We've been playing truth or dare for over an hour now, and we're now all getting a bit too pissed to really notice it if we let out too much information. Not good. The last time we played this game, Remus and I kissed, and all this started. I still blame James. And Rambo and thingy. It's also their fault.

"So Remus, truth or dare?" James asks, and Remus shrugs. "Truth then. Have you managed to finally get laid during your trip?" he laughs, and I can't help but choke on the whiskey in my mouth. Remus' face turns a dark shade of red, and his eyes are full of panic. He sure got laid, James. Want to know who the first person is that he had sex with? Me! Haha, me!

"He so did," Lily laughs. "Who was she then?"

"Probably some French bird," James laughs.

"It wasn't some French bird. I do not just sleep around, thank you," Remus says, and I look down at my hands, that night playing over and over in my head. It had been brilliant, and fuck, I should really stop thinking about it before I get a little bit too excited.

"So you knew her, then?" Peter asks. "Do we know her?"

"I…"

"Who was it?" James asks, looking at me, but I just shrug. Me! It was me! "Fuck you, Sirius. You have to know."

"I do," I say, and I look at Remus, who still has a panicked look in his eyes. I could just tell them, right now. Tell them what has happened. Tell them we've had sex. Get revenge for dumping me. But I love him too much, and I can't hurt him like that. "But it's none of your fucking business. So fuck off." I laugh, and I hand the bottle of whiskey over to Remus, who flashes a grateful look.

"So how was it?" James asks, but Remus shrugs, looking really shy. "Come on, man."

"Did you at least enjoy it? I hope so, because, I mean, you'll always remember your first time," Lily says, and Remus gives a slight nod.

"I did, enjoy it I mean. It was perfect," he says, and my heart skips a beat. My stomach flips, and I feel a bit dizzy. I can't look at him right now. I can't look at my friends right now. If I do, I'll cry. I'll fucking burst into tears, bawling like a baby.

"I'm glad," Lily says, flashing a smile. "Go on, it's your turn."

"No, wait. What about you then?" James says, looking at me. "Did you get any on this trip? What were the French girls like? I bet you had a different one every night."

"No, actually," I say, still fighting against the dizzy feeling. "I only slept with one girl."

"One girl?" Peter laughs, and fuck you, Peter. Fuck you! Don't you dare laugh at me, you fucking twat! What fucking right do you have to laugh at me? Who the fuck do you think you are, eh? "What, you gay or something?"

"If he slept with a girl, then I highly doubt…" Lily starts, but my brain has gone into overdrive. Is now the time to come out to my friends? Or do I keep it to myself? Remus knows. He said that they won't care. But I'd really rather keep it between us. But before I have even properly decided, the words have already left my mouth.

"I am, actually."

"What?" James asks, his mouth literally falling open.

"You're gay?" Lily asks, and I can see Remus in the corner of my eye, looking nervous. He's probably scared that I will out him as well. I won't. If he wants to keep it to himself, that's his choice. Not mine.

"Yes. I hope that's not an issue for any of you?"

"As if," Lily laughs, flashing a smile.

"Of course not. As long as you never fancy me, we're cool," James laughs. As if I would fancy you, you spoiled brat.

"You know I love you, James, but sorry, you're not my type. Not in a million years."

"Good," he laughs, and I actually feel relieved. I'm actually glad that I have told them. I'm glad that I don't have to keep it to myself anymore. I… what the fuck is that creepy little fucker looking at me for?

"I don't feel comfortable with it, really." Really? Fuck you. "We have to sleep in a room together, so…"

"Have you looked at yourself lately?" I ask, and he shrugs. "Do you think that I would ever, and I mean ever, want to even come near you? Do you think that I would ever want to touch you? Get the fuck over yourself, you stupid prick," I say, and I get up. "I will never fancy you, and I will never fancy James, so don't you fucking worry." I look down at them, and I can see that they are waiting for me to say that I will never fancy Remus. But what do I do? Do I lie? Or do I just ignore it? I look at Remus, and he is looking nervous. I feel for him, and I choose to ignore it. I won't tell them the truth, and I won't tell them a lie. I storm out of the room, because fuck them. But I stay in front of the door, so I can hear them talk.

"Did you know?" Lily asks.

"I did. He told me during our trip," Remus answers.

"Then why did he sleep with a girl?" James asks. Like it fucking matters.

"That's his business," Remus answers, and I can't help but smile. Sweet, kind Remus. "He found it really difficult to tell us, so you really shouldn't have said that."

"It's true though," Peter answers. "Who knows what he does when we're asleep. And he never said that he doesn't fancy you," he laughs, and just the sound of it makes me want to smash his face into a pulp. "So you better sleep with one eye open. He may sneak into your bed."

"Fuck you, Peter," Remus says, and I can hear footsteps coming towards the door. I quickly leave, and I go to the common room. Remus joins me, not much later, and we're the only ones there. We haven't really spend any time alone together since the trip, and I feel a little bit awkward. Because I am head over heels in love with him, but he doesn't want to be with me.

"Thanks, for standing up for me."

"He's a prick. As if any of us would be into him. Imagine having to have sex with him," Remus says, and I feel chills going down my spine. "Disgusting… But he really shouldn't have said that."

"Oh well."

"I'm proud of you. For coming out," he says, and I look at him. Those kind eyes, those soft lips. Pure fucking beauty, and it was once mine…

"It was the whiskey, really."

"Nah, you're just brave. A lot more brave than me."

"Not really," I say, and he looks away. "You come out when it feels right."

"Yeah…," he says, and I look back at him. I can see tears forming in his eyes, and I wrap my arms around him. Fuck that we're only friends. Fuck that we used to be something more. But fuck knows what. Fuck that this may cross a line. I cannot see him like this, hurt. I need to comfort him, hold him. I just need to. He buries his face in my neck, and I pull him even closer.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," James says, and we quickly let go of each other. Fucking James Potter. Bad timing. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"I'll see you later," Remus says, and he gets up and leaves. James joins me, and I feel a bit uncomfortable. What does he want to talk to me about? He doesn't agree with Peter, does he? They don't want to kick me out of the room, do they?

"I just wanted to let you know that me and Lily, we're cool about you being gay. It's no big deal," he says, and I feel relieved. Not kicking me out then. "And Peter is a dick. Just ignore him."

"I can't stand him."

"Me neither," he laughs, and a silence follows. It is awkward, but when he finally breaks it, I wish it would've lasted longer. "So, you and Remus?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, but my heart is racing, and my mouth has gone dry.

"That hug that I just saw… friends don't hug like that."

"They do," I awkwardly laugh. "He just hugged me because I was a bit upset about what Peter said," I lie, but James raises an eyebrow.

"What really happened while you were away? I won't let him know that I know."

"Fine," I say, but fuck, I am not going to tell him the truth. Not exactly. "After I came out to him, we got pissed. I ended up snogging him, things got awkward. We dealt with it, but things are now a little bit awkward."

"Then why did he just hug you like that?" Fuck you James. Why can't you just believe me?

"I guess he has just forgiven me for snogging him." I shrug, trying to be as careless as possible. "You know, we got pissed, it just happened. It shouldn't have, but it did."

"Right… So do you fancy him?" Please don't ask me that. Yes, I fancy him. I fancy the pants off of him. I love him. I am head over heels in love with him. I want to be with him. Hold him. Kiss him. Make love to him. Fuck. Well, yes, that too.

"No," I laugh, but even I don't believe it. He raises an eyebrow, but I just shake my head. "Of course not."

"Well, if you ever need to talk about how you don't fancy Remus, I'm here, yeah?"

"Thanks." I do not need to talk about it. I'll keep it to myself, thank you. "Let's go back." We get up, and head back for our room. Remus is talking to another student, but when he sees us, he joins us, and we head back to our room. But when we get there, we hear a lot of shouting, and we burst in. Peter is standing there, with his jeans and pants around his ankles, his hard-on out in the open. Lily is standing on the bed, holding up the yellow vomit bucket to protect herself.

"You know it is me you want," Peter says, not even noticing that we've come back.

"You leave me alone, you fucking pervert," Lily shouts, and she throws the bucket against his head. James goes up to him, kicks him in the back, and he falls down to the floor. Remus runs out of the room, and I go up to Peter, to hold him down, while James goes up to Lily, to calm her down.
"Are you okay?" he asks, and she nods.

"Yeah, nothing happened, really. He just, he all of the sudden dropped his pants, and kept saying how I didn't love you, that I love him, and that I really want him. And that this was our chance."

"Fucking bastard," James says, but he stays with Lily, and keeps his arms around her. I stay with Peter, and kick him whenever he tries to speak, so he quickly gives up. See, I knew he was a creepy little fucker. I told you, didn't I?