Chapter 11 - Crazy Cat

It's been almost two weeks since we are working on the book. I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical about it first. I was afraid it was going to open a whole box of hurt, misery and trouble. But as we started completing bios one by one, it really helped. It seemed like a better goodbye, a better closure.

We had started with Prim, then my family, then Cinna. We also added Portia and my prep team, who had gotten executed after my rescue. Then we decided to move on to the tributes of 74th Hunger games. Rue, Thresh, Foxface, even Cato, Clove, Glimmer and Marvel. True to her words, Effie keeps sending us all the information she can collect. She has contacted the escorts of all the districts who are alive and they are providing her the required data. It's a slow process but we are getting there.

The book is not the only thing in my agenda. I am working on rebuilding my bakery as well. I have employed Mr. Garden and we are designing the whole thing from scratch. I usually spend my mornings in the Market area overlooking the construction. Katniss goes and hunts during the morning. Then after lunch, we both sit together and work on the book. Although Haymitch has refused to help us with the book, it hasn't stopped him from occasionally visiting us and giving his expert comments on the project.

We generally take dinner together and then continue working for late hours. We do it till we are so tired, that we can't keep our eyes open. I have to accept grudgingly, that Katniss has more stamina than me. I tire more than her, and I am usually the one to stop working first. Then I go home and sleep. I keep hoping that one day she will ask me to stay for the night, but till now she hasn't.

This Sunday afternoon, I am working on the portrait of Glimmer. I am drawing her as she looked during her tribute interview, beautiful and sexy. Katniss is sitting beside me reading about her.

"You know Glimmer has a little sister?" She asks me.

"No" I say.

"Prim's age ... she is studying in school."

"Hmm."

"How she must hate me."

I look at her. This is not the first time she has felt this way.

"Katniss ..." I start, but just then Greasy comes with Soni to the living room.

"She wants to draw too." Greasy says to me.

"Sure ... come sit beside me, Soni." I pat at the couch near me. I give her a sheet, a couple of pencils and an eraser. I look at Katniss, but she is back to reading the material.

After about 10 minutes, Soni shows me her drawing. She has drawn a cat, mostly Buttercup, playing with a ball. The ball is up in the air, and Buttercup is trying to grab it. For a seven-year old, it's not bad at all.

"That's beautiful, Soni. Is that Buttercup?" I ask her. As if on cue, Buttercup strolls near my leg.

Soni nods. Then she points at Buttercup and says, "Crazy Cat".

I smile at her. She says weird things sometimes. "Yes ... he is one old crazy cat." I say and pick Buttercup up on my lap.

I look at Katniss smiling but immediately I know something is wrong. Her face is drained of all the blood, and she is looking at me with fear.

"Katniss, you OK?" I ask her.

She doesn't respond. It's like she has gone into some shock. I gently touch her hand. Suddenly, she shakes her head as if to come out of some reverie. Then she gets up and walks out of the door. I put Buttercup down and follow her outside. She is sitting on the outer stairs. I go and sit beside her.

"That was me ... the Crazy Cat" she says without prompting.

"What?"

"When they were bombing 13, we were underground and we played this game with Buttercup. I used to turn on the flashlight and he chased it. He was happy when he caught it and when I turned it off ... well, he got upset at first but was fine after a while. What really drove him crazy was when I kept the light just out of his reach. And that was me, the cat ... with you being the light. What they were doing was dangling you in front of me ... keeping my hopes alive that you are breathing and at the same time breaking me by torturing you."

She looks at me, her eyes full of tears.

"You understand what I am saying ... "

"Yeah ... " I had felt the same way sometimes, when I was captured. I knew Katniss was alive, and it was driving me crazy to know that she was so out of reach. And now I understand what Soni had drawn. That was not a ball, but the flashlight beam.

"And after I realized that, I couldn't do anything ... " Katniss continues, "No propos, no hunting, nothing. They broke me. And even after I got you back ... I didn't actually get you back. In a way, they had already taken you away from me."

Then she puts her head down on her knees.

"I am here now ... still breathing and somewhat back to normal." I say.

She looks up at me tears trickling down her face. But she gives a small smile. "Yes ... against all odds you are still here."

"We do beat the odds together ... again and again." I say trying to cheer her up. But it doesn't work. She gets more upset.

"Don't you just hate me, Peeta? Don't you blame me for the deaths of your family and friends? You said that to Delly ... " I know she is talking about the time when I was hijacked and blamed her for all the deaths.

"Come on Katniss ... I was hijacked ... my memories were altered ... "

"Doesn't make it any less true ..."

"Stop it ... okay. You know why I think they bombed 12?"

"To teach me a lesson?"

"Partly that ... but partly, because they could afford to do it."

Katniss looks at me frowning.

"They could bomb District 12 Because they really didn't need it's resources. District 12 was their least profitable district. They already had their power supplies from 5. They didn't have much to lose and they could set an example for other rebel districts ... like they did with 13 during the first rebellion. Just think, if instead of you, there had been a Victor from District 2, would they have bombed it? Or District 3, or even 11? No ... they needed all those districts much more than they needed 12. If they really wanted anything from 12, they wouldn't have turned it to ashes. Snow was ready to take this calculated step ... he was ready since the time he came to see you before Victory tour. Your involvement wouldn't have mattered ... if the rebellion was on, 12 was always the first target."

She looks at me trying to digest my words. I know she is looking for something to lessen her guilt, and I can only hope that what I am saying make some sense to her. But she shakes her head.

"I don't know, Peeta. Sometimes I feel, I should have just eaten those berries ..."

"And eating those berries would have made everything alright?" I ask cutting her. "Would that have ensured Prim's survival? Saved her from future reapings? Who would have been there to volunteer for her then?"

"Well the odds of her getting reaped again ... "

"Don't talk to me about odds. We got reaped again. And Prim ... didn't she have like one slip ... one slip in thousands. Talk about probability ..." Katniss is still looking at me, a tear glistens on her face. I wipe it slowly with my thumb.

"Don't you understand what you have given to everyone?" I continue, "A future free of Hunger Games, a future free of people like Snow and Coin. And if we don't capitalize on this ... then all of them have died for nothing. Then Prim, Cinna, Finnick ... all their deaths are in vain. Trust me, your eating berries wouldn't have solved anything."

She nods slowly, "I just miss Prim so much." She whispers.

"I know ... but if you think about it, she is here ... see that."

I show her a newly blossomed red primrose. I gently take her hand in mine and make her stand. Then I take her near the bushes and we both sit there on the ground.

"You see, Prim is everywhere ... in these flowers, in Buttercup's protective eyes, in Soni's sweet face, in the frostings of my cakes, in the pages of that book and in your smile."

Katniss smiles ... it's one of those rare ones that completely brightens the surroundings. Then she suddenly hugs me tightly. I hide my shock and slowly put a hand on her back.

"If we are not living this life that they have given us, we are letting them down." I say rubbing her back gently. " We have to make this count ... right?"

She buries her face in my neck and her breath sends shivers inside me.

"I am so glad you came back." She whispers after a while.

"Not coming was never an option." I whisper back.

A/N: I just thought Peeta needed to know about the Crazy Cat. And I wanted to show, how Peeta slowly plays a part in encouraging Katniss to live on. Like Katniss said ... that's what she needed to survive.