A/N: I'm having fun thinking of different ways the girls can get back at Randy and vice versa, if only I could do this to my ex. as always a BIG thank you to all my reviewers you're the highlight of my mornings: Lil-Jaydee-x, babyxbxgurl, Edge'sLady1981, MissPhilippinesSuperStar, Tanya50801, Queen Mab 319 lil miss consistency P , and OMFGCARLITOANDCENARHAWTTTTT.
Randy looked in the mirror picking a tiny piece of lint off his shirt he smiled. Looking good as always, he complimented himself. He and Adam would be going out that night to celebrate his victory over Lillian. At that moment he heard his phone vibrate, grabbing it he saw he'd received a message. "Hey sexy wanna chat?" chat? He thought to himself. Yeah why the heck not, a conceited grin came to his face as he began to type his reply, when another message interrupted him. "Hey cutie room 404 was it?" He barely got through reading that message when a succession of others came through. Smiling at his ability to attract 'ladies' even before he entered the club he opened a picture message. His eyes widened in shock as he dropped his phone, there staring at him in all his nakedness was a man he had never seen before. Attached was the comment, "I saw your page and just had to share". Page? What page? At that moment his phone began ringing, closing his eyes to the image he picked up his phone, "Adam that better be you." He said grimacing.
"I'm not Adam Honey, I'm so much better." A very male voice cooed on the other end of the line.
"WHAT?" Randy cried, before hanging up. Only to be called by another number.
"So your looking for a good time huh?" The voice asked him. Another man, what the hell's going on? Randy thought. He was still lost in his thoughts when he heard a knock at his door. Finally Adam, he thought gratefully. Opening the door he came face to chest with the tallest 'woman' he had ever seen. Looking up he realised why. This wasn't any woman. Taking a step back he tried to comprehend what was going on.
"Well aren't you going to invite me in Lover?" The 'woman' purred.
"No way in hell!" He cried before shutting the door.
"I knew you'd be too scared, your page just seemed too good to be true."
What were they all talking about pages for? He thought. "What page?" He asked from the other side of the door.
"What page?" The woman laughed, "Don't tell me your only gay when you're drunk."
"GAY?" Randy shouted. He was Randall Keith Orton the most hetrosexual man to be given to women.
"Yes, sweetheart gay that's what you are when you put the pictures you did on that site."
"I AM NOT GAY!" He yelled, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Sure Sweetie, you're not gay and I'm not wearing a dress and if we sleep together it won't be queer." He said.
"SEX?" Randy was completely lost by this stage when he heard.
"Oh look what the hetro's dragged in." The 'woman' sneered.
"Better the hetro's than the fashion police." A second voice bit back. Randy moved closer to the door.
"What's going out there?" He asked somewhat curiously.
"Nothing Love," The first 'woman' said, "Just another queer at your door looking for sex."
"GOD what is wrong with you people!" He cried, "I never went on any site! I never asked for any of you to come here! I'm just waiting for my friend!"
"Oh just a friend is he?" The second visitor asked "It's ok I can do casual sex."
"NO!" Randy shouted running a frustrated hand through his hair "Adam and—"
"Oh Adam cute name." Another man commented.
"Huh! Who are you?" Randy asked.
"Sweetheart you're drawing a lot of attention," The first man said, "Its not just me and Peaches anymore."
Randy took a deep breath and looked into the peephole, staring back at him was a crowd of approximately 30 men dressed in clothes ranging from drag to business suits. He took a look back at his phone that hadn't stopped ringing and buzzing since the first message. He could still hear the voices of the men outside encouraging him to come out as he considered his next move. Wringing his hands nervously he remembered he still had his laptop, opening it up he noticed he had 200 new emails and his account was currently full. They were all from the same website. Clicking on the first one he saw a picture of a near naked man, screwing his eyes shut he pressed escape and breathed a sigh of relief when he opened his eyes to see it gone. Scrolling through the site that the emails came from his eyes almost fell out of their sockets when he saw photo's of him posted all over and suggestive comments placed below them. Clamping a hand over his mouth he tried to hold back a gasp. Scanning his address book he found Adam's email, what the hell am I going to say to him? Sorry can't make it tonight I'm hiding from queers? At that moment he got an instant message from Lillian.
"Hey Randy, I thought about what you said and you're right I do owe you but since I'm going out with my friends tonight I don't think I'll be able to give you what's owing. So being the generous woman I am I've gone to the trouble of securing for you a range of willing partners more your taste. Enjoy. Lil x"
And with that she signed off.
Her! God I should've known, he cursed. Pacing around his room Randy tried his best to come up with a logical way to tell all these men he wasn't gay. An hour later he was exhausted and laying on his bed, all hope of going out was lost, whilst still contemplating his next move he heard a familiar voice.
"Aye Randy, come out of the closet man."
"Adam! Is that you?" He cried out to the Canadian.
"Yeah Bud," He said trying to stifle a laugh.
"Oh shit thank god you're here man," He breathed a sigh of relief "So how many guys are out there?"
"Oh about 20 guys, and at least 10 men who think they're women."
A third voice interrupted their conversation, "So this is Adam, yeah he's cute." Suddenly he heard Adam yelp.
"RANDY! LET ME IN NOW!" He cried out desperately, looking in the peephole again he saw Adam staring right back wide eyed as ever. He was going to have to for the sake of his friend. Reluctantly Randy opened the door slightly only to have Adam squeeze through in an instant before shutting the door immediately. He could hear the collective 'awww's' of disappointment from the men on the other side of the door.
"What happened?" He asked.
"You know how in some stores there's the look but don't touch policy? THEY LOOKED AND TOUCHED!" He shouted running a hand through his mane.
The next morning Lillian went over to Victoria's room where the girls would be holding their next meeting. She felt a large satisfied smile come to her face as she thought of the havoc she caused the night before.
In Lillian's hotel room however three superstars were taking a good look around, fully intent on getting revenge.
"Cute things." Randy commented.
"Yeah, until they're all over the place and you have no idea where your stuff is." John laughed.
"So where to you think she keeps her lingerie?" Adam asked looking under her bed, as the other two rolled their eyes.
"C'mon we better do this fast Ames said she'd be back by midday" John said staring up his watch.
The men had decided that since Lillian had ruined Randy's chances of getting 'any' last night, they would ruin hers for the future. Equipped with iron on labels that read "I HEART RANDY" and "RANDY'S GIRL" they proceeded to grab every piece of clothing she owned and ironed on a label on the most visible spot.
Randy lay back on Lillian's bed, he could smell the scent of her perfume surrounding him as his head hit the pillow. In his hand was a photo album he had found in her luggage, it was full of pictures of her friends and family. Sweet girl, he thought as he saw a picture of her and who looked like her grandpa. Reaching the last photo he smiled, I'll be taking this. It was a photo of her stretched out on a couch asleep.
"So when did you get domesticated" Adam asked John who he was doing the ironing with.
"Amy taught me a day or two ago, where'd you learn?"
"From Amy after my first divorce." He said almost beginning to reminisce.
Later that day Lillian returned to her hotel room, she was supposed to be out in an hour to meet the girls so they could drive up to the house show together. Grabbing whatever her hands touched first she ran into the shower. Afterwards she looked in the mirror, her eyes caught on something, turning her back to the mirror she saw "LRIG S'YDNAR" huh? Taking her top off she read it correctly 'Randy's girl' when the hell did she ever get a top like that? Walking over to her suitcase she looked for another top laying them out she soon realised they all said something to do with Randy. At least her skirts and jeans were safe? Right? But even they had an iron on label. Letting out a frustrated growl she grabbed her phone. "Ames they got into my room!"
Amy got off the phone from her friend, running a hand through her hair she began looking through her clothes for something that would fit the petite latina.
"Whatcha dddooiinngg?" John asked casually.
"Finding something for Lil to wear, Randy put his name all over her clothes." She said as she continued to look, finding a few things she walked to the door with John close behind.
"Geez I wonder who did that." He said with a smirk before stealing a kiss and pushing her out the door. A little puzzled by John's behaviour Amy continued down to Lillian's room where the other Diva's were.
"How could he have known I wouldn't be here?" Lillian fumed.
"More importantly since when did he iron?" Trish said, knowing well of Randy's domestic disabilities.
Amy sat silently amongst her friends as she began to realise the answer to both those questions "Oh shit."
"What?" The girls asked in unison.
"It was John." She muttered as her mind went back to the day before.
John stood in front of Amy "How's this one?" He asked pointing to his T-shirt and posing for her as she rolled her eyes.
"It's wrinkled." She replied.
"What? So now it has to clean AND wrinkle free?" He exasperated as he took it off and handed it to her. He watched her intently as she began to iron out the wrinkles, walking up behind her he put his chin on her shoulder and asked her childishly "Will you always be here to iron out my wrinkles?"
Grabbing his arm from around her waist she placed it on top of the iron then placed her hand on top and began ironing again.
"This is kinda fun." He said after a while.
"Yeah, it's how I made my top." She said pointing to what she was wearing.
"You ironed on a picture?" He asked intrigued, "How does that work?"
"Theres a place you can get transfer paper, once you get that all you need is a design and an iron. Simple."
"That jackass is helping Randy!" She cried.
That night after the show Amy walked into her room with John, "I still can't believe you would do that, I thought I knew you Mr. Cena"
"Oh baby you do, just know that two can play your little game and it's scientifically proven that the men will win." He said smugly as he pulled her towards him.
"Really now? And who conducted this survey exactly?" She asked putting a hand to his chest and pushing him away everytime he came in for a kiss.
"I did and I'm trying to conduct another," He said as he again lent down to kiss her but once again was pushed away "But you're making it very difficult."
"I don't feel inclined to help you, you're the enemy." She whispered letting him closer.
"But you're sleeping with the enemy." He smiled against her lips glad that he had gotten this close.
"Not any more." She laughed as she pushed him away just before he could steal a kiss, "The enemy sleeps on the couch!"
"You'll be back," He shouted as she walked into the bathroom shaking her head.
John lay on the couch in the darkness "AMMMMMMMEEESSSS…I can't sleep."
"You never sleep anyway." She said still wide awake.
"AMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEESSSSSSS I have nothing to play with."
"Oh trust me you have something." She laughed.
"AMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEESSSSSSS I promise I won't bite…much."
"I'm not talking to you anymore," She said stifling a laugh trying to sound as sleepy as she could. An hour later she still wasn't asleep, tiptoeing out of bed she walked over to the couch John was 'sleeping' on. Laying down next to him she felt his arm come around her, that's better she thought.
"She returns. They always return." She heard John whisper, pulling away for a moment she looked at him before his face cracked into a wide childish grin.
"Idiot." She said before burying her head in his chest.