Dr. Whitlock today.
*****
BPOV
"Okay, I'll see you on Monday Bells. Have a good weekend. And thanks for dinner."
Standing in the door, seeing Emmett out, I can't help but smile at him. After the initial awkwardness and the intrusive questions, dinner had been quite nice. They had gotten along well and I could tell Emmett liked Edward.
"Sure thing, Em. Take care." He gives me a wave and heads towards the elevator. I shut the door and lock it, turning around and sighing. Edward is relaxing on the couch. "Well, it wasn't too bad, was it?"
"Could've been worse. Now that he's gone, I'd like to thank you for telling him to stay out of my penis's business."
"Oh God," I bury my face in my hands. "I still can't believe you heard me say that."
He chuckles and says, "Come on, relax. Nothing to be embarrassed by." I look up and he pats the couch beside him, then offers me his hand. "Sit with me."
I climb onto the couch and link my hand with his, resting them between us. "Thanks for doing this tonight. He'll back off some now about me hanging out with you."
"Good. Because I wasn't planning on going anywhere any time soon." He smiles again, then turns a little more serious. "How was therapy today?"
"It was . . . good. I told him some more about what happened." Does this mean he wants to know still?
"Are you still up for telling me about it? Or do you want to wait?"
He still wants to know. Thank God I haven't scared him off yet. "No, I want to tell you. I wasn't sure if you wanted to know anything else about it."
"Bella, I want to know everything." He leans down to look me in the eyes. "But," he says, "before we get started, if something like last night were to happen, what do you want me to do? Wake you up, let you sleep on the couch? I don't like the idea of leaving you alone after such an emotional exchange." He gives me another smile. "I just want to know what will make you most comfortable."
I nod, biting my lip a little. After freaking out this morning, I'd come to realize that it was nice to wake up with him here, even if it did scare me at first. And it was really nice knowing that he didn't want me to be alone. "Well, maybe we could do like last night? But we'll make it more comfortable for you. I know it couldn't have been that nice sleeping there."
"Don't worry about my comfort. I just want to make sure you're comfortable, okay?"
Could he be any sweeter? I smile. "Okay." I close my eyes as he rubs his thumb over my knuckles reassuringly. "Okay, so, um, I told you about him cutting me. Well, he kept that up, pretty much every day, the whole time I was there."
Flashback
"G'morning, peach."
I continued to stare at the ceiling, refusing to acknowledge James entering my little room. I ached all over, my freshest cuts stinging constantly. I'd lost count of the days. It's been at least three months of cutting, sickening caresses, James' sadistic glee over spilling my blood.
"Aw, no love for me today? That's fine." He steps up beside the bed. "We're going to do something different today."
I flick my eyes over to him. Different can't be good. Whatever. Maybe he'll finally kill me.
"Today, we're going to start teaching you how to please me." I guess I looked confused, because he continues. "Sexually. That pretty little mouth of yours is going to be put to work. I won't fuck you yet. Don't worry."
Don't worry? Don't worry that he's only going to rape my mouth now, not take my virginity? Sure, I'm pleased as punch about this. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I simply shift my gaze back to the ceiling. Crying will do no good. It only turns him on.
"Sit up." His voice is harsh again, all teasing gone. I quickly sit up in my little bed, instinctively pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. "Some rules before we get started. You will not bite me. Are we clear on that? I will beat you within an inch of your life if you do, let you heal, and do it again. Biting will not be tolerated. Are we clear?" I close my eyes and tremble slightly. He'd do it. I know he would. He wouldn't let me die. It would be too easy for me. "Answer me!" He shouts, grabbing my chin and forcing my to look up at him.
"Y-yes Sir," I whisper. I'd learned in my time here he liked to be addressed as Sir. It often softened him up a little.
"Good girl," he says, releasing my chin. "You're to approach this eagerly. Once you get good at this, I will be more apt to let you feel pleasure as well. I told you when I brought you here, this doesn't have to be all pain. I wasn't lying. I expect you to be willing to suck my cock at any given point in the day. I will come to you when I want your mouth and you will eagerly please me, right?"
I swallow back the bile threatening to rise in my throat. "Yes Sir."
"When I cum, unless I state otherwise, you're to swallow it. I don't want you missing a drop. The first few times, I'll let it slide if you don't get it all. It can take some practice, but I won't be lenient on this for long." He moves to the foot of my bed. "Now come here and open my pants."
Already trembling, I scoot to the foot of the bed, letting my feet drop to the floor. I can see that he's already bulging in his pants and I drop my gaze as my hands fumble with his belt and zipper. He helps me lower his pants to midthigh, his erection swaying in front of me. It's the first time I've seen it. It looks so big, how am I supposed to do anything with it? I look up at him, my eyes pleading with him to not make me do this.
"Go ahead and stroke me, learn how I feel. You're going to be spending a lot of time with my cock, you might as well get familiar with it." His tone is teasing, mocking. It makes me hate him that much more.
Rather than face his anger, I reach out and tentatively touch him with one finger. It's . . . not what I expected. It bobs slightly and he chuckles, wiggling his hips at me, making it sway again.
"It's not going to bite you. Wrap your hand around it and stroke me. Make me hard."
Make him hard? "But, you're already . . ."
"This isn't hard, peach. It's going to get harder, bigger. Now stroke me before I lose my patience with you."
I nod, biting my lip. It's going to get bigger. And he expects me to do anything with it? He's insane.
I wrap my hand around it, feeling awkward. It feels strange. Almost silky, but stiff underneath that. I softly move my hand up and then down. It twitches in my hand. I do it again, then again. Horrified as it does indeed get harder, thickening, lengthening.
"Lick your hand. Get your palm wet and keep doing it." His voice is a little husky and it sends a chill through me. He's enjoying this. I'm disgusted, but I do as he says, wetting my palm and stroking him again. He moans. "Squeeze a little harder."
I tighten my grip a little, not wanting to hurt him. He'd no doubt beat me for it. I feel the tears pooling in my eyes and slipping silently down my cheeks as I please him. Why couldn't he have just killed me?
A little dot of moisture beads on the end and he smiles down at me. "Lick me. Taste me." I start to shake my head, my tears coming harder. He can't make me do this. It's so wrong! He grabs a handful of my hair and holds my head still. "Do it now!"
I bite back a sob and lean forward, sticking my tongue out and licking the tip, the bead of moisture gathering on my tongue. I swallow it, knowing a look of revulsion crosses over my face.
"Learn to love it, peach. Time to start sucking." He pulls my hand off his penis and pulls my face forward with the hand still fisted in my hair. "Open up. Do a good job and it'll be over quicker. Suck me like a popsicle, lollipop, whatever. Take me as deep as you can. Lick me when you can."
I vow to myself to do as good a job as I can so it'll be over quicker. It's got to be over quickly. I open my mouth and he pushes me down on his erection. It slides past my lips and fills my mouth uncomfortably. He's too big. I'm going to choke to death on it. My eyes widen as I struggle to pull in a breath.
"Calm down. Breathe through your nose." I still and inhale deeply through my nose. "Now, up and down. Suck me, peach. Make it good."
Tears still streaming down my face, I spend the next ten minutes in hell, following his orders, learning how to please him with my mouth, hating myself all the while. Why did I let myself get kidnapped? I should have screamed at the mall. I should have found way out by now. Everyone probably thought I was dead. I closed my mind off to what I was doing and could see my dad, devastated, blaming himself for what happened to me.
They probably had a funeral for me. Or not. Who knows. My friends probably whisper about me, wondering what happened, gossip spreading like wildfire. Jess, no doubt, had several theories. They'd been the last ones to see me, after all. I wonder how Ange was holding up. I know she probably blames herself, too. I hope she's not too sad. She was such a good friend to me. I'll miss her forever after I die here.
Finally, James moans turn to sharp grunts and he holds my head still, thrusting his erection in and out of my mouth.
"Get ready, peach. Swallow it all like a good girl," he says through clenched teeth. Before I can prepare myself, he orgasms, and I choke. He continues to thrust as he explodes in my mouth, ignoring my choking until he's done. When he pulls out of my mouth I sputter and gasp for air, hunching over and spitting on the floor to keep from vomiting.
Sounding slightly out of breath, James' voice above me is laced with admonishment. "I expected better of you, peach. But we've got time. You'll get better." He pulls his pants up and steps towards the door. "Victoria will be by to clean that up and bring you lunch. We'll try again tomorrow."
With that, he lets himself out and I crawl back up in my bed, curling into a ball and sobbing against my knees. In my mind, I scream every curse I can think of at James, at Victoria, at God. After my sobs turn to quiet cries, I bury my face in my pillow and fall asleep again, my only escape from the hell that my life has become.
End Flashback
It was quiet for several minutes then. I knew I was crying. I knew I was holding Edward's hand too tightly, but I couldn't let go. I was ashamed, embarrassed. I'd pleased the man who kidnapped me, repeatedly. I had gotten good at it, learning what he liked and doing it. I was disgusting.
"Hug me," Edward says quietly beside me. I look up and can see in his profile that his eyes are wet also. He's staring at the coffee table with a desolate look. "Please."
I immediately turn and wrap my arms around his neck and his arms circle my middle, each of us pulling the other close together. I bury my face in his neck, relishing the comforting embrace, inhaling deeply, his smell even calming me. My tears slow and still, I hold him.
After some time, he says softly against me, "I promise that nothing will ever hurt you again, Bella. I'll do everything it takes to make sure you're safe and happy, okay? I promise you."
I sigh against him. "Stay here tonight, okay? Don't leave me."
He pulls back a little. "Are you sure?"
I nod and touch his face, softly tracing his jaw with my fingertips. He closes his eyes and then nods again. "Let me go get your blanket and everything."
He starts to pull back again and I tighten my hold on him. "No." He looks confused. "I want you to. . . Will you sleep in my bed? With me?"
"Bella, are you sure? I don't want you to do this because you think its what I want. Only if you want it, too, okay?" He looks so unsure. So sad for me.
Its that look of pity I never wanted to see again. I look away from him. "Don't do it because you pity me. Please don't pity me. I just wanted to be close to you tonight." I stand up, still looking away. "Its okay. You can go home."
Standing up in front of me, he grabs my hands and crouches to be in my line of vision. "Don't push me away now. I don't pity you. I'm just so fucking angry and upset over what happened. Don't mistake it, Bella. I want this. I want to be here with you. I want to sleep beside you. You have no idea how much I want it, how long I've wanted it."
Now it's my turn to be confused. "You've wanted to sleep with me?"
He sighs and tugs me back to the couch, sitting us both down. "It's my turn to tell you some secrets, Bella. I can't keep it from you anymore, and I just pray you don't hate me when I'm done."
*****
EPOV
Moment of truth. Everything is coming out now. Please don't hate me, Bella.
"When you moved in and I helped you that very first day open your lock, I thought you were the most gorgeous girl I'd ever seen. I had never wanted to kiss someone so bad in my life. When we managed to talk in the hallway or ride the elevator together, it made my day." She looks so confused. Don't stop now. Just get it all out.
"I was a wreck when I finally managed to ask you to have dinner with me. I thought you'd say no and I'd have to live with only seeing you across the hall from me. And this whole time, getting to know you, laughing with you, learning about you . . ." Deep breath, just say it. She deserves to know. "Bella, I . . . I'm in love with you."
I hold my breath and just stare at our intertwined hands as I hear her gasp.
"But . . . how can you? I mean, I just . . . wh-how? I . . ." She stumbles over her words for a minute.
"I'm sorry. I've loved you for so long and I was afraid to tell you because I thought you only wanted to be a friend and I know now probably isn't the best time to tell you this, but I have to tell you. It was wrong of me to keep it from you for so long." I take a deep breath and look her in the eyes. "Please don't hate me. I don't expect anything from you. I just wanted to tell you. I'll go home now if you want me to."
She just stares at me, seeming to search my face for something. I guess she finds what she needs because she releases one of my hands and pulls me up from the couch. Leading me towards her bedroom, she turns off lights along the way. When we're standing beside her bed, she releases my other hand and faces me.
"I don't know what I want, Edward. I just know that since James, I haven't wanted anyone to even be near me. But I feel so safe and right when I'm with you. When you hold me, it feels good, it doesn't make me freak out." She bites her lip hard, watching me, but I don't know what to say, so I nod. She continues. "I like you. More than I thought I'd ever like someone. I don't want to have a physical relationship with you, not yet anyway." My heart leaps a little. Maybe someday.
"I'd never ask that of you, Bella."
She smiles then. "I know. Stay with me tonight." She looks me up and down. "Do you need to go get something to sleep in?" she asks uncertainly.
I blush a little. "Uh, well, I usually just sleep in boxers. I think I might have something I can put on though. Some gym shorts or something."
Now she blushes. Beautiful. "Boxers are fine. I'm going to get changed." She opens a drawer in her dresser and grabs some clothes, then stops. Facing away from me, she asks quietly, "Do my scars gross you out?"
I'm at her side in an instant. "Absolutely not. Nothing about you could possibly gross me out. I think you're beautiful."
"Do you care if I wear a tank top, then? It's more comfortable to sleep in." Like I could say no.
I give her my signature crooked smile I know she loves. "It's your bedroom, love. Wear whatever you like." She stares at me for a minute, then smiles a little and nods, walking back out to change in the bathroom.
As soon as I hear the door shut, I do a little happy dance. Just a quick one. Bella knows I love her! She doesn't hate me! She likes me! She's letting me sleep beside her!
When Bella comes back a couple minutes later, I'm still standing there, stupidly grinning, looking around her room. She stands in her doorway, looking at me nervously.
"Are you ready for bed?" she asks.
"Absolutely!" I say, a little too enthusiastically, perhaps. But she giggles and steps into the room. I can see now why she's never worn a tank top around me. There are scars across her chest and over onto her shoulders. As she turns to shut the door behind her, I see more along her upper back. I look away before she can catch me staring. I hope that bastard fried for what he did to her. I wish I could ask. But she's telling me as she's comfortable with it. I won't press her.
I strip down quickly, trying very hard to ignore the fact that I'm about to be laying nearly naked next to the love of my life. She glances at me and blushes and giggles. I look down and realize I'm wearing some cheesy Valentine's boxers, covered in Cupids and heart and laugh with her.
She climbs into her bed and I climb in the other side. With one last smile my way, she reaches over and turns out her lamp, darkness surrounding us.
"Goodnight, Edward."
"Goodnight, Bella."
Well then. Longest chapter yet. Let's see, couple things I wanted to mention:
As much as I love Dr. Whitlock, I don't think we're going to see much of him anymore. Mostly, she's going to just be recapping therapy with Edward.
As pervy and creepy as Mike sounds (and thinks), he's not going to go all stalker and attack Bella in some alley. Don't worry.
So yeah. Hope you enjoyed it. I love reviews like I love . . . puppies . . . and chocolate . . . and the new Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper. So leave me some :) Reviews, that is. Or some soda. No puppies, though. I have too many as is.