Asphyxiation, Baseball, Cardiac Tamponade, Dad (for the night), Early Mornings, Fracture, Gunshot, Hypotension, Illnesses, Joint Pain, Kidney Transplant, Lumbago, Myocardial Infarction, Nightmares, Oncocytoma, Panic Attack, Quitting Smoking, Ribs, Stroke (Cerebral), Tourniquet, Uncle Harvey, Vertigo, Wheelchair, X-Ray Therapy, Yelling, Zopiclone
I am so so so sorry guys. I worked my ass off to try and to Kidney Transplant but it's like I had a pile up in my brain and nothing was getting through. Well, scratch that, things were getting through but it was crappy writing and I would much rather change the K than give you guys shitty writing. If Kidney Transplant is something you really want then let me know and I'll make a one-shot (albeit whoever asks for it better give me a good damn plotline to follow) and I'd be happy to do that… I hope a panic attack makes up for it
K is for Keep Stalling
Harvey Specter has spent a lot of time in the ring. Between those colored strings with tape wrapped around his hands, he feels safe. He's not the son who told his father about his mother cheating. The son who tore his family apart. He isn't a shitty mentor, one who yells too much and can never get 'thank you' to come out right. In this ring, he is not broken. He is simply a man. Nothing more nothing less.
Lately, meaning the span of about year from Rachel passing out at school, Donna leaving, Mike leaving, Logan Sanders, Jessica, and just everything, the ring is the only place where Harvey doesn't feel like his world is crashing around him. At the office, he is a walking zombie that everyone walks on pins and needles around. At home, he's one drink away from blackout drunk and exhausted more than words can explain.
To make matters worse he has a meeting with Mike today and if the blonde, crazy haired figure approaching the bagel cart is who he thinks it is, that meeting is going to start early.
"Hey, Sam." Mike grins at the bagel man and scratches at the back of his neck. "Uh… You know that bagel Harvey gets with the blueberry-"
Sam cuts him off, nodding in understanding," I know what you're talking about. He just came through and got one, actually."
Mike's face falls not because that means Harvey's close by or because he realizes that once again Harvey's habits have grown on him. It's the bagel itself. For a man who habitually denies feelings and calls them a sign of weakness, he reflects his emotions hard on bagels. Poppy Seed bagels are for rushed Mondays, they reflect a content happiness. Cinnamon Raisin Bagels are for when he's got a companion, specifical people like Jessica or someone whom he feels the need to impress. They make him feel adultish. French Toast Bagels are for days that have gone impossibly good but for afternoons that have taken a turn for the worst. But Blueberry bagels are a new thing. They reflect unease for when Harvey feels like he's out of control. Mike no longer feels like he has the stomach for the bagel.
"Thanks, Sam." Mike takes his bagel and Harvey takes a deep breath and keeps on his way into Pearson Specter.
"You have a problem and it doesn't have anything to do with me." Jessica's words play over in his head and the tight pull in his chest frightens him. He can't do this, not here, not with everyone around. "And you just exposed it by bringing up some paranoid bullshit about Mike Ross going with Robert Zane!"
Harvey attempts to keep a level pace, anything to keep off the eyes of everyone around him.
"Cause this all started when Donna left you and now you're afraid Mike's going to do the same thing."
Harvey loses his battle over the panic and it infuriates him. He has no need to panic right now. Nothing is happening. He's just trying to walk through his firm to the elevator and just because his mentee happens to be trailing behind him-
He feels bile sting the back of his throat as he corrects himself.
His old mentee because Mike no longer needs him.
That's all it takes. The world spins to the right just enough to make his stomach churn threateningly. His vision is hazy and he stumbles into a man he's never seen before, his mouth forms a haste apology but he can't even hear the words leave his mouth.
"Harvey!" Mike felt panic of his own build up in his chest because Harvey's demons may be playing a sick game of peek-a-boo in his head but Mike is watching his demons trails just under Harvey's stumbling feet.
"Harvey." Mike grabs Harvey's shoulder and turns the older man in the direction of bathrooms. If the green sheen to Harvey's too place is any indication, he'll need it. "OUT!" Associates and other men whom Mike have never seen leave the crowded bathroom without so much as a quick of objection.
As the last one clears out, Mike pushes Harvey into a stall and jogs to deadbolt the bathroom door. When he comes back, Harvey is emptying his stomach of all the food he's eaten within the last week which is a startlingly small amount.
"You're okay," Mike says running a hand over Harvey's shoulder. "You're okay."
Harvey trembles under Mike's hand, something that terrifies him in a way that he never knew he could feel. Running a hand through his already messy blonde hair, Mike wonders how many other people on Earth have to go through losing two fathers. At twelve, Mike has thought losing the one was awful enough. There would be no one to throw baseballs with, no one to scoop him off the ground, no one to terrify and yet enchant him. Then at almost thirty, he got that. Except for this time, death isn't the reason he's losing a father figure.
Mike reaches around his mentor and flushes the toilet.
"Dammit Harvey," Mike winces at the state the older man is in. Harvey leans back against the cool metal of the bathroom stall. His face is noticeably pale and his hands tremble as he runs them over his face to wipe the sweat away. "Did you ever get any medicine? I thought Donna said-"
Harvey looks up at the mention of the redhead and Mike lets his voice drop off. Harvey didn't like the idea of Donna knowing he has to go to therapy so that he doesn't fall apart but Mike knowing…
"S-She told you?" The green is returning and for once Mike's high wired brain can't think of something to say. "I-I had medicine." Harvey's chest begins to rise faster, his shoulders lifting with the force.
Mike crouches down, his hand resting solidly on Harvey's arm. "You have to calm down, Harvey. You're going to give yourself a heart attack or something worse."
Harvey nods but shows no signs of improvement.
"Okay. Okay." The words rush out of Mike's mouth," what is it? Give me anything." Mike searches his brain for some indication as to what could be bothering Harvey this bad.
Harvey shakes his head stiffly.
Mike sighs and seats down in the small stall as close to Harvey as he can get. "Then I'll just sit here. We'll wait this out."
Neither speaks a word as Harvey struggles to get his breathing under control. They reach out to one another. Mike gently holds a fold of Harvey's sleeve between his thumb and forefinger, something to root himself to Harvey. On the other hand, Harvey holds the wrist in his fist. He'd let go but he's afraid that if he does he'll panic again and it's not the best thing to experience once let alone three times.
"You're going to have to make a distraction," Harvey whispers after several long moments. Mike is relieved at how much Harvey is beginning to sound like himself again.
"Anything." Mike glances over at Harvey and smiles," I'll stall, you get out of here, and I'll meet you back at your place."
Harvey lifts an eyebrow, a task which only exhaust him farther. "My place?"
"Yeah, you know that saying about the babies? The 'when the baby sleeps, you sleep'? Well, it works that way with the boss'. And I've got this real hardass for a boss," Mike rolls his eyes and sighs. "The guy is a real dick."
Harvey smiles and nods his head," my place it is."
Mike offers him a hand up and Harvey accepts. As he stands huddled in that bathroom, Harvey wonders if this is how parents feel when their kids grow up. This odd proudness and yet terror for the pain that they still have to overcome.
Harvey hears Mike yelling out in the commotion outside the bathroom and he smiles. Mike may not need him anymore but Harvey still needs Mike and for now… that's okay.
I'm so sorry. I'm such a cruddy writer. This is awful and I feel awful and I'm sorry... ugh