When the pancakes are finished and he carries the twin stacks to the living room, Bucky is sitting up with his knees to his chest, bundled in his blanket. Bucky takes his plate, pouring syrup on his stack, then balancing the plate on his knees as he systematically slices and devours his pancakes. When Steve looks up from his plate, Bucky is smiling softly.
"You tossed out the burnt ones," Bucky mumbles when he sees he has Steve's attention.
"What?" Steve says.
"You tossed out the burnt ones," Bucky repeats. "You can afford to do that now."
Steve pauses. "Yeah," he replies softly.
Bucky just shakes his head. "Big shot," he remarks, one of the corners of his mouth quirking up.
"Shut up," Steve chuckles.
Later that afternoon, sitting around watching the news, Steve can almost imagine that yesterday never happened. Catherine comes by with a pie and chats for a while. Sam calls to invite them out for dinner. The night goes off without a hitch. Once Steve is in bed, however, he hears the quiet whoosh of Bucky's window opening. He sighs and rolls over, grimacing at the wall. He can't stop him. He can't dissuade him. He knows one thing that he can do, however. Hurriedly he grabs his shield and climbs out his window to stalk Bucky through the night.
Bucky creeps into an old office building. It looks abandoned, but he knows better. Two floors up, dim light shines under a door. He lets himself into the next room, peeling open the air duct like a can of sardines and climbing inside. He peers into the room. It holds three men, and an assortment of computers and file cabinets. It's an easy target, as long as he takes care of them before someone can set off an alarm. He waits until one of the men is peering over another's shoulder at a screen to drop in. He smashes their heads together and turns to the other man, who's frozen in his chair. Bucky saunters over to him and closes his metal fingers around the man's neck, squeezing until he hears a pop. The man slumps onto the floor when Bucky releases him. He kicks the body aside and sits down at the computer, eyes flicking as lines of data scroll down the screen. He works in silence for a moment. His heart goes still, however, when he hears a gunshot. He begins to dive sideways out of the chair, even though he knows he won't have enough time to move. As he fall, he hear the bullet ricochet off of something metal, accompanied by a thud. He turns from his position in the toppled chair to see Steve standing over him.
"What are you doing here?" he questions, anger edging its way into his voice.
"Watching your back," Steve replies flatly.
"You shouldn't be here. I don't want you involved in this," Bucky states as he begins to push himself to his feet.
"Apparently I should be here," Steve bites back, gesturing to the unconscious man with his shield.
"I could've handled it," Bucky replies, practically shouting now.
"Thank you would be fine," Steve says, his voice level.
Bucky falls silent, eyes narrowed. He pushes past Steve and breezes out of the room without another word. Steve stands there, eyes on the floor, and the paperwork strewn there. He sends Natasha a text that holds the coordinates and an apology, then leaves as well.
Bucky is in bed when Steve gets back. Steve watches him for a moment, wondering if he's asleep or not. He tells himself that surely Bucky would feel his gaze if he were awake, so he leaves, crawling into his bed with a knot in his stomach. He can't sleep, not with a problem so big floating around in his head. His phone trills softly, and he squints against the light to read Natasha's reply.
'thx :)' is all it reads.
He drops the phone back onto his nightstand and rolls out of bed, making his way to the living room. Steve flicks the television on, keeping the volume low so he doesn't disturb anyone, and slouches down to watch reruns of Friends. After a few episodes, he hears feet padding down the halfway. Peeking over the couch, he meets Bucky's eyes just as the man emerges.
"Getting a drink," Bucky mumbles. The man's hair is a rat's nest from tossing and turning in bed, and this fact doesn't go unnoticed by Steve. He assumes Bucky can't sleep either.
"Want to watch tv?" he offers. Bucky shrugs and nods. They settle in, and after a few episodes, Steve hears Bucky chuckle at something Chandler said. He smiles softly. He knows he can't force Bucky to stay here, but he almost wishes he could. He wants to live forever in moments like this when, if he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend they were young again, back in Bucky's apartment. The ghost of his best friend sitting next to him disturbs his delusions, however. The sheen of his metal arm and his long, unruly hair prevent him from lying to himself. Bucky glances over and catches Steve staring.
"I've thought about getting a haircut," Bucky says, easily picking up on Steve's train of thought. "The hair has kind of become proof that I lived through the Winter Soldier, though. I know it's a bit ridiculous," he mumbles, staring down at his hands as he wrings them together.
"Hey, it's your choice, Buck. I don't mind," Steve replies.
"Yeah you do," Bucky sighs. "I've seen all your dumb, puppy dog eyes when you think I'm not looking. You want the old days back, and I'm trying, but I don't know if I can do that."
"I just want you to be happy," he mumbles. Bucky falls silent. "I want you to get your life back. Whatever life you want, Bucky."
"This is what I want right now, Steve," Bucky says, and Steve's name quivers on his tongue. "I want to take down Hydra. I have to."
"I've been there, you know," Steve mumbles, eyes falling to the floor. "When you fell off that train, the only thing on my mind was taking out Hydra. In hindsight, I suppose I was a bit reckless, but they took you from me. I blamed them for your death, and I swore I'd take out the whole organization. I failed, obviously. But that's because I tried to do it alone."
"I've spent the waking moments of the last seventy years of my life getting things done alone. It's all I can do now," Bucky argues.
"I don't believe that," Steve states flatly.
"And why not?" Bucky shouts, shrinking down when he realizes what he's done.
Steve just shakes his head. "Because I know you can do anything, Buck," he replies softly, eyebrows furrowed with determination.
"Why the hell do you trust in me so much?" Bucky asks.
"Because you're my best friend. I know everything may be a bit fuzzy to you, but for me, it's one of the clearest things in my mind."
Bucky stares at Steve for a moment, studying his earnest stare. "You draw me a lot," Bucky says. Steve seems unfazed by the about face the conversation has done.
"Yeah. I used to draw you a lot when we were younger, too. You were the only one who would let me."
"I think I remember that. You would fuss at me if I moved before you were done," Bucky says, staring off into the distance. "When you had scarlet fever my mom wanted me to stay away from you so I would get sick, but you didn't have anyone to draw, so I snuck in when my mom thought I was out playing baseball." The words flow from Bucky's lips as if in a daze. He furrows his brow and peers up at Steve. "Is that right?" he questions.
"Yeah, Buck, that's exactly right," Steve reassures him.
"See? I'm trying. But to be me, to be able to bury the Winter Soldier, I need to know he's no longer needed, and to know that, I need to know that Hydra's gone. Make sense?"
Steve nods solemnly, leaning back against the couch. "Yeah," he mutters.
Bucky nods. "Good."
They sit for a while longer, watching until the early morning infomercials come on.
"Good night, punk," Bucky says on his way to his room. Steve freezes, hand on his doorknob, breath caught in his throat.
"Night, jerk," he mumbles, and the words are like a long forgotten ritual from a time when their exchanges were casual, not loaded with tension. He slips into his room and melts into his bed, unsure whether to call this night a victory or a defeat. He can see Bucky on the surface, but he knows the Winter Soldier is just under the water. He goes to sleep with the word 'punk' echoing through his mind in Bucky's Brooklyn drawl.
A/N: I think this is one of my favorite chapters. I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did. :)