Author's Notes: Be warned, the story earns its M rating in this chapter, so skip that scene if you don't want to read the naughty bits. I'm sorry to say I don't think I'll manage to get to Season Seven by the New Year, but I'll be posting new chapters as often as I can.

Chapter Nine: Broken

Buffy was just finishing cooking the bacon when the kitchen door opened. Both Summers girls looked up from their breakfast to see Willow and Amy come in.

"… won't be able to eat for a while. No worries though." The redhead said, not noticing the kitchen's occupants.

"It'll wear off in a day or two." Amy took off her jacket as Willow met Buffy's eyes.

"Hey." Willow said tentatively.

"Hey," Buffy scooped up the bacon strips with her spatula onto her and Dawn's plates, her voice cold. "Where were you?"

"The Bronze." Amy answered in a hyper rush. "Everything's different. And Willow. She's a freaking amazing witch now. I couldn't even keep up with her last night."

Willow could see Dawn shifting uncomfortably and Buffy's face icing over. "Amy…"

"I mean, I can do some transmogrify, but she is messing with dimensions and everything. It was awesome. This blowhard dude? First, she made his mouth disappear. Thank God. And then…" The ex-rat recognized the tension in the room and slowed down her onslaught of words. "I'm talking too much. Sorry. It's just been, you know… me and a bag of pellets for the last few years, so…"

"Sorry. We kind of lost track of time." Willow apologized. The Slayer just tapped a finger on the counter and took a deep breath. "Everything's okay, right?"

"Could I talk to you in private for a minute Will?" It wasn't a request.

"Uh, of course."

"I should go home. Dad's expecting me." Amy said, eager to get away from the awkwardness.

"Okay. I'll call you later." Willow said as she followed Buffy to the dining room. "I'm sorry Buffy, just, you know, we both had a lot of steam to blow off."

"I almost didn't make it back last night you know," the blonde said stonily, "I could have been out on patrol, and Dawn would have been here alone. Or Tara would have had to stay and watch her."

"Oh. I never would have stayed out if I knew you weren't coming home."

"I know. It wasn't intentional. Transmogrificating people to 'blow off steam' though, I'm pretty sure that was intentional." Willow almost jumped in to correct Buffy's pronunciation but stopped herself. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking it was just a few spells, and spells that I undid when I was finished." She said defensively. "Are you going to be jumping down my throat about the magic too?"

"Well that guy who won't be able to eat for a few days isn't here to do it, is he?" Willow's mouth hung open, about to protest, but Buffy glared her down. "You're lucky Tara wasn't here to see this. Go get some sleep." The shorter girl marched back to kitchen, leaving her friend stricken.

…

The sisters finished their breakfast still gloomy from the confrontation. Dawn wanted to come help with research, and had it been a school day Buffy would have told her no. She did warn her it would likely be boring, and she wasn't wrong. Anya had given up on finding the jewel stealing ice demon and was looking through bridal magazines. Xander was annoyed at her slacking but agreed with his fiancée that the search was going nowhere. He suggested the Slayer hit the streets, and it sounded as good an idea as any. Not to mention it was an excuse to see a certain someone. Buffy left the Magic Box after assuring Dawn that she would check back by nine and give her a call if anything held her up.

It was still light out when she got to Spike's. She'd put in a few token attempts at getting information out of the local demons, including her obligatory roughing up of Willie the snitch, but had come up with nothing. Spike had more underworld contacts than her, which might prove useful. She wasn't going to pretend she didn't have other activities in mind, but that didn't make the vampire's helpfulness in finding demons any less valid.

"Spike?" She called out a few more times but got no reply. She figured he must be asleep and went to the lower level to wake him. "Spike?" She called again as she approached his bed. He stirred and blinked at her. As the vampire sat up, the sheet slipping from his body Buffy realized he was naked. Very naked. The sheet stopped just short of his waist.

"Something wrong?" He asked blearily.

"I was wondering if we could hit up some demon bars, try and find some info on this freezy diamond thief." It sounded a lot less appealing than it had when she didn't have Spike's chest to distract her.

"Is it still daylight?" It felt too early to be getting up. Buffy nodded. "Well then I'm not going to be much use to you am I? Unless you fancy a sewer stroll, but I've got the feeling…" He leaned over to fix her with a sultry gaze. "… you're more up for finishing what you started last night." Spike knew he was being bold, but she must have known coming here that they'd have to wait for sunset.

She sighed. He wasn't wrong. "Last night…" Spike kept his gaze on her, unwavering. Her throat felt drier by the second. He had let her go so easily. Part of her was still insecure about it. "You did, want to, right?"

"Always." He said passionately. "But I need you to want me too. And if you were out all night with me, I know you'd blame me for keeping you from Dawn."

"I…" Spike stood up, holding the sheet in front of his lower half, waiting for her to finish. Why did his eyes have to be so damn blue? "I do want to." The feelings behind that desire were too tangled for her to sort out just now, but that was the truth of it: She wanted Spike.

That was all the vampire needed to hear. He dropped the sheet and kissed her, hands already moving to pull off her top. It was farther than they'd ever gone, but he'd be damned if he was going to stand there bare while Buffy was all covered up. She helped him along, breaking their tongue duel only for the second needed to get her shirt off. Her bra soon followed, and she felt her nipples harden as they brushed against Spike's cool, hard chest.

They began to move, not to the bed but to the wall. The Slayer kicked off her shoes before wrapping her leg around Spike's like she had the night previous. She was about to take off her pants with the hand that wasn't gripping the vampire's ass when she felt his hand beat her to it. To her surprise he didn't take them off all the way, just pulling them down far enough to give him access to her soaking panties. He slipped his fingers in and began stroking her clit slowly just the way he knew drove her crazy. She pulled back from his lips to gasp and continued breathing heavily as he rubbed.

After a minute of this treatment Buffy couldn't take anymore and growled. "Stop… teasing…" She panted, digging her nails into the flesh of his cheek and back.

"You're one to talk," he nearly whispered, finally pulling her underwear the rest of the way down her legs. She kicked the offending clothes off in frustration, almost angrily thrusting her center onto him. Spike lifted her against the wall to get a better angle before at long last entering her once again.

He had been dreaming about this moment for so long, and there was nothing that could ruin it. Feeling her muscles tighten around him, her wetness letting him slide in and out of her at a furious pace, it let him lose himself entirely in the moment. There was no fear of her breaking up with him, no need to cajole her or convince her she was broken to make her stay with him. Just the heat and desire that had been building until there was nothing to do but release it. Spike relished the Slayer's strength as she contracted around him, equally lost in the passion.

For Buffy it was the first time, and she was too far gone to form any kind of thought. All the stress and tension she carried on her shoulders floated away as Spike brought her closer and closer to the edge. She felt him take one of her nipples in his mouth, licking and sucking before biting down hard. She cried out and pulled his face to her, kissing him deeply as they both reached the peak.

He let her down from the wall as the aftershocks rippled through them, and in an instant Buffy was backing them up to the bed, scratching her nails down his back.

…

It could have been hours, days, weeks, she couldn't be sure. Buffy had lost count as one high gave way to the next. While she hadn't quite dozed off, she had fallen into a giddy haze that she was content to bask in. Spike was holding her to him with one hand cupped over her breast and the other stroking her hair. It was oddly tender after the almost animal way they had coupled, and she would have giggled if a sudden thought of Dawn didn't flash through in her mind. The Slayer sat up and looked around for her clothing, surprised that the vampire let her go without a struggle.

"Are you supposed to be on the clock pet?" Spike said in amusement as she got dressed.

"I promised Dawn I'd check in with her." She said hooking her bra. "I don't even know what time it is."

He stood and began searching for his own clothes. "Past sundown I'd wager. We can go 'trolling for information on your frost demon once we peek in on the nibblet if you want."

"Yeah, patrolling. We definitely should…" Buffy paused in her dressing to watch Spike. "You're really okay with just, I mean, we haven't even talked about…"

He looked at her with an inscrutable expression. "You've got something to say? I think we said plenty without words."

Not to mention plenty of dirty words during, Buffy thought as Spike buttoned his shirt. "This… thing, the sex thing… it doesn't mean that we're dating. You get that, right?" She asked nervously. He scoffed.

"Dating? You want me to pick you up in my convertible, take you to a drive-in movie? Give you my class ring and ask you to be my girl? That's what you good, wholesome, American kids do, right?"

Buffy rolled her eyes as she put on her socks. "Only if you've been watching too many eighties movies about the fifties." It wasn't as if she didn't have a desire for normal boyfriend/girlfriend type things, but just the sex was a lot to adjust to. Being in a real relationship wasn't something she wanted to contemplate right now, let alone with Spike.

They finished dressing and Spike headed for the upper floor. He had been distracted by the shagging, but now that they were up and no longer naked he was getting anxious about Dawn. If Willow was in as bad shape as she had been last time the girl was in real danger. Buffy followed him up, wondering if the vampire was really as okay with everything as he claimed.

…

Spike waited on the porch for Buffy to check in with Dawn. The Slayer could hear glass breaking upstairs.

"Hello?" She made her way up the stairs as she called out. "Willow? Dawn?" Dawn's room was empty. She stepped into Willow's room to find the magic trunk open, spell components strewn about. She was about inspect it more closely when she heard the floor creak and spun around to find a thief about to sneak out. "What's going on?" Buffy demanded shoving Amy against the open door.

"Uh-oh." She chuckled weakly. "Busted." Buffy shook her and she gasped.

"Where's Willow?"

"She said- She said I could- Wait." The blonde reached into Amy's jacket and pulled out a plastic bag full of herbs.

"What is this?"

"It's not what you think it is. It's sage."

"That is what I think it is." Buffy said in frustration. "What's going on? Where are Willow and Dawn?"

"Well, I-I… I saw-I saw her, but that was- I like your coat." Amy tried to duck the question and a possible beating. "When does a Slayer find time to shop?" The Slayer shoved her again, not amused.

"So they didn't let you in?"

Amy chuckled again awkwardly. "Not that they know of."

"What else did you take?"

"Nothing." Buffy gave the witch another shove. "Ow!"

"What else?" She began rummaging through Amy's pockets impatiently.

"Please. Please, I need this stuff." Buffy pulled out more plastic bags as Amy pleaded with her. "Willow wants me to have it. She understands."

"Understands what? Breaking into someone's house for kitchen spices? No, I don't think so."

"You should." The witch's voice was suddenly serious and dark. "She's as bad as I am. Worse. I bet she's at Rack's right now."

"Rack's?"

"A place. H-he does spells, heavy stuff. Willow's his new favorite." Amy said, jealousy dripping from her words.

"She's there?" She punctuated her question with yet another shove. "With Dawn?"

"Oh, don't shake me again, super strength. I think I'm gonna boot."

"Then tell me where this place is, and I won't."

"It's downtown. But it moves."

"What do you mean it moves?"

"It's downtown. I'm not sure where it would be tonight exactly."

Buffy shook Amy desperately. "Tell me how to find it."

"You just kind of have to feel it out! Oh god I think I'm gonna-" The Slayer let go, fairly certain the taller girl was actually on the verge of vomiting. "Oh god." With that the former rodent ran to the bathroom. Buffy let her go, having bigger dangers to worry about than petty theft.

"What's going on?" Spike had a sinking feeling that it was the same thing as before, but had to confirm.

"Willow's into something. Her and Dawn have been missing for hours. There's some guy named Rack."

"Damn." It was the same. And Spike didn't have any clue where Rack's was this time either. Even if he had felt out its location earlier, it changed night to night. "He deals in magic. Black stuff. Dangerous."

"Do you know where to find it?" Buffy was all business now.

"He cloaks it. You can't feel it unless you're into the big bad. A witch or a vampire."

That was all she needed to know. She had had a legitimate reason to bring Spike along after all. "So let's go."

…

Every minute the pair spent searching increased their anxieties. For Spike it was even worse, because he had seen just how bad things could get. Buffy could sense his urgency, and was again touched by how much he seemed to care for her sister.

"Dawn can't be in too much danger. I mean, it's Willow. She'd never let anything happen to her." She couldn't believe she was trying to reassure Spike of all people. She was also trying to reassure herself.

"I don't know." The vampire said, still intently feeling for the warlock's hideaway. "Dawn told me Willow's been out of sorts lately. Not quite right in the head since her bird flew away."

"Okay, she's been pretty moody, and not making the best of decisions. But she's already had one spell screw up on her big time this month; she wouldn't let anyone she cares about get hurt if she could help it."

"What if she can't help it?" He said in a low tone. "I seem to remember the magic getting a bit out of her hands when wolf boy left her."

And when I died. Buffy thought, not knowing Spike was thinking the same thing. She would have teased him about him liking the effects of Willow's spell to get over Oz if peril weren't eminent.

"Then we better find them quick."

Eventually Spike was too tense to keep searching and began heading for the site of the car crash, not knowing if was yet to happen or had already occurred. They got there just in time to see the car piloted by Willow's magic careen down the street. Then there was the sound of the crash, followed by Dawn's scream.

Spike ran as fast as he could, and caught the young girl as the demon threw her, shielding her from breaking her arm. Her forehead was still bloody. He was furious. He had had months to prepare for this and he hadn't come up with a better plan than "get there early". So much more had been broken this night than Dawn's bone.

Buffy was in combat with the hairy beast, who seemed her equal in battle. After a few minutes' tussle it began to hyperventilate, stopping its attacks.

"Now you're scared?" The Slayer said as she got her bearings. "Better late than never." Before she could resume the fight the demon burned into smoke, embers and ash from the inside out. Behind the fallen monster stood Willow, crackling with power. Her eyes were blackened with dark magic, and she seemed to be in a daze. Buffy glared at her. After all that magic had already cost her, Willow still hadn't reined it in. She heard Dawn groan and went over to where Spike was comforting the teen. There were cuts and bruises all over her, and she was holding one arm as if it were tender.

"Dawn. What happened?" Buffy asked as she knelt beside her sister. "Are you okay?"

"Ow! He was after Willow. She made the car drive."

"How's your arm?" Her anger at Willow was overridden by concern.

Dawn winced as Buffy touched it. "It hurts; I think it slammed into the car when we crashed."

Willow came over, only just now coming back to lucidity.

"Dawn. Oh god. There's blood." The horror of injuring her loved one snapped her the rest of the way out of her sorcery induced fog.

"We need to get her to a doctor." Spike and Buffy helped Dawn up, ignoring the redhead.

"Is she okay? Is she okay?" Willow demanded.

"Back off Will. I got her." The blonde said as they led Dawn past the witch.

"No. Dawnie!"

"I mean it." Buffy affirmed angrily. "Stay away from her."

Willow ran in front of the other three, unwilling to let them go. "Dawnie! Dawnie I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. I was an accident. I didn't see. I'm so, so sorry."

Dawn looked at the woman she idolized, one of her two mother figures, and slapped her hard across the face.

"Dawnie." Her words became whimpers as the brunette walked away. "Dawnie. Don't! Dawnie I'm sorry." The whimpers grew into sobs, and she collapsed in tears. "I'm s- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

The others stopped a few yards away and Spike looked at Willow as she cried. He hadn't bothered to make a plan about Willow, not considering it part of his job to fix the witch's mistakes. In retrospect that hadn't been the best thing for Dawn, but at least it was over. Maybe this had always had to happen. Maybe the crash was the only thing awful enough to break her out of her descent. Spike rubbed Dawn's back and took her away while Buffy stood there, looking coldly at the ground. She turned her gaze to Willow and went over to her as the girl sobbed more sorries.

"Get up." She said plainly.

"I screwed it up. Everything. Tara-" That self pitying whine was enough to bring the Slayer's fury to the forefront. She grabbed her distraught friend and pulled her to her feet.

"Yeah, you know what? You did screw up. Okay? You could have killed her! You almost did!" Buffy shouted.

"I know. I know." The tears streaked down her face unstoppably. "I can't stop, Buffy. I've tried, and I can't."

"You can." Buffy insisted.

"I can't! I can't. I ju- God! I need help. Please. Please, help me." Willow threw her arms around Buffy, who stayed still and numb for a moment before returning the embrace. She did need help. Blood dripped from Willow's forehead onto Buffy's shoulder as they held each other. "Please. Help me. Please."

…

Buffy handed Dawn a glass of water and the bottle of pain medication as she settled onto her bed. The doctor had told her she'd feel even sorer the next day, but at least nothing was broken. Willow was still in the shower, getting out the last of her tears as the sisters talked.

"The demon said Willow summoned it?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah." Dawn said after she swallowed the pills. "She was in there for hours, and when she came out her eyes were all messed up. I don't even want to know what she was doing." The teen took a deep breath through her nose, face screwed tight in anger. "I couldn't believe she would act like that. She was crazy. And after I defended her to Tara… I said she was being careful. I feel so stupid."

"None of this was your fault." The older girl said placing a comforting hand on her sister's knee. "I don't know how things got so out of control, but this was all Willow, not you."

"I know." Dawn said sharply. "I can't even look at her right now." She yawned and squirmed into her pillows. "I'm going to sleep." She rolled over and yanked the covers over herself roughly.

Some minutes later Willow came out of the shower and wrapped herself in a blanket. When Buffy came in she was sitting in lotus position on her bed, trying to meditate. The blonde leaned on the door frame, arms crossed.

"Is she okay?" The redhead opened her eyes but didn't look up.

"She's sleeping." Buffy answered. "The ER doc gave her something for the pain. It knocked her out."

"But she's gonna be all right?" Willow asked nervously.

"The doctor said she has some whiplash, but nothing's broken. It's gonna take some time for the cuts and bruises to heal." And it would take even longer for Dawn's trust to heal, if ever.

"God. I'm sorry. I'm so…"

Buffy sighed. In all honesty she wasn't surprised Willow had fallen this far. She could still see her bleeding, the snake forcing its way out of her throat. "I get that you wanted to escape. I just don't see why you dragged Dawn into it."

"I don't know." Willow's eyes still hadn't looked to Buffy once. "The magic. I… I thought I had it under control. And then… I didn't."

Something stirred inside the Slayer. She had been getting over her pain at the resurrection spell, but seeing Willow endanger Dawn with her recklessness had brought it all back again. She decided it was time to tell the whole truth. If Willow understood more of the consequences of her actions, maybe she'd be better able to overcome her reliance on magic. After all, this had been going on since before Tara left. It was why she left.

"I think this has been a long time coming. Tonight was just the last straw on the camel's back." The witch had to agree. "You know that other world, the one where I died?" Willow nodded. "I didn't stay dead. You brought me back somehow." The green eyed girl finally looked at Buffy.

"I did? How?" The dark part in the back of her mind was still curious and eager to learn new spells, even now. She shoved her desires down and listened to her friend's revelation in astonishment.

"I don't know the specifics, but it was dark. You were covered in open cuts, and a snake was coming out of your mouth. All this dark energy was passing through you." Buffy's stomach lurched as she recalled what she had seen. "I had to dig myself out of my own grave."

"Oh god, Buffy, I…" Willow hung her head helplessly. "I would never have… I'm sorry." She didn't think she'd ever used one word so much in one night.

Buffy didn't like dumping so much on her friend when she was already so fragile, but she felt now was the time for full disclosure. "When I killed the thaumogenesis demon, I started feeling all this disgust. I could barely stand being around you, or Tara, Xander, Anya."

"Is that why you were all distant?" Buffy nodded. "You were mad at me for using dark magic?"

"Partly, yeah. I'm not sure why it upset me so much. I just felt betrayed. Some of it was because it felt like it was invalidating the sacrifice I made for Dawn, making it like it didn't mean anything." She shook her head, heaving a deep breath. "A lot of it was wanting to finally have a rest. From slaying, watching people die when I'm supposed to save them, having nightmares and knowing it won't ever stop." She looked at her best friend, her face softening. "I understand why you wanted to get away from yourself. You take loss really hard."

Willow sighed. "That's true. And I mean…" She chuckled softly. "… if you could be… plain old Willow or super Willow, who would you be?" Buffy blinked and looked down. "I guess that's kind of the opposite of your problem. You don't actually have an option on the whole super thing."

The blonde shook her head again. "Will there's nothing wrong with you. You don't need magic to be special."

"Don't I?" Willow asked. "I mean, Buffy, who was I? Just some girl. Tara didn't even know that girl."

"You are more than some girl." Buffy walked over to the bed, arms still crossed. "And Tara wants you to stop. She loves you."

"We don't know that." She had hurt Tara so much. The older witch had every right to hate after what she'd done, she could see that now.

"I know that." Buffy said firmly as she sat on the bed. "I promise you. But you have to get a handle on the magic, or nothing's going to change. People get hurt."

"If something had happened to Dawn tonight… something worse…" Willow didn't want to contemplate it, but her busy brain was already conjuring all kinds of nightmare scenarios. "I-I… I was out of my mind. I-I did things, I can't even- It won't happen again." She said with resolve. "I promise. No more spells. I'm finished."

Buffy looked down at the covers, thinking of her tryst with Spike. That was how she had lost herself. It was something she would never have thought herself capable of, but she had gone ahead and done things she would have been horrified with herself for just months ago. It made her feel like she was losing a bit of her own mind. But it wasn't really on the same level as what Willow had done. "Good. I think it's right to give it up."

"It's not worth it. Not if it messes with the people I love." That was another thing, Buffy thought; sex with Spike wasn't really hurting anyone, just her self image. Even if Willow was giving up her release, that didn't mean she needed to. "Magic wasn't all great. I won't miss the nosebleeds and the headaches and stuff."

"There you go."

"Or keeping stinky yak cheese in my bra." Buffy's eyes widened. "Don't ask."

"Now I don't have to." She said kindly.

"Cause it's over." Willow affirmed.

"From now on, let's not keep things to ourselves, okay?" Buffy asked. "I know I've not been Miss Forthcoming with my emotions lately either, but I don't want to wait for a demonic sing along or a car crash to get us to talk things out."

"We did promise to never not talk again, didn't we?" Willow said with a sad smile.

"That we did."

…

Author's Notes:

S1r3h: I know, right? Things will get better for her though. If you've seen my profile picture or my other stories you can probably guess that I'm giving Tara a happy ending. But again, weird path.

Cailin Rua: Ha, yeah, she probably could. Buffy is going to confront just what it is she's feeling by talking it out with a few different people, including two special guest stars next chapter.

spiked–love: Thank you, and I'm sorry I've been so long between chapters. College is getting more intense and I've got a lot of drama going on at home too. But I am super eager to write more and move this story along.

I understand your concern, but I'm going to defend my characterization of Spike. I absolutely agree that both the human and demon aspects of him love Buffy; that's one of the main reasons I think he's much better suited to her than Angel. But the demon doesn't always know how to express that love in a way that isn't, well, demonic. There are lots of examples I could point to, but I think the best one is what Spike does to Buffy in "Seeing Red". He even refers to getting his soul as "giving that bitch what she deserves". His demon is very frustrated right now and was basically egging him on to forget consequences and just do her already, not to incite him to hurt Buffy. That claw her, drink her stuff is meant to be vampire spicy talk. Yeah, vampires have weird sex.

spike's mate: Glad to hear it. I wouldn't fool anyone if I lied and said I'm not bringing Tara back. I won't spoil the details, but I will say the event that will enable Tara's fate to be changed has already been altered in this timeline.

Blade Redwind: Always glad for reviews! Spike is making the best of an unusual situation, and as time goes on he'll surprise himself.