Detritus' morphic field was so weak in the heat of Koom Valley that could barely feel his hands and feet, but he didn't complain. He was a watchman and this was his duty. He had to or he wasn't a watchman and what would he be if he weren't a watchman?

The squad stopped for a break by a small river. Brick just dunked his head in but Detritus went upstream where some shrubs offered a modicum of privacy. He put one foot into the rushing water and froze as a rare sliver of pain shot up his leg. Trolls didn't usually feel much pain. Their bodies were rock hard after all, but this was internal. His joints crunched and hissed as he lowered himself into the water. He closed his eyes to block out the sun. Soon his temperature evened out and the aching paralysis subsided. He lay down and let the cool water flow over him. He missed Ruby. She would often join him in his daily baths.

"Sir?"

Detritus' eyes snapped open to find Brick standing in front of him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he shouted in surprise.

"You're blocking the stream, sir," Brick said bluntly.

Detritus sat up and noticed the reservoir that had formed behind him. He was going to move but Brick just plopped into the water.

"Thanks," Brick said curtly before ducking beneath the surface.

Detritus stared at the top of Brick's head. Washing still wasn't widely accepted in Ankh-Morpork, but apparently Brick didn't care. Then again, there were a lot of things that Brick didn't care about. Even dwarfs didn't faze him. He always did what he was told and he never started any fights. It was strange, like nothing interested him at all.

It hit Detritus that he didn't know a thing about Brick or what was important to him. He wasn't looking forward to asking. Maybe it would be better if he didn't ask at all.

There was so much tension in the air in Ankh-Morpork that it almost drowned out the smell. After the Watch got involved, the hostilities had dwindled into just street brawls, but Ruby could foresee it all going downhill in a flash. She wished Detritus were there. His presence calmed her and she needed that now.

Lance-Constable Bauxite was a helpful distraction from the chaos. As a watchman, the fighting had put a weight on his shoulders. He coped by spending all his off hours at Colors where Ruby had outlawed the words 'Koom' and 'Valley.' The rule attracted a lot of female trolls to the shop who were tired of the excessive machismo everywhere else. Anyone who was anyone had a lady rock and ladies don't get caught up in uncouth squabbles unless it was important.* The clients at Cultured Lady Rocks had started to emulate Ruby's unique set of values. Maybe it was the presence of the rocks that swayed them. They did tend to have a profound effect on people.

Although his timing was still off sometimes, Bauxite had gotten rather good at reading lady rocks. He would often sit and hold them after work to calm himself down.

"How is it that I can tell which day this rock was picked up?" he asked Ruby. "I can even feel the weather."

"Oh that, the lady rocks can remember stuff that happened when they're collected. Even the ones that Detritus first gave me still have the memory clear as day. I can feel the love he felt when he picked it up and some of the things he did that day while it was with him."

"What? Really? Can I see your collection?"

"No, those are mine!" she shouted and clipped the back of his head. "If you're really so interested in what Detritus thinks of me then just use the ones built into the wall over there."

Bauxite kneeled next to the repaired wall. The stones had been worn down a little from people touching them so often. He put out his hand and focused hard on one of the lady rocks.

"Wow!" he said, moving to another. "They're so much easier to read than yours. So anyone who comes here can feel these memories just like I can?"

"I guess if they tried, but they're nothing special. Those don't have much in them because they're low quality."

Bauxite turned back to her. He had sparkles in his eyes and a smile full of diamonds.

"This is awesome! I have to add this to my idea. Thanks ruby," he said and ran out the door.

Ruby sighed in the dreary vacuum of reality that filled the space when Bauxite's exuberance left. The world returned bearing the heavy mark of Koom Valley once again. Ruby looked out the window annoyed at the stupidity that kept on interrupting her happiness. Something had to be done or the whole city would crack. Someone had to take charge and lead trolls out of the clouds of unnecessary hatred. The city needed Mr. Shine and Ruby was not going to let him sit idly by while his people suffered. If they're not leading, then what are kings for?

.

.

*Then you'd better get out of the way. It was also very ladylike to beat the hell out of any troll who was asking for it, but you always kept things personal and never bragged about it.

She found Mr. Shine lurking in the alleyways like a stray dog. It was sickening. Who was this defective god who crept around in fear? Ruby stepped out from a doorway and blocked his path.

"Hello Mr. Shine," she said, her disgust audible in her voice.

"How did you find me?" he said calmly.

Ruby stepped forward so she could see him face to face.

"I'm the second most sensitive lady rock specialist in the city," she growled. "Did you really think you could hide forever? You think I can't feel a giant diamond wandering around?"

"I assume you're not here to exchange pleasantries."

As a response, Ruby punched Mr. Shine with a resounding crack. She swore.

"Sorry," he said. "I am made of diamond. What is it you want?"

"I don't care if you were made of chocolate! You're a bloody king! Now get out there and do your job!"

"It's not as simple as that," Mr. Shine sighed as if he had answered this question many times before. "What am I supposed to do? These things take time. I cannot change the minds of every troll in the city."

"Aren't you some sort of messiah? You figure it out!"

"I am not a hero."

"You are to them and that's what I need to save my husband. Go hug a dwarf or something!"

"That's not quite—"

Ruby pushed him against a wall.

"This isn't necessary," he grunted. "You can't hurt me remember? Nothing is stronger than diamond."

"There's more than one way to kill a sham troll like you."

Mr. Shine glared at her but made no attempt to struggle.

"Is that your goal, murder? You say I'm a king. Would you really try to destroy me?"

"Why would I bother to destroy you when you can do it yourself? I have friends in low places, Your Shininess. How long will you last, hm? Detritus was a very simple troll when he got trapped in the warehouse. He turned to numbers to fill his thoughts. What will you have? What kind of memories will be playing in your head over and over speeding up until you die?"

The two trolls stood for a moment each trying to find the other's weakness.

"This doesn't need to go that far," said Mr. Shine unable to conceal the emotion in his words.

"Then get on with it! Do something, anything!"

"I told you—"

Ruby backhanded the legendary king of all trolls.

"I'll do it myself then!" she shouted and pointedly ignored the pain in her hand.

Mr. Shine stared at her with eyes that seemed to look right through her.

"You're Detritus' wife aren't you?" he said. "This isn't about the war is it?"

Ruby's arms shook with pent up resentment. The shame of attacking the god king threatened to push her to her knees but she'd be damned before she let on. Still, she couldn't help but worry about what Detritus would think if he saw her like this. She broke eye contact.

"Why did you give brick to us?" she asked with more reverence and distress than her pride intended. "Why couldn't you have given us a real pebble? Am I really not good enough? You thought I couldn't handle it? All this time I've wanted a child and it didn't happen and you thought it would take the bloody king of trolls to interfere before I got one. I could have done it on my own. I didn't need your help! What is this? You felt sorry for us? You have no right to choose things for me!"

Mr. Shine caught her fist before it landed and twisted her arm. His eyes blazed, making his body glow softly red. The thousands of reflective facets spilled an eerie tinted light onto the walls of the back alley.

"You selfish speck of sand!" he spat. "You think this is about you? I gave Brick to your husband because he needed someone to guide him and care for him! I knew that Detritus had the skills necessary to save Brick. All I want from you is for you to continue living and supporting him just as you have been all along so he can use his abilities in doing what he thinks is right.

I never asked you to care for Brick and you need not even look at him, but Detritus won't let Brick go no matter what you say or feel about him and if you don't allow Detritus that space to care for the troll that he already considers his son then you are only hurting him. I expect you to love your husband and nothing more.

Do you know what Brick's life was like before I found him? Have you even met him?"

Mr. Shine shoved Ruby away from him and when she turned around, he was gone.

"Mr. Shine is nothing but a quack," Ruby grumbled at Topaz. "I have to do something to stop this craziness. Mr. Shine sure isn't interested, but I don't know any dwarfs other than Cheery and she went to Koom Valley."

"Rocky knows some. There are loads of dwarfs in the printing business. I bet he could hook you up. Got to be careful though. They'll print anything in the paper."

"It's a good idea but not many trolls can even read the newspaper. I need something bigger, something that can change their minds all at once."

"It'd have to be as big as a mountain to get the attention of all the trolls in Ankh-Morpork."

A small smile began to form on Ruby's face as an idea came together in her mind.

"Well, if one legend won't get the job done then I've got to get another one. Nana owes me a favor."

"Who's Nana?" Topaz asked.

"You'll recognize her when you see her."

Ruby and Topaz made their way over to the Tump, an area of the city that was much higher and rockier than the rest. No one really lived on the Tump which was strange when you think about it. A lot of nobbs like to build houses on hills and such but they didn't go near the Tump. It had something to do with in-sewer-ants.

You see, Nana didn't live on the Tump. She was the Tump, an ancient troll. Nana had lived in the Sto Plains all her life and was none too happy about some stupid town being built near her home. She used to terrorize the little city until she got too tired to bother. By that time, the mountains had long been calling her, but she refused to leave her home when there were humans running amok doing whatever they liked so she settled down to philosophize outside the town of Ankh.

Back when the city was young, she would often wake up and wipe away buildings that kept showing up around her as the city expanded. People eventually caught on… sort of and stopped building on the Tump. As time went on however, she became less and less active and faded into legend.

Nana was about to wake up one last time.

Lord Vetinari glanced over the report just handed to him by one of his informants. He raised an eyebrow. His mouth twitched.

"You may go now," he told the clerk. "Send in Drumknott on your way out."

Vetinari's personal secretary appeared promptly.

"You needed me sir?"

"Ah yes, I require a witness. I do not wish to doubt my memory in the future."

Drumknott was instantly on alert. Doubt was not a common occurrence in the Oblong Office. The Patrician was practically shaking.

"Sir? Are you all right?"

"This is a most unusual circumstance. I will require your opinion afterwards as to how I should avoid it in the future."

Suddenly Vetinari bust out in uncontrollable laughter. He let it run its course naturally for exactly thirty seconds before suppressing it.

"I had forgotten how thrilling it is to laugh like that. Thank you for your assistance. I expect your report by tomorrow. Ready the carriage will you? This will be quite the spectacle."

He handed Drumknott the notice he had received from his spy and dismissed him. Two seconds later, he could hear his clerk giggling madly. Vetinari stowed some papers in his desk and picked up his cane. He wasn't going to miss this for the world.