CHAPTER 11
I could hear hushed voices and a soft whimper of a female. I opened my eyes, I was immediately blinded and let out a yelp as I squeezed them tightly shut again. Familiar hands began stroking my hair, soothing lips pressed to my cheek. "We dimed the lights, its ok to open your beautiful eyes now baby." I heard a soothing voice whisper.
Jace sat on the edge of the hospital bed. I got a glimpse of my arms covered in Drips and Tape. I began to panic. I could hear my heart rate from the monitor escalate to a frantic pace. Jace gently grabbed me on both sides of the face pressing our foreheads together so I could only see him.
"shhhhhh its ok babe, you're in the hospital but you're ok, I'm here with you, were all here, I need you to calm down and breathe with me baby, ok? Just breathe" I began to take deep breaths, inhaling the scent of Jace and allowing it to sooth my heart rate down to a more acceptable rate. "That's it beautiful, much better" he kissed me lightly on the lips giving my heartrate another quick spike before pulling away with a light giggle and reaching for my hand. I realised we weren't alone, Izzy and Simon were sitting on one side of the bed and Alec on the other. Before I could acknowledge them. The door suddenly swung open, in stepped a very serious looking Dr Bane. As his eyes landed on me they immediately softened.
"You gave lover boy and me quite the scare the other night biscuit, you're so lucky, How are you feeling?" he asked
I went to say that I was fine but was shocked when my voice came out as a raspy whisper. I was so confused. The last thing I really remember was Jace taking me out of the bath. Did he call me babe?
"What Happened" I managed to croak out. Jace lifted a glass of water to my lips which I greedily accepted.
"You are suffering with severe Stress and exhaustion Clary, you're also severely malnourished and dehydrated. Your body shut down Clary. We almost lost you twice." I heard my heart rate pick up as panic threatened to overtake again. Jace soothed me down as I looked to Magnus to continue.
"You're ok, you have been stable and out of ICU since yesterday afternoon, we just kept you out a little longer to give you rest. You're on fluids and nutritional supplements. You should start to regain strength in the next week or so. For now you need to keep calm, stress is your enemy right now Clary. We're taking good care of you, you're going to be fine."
I was struggling to hold my tears as the information was sinking in. Magnus told the others that he would be back in half an hour, he was finishing for the day. He would take everyone to the apartment to freshen up before returning so we could all have dinner together. He placed a quick kiss on my hand giving it a reassuring squeeze, then disappeared out the door to continue his rounds.
Izzy was the first one to pounce on me. "I'm so happy you're awake Clary, please don't scare us like that again" she gave me a warm hug.
Simon was next giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek and gripping my hand. "Welcome back Clary" I gave him a small smile. "it's great to see you smile short stuff". He gave my hand a final squeeze before stepping aside for Alec who took my hand and sat on the bed.
"Were having a serious talk when you get out of here." He hung his head unable to look at me, he was squeezing my hand so tightly it was almost painful. "I can't believe we almost lost you" he sadly whispered.
"I'm so sorry guys, I didn't realise It was so bad, it won't happen again" I promised.
"Please just do everything Magnus tells you so we can get you healthy and out of here ok. I'm going to ring mum the institute is freaking out for you. I'll be back. I nodded as he bent to kiss my head. Then got up and walked out dialling the institute.
Jace hadn't taken his eyes off of me. He hadn't said a word to me other than to calm me down when I was panicking.
"Jace, are you ok?" I asked beginning to get concerned. He just squeezed my hand and nodded. Not saying a word.
I was already exhausted again, sleep threatening to take me once more. Magnus came back in and got everyone, insisting that Jace go as well, he had been here for 4 days and needed to freshen up. He reluctantly agreed when Magnus practically dragged him and Alec insisted he would stay with me so Jace could go home and return to stay the night.
They all said their good byes promising to return with my favourite food. I was asleep before they even left the room. Exhausted from the last 20 minutes.
I don't know how long I slept for, I awoke to Jace stroking my hair. I looked up at him and smiled softly at him. I tried to sit up but my body was just too weak to cooperate. My head began to spin so I dropped it back down. I tried to lift my hand to my head in hope of steadying the spinning, I was too weak to even do that. Tears of frustration began to fall from my eyes. Jace wiped them away as he asked if I was ok.
"I can't even move" I croaked out. Coughing to try and clear my voice.
"I'll raise the bed" he pressed some buttons and the bed began to rise until I was sitting mostly up right. He held a drink of water up to my lips, I smiled at him and eagerly drained the glass before asking for another. After finishing the second glass Jace placed it back on my night stand.
"Hungry? We brought Lasagne" the smell of Magnus's home cooked lasagne swept over me. I nodded eagerly the smell making my mouth water. I tried to reach for the plate that was on the table beside me. I tried 3 times to lift my arms to grab for it, grunting out in frustration when I once again failed. Magnus chuckled in amusement before suggesting that I needed a hand.
"Don't worry biscuit, you'll be shovelling my magnificent cooking in that cute little mouth of yours in no time. You have had a really rough few days, this is to be expected"
"I honestly didn't feel that bad before this Mags, I swear. I just don't understand what happened"
"Alec said you have barely slept for months Clary, the others haven't seen you eat for almost as long. You have been living on coffee and energy drinks, big no no by the way" he added. "You have worked around the clock on the club biscuit. I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner, I'm just glad you were here when it did. If it wasn't for your hero over here you wouldn't be here right now." He finished.
Jase had a fork full of food poised at my mouth waiting for me to notice and take a bite. He lowered his hand and his head and began shaking it from side to side.
"Jace!" I whispered "What happened?" his hands were painfully fisted in his hair. Tears began to roll down his cheeks, I tried to reach for him but my stupid arm wouldn't work and he stood up quickly and walked straight out the door.
"Help him" I begged. Alec quickly followed him, leaving the others to explain what had happened.
Apparently within minutes of arriving at the hospital my heart stopped, Magnus, Jace and 3 of their colleagues were just able to stabilise me when I once again went into Cardiac Arrest. After 3 minutes with no response and being shocked by the defibrillator several times I was pronounced deceased. Jace lost the plot and threw himself at me preforming C.P.R. amazingly he was able to bring me back. He never left my bedside until this afternoon. Izzy began to sob into a crying Simons chest as Magnus tearfully told the story of how Jace saved my life.
I was crying silent tears as my heart broke for my beautiful Hero. The only thing on my mind was holding him, I needed to comfort him and tell him how sorry I was. It would have broken me had the roles been reversed. "Come here Mags" I requested signaling for a hug and thanking him over and over again. "Please find him for me mags, he needs me" he stood up sniffling and smiled as he left the room. "Over here guys, I need a hug" I said to Izzy and Simon. They rushed to me holding me as if I would break. I held them as tightly as I could manage in my weak state, I told them I loved them and how sorry I was.
We tearfully talked over things for a few minutes, about how badly I had coped with all the recent transitions in my life. I promised to keep down my walls and let them be there for me more. That there would be no more secrets.
We were interrupted when the door slowly opened. Izzy and Simon excused themselves as I asked them to send Alec back later so I could talk with him. Jace stepped into the room looking like a beautiful broken mess. Izzy and Simon tightly embraced him as they went past telling him that they would be back in the morning and to call if we needed anything.
He just stood there for a moment, he was looking at his shoes, both hands in his back pockets, scared to look me in the eyes, as the door gently clicked behind him.
I was falling apart, I could write a song in seconds and have it give the desired effect to my audience. What could I ever say or do to express what I was feeling for and because of him in this moment?
"I'm so sorry I put you through that Jace" I whispered, begging him with my stare to come to me. This reduced him to tears again as he flew to my bedside. Burying his face in my chest he began to sob. The sound breaking my heart all over again as I held his arms so tightly my whole body began to throb.
"I thought I lost you Clary" he choked out between heartbreaking sobs. "I can't lose you" he kept repeating over and over as he buried his head in my neck. "I need you so much, please don't leave me again, I'm so sorry it got so bad, I should never have left, I should have made them take better care of you " he said between lovingly kissing my neck.
"Shhhhh" I soothed "It wasn't your fault Jace, and it's no one else's fault but mine. You hear me? No ones, I'm a big girl Jace" I sternly corrected him. I knew it was true, I had been so consumed these recent months. Between feeling angry about my past circumstance, my confusion on my feelings of how to move forward with my life and missing Jace. I had run myself into the ground.
"The only reason it's you in here and not me is because I had Mags kicking my arse along the way. They should have been there for you, baby" he tried to reason with me.
"They were Jace, I just wouldn't let them. They didn't know I was having a hard time because I didn't show them. I won't let you or them wear this Jace, I won't." I said as strongly as I could. He sat up taking my hand with one of his and wiping his face with his other.
"I can't do this anymore Clary" he sadly whispered. Panic flared through me as I processed his words, terrified he was going to leave me. I was confused on so much but the only thing I knew was that I needed him more than anything, My heart monitor began to race and beep loudly as he hurried to calm me down.
"NO! that's not what I meant, please calm down, I can't go through that again, just breathe for me ok" we were interrupted when a nurse rushed in, panicked at the sound of my monitor that began to slow down as I was breathing in time with Jace. "That's it, you're ok, were ok" he continued to sooth.
"Everything ok Dr Lightwood?"
"Perfect" he replied as the nurse pressed a few buttons before quietly leaving.
He kissed me sweetly on the lips before continuing on where he left off. "Mags and Dad are trying to push through the transfer back to New York. If it doesn't come through before your better. I'm done. I won't torture us both like this. It's not worth it when I've already made up my mind not to practice anyway."
"But you have worked so hard, you're so close." He shook his head.
"I can't do this every day, maybe a private practice one day, but this won't make me happy"
"What will make you happy?" I questioned, Jace gently crawled into bed beside me pulling me into his arms.
"I want to work in the club with you, take you onto the dance floor whenever I hear our favourite songs. Make amazing music with you, I want to fall asleep just like this with you every night and wake up to you beautiful face every day. You make me happy babe, I just want to be with you."
It was all to much, but I couldn't resist, I leant in and kissed him with all the love and passion I had in me. We only broke the kiss when the nurse came flying in at the sound of my monitors blaring again, she shot us a disapproving look before giving us privacy again. Jace let out a heartly laugh when he noticed my face flushing.
"Good to know I have the same effect on you" he declared giving me a quick peck on the nose. His face grew suddenly serious. "I am so in love with you, and it doesn't scare me anymore" he proclaimed pressing our foreheads together as he looked adoringly into my eyes.
"Im trying hard not to be scared babe" I gave him a quick peck on the lips. testing how the term of endearment felt coming from my lips. He beamed at me before we shared another passionate kiss.
"So it only took me saving your life to start calling me babe huh? He joked playfully, finally more like the Jace I know and love.
"Hmm, I might just change my mind if you don't start feeding me some of that lasagne soon. The smell is driving me wild." I joked back. He began to sit up while he chuckled at me, reaching for the plate and picking up the fork.
"Mmmmm you are the best boyfriend ever" I announced without even thinking about it. He sexily raised an eyebrow at me.
"Boyfriend huh? What brought this on my stunningly amazing girlfriend?" he teased. I quickly buried my anxiety of things moving too quickly. I could think about that later.
"Well you see, I have had one of the worst weeks of my life, I've decided life is too short to waste time when it comes to these things." I playfully explained wondering only for a brief moment if I was rushing things, taking an orgasmic mouthful of Magnus's masterpiece that Jace presented in front of me.
"Not with your personal hero beside you baby" he smugly retorted.
"Keep the food coming and you'll be my hero forever" I blurted out, with my mouth still full.
"Keep talking dirty to me baby and I just might let you see me naked one day soon" he flirted successfully making me choke on my mouthful.
"Behave yourself Dr Lightwood, the nurse just might kick you out on me next time she has to come in here" I said as Jace wiped lasagne off my chin.
When I had eaten enough and Jace had helped me drink some juice, he got up to tidy away the scraps then sent Magnus a text to thank him for dinner. I was beyond exhausted from our emotional exchange. He looked just as wrecked as me, he must have barely slept since New York. He lowered the bed so we could lay down comfortably before climbing under the covers and snuggling up with me until we both drifted into a blissful sleep.