Thank you for your patience with this chapter! Also Thank you so much for the comments, please keep them coming and let me know what you think. :-)
Gail was sitting in the waiting room of her therapist's office, not so much to talk about herself though, she had been a few times already and still needs to be cleared for duty before she can go back to work, but more importantly Gail wants to talk about Holly. The days were long, the nights longer. Holly would not leave the house unless Gail was with her. Technically Holly's job is safe, they told her to take the time she needed and not to come back until she was ready. The classic signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder linger with them daily, the night terrors, the anxiety and worst of all the gaps in her memory of what happened in that basement. The ghosts that taunt Holly with flashes of solid ground, but never letting her find the stillness long enough to really remember what happened. It's heartbreaking to watch, and if there was a time Gail needs Holly to find the strength to move forward it would be now as she begins to watch and participate in her mother's criminal trial.
The office door opens and Gail is called back for her session. The room is warm, soft lighting and a few candles lit around the space. The incense burns on the far end of the room which Gail hopes does not give her a raging headache this time. She sinks into the soft support of the fluffy couch, hoping to God she does not fall asleep, she is running on fumes and so much coffee, she no longer bothers to clean her cup, a new low, even for her standards. Sarah arrives in the space and sits down in the maroon overstuffed chair opposite Gail.
"How are things, Gail?"
Gail is silent for a moment, thinking to herself how honest she needs to be here. Who is she kidding, there is no threshold, and things are pretty damn bad.
"They are complete shit."
"Ok, Can you elaborate a bit?"
"It's Holly. I am really worried about her, the night terrors are worse, she still can't place much of the timeline during the bomb incident and now she avoids going outside unless I am with her. She is pretty adamant against going to talk to someone right now. I keep asking though, but she is so stubborn!"
Sarah simply looks at Gail, saying nothing.
"I know alright, I know I am stubborn too but this is awful to watch. She is self-destructing right in front of me." Gail is silent for a long moment before continuing. "It's heartbreaking to watch someone you love go through this and not be able to help." The irony is not lost on Gail.
The silence lingers this time, and Sarah finally speaks, "Gail this is not about you. It's about Holly, even if it's hard on you and let's be clear, it totally sucks. Holly is currently sick and suffering, you have to try and encourage her to get treatment."
"She won't I have asked."
"Would she go with you, if we found someone who could see you together and then she might be more willing to find someone to see on her own?"
'We could go together?"
"You both shared the experience, and you are currently in a relationship correct?"
No words, Gail simply nods in agreement.
"Let's see how a conversation with Holly goes if you invite her to go with you to talk through things, no pressure just a one visit commitment to try it out. If it's helpful you can certainly explain that this is something you would like to do, which in no way is a false statement. I have someone in mind who I think would be a great fit."
"Well don't book the appointment yet, I am not sure she will go for it."
"I will wait to hear from you Gail. I want to spend the rest of our time talking about you."
Drawing her legs up to her chest on the couch, chin resting on her knees, "What about me?"
"You tell me."
"I feel overwhelmed; I have to testify against my mother in court soon. You know my mother how would you feel."
"She is not my mother, Gail. How do you feel?"
"Then you might want to say a giant fucking THANK YOU to the universe for that small gift. All my life I live in the shadow of what it means to have this name draped around me like some fucking cloak of greatness only to realize that there is nothing great about it. She was never concerned with what I wanted, only with how my life would reflect on her. You should have seen her face at the scene of the bomb threat, when I got out of there and I said that the woman I loved was still inside and I refused, no I begged, BEGGED not to leave. Then she decided to throw her weight around like the ball and chain it is and order the EMT to sedate me."
Sarah hands Gail a box of tissues as the tears of rage drip down her face.
"You did well. I know it's not easy for you to express sometimes in words, you did great."
Blue watery eyes look away, "Yeah, that felt… good? Is that the right word?"
"Well there is no wrong word, Gail. We have talked about this before, this room its safe for everything there is no right or wrong, and I know that is almost unheard of in your line of work, but here it is very true. I will continue to remind you of that as we continue on, okay."
Gail looks at the clock on the wall, tosses the pillow back against the couch, and shoves her damp tissue in her pocket. "See you next time, Sarah."
"Thank you, Gail. I will see you soon."
On the way home Gail found herself starring at the Penny's front door, sitting in the parking lot like she was waiting for the all clear sign at a stakeout. She wanted to barge in, she wanted to get completely hammered and forget about her mother, about the night terrors, the trial, but she didn't' move a muscle because she wanted to be with Holly more. Instead she turned up the radio pulling out of the gravel lot turning the car toward the place that feels more like home than anyplace else she has ever known.
Gail found Holly in the kitchen making gnocchi by hand with fresh leeks swimming in brown butter and garlic, the house smelled amazing.
"I am starving!" Gail yelled as she dropped her things on the chair by the front door.
"I thought you might be, so I decided to make something that did not come from a frozen box or the delivery guy at the Chinese place."
Gail heads straight for the doctor, "Hey, come here", meeting in the middle of the kitchen island the kiss was soft and slow. Gail is suddenly so glad she made the decision to come to Holly's instead of stopping at the Penny. The kisses they share are by far more intoxicating than any tequila shots at the Penny.
"How did your meeting go?"
Uncorking the bottle of red wine Holly has set out on the countertop Gail is slow to answer, "It was fine; I think it really helps me sort things out when I can talk about it a bit."
Touching her shoulder as Holly passes through the space they are sharing, "Good. I am so glad honey."
Gail pours the wine watching intently as the red liquid coats the glass, "Would you want to go with me?"
"Go where?"
"To talk…with someone, about what happened to us."
Holly sits down on the bar stool in front of her still holding the two plates she went to retrieve. "I don't know, Gail. I don't think I am ready."
"I think it might help us to talk about it, about how we feel not only about what happened in the café, but about us, as a couple, how we can make sure…we are good."
Wide eyed, "You don't' think that we are good?" The panic is palatable as the water on the stove boils over, Gail turns down the flame, and slips behind Holly.
"Hey, hey, we are good." kissing the top of her head, "…really good, Hol. I just think we could both find something useful in chatting together with someone who might help us with some of the stuff that has happened."
Holly rubs the bridge of her nose with the bottom of her palm; the headache seeps in almost immediately at the thought of talking about what happened, trying to remember what happened.
"Can I think about it?"
"Of course you can."
Gail takes Holly by the hand and pulls her gently up out of the chair, "Do you know what is not optional though?"
"What?"
"Kissing me"
They stood in the kitchen with the smells swirling around them, the water boiling over and nothing mattered except they were together, there for each other figuring it all out the only way they knew how.
Oliver Shaw was waiting for Gail in his office along with Jack Hayden, director of field operations for ETF and the lead attorney for the division Mathew Young. There was no doubt this was uncharted territory as never before had a superintendent been brought up on charges of this magnitude. Jack Hayden has a particular vengeance for Elaine Peck, who refuses to respect anyone's authority but her own, in his mind this time she went too far and he would lead the charge to bring her down for it.
Gail was dressed in a tailored suit, black with an ice blue blouse underneath, her short blonde hair styled and edgy, walking in the room with confidence and authority though inside Gail knew both were simply an act of self-preservation.
Jack Hayden stood, "Gail, thank you so much for joining us today. We just wanted to get together and discuss what will happen in court next week. You look well!"
"Thank you sir, I am feeling better each day."
"I am very glad to hear it. You handled the situation at the café with amazing fortitude, and a resolve few officers have, officer."
"I appreciate the kind words, I am grateful for my training from the very best in the division.", eyes moving directly to Oliver.
"This trial is not going to be without issues, it is going to be fought hard from both sides with vigor, and regarding our view on your mother, we simply want justice, not revenge, and not a malice laced witch hunt, simply justice. Your mother broke the code of ethics she promised to uphold at all costs, she broke that code and that is what this is all about. I want you to understand that Gail."
Gail felt the eyes in the room upon her, as beads of sweat began to roll down the small of her back, "I understand sir, and I will honor the court, this division and do my very best to assist in the case."
"That means a lot Gail, and I do understand the very delicate nature of this situation and we will respect the relationship with your mother as much as possible. The fact that the abuse of power was related directly to you is most unfortunate for everyone involved. Mathew did you want to say a few words?"
Mathew Young was known for his uncompromising ability to deconstruct the most hardcore of witnesses, he would use their own words against them in such a pointed poignant way there was little hope to avoid a full piercing straight to the heart by this guy.
"I just want to remind you that the information we are discussing is privileged information, it is not to leave this room, not to be discussed with anyone. Not colleagues, not friends, lovers, or your favorite 2nd grade teacher, no one. Is that clear?"
"Yes sir, absolutely."
"It's a three part charge, interfering with operations of a terrorist nature, neglect of duty and abuse of power. Your mother violated protocol at several points that day. Along with ordering that the sedation medication be given to you at the scene, she authorized the diversion of a private plan using it for the sole purpose of flying herself to the crime scene that she was not briefed on nor was she cleared to be a part of, therefor jeopardizing our efforts to secure a peaceful resolution in a situation that had the potential for many casualties."
"What about my Dad?"
"As you know he is currently in New Zealand but will return for the trial. He was not involved directly, but that does not mean he will not be called to testify."
"My brother?"
"Same situation, basically. Steve was undercover, any testimony he might be called to give would not be directly related to the incidence of the bomb situation."
"I See."
"We will meet on Friday morning to begin going over your specific testimony with the team."
"The team?"
"You will be meeting with the prosecution team of lawyers they will go over everything with you in detail. You will be put under a microscope Gail, nothing is off limits, you will need to be prepared and it's our job to make sure that happens. Do you have any other questions for us right now? "
"Um, no. I am good."
"We will be in touch about Friday, and remember what we talked about; there is not an option to discuss this with anyone outside of this room Officer Peck."
Gail simply nods as she exits the room. Her feet move but she feels stagnant, the stale air is sucked into her lungs but she feels herself gasping for breath. This is not what she expected.
In one of the city's most upscale Martini clubs Elaine Peck meets with her lawyer, the imminence drifts around them like the dirty stench of cigars permeating the space. The superintendent drains the rest of her twenty year old scotch from the snifter, looking away from the impeccably dressed man across from her, "I will not allow this to be the cancer of my career, just as I will not allow my daughter to think she can tarnish the Peck family name with her experimental schoolgirl crush. I want Dr. Stewart out of this picture, now how that is accomplished will be up to you."