My warning stands...

I own nothing.

BPOV

In one word to describe the way I was feeling, would be confused. My heart was breaking for James, I felt ambushed by Esme and Vicki, Edward was acting as if he didn't care, and I felt alone. I knew I had people, but at the same time no one would understand. Having a family dinner with the Cullens was odd to say the least. Carlisle tried to get everyone in a conversation, but I just didn't feel like talking. I was shocked at how much Edward talked and ate. Edward and Emmett talked about how much they were looking forward to the game the following night. It did make me happy that Edward was so happy, but I was still so depressed at the same time. It seemed like he was fitting in and I was a downer for him, I didn't want that.

I took my last bite and asked to be excused. Carlisle said yes, I looked to Edward for his approval, and he shook his head yes. I took my plate to the sink and then headed out of the room. I knew Carlisle was going ask if I was okay and I wanted to hear what was said. I was shocked when I heard Esme speak first.

"I should go talk to her," she said.

"No," I heard Edward say. "You don't know her. When she is upset...she will be better tomorrow," he said as I smiled to myself.

"Are you upset about everything that has happened today?" I heard Carlisle ask him.

"Please don't shrink me right now," Edward said. I could tell he was trying to not be snippy.

"I'm asking because I'm concerned. I'm not trying to 'shrink' you, so you say," Carlisle said in his patient tone.

"I don't like Vick, so to say I was happy to see her would be a lie. Knowing that I won't be involved with putting my father in jail makes my day better, but knowing how upset Bella is...I don't like seeing her so upset," he said as I heard a chair scrap along the tile floor.

I ran up the stairs and into the bedroom. I grabbed my book bag, sat at the desk, and started on my homework. As I got into what needed to be done I heard Edward come in and turn on the TV. He kept the volume down and he didn't say a word to me. I was surprised that I was able to finish with in an hour. I put all of my things away and went to the bathroom to take a body shower. I let the water run over my skin and I could feel myself relax. It was what I needed. When I was done I walked back to the bedroom; the TV was off.

"Lay with me," he said. I crawled into the bed, but I didn't lie down. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," I told him as he pulled me down on his chest.

"I feel...happy," he said as we laid there in silences.

"How?" I asked. That was when he told me for the last year he had doubted his upbringing, and this shocked me, but also got me thinking. I started thinking about how Edward would act when James would show me attention or him for that matter.

Three months earlier...

It was the end of the school year and we were all getting ready to start our day. Edward was drinking coffee while James got all of his things ready for work. He was a relator and he was very good at his job. I guess people would call him a smooth talker. I found him to be interesting, smart, and informative. When I was done with the dishes I sat at the table, and waited for the two of them to be ready to go.

"Okay kids, I should be home by six tonight," Dad said closing his briefcase. "Be good today, I don't want to come home and have to hand out spankings, understand?" he asked.

"Yes sir," we both said together.

"Good, walk me to the door," he said as we both followed him to the front door. He took Edward by the hand while we walked. When we got to the front door I pulled out James's suit jacket, and waited for him to say his good byes to Edward. I always watched in awe as the two of them had their time together. Edward and James were about the same height, and James would always stand with his hands on Edward's hips.

"Make sure you get to and from school safely. Make sure your sister does all of her homework, got it?" James asked him.

"Yes Dad, I always do," Edward said with a small smile.

Dad would always give him lunch money for the two of us. I watched as James moved closer to Edward's mouth and he placed one hand on the back of his neck. Edward would always put his hand on James' waist. I watched as James gave Edward a small smile before their lips touch. Edward would close his eyes as tight as he could. I would watch as their tongues would go in and out of each other's mouths. For some reason, it would always turn me on. I would always wait anxiously for my turn. I didn't know why I wanted to kiss him so bad. I was sure it still went with the fact that I could actually kiss him and not feel sick. With one final peck, James would move away. I thought for sure I saw Edward wipe his mouth, but I wasn't sure. I knew if James seen that, he would be pissed.

"I love you," James said pulling Edward close. "We're going to have a talk later," James said hugging him closer. All Edward did was nod his head in understanding.

James turned to me and grabbed ahold of my ass. He gave me a quick peck and I opened my mouth for him as his tongue filled my mouth. When James pulled away I looked over his shoulder, and saw Edward looking enraged and sick at the same time. None of his mood swings made sense to me.

"After our talk," James said looking at Edward. "I want all three of us to have family time," he said as we all agreed. I loved family time...

"Is that why you have been acting funny when James would show me any affection?" I asked as he nodded his head yes. "That's why you were wiping your mouth..." It was more a thought, but I said it out loud. "Why didn't you just tell him no? He always told me he would never force me if I didn't want to do something," I told him wanting to know.

"Babe, do you really think he was being honest?"

"Well...yes," I said now doubting myself. I was feeling like I missed something.

"You never said no to him?"

"Yes...well, kinda," I said with a shrug. I remember telling him that I was uncomfortable, but I don't think I ever said no.

"What happened when you said no?" he asked me. The way he asked sounded regretful in a way, but I wasn't sure.

"I guess I never really said no. I would tell him I was uncomfortable, but he would always talk to me, and make me feel better. He never forced himself on me," I said with a shrug.

"Bella, I have tried to say no. I would make myself get sick just so I didn't have to be with him, which would sometimes work. He never took no for an answer." He took a deep breath and then kept talking. "I'm kinda happy that we don't have to be with him anymore."

"You are being a fucking hypocrite! You have been defending him this whole time and saying shit like 'I'm glad I'm not the one that is going to my father in jail'. And now, you are going to sit here and say he raped you?!" I was livid pissed. I hated double standers.

"He raped you too!" he yelled loudly. We both jumped off the bed and stood toe to toe. "He started having sex with you when you were thirteen. Hate to tell you sweetheart, but that is rape."

"I NEVER said fucking no! I liked it. I couldn't get enough! If you hated it so much, you should make a statement or something, ya know, tell the world that Dad raped you. You said that you would always be there for me, and you are feeding me to the wolves instead of standing beside me!" I wanted to cry, but I wanted to be tough.

"Number one," he said sticking one finger in my face. "You need to change your tone. Number two," he said sticking two fingers in my face. I knew he was furious with me because he was talking between clenched teeth. I wanted so badly to slap his hand away, but I knew I was already in enough trouble. "Get in the corner and shut your fucking mouth," he said as the bedroom door flew open.

"What is the yelling about?" Carlisle asked looking panicked.

"Sorry if we got to loud," Edward said trying to calm himself down. "It's over there won't be any more yelling."

"Everything okay?" Carlisle asked me. I nodded my head yes and held back the unshed tears that were going to fall over any minute.

"We're just going to go to bed," Edward said as he turned to the bed and started to turn back the covers.

"It's only eight," Carlisle pointed out.

"Yeah, well it has been a long day," Edward said in a clipped tone.

"Fair enough. Get some rest," he said before turning to walk out of the room.

Neither of us said a word and I went to stand in the corner. I heard Edward move about the room, I didn't know what he was doing. I had a feeling that he would spank me and I waited for it. It never came though...

"I'm sorry. I can't say anything bad against him. As much as I want to hate him, I can't. He is the only man that will ever be my father. You're stronger than me, Bella. I can't do it and you will," he said sounding pained. I was still facing the corner. "I am a hypocrite, and I am totally fucked up. I'm happy, scared, and sad all at once. I don't know what emotion to follow. This is all confusing, and I don't even know how to go day to day. I'm so lost," he said as he choked back a sob. "I'm supposed to be the man and take care of you and I don't even know where to start with new rules."

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. He was breaking down and I was stuck in the fucking corner until he said I could get out. I stood there for God knows how long and listened to the only man I will ever love forever bawl his eyes out, and I could do nothing about it. After a while I felt his arms snake around my waist and hold me tight. I gripped his fore arms in a death grip, I felt like he was going to disappear. If I ever lost him, and he wasn't in my life, I think I would die. I couldn't survive this world without him.

"You can get out of the corner now," he said as I quickly twisted in his arms and hugged him.

"I hate that you didn't talk to me sooner about this. I don't want to be the one to put him in jail. Everyone says he was wrong and he abused us, but he helped me so much. I thought Phil ruined me for life, but I can kiss and have sex without freaking out or getting sick. Edward, I can't do this," I said as I walked away from him.

"I will be there with you every step of the way," he said as I lay down in bed.

"What is wrong with you? Why do you want this so bad?"

"I don't want to share you anymore… I never wanted to share you. James and I treated you like a whore, and I hate myself for it. I want him out of our lives, but I know I will never forget him. I don't want to forget him, minus the sex part. James as a person is amazing, I love him, but hate him," he said as I rolled my eyes. He was all over the place with his emotions, and he was giving me whiplash with this, I hate him, but love him bullshit. "You hate me now, don't you," he said sounding like he was going to cry again. I jumped off the bed and paced the length of the room.

"I could never hate you, even if I tried. I just can't take this I love, but hate him bull. I need some space. You think you're lost? I'm a hundred miles behind you. At least you have something now that makes you happy," I said as I walked into the bathroom.

My plan was to just sit in the bathroom for a while, but I looked to the extra bedroom and I started to think that having my own room wouldn't be such a bad idea.