"So what have you been doing since you left?" Their vigil had begun again the previous night and mainly they had talked about Lauren. While Brooke was utterly devoted to her daughter she needed more than that.
"I don't think I'm comfortable talking about mundane things with you Brooke." She nodded and looked away from him. She understood, but understanding didn't make her need less great.
"Lucas I need something to talk about that isn't speculating over what is going to happen to her?" Her eyes pleaded with him.
"Keith and I were so undecided about staying, a few times we were ready to pack up and come home. Then school started. Keith loved the job he was doing and it really helped us both that we weren't Dan Scott's family. As much as we both missed home it was freeing to be away from him and his legacy. Plus I liked that no one knew me. I wasn't Dan's son. Nathan's brother. I wasn't the guy who screwed 2 girls over simultaneously. We made a life there. Then when I finished high school I just went to the college, I actually got in on a basketball scholarship. But I really found my place in English class. I wrote a novel. I came to see my mom to tell her that I'd been offered a year's internship at a publishing house in New York. I figured that if I worked in publishing maybe I'd get lucky and someone would read my book." He looked away from her then. Obviously he'd turned down the internship when he showed up and saw Lauren. Exactly one of the reasons she'd kept her a secret. She didn't like being the one responsible for taking his dreams away from him. As she had justified back in high school ultimately it was her decision to have Lauren, she knew that her life would change. Lucas was pushed into that place. He'd had no choice.
"So what about you, besides Lauren." Brooke licked her lips and debated what to say. She didn't want him to know how her life had turned out. But he'd been honest with her and she figured it was time she started doing the same with him.
"I had to work at your mom's café to pay her for taking care of us, and to get things for Lauren. Poor kid never really got the things other kids got. After high school I started night school. I take an art class. I'm not into drawing or anything but it helps me to find ways to get what's in my head onto paper. I'd love the chance to design but it probably won't happen. Your mom says if I finish the course and work my ass off to make enough stuff she'd consider leasing premises for me to open a store here for my work. I don't think I've really got time with working and Lauren to make my designs come to life." Brooke had once dreamed that after high school she'd move to New York and pursue her dream of becoming a major designer. But her dream had died when she seen the positive pregnancy test. The knowledge that she was pregnant by the boy who had broken her heart had devastated her. She'd known instantly she'd never be able to get rid of the baby. It was less a choice to keep her child and more the lack of other options. She'd not be able to face an abortion. She'd known that even then. So there she was a mother at just 17.
"You could always find a new dream – Nathan did." Brooke nodded. She'd seen how destroyed Nathan had become in senior year when an injury meant that he'd never play the game he loved professionally. Both she and Haley had worried that he'd not recover emotionally from the devastation of a lost dream. But he'd gone to college and studied sport. Whitey ever the coach both on and off the court had helped him see there was more to life than basketball. That he should be grateful he had Haley – Whitey would have given up the game to have his Camilla back. Nathan took more than just an appreciation for his wife from that speech. He'd taken a desire to be to a new generation of players what Whitey had been for him and the team. He was more than a coach he was a mentor. After he'd graduated Nathan had taken a job at college as assistant coach, then two months later when the job for head coach came up at Tree Hill High he'd applied not thinking he'd enough experience to get it. But Principal Turner had remembered Nathan Scott and given him a chance. Brooke was happy for both Nathan and Haley. They were both achieving dreams – neither dream was where they had originally wanted to be but she knew neither regretted the decision that got them where they were. But the careers they'd ended up in had been obvious choices for them both. Brooke had no such 'obvious choice' before Lucas she'd been a party girl who'd wanted to design. After Lucas she'd been a mother and there was little else in between.
"I wouldn't know where to start." Brooke felt uncomfortable having shared so much with Lucas and wondered whether she'd have been better sticking to discussing Lauren. "So how long have your mom and Keith been an item?" Lucas shook his head and smiled.
"Well first I knew about anything was when I called Keith from the hospital to see if he'd look for her and she was there." Brooke laughed for the first time in days.
"I can't believe I called you and you rushed here without even realising your mom was in the same apartment." She smiled. Then she noticed he wasn't smiling. He looked incredibly awkward. "What?"
"I wasn't technically there that night…I was at Peyton's." Brooke felt like someone had stuck a knife in her heart. While it had been years ago the two had betrayed her and broken her heart to know they'd picked up where they left off now Lucas was back in town distressed her. The conversation stopped then and an awkward silence covered the room. What little progress they'd made while Lauren had been in hospital had been shattered and they both knew it. So when the door opened minutes later both were relieved. Haley's face appeared in the doorway followed by Nathan.
"Deb has Hannah so we thought we drop by and see how you were all doing, if there was any news?" Brooke shook her head. "Brooke why don't you come for a walk with me, just for 10 minutes get some fresh air. Lucas and Nathan will be here." Brooke didn't want to leave her daughter but she did need air after Lucas' revelation. She stood and followed Haley out the door while Nathan took her vacated seat.
"Jeez man what was going on in here? I needed a chainsaw to cut the tension let alone a knife." Lucas rubbed a hand across his forehead.
"I told Brooke I was at Peyton's the night Lauren was admitted." Nathan stood and turned to look out the window. He could just make out his wife and their friend.
"You're a jackass you know that. As if she isn't going through enough." Lucas stood too, angry that he was being judged so unfairly.
"Hey! It came up, I could have lied to her but I didn't see that helping things. Nathan it was one night and I regret it happening." Once again the two brothers were at war with one another.
"Look Luke." Nathan started to speak and then turned and sat back beside Lauren. He lounged back in the chair and waited for Lucas to follow suit. "Did you date anyone in Charlotte?" Lucas had no idea where Nathan was headed.
"Yeah a few girls."
"Anyone special?" Lucas shrugged.
"There was one girl, Anna, it might have turned into something but her parents moved so that was that." Nathan nodded along with what his brother was saying.
"Haley, Karen and I have all offered to watch Lauren so Brooke could go on a date. And she's Brooke Davis, she's pretty hot. Yet do you wanna know who the last guy she went out with was?" Nathan paused. "It was you Lucas. There's been no one since you. It's not because she hasn't had offers, or chance, she tries to say it's because no guy our age is ready for her and a daughter but we know she's lying. The truth is she won't date anyone because she is terrified that if she lets anyone near her they will hurt her – just like you did. That is why no matter how many years pass you and Peyton will ALWAYS be like a bullet to her heart, whether it's one night or forever doesn't matter to her." Lucas didn't respond, there was nothing he could say. Brooke and Haley came back in then. Lucas stood immediately and went to Brooke. He took both her hands gently in his own.
"Brooke, about Peyton. This isn't just now either, it's back then too. I just want to say I'm really sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
"I know, but it doesn't really matter Lucas, in the end it all hurts just the same." Brooke took her hands away from his and before any more words could be spoken Lauren's paediatric cardiologist walked in. Brooke searched until she grasped Haley's hand and Nathan stood and put his arms around them both.
"Miss Davis, Mr Scott. We've got Lauren's test results back. I'm sorry to tell you that Lauren has what is known as an Atrial Septal Defect. This is when there is a hole in the atrial septum. The atrial septum separates the right and left filling chambers of the heart. Normally this sort of defect would have been discovered by now, with these defects one hopes that a small hole will heal itself, the fact that Lauren is only now displaying symptoms suggests that her condition is worsening meaning the hole is unlikely to heal itself. Due to the increased size and also the position of the hole I don't feel that the minimally invasive procedure of cardiac catheterization is the best path to take. Due to the severity of Lauren's case I really feel the best thing for her would be to close the hole in a surgical procedure."
"Open heart surgery."
"Yes Mr Scott it would mean open heart surgery." And all four of their hearts broke at the news.
"So what would happen?" Brooke's voice came out shaky and Nathan tightened his grip on her shoulder.
"Well the surgeon would make an incision in Lauren's chest and a heart and lung machine would keep her body functioning while the repair is made. With a hole the size of Lauren's what is needed is a man-made piece of material to be placed over the hole and once this is done the surgeon will close the incision and the surgery is finished. Lauren would likely make a full recovery, she'd have to be monitored for a year or so but her heart tissue would heal over the patch until around 6 months post-op the hole is completely covered by tissue. After that there's no reason she wouldn't be exactly like any other child."
"But there are risks."
"Miss Davis there are risks with any surgery, but Lauren really does need the surgery. I can't force you to give consent but I strongly advise that you do, for her sake. Not having surgery is far riskier than having it."
"When will…when will she be operated on?"
"Well I'd like to stop giving Lauren the sedatives now so she can wake up and have the situation explained to her as best we can. Then it's likely to be a few days for her to become accustomed to the idea and for a surgical team to become available. I will book her in if you're willing to give consent for the first available theatre and then inform you when she's scheduled for the surgery."
"Is there a form I need to sign?"
"I'll have one of the nurses bring you it. Do you have any other questions?" Brooke shook her head and shuffled to the chair beside Lauren before sliding down into it.
"Doctor how long will it be before she wakes up?"
"It's hard to say exactly Mr Scott but I would say it would probably be morning at least. I'll make the arrangements now." The doctor nodded at them before leaving.
"She left her purple monkey at your house when she stayed over. I think she'll want it when she wakes up."
"No problem honey Nathan or I can get it."
"Actually Lucas could you go and get it? I just would like a little time alone with her if that's okay."
"Brooke honey are you sure don't want Lucas to stay or I can or Nathan. Do you really want to be on your own right now?" Brooke turned her sad eyes towards Haley.
"I just need to be with my baby."
"I'll drive over get her monkey and be right back. Do you want me to call my mom and get her to come by?"
"I'll call her when you get back." Lucas nodded and watched as Nathan and Haley hugged Brooke tightly.
Lucas was just about to get in his car and return to the hospital with Lauren's stuffed monkey when Haley shouted him. He paused with one foot in the car as she came running down the driveway.
"Luke I want you to have this tape. It's everything, all the big moments in her life, ever since day one. I think you should really see everything." He took the tape in his hand and looked at it for a second.
"Thank you Haley, I'll call you when we know when the surgery is scheduled for."
"Lucas she's not as strong as you think she is. Please just remember that." Lucas got in the car and wondered whether Haley had meant Lauren or Brooke, he hoped she meant Brooke. He could handle her breakdown much better than the thought of Lauren not being okay. He pulled the car over and called the hospital.
"Hi can I get a message to Brooke Davis, she's in room 314 with her daughter Lauren Davis. Could you please tell her that I've got the monkey but that I'll be a little longer than expected but that I'll definitely be back tonight. It's Lauren's father by the way. Thank you." He turned the car round and drove to his mother's. He knew she was going straight to Keith's after closing the café and he wanted to be alone with the tape. He pulled the car into the driveway and for the first time in years let himself into the house. He pushed the tape into the machine and sat back and flicked the TV on. Instantly on the screen there was an image of a very young, exhausted and scared Brooke with Haley stood beside her both staring at the small bundle in Brooke's arms.
"Brooke she's so beautiful." Haley looked so amazed as she looked down. Lucas heard Nathan's voice from off camera.
"So Lauren Scott Davis this is your first ever day in this world. The messy one holding you is your mom and the girl next to her in the ugly ass poncho is your aunt Haley."
"Nathan you can't say that."
"Why not Hales it's true?"
"The a-word. She's less than an hour old."
"Yeah but when she's watching this she'll probably have heard worse." Lucas smiled as he heard Nathan's laughter and saw the annoyed look on Haley's face.
"I wish her father was here to meet her. I wish he'd got to be here and watch her come into this world." Haley placed an arm around Brooke as the girl on the tape cried.
"I can still call him if you want."
"And say what? By the way there's a baby here you should meet. I've waited this long I should at least find a good way of telling him."
"Ok Brooke." After a few more minutes of crying Brooke looked directly at the camera, or so Lucas thought until she spoke.
"Nathan turn it off and start over I don't want her first day to be all sad and crying. I want her to see how happy we all are she's here."
"Sure thing Brooke."
The screen flicked and seconds later the same scene was displayed, except this time his mom was holding Lauren and Brooke had pulled herself together. Lucas watched his family passing his daughter between them all and felt keenly aware of every moment he had missed. As the images went on to reveal Lauren's first bath, her first crawl, walk, laugh, word, hair cut and so on Lucas let go of the anger of missing it all and was left with a deep sadness. The girl in that video wasn't the spiteful girl Brooke had let him believe she was.