Today is for you

Chapter 11: Desire

I squeezed his hand but he pulled it away, using it to push me down onto the bed.

I squirmed and struggled, but he only pushed his mouth gently against mine and used one of his hands to stroke my hair. I beat against his chest and tried to attack his right hand, but he was using it to prop himself up and when I hit it, he only fell on me.

"Get off…!" I tried to say but then he slid his tongue in my mouth and I began to shudder with unwanted pleasure. "RAPE!" I finally screamed in his mouth.

He broke off and I pushed him away. We sat like that for a moment, panting heavily. I turned to look at him. His eyes looked like a stranger's and I knew I could never forgive him.

Slap.

I ran off, but he didn't chase after me.

It stung. She must have attached tacks to her fingers because I felt as though she had not just slapped, but clawed into my skin.

I couldn't help it. Her gentle touch when holding and tending my hand simply made me want to hug her. I'd meant to hug her, only hug her. But when I saw her nymph eyes, I lost all control.

Here I was, trying to convince her that she could trust me and lean on me. That she could open her heart to me even if I was a man. And then I lost my control, my mind, and all her trust.

I shouldn't have let her come near me after being in such a vulnerable, ferocious state…I shouldn't have done that…

I ran and ran and ran with my eyes squeezed shut. That stupid, selfish, womanizing, incestuous, beastly jerk…

How dare he play with me? How dare push me down and mess with me… Despicable. Absolutely despicable.

My head is hot and red and flushing with madness. But my heart feels nothing. It's not beating fast at all…I'm just running, that's all. I'm angry and pissed and resentful and furious. Simply furious. I want to tear his hair to shreds and rip his ears off. Twist his lips together so he can never try being a kissing monster again.

I should have never gone near him. Thought I could show him a slight bit of kindness and trust? Wrong wrong wrong. He's a man with perverted thoughts like every other man out there. Just because he shares the same blood with Sakura and has familiar features and ears and expressions…doesn't mean a thing. He's proven it himself.

Just because he has a little bit of dedication, unwavering love, and power to protect Sakura…doesn't mean a thing either. Just because I've known him since I was a child and witnessed everything he's done for her without expecting anything back…doesn't mean a thing at all. Even though I've seen his tender expression towards Sakura when he thinks nobody's looking…seen him laugh free with Sakura like no other…

Maybe he can love his sister, but I'm not his sister. It doesn't mean he would treat me the same…

He's a bastard, that's all there is. Everything else was simply an illusion.

I found an isolated spot and sat there, burying my head.

Not a kiss, not a touch. It wasn't anything but a dog's lick or bite. If I keep remembering, I would remember too much. I would start remembering the last time a man touched me like that… a memory too dark to be remembered. A wound too deep to brush against…

Forget. Forget. Don't remember. Don't love. Never love. Never love a man.

I entered the house smelling food and hearing voices. Three voices. When I rounded the corner, I saw two girls sitting at the table, laughing and chatting cheerily.

Ah, strawberry cake. Sakura's favorite. How could I tease her today? I grabbed the strawberry and popped it into my mouth. Right away she screamed in shock and I chuckled to myself inside.

Then her eyes hit me. Those frighteningly clear eyes with a crisp and alert appearance. The two pools sucked me in for the few seconds as they concentrated on me, studying me. They never blinked.

I stood up and Sakura began hitting me angrily. I laughed and tried to avoid her gaze, but they continued to follow and swallow me. Feeling increasingly uneasy, I decided to tease her by asking her if I was that good looking.

Her curious, intent face immediately became a stern, disdainful one. Strange, little girl. Where did she get such fierce-looking eyes with tinges of sadness and resentment? Why did she look as though the world owed her something, what was it she lost? What was it that she wanted?

I stumbled upon them watching a movie one night during a sleepover. I walked over to the fridge and got a cup of water, when I heard the two laughing, crying, and just being silent. The movie must have been that interesting.

The second time I about to go down to put away my cup, they were absolutely silent. The movie was still going on, so I curiously peered over at them from the top stairwell.

Sakura had dozed off and was resting her head on Tomoyo's shoulder. Tomoyo's eyes were lowered and her head leaned towards Sakura so I thought she too had fallen asleep. Then her long eyelash flickered and I realized Tomoyo was gazing at Sakura. That was too deep of a gaze to be merely friendly.

The TV sent flashes of light across her long, silvery hair and pale, creamy skin. She lifted a long, slender hand and brushed Sakura's hair sweetly. Then she carefully traced Sakura's face with such care, deliberate slowness, and serenity that I shivered.

She then lowered her face and pressed her lips against Sakura's forehead. A glimmer of a tear streaked down her face. She put her head against Sakura's, held Sakura's hand…and then fell asleep.

It was an odd but beautifully moving scene. Sometimes I can't remember if it was a dream or reality, but then I remember how I put a second blanket over the two afterwards.

There's just something about Tomoyo that makes me unable to take my eyes off her. The air around her, her graceful movements, her expression, her voice, her eyes…even her shadow has an allure.

And then…when I found her bending over, clutching herself and rocking uncontrollably, I felt a tight feeling inside my chest. I placed a hand on her shoulder and then carried her into my car.

She lay unconscious with a terribly pale complexion. Suddenly, she reached out, eyes shut tight, and shouted out Don't go, don't leave me! Sakura!

I tried to calm her by gently pushing her back onto her seat and then place my hand on her head. She grabbed my hand and gripped it hard.

"Sakura don't leave me. I love you more than any man will or could." I tried to break from her grasp but she clung on with both hands as though her life were on the line.

"Sakura!" Her voice cracked with such a desperate tone that I decided to just relax my hand and leave it between her two sweaty palms.

Then she raised it and brushed it against her cheek. I felt uncomfortable and shaken. Something got tied up in my stomach and I wanted to wake her up, tell her I wasn't Sakura. But she continued to hold on.

I decided it would be worrisome if her mother found her in this state, so I brought her to our house. I carried her in and upstairs, her head pressed against my chest and her hand grasping my shoulder desperately.

It was when she moaned that I tried to move faster and get her out of my arms fast. She was really stirring up something uneasy in me…I didn't like it one bit.

Finally, I put her inside Sakura's bed and lay her to sleep peacefully. Just as I was about to walk out and leave, she began to speak again.

"Sakura…I want to cry, I really do. You're no longer mine…but I can't…can't cry…" She faded off into quiet slumber.

I stood there for a moment, studying her, that girl with something sorrowful in her. She holds a spell that enchants men, a curse to her. A deep desire seated in her soul. A darkness too deep to bring out…

Her fragility made me want to hold her tight, crush her against my chest and let her cry her heart out… made me want to… love her.

AN: like whoa, sorry for taking such a long time. but school's finallyy over, i mean srsly... SUMMAR! btw you know i totally love going around yelling RAPE every time a guy looks into my eyes. lol, anywayz ty to everyone who reviewed/faved/alerted. ilyguyz. look forward to next chappie... it's even longer than my toenails! tmi. (zomg im zoo slang lulz...this is what i get for chatting with a certain friend for too long haha)