Songs of desperation, I played them for you
A moment, a love, a dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs
Chapter 11: Sweet Disposition
They woke early that next morning. Selena slipped out of the bed and sat in a chair in a hurry, confused and overall saddened. She watched Demi sleep for two hours, not mumbling a word or moving an inch. Just watching this broken, beautiful mess of a girl sleep, without a clue in the world.
Selena used to do that when they were younger and still together. She'd wake up early purposely just so she could see Demi when she wasn't fighting herself in her head. It was one of the only times she looked at peace. Back then, Selena was brave enough to turn in her arms and watch her, and now she's sitting across a room of a rehabilitation center, folded up in a chair, terrified.
She was terrified of the girl in front of her.
The only person she'd ever loved. And the one person who broke her heart for everything it was worth.
She didn't know what was going to happen when Demi woke up. Would she kiss her good morning? Pretend like none of it happened? Ask her to go? Talk about things?
The possibilities were really endless. And Selena was scared.
Before she had time to worry anymore, Demi opened her eyes.
And she smiled.
"Good morning," she rasped out.
"Morning," Selena replied, smiling gently. She was still so, so beautiful.
Silence hung in the air for a few minutes while they just looked at each other. It wasn't awkward or unwanted silence, it had just been so long since they woke up together.
"I have to leave in about an hour." Selena said sadly. Demi frowned, looking genuinely disappointed.
"That sucks," she pouted, sticking her bottom lip out. Selena giggled. The silnce sank in once again.
"Sel," Demi started, "I think we need to talk about, like, everything." She giggled nervously, running a hand through her hair as she sat up in the bed. She patted the spot next to her, asking Selena to sit. She did.
"I think so too, but it can wait."
Demi made a face. "What do you mean?"
Selena took a shallow breath as she looked Demi over, finding it increasingly difficult to resist putting Demi's hair behind her ear.
"It can wait until you get out of here, I mean. I think the best thing is for you to work on you. Your recovery. This can all wait, if you need it to. I don't want to complicate everything, Demi. You getting better is the most important thing in the world."
Demi just looked at her with wonder. Her eyes scanned Selena's face, and she let out a small, almost inaudible gasp.
"How are you still so wonderful?" She asked in genuine amazement.
Selena blushed, looking down at the sheets. Anywhere but Demi.
"Hey," Demi whispered, and Selena felt her sliding toward her on the bed. She still didn't look Demi in the eye.
"Hey," she said again, taking Selena's chin in her hand, gently guiding her to look at Demi. Selena looked into her dark eyes and her breath was immediately taken. They were so close. It would take one movement, one small turn of the head to put them where they've been so many times before.
"Yeah?" Selena whispered out, stuttering a little bit.
"Thank you. For coming here. For the gifts. And mostly just for making me feel like I'm not alone anymore." She smiled and looked down, fiddling with her hands.
"I never, ever wanted you to feel alone, Demi. I know it's been hard, and we've had problems, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. Forever. Okay?"
Demi smiled, that same look of wonder back in her eyes. "Okay."
The silence followed. Demi's hands were playing with Selena's gently when she cleared her throat softly, looking back up to Selena's eyes.
"Selena?" She asked nervously.
"Mhm?"
"Can I.." she started, trailing off lamely. She shook her head briefly.
"What, Dem?"
Demi looked into her chocolate eyes, questioning. Hoping. "Would it be okay if I kissed you?"
Selena froze. This is what she was afraid of. The uncharted territory. The boundaries that had to exist, she just didn't know where.
She considered the options, and more than anything in the world, since she'd gotten to this place, all she'd wanted to do was kiss the hell out of the girl in front of her.
"Yeah," she breathed out.
Demi leaned in, her hand on Selena's cheek slowly rubbing the blush that followed her question. Their noses brushed when Selena closed her eyes. This was second nature.
Demi hung there for a moment, just touching her forehead to Selena's, and that's when Selena knew this was new, this was a different girl. A girl that showed the affection that matched the way Selena felt in her heart.
When she pushed forward, capturing Selena's top lip with her mouth, they both released a breath they'd been holding without knowing. They sighed simutanuously into the kiss. Selena's hands gripped Demi's tightly.
They kissed briefly. It was probably the most innocent kiss they'd ever shared, but it was also the most romantic. The most real.
When Selena pulled back, they rested their foreheads together softly. Demi was wearing the same goofy grin she wore the first time Selena ever kissed her, all those years ago. Back when everything wasn't so heavy and so tiring.
She smiled wider, "Can I kiss you again?" She giggled.
Selena carressed Demi's cheek slowly, smiling that knowing smile.
But the truth? She didn't know anything, really. She didn't know what any of this meant.
But as she looked at this girl clinging tightly to her fingers just as she had hundreds of times before, she knew deep inside of her heart that she'd never be able to tell her no. And perhaps that was her biggest problem.