AN: Apologies for the delay in getting this chapter up. I took a little break and did some more writing for Academy Blues. I also had some things to think around in trying to get Shep more on the same page as Garrus, and figuring out how best to incorporate Javik. I think I've got most of that set in the right spots, so everything should be good to go for an actual resolution. I'm maybe a little optimistic in saying there's two chapters left? (haha who am I kidding, probably more the way I'm going...)
Fingers crossed, because although I've had fun working on this story I have other projects I'd love to write :)
Also, I don't really know how to write Javik. He's not a character I generally incorporate so I'm not sure if he comes across in character or not. Truth be told, I kinda write him like I write Vegeta...
Special thanks to mordinette for beta reading for me ^-^
The march towards engineering is far more somber than it needs to be, but something's on Liara's mind. Garrus has the distinct feeling that it has little to do with him so much as with the Prothean who just abandoned them. He's more convinced that he needs to talk to Tali, find out if their very own asari is harboring a crush on their newest crew member.
Tali nearly squeals in delight when she sees him, jumping into an embrace he's only half ready for. "Garrus! You're not dead!"
Her helmet presses awkwardly against his visor, but after the initial surprise wears off he reciprocates with a bruising bear hug. "I'm too stubborn to die, you should know that by now." He spins her around and carefully puts her back on the ground. It takes some effort, but he ignores the impulse to pat her head.
"I didn't get a hug," Liara pouts, though they all hear the mocking undertone.
"You let me babble like an idiot. You don't deserve a hug." At Tali's confused head tilt, he points at her accusingly. "You're not off the hook either. Why didn't you tell me about the Prothean?"
"What? And miss you making an ass of yourself? No way!"
"But you did miss it-"
"Yes," she says sadly. "So I've gathered. But Joker will probably let me watch the security footage."
The banter winds down a bit as they shift into business. It takes surprisingly little to get him up to speed. Javik is notably the more interesting mission (and only tangentially depressing, unlike everything else that is so immediately tragic) they've encountered. The rest of it is the same old stuff they've been dealing with for months. Make alliances, buy time, try to kill some Reapers.
Liara's called away before they're done, an exasperated huff of apology as she rushes off, and then it's Team Dextro back at it. Garrus leans heavily against the console, subvocals trilling amusement.
"So, Liara and Javik...?" He trails off, lets her fill in the blanks.
Tali pointedly looks the way the asari just left, which is about all the confirmation he needs. "She can barely stand him."
"What, not living up to her expectations of meeting a real life Prothean?"
"Something like that. Lock them in an empty room together and I'm not sure if they'd kill each other or try to, ahem, work things out." He can hear Tali's embarrassment and nearly laughs at her reluctance to just say the words 'fuck it out.' But he mercifully lets it go. "Speaking of people who can barely stand each other." And now she's leaving room in the conversation for him, actually lets him decide how to interpret that.
His first instinct is to deflect. Make a sarcastic remark and move on to the next topic. But fuck, there are things he needs to know and Tali would be more than happy to sate his curiosity. So he sucks it up, mentally prepares himself and asks, "How was she?" When I was gone. When I left her. When I abandoned the crew. All of that, of course, remains unsaid.
If Tali's surprised that he's willing to talk about this, she doesn't show it. "She was..." The pause isn't to torture him, he knows that, but as Tali searches for the right words his heartbeat picks up a bit. "Miserable, I suppose, would be the easiest way to put it. Frustrated, though. Angry. Very short-tempered on ground missions. Snapped at people all the time. I thought - well, we all did - that it was because of how abruptly you left."
Garrus winces at the reminder, though he can't really bring himself to regret it.
Oblivious to his apparent distress, Tali keeps going. "But it just got worse the longer you were gone. We didn't help things, Joker especially made a lot of comments and dropping hints. But we had to quit that after a while. She was always so tense, so wound up. Liara says she was just upset that you left and wouldn't talk to her. Like it was her pride that was suffering. I..." Her voice drops a bit, goes a bit soft. "I think she was worried about you. She wouldn't let herself ask us about it, but when we'd talk about you, shared the conversations we'd been having, you could tell she was eavesdropping. I think she was beating herself up about it."
The angry, bristly part of Garrus' inner self is a bit smug about it. Good, she should've been.
But there's the damn soft spot he's always had for Shepard, the one that won't quite let him walk away. That part of him feels so damn guilty he just wants to punch himself.
Damn, he hates being conflicted.
"And then I guess she thought you were hurt. In the middle of talking to Cortez and Vega, she doubled over. Almost fainted or something, I don't know. But then she was back on her feet and demanding we head to the Citadel. We all thought she'd gone crazy or something, but she kept scouring the turian comm frequencies. When we heard about the attack in the system you were in... We were all worried then."
"I didn't mean to-"
Tali waves dismissively. "You did what you had to, and I don't think anyone here can blame you. Leaving. Fighting. All of it. Anyone with eyes can see Shepard's a mess. Honestly, it's good you're back. You can hopefully fix that." Even through the mask, he can see how big and earnest her eyes go. "You... you do plan on trying to fix things, right?"
He sighs and feels his limbs slump in defeat. He'd love to fix things. He's just at a loss as to how to go about that. "I'm going to try," he concedes, because really that's all he can.
They head up to the mess hall soon after, Garrus' rumbling stomach not going ignored by Tali. She's gotten in her head that he must have been seriously injured if Shepard reacted the way she did ("I'm fine. Why does no one believe me?"), so she takes to mother henning him. When he grabs a regular sized dextro-ration, she tsks and adds another helping. When he goes for a drink, she puts it back and replaces it with a 'healthier' option.
He scowls at her the whole time but let her get her way. So what if he's trying to make up for worrying her? It's an easy fix to an easy problem, and he'll take what he can get in the way of easy fixes right now.
It's the main dinner time for the crew, most of the seats being filled already. They grab the last empty table just as some Alliance crewmen vacate it. There's friendly remarks that they're glad he's back, and he just does his best to try and remember their names.
"I didn't realize I was so popular," he jokes when they're finally left alone to eat.
"Don't preen. You're the only turian on board and you're sleeping with Shepard. Everyone knows who you are and is at least mildly interested."
Garrus forces a look of indignation but abandons the pretense in favor of stuffing his face. Perhaps he's not as recovered as he let on, because his muscles ache a bit and he's hungry and just so damn tired. He makes a mental note to stop by the medbay and get checked out by a doctor he actually trusts.
A few minutes later Joker and Vega join them. Vega's not eating but he's on break so he takes the opportunity to slap Garrus on the back and welcome him back to the ship. (And okay, ow, that hurt. He is definitely not back at 100% yet.) Both humans are pleased to have him back on board, though Vega is more outwardly enthusiastic about having his drinking buddy back. ("Scars, I could drink these guys under the table in an hour. I need more of a challenge, you know?")
Joker's in the middle of a dry re-telling of when Javik first came on board when they're interrupted by an unsure voice.
"Can I join you?"
The conversation and easy camaraderie comes to a screeching halt when they look up to see Shepard. She doesn't mean to be imposing, no doubt, but being the only one standing makes them all fidget a bit. Her skittishness does nothing to diminish the effect. If anything, it amplifies it.
"Well, you are the commander," Joker answers blithely and motions towards a nearby chair.
No one moves yet, all holding their breaths so Garrus just rolls his eyes, leans back and adds, "The more the merrier."
Their collective restlessness dissipates instantly. Shepard gives him a thankful smile, one that reminds him so painfully of the SR-1 that he has to look away. He hasn't quite recovered by the time she's pulled up a seat and the casual atmosphere starts to flood back in. Vega must sense as much, because he provides a distraction by jokingly asking what Buggy is up to downstairs and if the airlock is still under lock and key.
(Tali pats Garrus on the shoulder when he looks confused, a silent promise to explain later.)
Joker is not as compassionate as the others, taking every opportunity to chirp both of them.
"Hey, Garrus, what did you think about that mission - oh wait, no, never mind. You weren't here."
"So do turian crews have commanders that are as fine looking as our Shep here? You're the only one with the position to judge both."
"You were the idiot that left in the middle of a war."
"Don't laugh. You were the idiot that chased away our best sniper and calibrator extraordinaire."
"You may as well have spent the nights sleeping in the CIC for how little time you spent in your quarters. What, things too lonely up there?"
"I'm actually surprised to see you two in the same place - last month or so it seemed like only one brooding authority figure was allowed at a time."
(Vega smirks at each comment, at one point nearly choking on his drink as he splutters and coughs before barking out a laugh. "Damn, Lola, you gonna take that shit?")
But in its own way, it helps diffuse the remaining tension. Sure, there's no way he and Shepard can even look at each other without him feeling his chest constrict in a mix of pain and anticipation. So he's exceedingly thankful that their first meeting on the Normandy is at least in public and mediated by mutual friends. (Though it does seem as though they've taken up camps. Tali and Vega, at least, seem firmly in his, but he can't help but wonder how divided the ship is. And Spirits, the idea that the whole ship has an opinion on his love life is somewhat mortifying.)
In a roundabout way, he's able to read the situation between him and Shepard a bit better. Their friends act as buffers, let them almost talk but have to dwell on the heavier issues that have separated them for so long. And damn it all, it's nice to be here again. He can almost pretend that things are back to normal.
But then he'll look up and see the anxious worry lines around her eyes, something not his own pain reflected there.
It has to end at some point, so when Vega mutters that his break is long over and Tali agrees that she needs to coordinate with the engineers below deck, everyone starts to get up. Joker's the last, hesitating to leave them alone because despite the playful way he'd ribbed them both, he doesn't want it all to dissolve back into fighting.
Eventually, Garrus shoos him with an exasperated look that somehow translates across species.
"Well," Joker says with the type of subtlety he normally possesses. "I know when I'm a third wheel. Play nice, you two."
Shepard's smile is a little pinched and she drums her fingers along the edge of the table. This is a far cry from the moody, argumentative treatment he'd been dealing with before he left. And he honestly isn't completely sure it's better.
"So..." he starts and lets all the possibilities hang between them.
"So," she agrees, but some of the light comes back to her eyes.
"We should probably... talk. About things."
"Yeah. I'm working through the night shift. But tomorrow? Early?" She frowns, all at once considering the one thing they haven't addressed yet. "You're staying, right? I mean, your stuff was dropped off earlier but I don't want to... you know... assume anything."
She's nervous, honest to god nervous, and in other circumstances he'd find it adorable. She wears confidence well, but somehow this suits her too. Maybe only because of the reason she's nervous.
"Yes."
"Yeah?" And damn, that smile is back. He loves that smile as much as he loves-
Stop, that, Vakarian. Don't get ahead of yourself.
"Yes. I'm staying. And yes, we can talk in the morning. Your quarters...?"
"Just check with EDI first to make sure I'm actually there. My schedule's a fucking mess and who the hell knows when another ground mission's gonna pop up. But yeah."
He pulls himself away then, forces himself to leave her side because there's nothing more he's willing to say in the middle of the mess hall with about ten assorted members of the crew stealing glances at them (like they can't fucking see them doing it, do they think he's blind?). They say good-bye and he nearly walks into a table. Ugh.
Is it weird that he feels like a teenager again?
He spends maybe an hour in the battery trying to get his bearings back. The systems aren't as he left them, but this time he'd planned ahead. There are back-ups of his algorithms saved on the system (and his own omni-tool if the Alliance had done something stupid like erase his secure files) and he's reasonably confidant it won't take long to set things back the way he likes it.
It's while he's waiting for a file to compile that the idea occurs to him. Has him rushing to the elevator. He doesn't hesitate before barging into the port cargo bay.
"The turian is back."
The number of eyes looking at him is a little disorienting, but he ignores it. "Uh, Garrus Vakarian."
"I don't care."
And okay, yeah, he's snide. Whatever, there are things he needs to know and as the only living breathing Prothean in the whole friggin galaxy, he'll deal with it.
"You know about soulmates."
Javik looks at him like he is a complete idiot (Garrus is inclined to agree at the moment). "Of course I do."
"Okay." He's starting to understand Liara's frustration. "Care to... elaborate on that?"
He huffs in annoyance, as if he is well and truly being put upon not only to have Garrus in his presence but to have to converse with him on such matters. But he must be used to it, dealing with these primitive species that have somehow caught up to his people, because he crosses his arms and actually answers.
"The Relays were from the Reapers. We took them and made them ours, as much as we could. Even as the genocide brought us to the brink of extinction, we did all in our power to assure our survival. The marks are one of those ways. Something you people seem to find a novelty was essential to us.
"There were so few of us left. As our numbers dwindled, it was necessary to find a way to pair off and mate more efficiently. And there was no time for relationships, to build up the partnerships and trust that was fundamental to surviving. The Relays allowed us to connect to one another, across time and space." At the mention of time, Javik reaches unconsciously for his left forearm. It might be covered, but Garrus can easily guess what's hidden there. "It's designed to match everyone it can to their one true mate, their ideal partner. Someone to fight alongside with."
Someone to fight for, Garrus wants to add, but the thought is interrupted.
"Which is why it is laughable that you are the commander's mate."
"Uh... excuse me?" Because that's like, really insulting, right? He's about to say as much, but Javik beats him to it.
"You are causing undue stress on your mate."
Garrus stares at him blankly. Blinks a few times for added effect. "What?"
"Your disappearance caused the commander to be thoroughly agitated. Or at least that's what I've been told. She may always be like that." There's an indifference about the way he acknowledges that Shepard's default setting might be 'constant aggravation' that's almost admirable. He's a man used to working with what he's got, clearly.
"That's really none of your business-"
"She leads the resistance, does she not? It is everybody's business. You are her mate, you are to make her stronger. And you are needed to warn us if she is compromised. And yet you view her potential indoctrination so callously. You left-"
"Wait, back that up a bit." He's not going to listen to this stranger question his relationship with Shepard, but there's something extremely important in what he's saying. "What's that about Shepard being compromised and indoctrination?"
And again he feels like he's under a microscope. Not the way it was with Mordin - the salarian wanted to take him apart and see what made him tick. No, this scrutiny is more along the lines of, 'How has your species evolved so far and yet still manages to produce such stunning examples of stupidity?'
"You will know before any other if she becomes indoctrinated. In this matter, you are more important than her. You will warn your crew, your fleets, your worlds, should she start to succumb to Reaper influence."
"Oh." Well, when he's right he's right. A thought occurs to him and his stomach churns uncomfortably in response. "Javik... You didn't- Did you tell Shepard all of this?"
"I have told her considerably more."
"You're killing me."
Javik looks stunned at that, almost afraid that Garrus means it literally. And given the rumors that spread about him being in the hospital, the idea isn't completely unfounded.
"Never mind," he mutters. He doesn't want to be rude and leave out of the blue, but Javik is becoming increasingly bored with him. Garrus grumbles something about leaving and goes back to the battery to brood a bit.
AN: I lowkey ship Liara/Javik. I don't really plan on pursuing that relationship, but it might continue as a background thing.