Title: So This Is Christmas
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Chicago PD
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.
SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.
Erin came down the stairs, Jay trailing a couple steps behind her.
She smiled as they got into the front room. Hank had it all laid out. The stockings sitting in their designated places – where they'd been every year as long as she'd been around. Though, there were some new additions that year. The armchair containing Justin's stocking was accompanied by Henry's and Olive's too. A wrapped Santa gift for Henry sitting in the center of the chair. And, next to hers was that sock she'd bought and stuffed for Jay. It wasn't nearly as bulking as everyone else's and it wasn't the handmade handicraft that the rest of the family had. But it was there. She'd left it with Hank, who'd done that unimpressed pucker at her but refrained from comment when she'd asked that he have it set out in the morning too. She say Jay give it a look as they walked by but he didn't say a thing either.
The lights on the tree were on and Christmas music was playing quietly. The usually closed drapes in the front room wide open, looking out into the extra quiet street that was pilled deep with snow. The plow hadn't reached their street yet and likely wouldn't that day. Any drivers they did get out on Christmas Day would be assigned to major roadways – not residential streets. Their vehicles out front were barely visible as it was.
If Justin did manage to get there, Erin didn't know how he'd even manage to get down the street. Though, it did look like some brave souls had blazed a trail for him, if the wind didn't pick up and make those ruts disappear, hopefully he'd be able to just get in them and navigate to somewhere near the house to deposit his family. But if the street in front of the house looked this bad, Erin didn't want to know what the rest of the city or the region looked like. And, with the fact she hadn't heard anything from him, she suspected he might've had second thoughts about attempting the drive and was just doing Henry's first Christmas in the comfort and safety of their own home on base.
She made her way into the kitchen. Hank was standing at the counter, whipping at a bowl of eggs near the stove. He was somewhat rumbled, wearing some of his older, more battered looking jeans and an untucked tshirt that she knew he usually reserved for sleeping in. It meant that he'd likely at least gone up to his bedroom at some point and hopefully lay down. That he'd gotten up to just pull the jeans on over his boxers and come downstairs to start breakfast. Christmas was about the only day of the year he ever set foot on the main level of the house without being fully dressed and prepped for the day.
"Front room looks great, Hank," she said as she entered.
He glanced over his shoulder and grunted an acknowledgement at her. Then he went back to his work. Dipping a piece of bread in the egg mixture and then tossing it into a hot skillet on the stove.
She went up to him and wrapped her arm around his neck from behind. He reached up and patted gently at where her hand landed against his shoulder. She planted a light, brief kiss on his jaw. Another Christmas tradition – usually the only time of year that she displayed her love, appreciation and affection for him as her father with a kiss. But she could always feel his muscles around his jaw tug into a small smile when she did it – no matter how brief it was.
"Merry Christmas," she told him more quietly.
He patted her hand once more, giving it a small squeeze before dropping it away, and she did the same. "Merry Christmas," he agreed.
"Morning, boss," Jay mumbled at him and Hank just grunted and then glanced over his shoulder at the younger man. They seemed to lock eyes in some sort of small moment that Erin squinted at but then just wandered over to where he already had a full pot of coffee on the go. She held a mug out at Jay, who eagerly nodded.
He without question needed coffee. She knew he slept but he didn't look like it. She poured him a cup and handed it out to him, he leaned against the counter, breathing in the fumes like he might be able to get a buzz from them alone. Knowing Hank's brew that was likely a possibility. She poured a cup of her own and gazed more carefully around the kitchen.
Hank also had the start of dinner prep underway. Well under way by the looks of it. The turkey was stuffed, sewed up and seasoned sitting on the counter. It was likely just waiting for the breakfast sausages to get pulled out so there was room for it to go in. Peeled potatoes were also sitting in a pot of water and cranberries were waiting in another pot.
"Did you sleep at all?" she asked. She didn't think he could've based on the Christmas-y state of the main floor now compared to when they'd returned from the hospital all of seven hours ago.
He glanced at her and gave a little grunt. "Yea," he allowed. "Ethan was up for a bit with some nausea. I went and lay down with him until he passed back out."
"But did you sleep?" she pressed again.
"I shut my eyes," he allowed.
She let out a little sigh and scanned the room again. "So he's still sleeping?"
She'd peeked in his room when they'd come downstairs. Ethan hadn't been there. She'd assumed it meant he was with his dad but now that he was out of sight, it was more likely that he was passed out in Hank's room. That happened more regularly than Hank would likely like anymore. But it was easier for him to supervise his seizing, tremoring and puking kid in his room and manage to get something that sort of resembled rest too than it was in Ethan's bunk room.
Hank just shrugged, though. "Don't know. Hasn't come down yet, though."
Erin considered that. "When did you get him back to sleep?" she asked.
"'Round six-thirty," he allowed.
"And when'd you come back down?"
"'Bout eight," he provided.
She nodded and set her coffee down. "I'll go check on him," she said.
Voight pointed at the crutches by the door but she just shook her head. She could get him down there without them and she suspected if her baby brother was still in bed at 10 a.m. on Christmas morning, she'd likely have more luck convincing him to come downstairs if she wasn't shoving everything about his current condition in his face. He didn't need anymore reminders than he already had.
Jay looked at her. "Want me to come?" he asked.
She shook her head, as she headed for the door. "Nope. I want you to drink coffee."
She didn't bother creeping up the stairs or down the hallway. Even if Ethan was sleeping, Hank would likely be waking him soon anyways to get some food and pills into him. She didn't need to sneak around. So she just went to Hank's door at the end of the hall and peaked through the open crack. Ethan was laying on his side. He looked unwell, tired and lethargic but he was definitely awake.
She pushed the door open the rest of the way and gave him a small smile as he glanced at her. "Morning, Eth," she greeted. "Merry Christmas."
He just gazed at her without returning the greeting. He clearly wasn't feeling well and his rough night (day ... weeks ... months ... years ... life) had obviously continued after he'd arrived home. A sure sign was that his tatter puppy dog stuffie that he'd had since he was a little guy in pieces in the hospital and a dead mother that his coma and brain damage kept him from comprehending for weeks and months more. Some days, Erin still wondered if he'd ever fully been able to wrap his little head around it. Another sure sign that the night hadn't been a good one was bottles of Ethan's pain and anti-nausea pills lining Hank's dresser and an empty bowl sitting on the nightstand closest to Ethan. It's clearly been meant as a puke dish to try to avoid having to mop up vomit and bile from the floor.
Erin let out a slow breath and wandered over to the bed and sat closer to the end. She saw that the urine bag was hanging off the side of the mattress, attached to keep in in place and not tug or tangle too much on him. That seemed to be what he was staring at. It had some urine in it. She looked at it too.
"Hey, Bud," she said, "what do you say we go into the bathroom and figure out the valve to get that emptied out for you and then head downstairs. Everyone is up. Waiting for you."
"Justin and Henry aren't here," he mumbled at her.
She shrugged. "Eth, you saw what the roads were like when you were coming home from the hospital last night. We'll get them up on Skype in a bit. C'mon. Dad's almost got breakfast ready."
But he just shook his head at her and buried his face more into the mattress. She reached and rubbed at his leg a bit.
"Don't you want to see what Santa brought you?" she tried.
"You mean you and Dad," he mumbled.
She just shrugged at him again. "If that's how you wanna look at it Ethan. Either way there's presents downstairs for you and people waiting to see you. Jay's still here."
He gave her a little glance at that. "He slept over?"
She nodded. "Yep. You sold him on the French Toast. And I know you want to watch the movie in his stocking. So to do that you have to come down."
He considered her for a moment but then shook his head again.
"Ethan," she said a little more sternly. "You aren't sleeping right now. I know you aren't feeling very well but your dad stayed up all night to make sure it looks like Christmas down there for you this morning. So the least you should do is come down and say 'Merry Christmas.'"
"I don't want to," he muttered.
She really shrugged at him at that and stood and pulled the blankets off him. Sometimes anymore it was hard being stern with him – but sometimes he really needed it. Especially at his age. He could give a whole lot of lip and go on a little boy pity-party and pout-fest that if he wasn't sick just wouldn't fly in the Voight house. So they couldn't always let it slide. It only taught him he deserved to be pitied if they did.
And, she definitely wasn't going to let it slide that morning. Hank had busted his ass to give his boy a Christmas that year. He likely hadn't slept since Ethan was admitted to the hospital two weeks ago. Ethan was going to participate whether he liked it or not.
He grabbed at the blankets, trying to get her to leave him alone but she just yanked them harder and farther away from him.
"We all have to do things we don't want to do, Ethan," she said. "It's Christmas. You're going to come downstairs and spend some time with your family. You aren't staying up here wallowing."
"I'm not wallowing," he snarked at her, giving her angry eyes that flickered with that little boy tantrum mode that did nothing for her.
"You are," she said. "You aren't feeling well and you're overtired and you're sulking about that catheter."
"SO?!" he demanded of her.
She shrugged. "So," she put back to him, "your body has just been through a lot, Ethan. You aren't going to be feeling well and you're going to be tired for the next while until you bounce back a bit. That's just the way it works. And the catheter – the choice was to spend Christmas in the hospital or to get the catheter in and come home. Where would you rather be?"
He blinked at her with sad eyes.
"Get up," she ordered more firmly. "We're going downstairs. You're going to do that for your dad. Your dad and I have done lots of things these past two weeks where we've put on our happy faces and pushed through. You can do it too for a few hours."
"Dad doesn't have a happy face," Ethan put to her flatly.
"Your dad has been within shouting distance of you nearly 24 hours a day for the past two weeks, Eth," she said. "That's grinning and bearing it. And if you grin and bear it long enough – things just start to feel normal again. So that's what you're going to do. Right now. Because it's what we're all doing."
He gazed at her sadly at that and asked so quietly, "Does that mean you aren't happy?"
She sighed at him and crossed her arms. "I'm just worried about you, Eth. We all are. And we're all very tired."
"So you're sad?" he asked.
She gave him a thin smile. "A little," she acknowledged. "I don't like you being sick either. It makes me sad and frustrated. I makes me wish I could make it better for you. But I can't. But I'm doing my best to make it easier for you. And so is your dad."
"Don't be sad, Erin," he said softly, giving her that little boy look of his.
She smiled a little more genuinely at that and went and sat on the bed again, giving his bicep a little rub.
"I'm trying not to be," she said. "And I need you to try not to be too – because how you're feeling and how you're doing, Eth, it affects all of us."
He blinked back tears at her. "I don't feel well," he sputtered.
"I know," she admitted. "Your dad already told me that you were up. You had three seizures last night, bud. That's really hard on your body. Those drugs in the IV. They're hard too. I know they make you sick. But it's Christmas. It's family time. We need to try to enjoy it as best we can."
He gazed at her. "I hurt," he whimpered.
She nodded. "I know," she acknowledged. "But moving a bit will help and your dad is getting some food ready so you can take your next set of pills and that's going to help you cope a bit better too, Eth."
His eyes looked so pleading. "I don't know how to do the bag," he said quietly.
She nodded again. "That's OK. The nurse taught me too. We'll figure it out together. It didn't seem that hard. So let's get up. We'll go into the bathroom and get it emptied and then we'll get it strapped on again."
"Don't tell Jay," he said with a quiet embarrassment.
Erin squeezed his shoulder. "Eth, Jay was at the hospital, remember? He already knows. Ans no one in this house cares. We're all just happy you're home and we get to spend Christmas at home and with you. So c'mon it's time to get going and get downstairs."
He let out a slow breath but sat up and she gave his back a rub as he stood from the bed, awkwardly – and somewhat disgustedly – lifting the urine bag from where it was hanging. She followed him as he trudged to the bathroom. Looking at his little, thin, sickly stature and his awkward gait with his dragging turned-foot, she had to remind herself that it could be worse. He could be so much worse. And there were other families dealing with the same or far sadder situations that morning. At least they were home and together. That counted for something.
AUTHOR NOTE: A chapter got posted last night that many seemed to miss due to posting quirkiness with FanFic. It's Chapter 10 and is Erin and Jay in her room before going downstairs.