Chapter Ten

I see so many shapes. Blurring together in multicolored swirls. And the voices. They blend together until I can't tell them apart. Only one voice stands apart in the chaos.

Kim.

Kim.

Kim.

"Kim."

My eyes dart open. Where am I? I look around for any indication as to where I am. I'm on a bed, wrapped in a blue quilt. The walls are a lighter blue color, and white shelves are on my left, along with a window. I turn my head to the right and start. Jared is on a chair, his head back as he dozes lightly. That's when it all comes back to me. School, the Jeep, Sam's house, the wolves…I wince. Those sedatives gave me a horrible headache. I can hardly remember what happened after Paul gave me that shot. Did I pass out instantly? It's all a blur. I shudder. I never want that injection again.

I sit up slowly, planning on leaving without waking Jared. But I barely had time to be up completely before his eyes fly open.

"Kim?" he looks around groggily before his eyes settle on me. His eyes instantly soften. "Kim."

I look at him, remembering everything that he said to me in the car. "Hey." I don't offer him a smile or any kind of emotion.

"Kim honey, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I lost my temper like that. I know I must have scared you so badly…Well, I know I did. I heard you scream." He shut his eyes, and when they opened again I saw such a chasm of pain in them. "I can't believe I lost control like that. I've never been that angry before, not since I first phased. And the way I treated you in the car…I was so shocked when I saw your wrists. I was so afraid for you. I cannot believe you would hurt yourself like that and I never noticed. That doesn't give me any right to say the things I did. I'm so sorry. God, could you ever forgive me?"

I felt my expression soften. I'd do anything for you. "Yeah. I'm sorry that I upset you so badly." My eyes well up with tears. The voice comes back from its lapse, just as strong as ever. See? it says with satisfaction. You do hurt anyone who tries to be close to you.

Jared takes my hand. "Don't cry honey," he murmurs. "I'm going to help you, Kim. I want to make it all better for you, and I will. Please look at me."

I do. I look in his eyes and feel the pull like I never have before. Suddenly, the voice in my head and all of its ghosts begin to fade. "It helps," I say shyly, "to just be near you. You make so much of it go away."

He smiles halfheartedly. "Well, that's not good enough. You know that, right? It all needs to go away."

I sigh. I don't want to be this girl with the baggage. I want to forget all about Kim Summers, the girl whose dad got murdered because of her, the girl whose mom is disgusted by her, the girl whose past haunts her daily with ghosts that rival anyone's worst nightmare. I just want to be the Kim Summers who wants these moments with Jared to last forever. "Please, I don't want to talk about this now. I've never talked to anyone about it, and for today I just want to forget it all." I look at Jared pleadingly. "Please, Jared."

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Okay. But we will talk about it soon. All of it."

I nod my head, accepting it for now, but praying that he will just give it up. I won't talk about it with him. I don't want him to know what a monster I am. "So, it was true then," I say, changing the subject.

He smiles softly. "Yeah." He adds with a wink, "Just like a told you."

I laugh quietly, feeling myself open up to him just like I did on our date. "You sure did. I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

He shrugs. "I can't say I blame you. Shape-shifters aren't exactly among accepted creatures in today's world." He looks at me nervously. "How badly did I scare you?"

Now it's my turn to shrug. "It's hard to say. I mean, I was already really upset, and that paired with my…disorder…well, it was no wonder I freaked out." I saw his pained expression, so I quickly added, "I don't think you would scare me if you changed right now." I smiled. "It might actually be pretty cool."

He grins. "It can be sometimes, believe me."

"How many of you are there?"

"Well, right now it's just me, Sam, and Paul. But I think Embry- you know Embry Call? Well, I think Embry is going to change soon." His expression darkens. "We keep having vamp attacks in the woods around Forks. And as long as there are leeches around, more of us will change."

I blinked. I had temporarily forgotten about part of the legend. "Vampires, huh?"

He nodded solemnly. "Yes, but don't be afraid." He takes my hand and squeezes it. "I would never let anything hurt you. You're safe on the reservation, and I will be with you if you ever have to get off our land."

I nodded, smiling shyly. "I don't feel afraid. I don't….I don't think you'd let anything happen to me."

He doesn't smile back, just looks at my wrists. "No, I won't let anything hurt you."

I self consciously cross my arms, covering my wrists. "So…how long have I been here?"

"Only a few hours." He stands reluctantly. "I guess I should take you home though. It's close to sunset, and I bet your mom's probably worried."

I looked away. I guess now's just as good of a time as ever to tell him. "I don't think she'll even be home Jared. And if she is, she won't care if I'm home or not." I see him looking at me with concern, and I know I'll have to say more than that. "Ever since my dad…" I pause, taking a deep breath. "Ever since my dad died, she hasn't exactly been there. I mean, I don't know where she goes, I just know that lately I'm lucky to see her once a week." I feel tears well up in my eyes, and I look down. "She really hates me."

Suddenly Jared is sitting with me, holding me against him tightly. I gasp at his heat; I'd forgotten how warm he is. "Kim, I'm so sorry," he whispers. "You shouldn't have to deal with that." We sit there awhile, Jared holding me and petting my hair softly. I can't believe how quickly my life has taken a turn in just one day. I feel so, right. I feel so right just being here with Jared, letting him hold me. "I wish it could always stay this way," I whisper.

He pulls away and tilts my chin up to him. "It can, you know."

I turn my head away. "It never does." I feel my ghosts coming back, quick to ruin the moment. Jared opens his mouth to reply, but a knock on the door stops him. It opens, and I see Emily cautiously open the door and peek her head in.

"Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know that dinner's ready, if you're hungry at all." She smiles tentatively at me. "How are you doing sweetie?"

I smile shyly back. "I'm okay. Thank you for earlier."

"Don't thank me; I've heard so much about you from Jared you're practically family already!" I blush furiously and look at Jared, who winks at me. Emily's smile widens. "Just come out whenever you're ready."

Jared stands up and holds out his hand. "Come on, let's go eat with everyone."

I take his hand and get up off of the bed. I'm barely standing before my legs give out weakly. Jared catches me quickly before I can fall. The sedatives must have made me weak. "Sorry," I whisper.

To my shock Jared kisses my forehead and looks at me, grinning. "You need to stop being so sorry. You didn't do anything wrong." He helps me stand and leads me out of the room. We walk down a short hallway and turn into a big room connected to the kitchen. Sam and Emily are there, along with Paul.

Sam nods at me, smiling. "It's nice to see you're up, Kim. Emily fixed you a plate over there." He gestured to two empty seats, one with a plate of spaghetti. I sit tentatively down, spooning some spaghetti in my mouth. It is incredible. I can't remember the last time someone has cooked for me. "This is delicious Emily. Thank you so much."

She smiles as she hands Jared a heaping plate. "Oh, it's nothing. I love having company to cook for, I have to say." Jared plops down in the chair next to me, shoveling food in his mouth faster than I thought was possible. The rest of dinner is mostly me listening to everyone around me banter. They tease each other like they are a true family. It makes me happy to see Jared being a part of this. I try not to let my jealousy show. I'd give anything…everything…to have my family back the way it used to be, just like this. They really are a family.

And Sam and Emily. I've never seen two people so in love. It's like they complete each other in every sense. They look at each with complete adoration, like they're having a private conversation with each other. Yet another thing to be jealous about. I'd give anything to have someone look at me that way…

"You alright?" I turn and see Jared looking at me with concern. "You were kind of zoning out there."

I blush, and smile to reassure him. "I'm fine. I think I'm just a little tired." He smiles worriedly and nods. I blink. He's looking at me like Sam. Just like Sam looks at Emily. I remember part of what Jared said that I didn't-couldn't- believe. He loves me. Can it really be true? How could he possibly be in classes with me for years and even sit next to me all of this year never noticing me, and then suddenly decide he loves me? It didn't make sense.

"Kim?"

I suddenly realize that someone has asked me something. I look at Jared for help. "Um, what?"

He laughs, making me blush harder than I already am. "Sam was just saying that maybe I should take you home."

God, could I be a little more inept? I can't even carry a conversation with anyone without completely embarrassing myself. "That might be a good idea. I feel a little out of it still."

Jared stands up before I can even finish. "Then you definitely need to go home and rest." He reaches for my hand, and I gratefully put mine in his.

"Thanks again," I say softly. "All of you have helped me a lot today. I really appreciate it."

Sam answers for all of them. "Kim, we are people you can depend on. If you ever need anything-any kind of help- you can come to me, Emily, Paul, or Jared." He smiles warmly at me and for a moment, I feel like I could be a part of their ragtag family.

I smile at the thought of that. Jared and I say our goodbyes and he leads me outside to his Jeep. He gallantly opens the door for me, shutting it after I climb in. While he makes his way to the front seat, I can't help but wonder about us. It is so confusing, wondering what Jared and I are. I still can't bring myself to believe that he could possibly love me, after knowing me for so little. Jared climbs in, smiling at me as he starts the Jeep. Well, I'm not going to ask, I think to myself. I'd rather stay how we are now, whatever we are now, than go back to us ignoring each other.

The ride home is silent, but not awkward. Twilight has fallen across La Push; the day is transforming into night. Jared pulls up to my house. Like I had predicted, Mom isn't there. Jared looks uneasily at the empty house as he shuts off the car. "Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself? I don't like the idea of you being here alone."

I blush, only imagining why he'd be concerned with leaving my here by myself. "I'll be fine, Jared, really. I'm not going to do anything to myself." I look away from him when I say that, feeling the shame of him seeing my scars all over again.

Jared grabs my chin and tilts it towards him. "Kim," he says softly, "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just worried about you being alone. What if you need something? What if you couldn't get to the phone for some reason…?" He trails off, and he truly looks worried.

I can't help but smile. "I'll be okay. I've been by myself for a long time."

He's not convinced. "If you say so…just promise me: If you need anything, call me. I know Sam said you could go to any of them, and that's true. But come to me first. Please."

There it is again. He looks at me in the eyes, and I can't think of anything else but him. The sincerity in his eyes is incredible, and I feel drawn in like never before. "Please, Kim, please promise me."

I nod, not trusting my voice enough to answer him. Jared grins. "Thank you Kim. You don't know what that means to me. I can give you everyone's numbers later, just in case." He pauses, and I can see that he's trying to think of the right thing to say. "Kim…I…." He runs a hand through his hair. "I want to do this right for you. You deserve to get nothing less than the best from me, and I'll do everything to make that happen for you. I want to make you happy, and I want you to feel like you can be yourself with me. Just…don't forget that, okay?"

In a rush of boldness, I take Jared's hand and squeeze it. "I won't." I stifle a yawn. The day really has taken its toll on me. But I don't want this moment with Jared to end. I look at him shyly. "Could we just sit out here for awhile?" I ask. "I don't really want to go in alone yet."

Jared smiles softly and squeezes my hand back. "Sure, Kim." Jared lets go of my hand and turns on the radio, fiddling with it until he finds a station. Then he grabs my hand and shuts his eyes. I can't think of any time before now when I've felt so peaceful. I shut my eyes too, listening to the music and feeling Jared's thumb soothingly rub over my knuckles.

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.

In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In everything that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In everything that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.