Chapter Eleven- Confessions of a Cop

Thanks to Lady Heather, gabiroba, KWillows, DrusillaBraun, soliz, Lady arcane, Maggie Doyle, tough cookie, Lily-Starbuck, typerhiltongrupie53, obsessedwithstabler, and KaydenRei.

Lol. Only you would have a mental breakdown, boi.

Special thanks to DrusillaBraun, who gave me a few ideas for this story. Thanks so much!

Disclaimer: I own no characters, from SVU or CSI.

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"No." Grissom said after a long pause.

"Why not?" Olivia wanted to know.

She sat beside Elliot, half leaning on her desk. The entire squad was there, watching, waiting, wondering what their next plan of action was. His hand was on her arm, in a way of support and of concern. He agreed with Grissom, but knew they had no choice.

"I can't let you put your life on the line Olivia." Grissom said slowly. "Catherine would never forgive me if you got hurt. She always put others' lives before her own and I can't go against her wishes when I know what they are."

Nick gaped at Grissom, trying desperately to keep his temper in check. Alex slipped her ahnd through his and gave it a gentle squeeze. He responded with one in return, and when he spoke, he had iron control over his voice.

"How the hell can you say that?"

Grissom looked at Nick with saddened eyes. "You know Catherine. If she thinks something would put someone's life in danger; she wouldn't take the chance." He said with grief in his voice.

Grissom knew this was their only chance, but he also had an obligation, not just to society, but to Catherine's wishes. She would never forgive him, if he allowed a bait situation where someone could get hurt.

Olivia saw red. "Seriously Grissom! If we don't move now, she's gonna be dead. And when she is, this psychopath is just gonna go after someone else who has no idea what's coming!" She ranted at him. "Don't you think it's much better for me to go in, knowing how to protect myself than a college student who has no idea what even hit her?"

Nick wasn't much better at controlling his temper anymore, after Grissom's words. He slipped his hand out of Alex's grasp and slammed his fists down on the table in front of Grissom. Alex jumped, but didn't give another sign of startlement.

"How can you just sit there and do nothing?" he demanded to know, his voice harsh and cold. "Catherine could be dying out there, or worse. How can you not say yes to this? Olivia's given you every reason to say yes and you're just not listening. Do you even care?"

Grissom was silent. He stared at Nick after the last sentence. Stared at him long and hard. Abruptly he stood up and walked out of the room.

Nick was breathing hard from his temper tantrum. Alex put a hand on his shoulder, calming him. He laid a hand on hers. Alex didn't speak. She didn't feel that in Nick's state that she should tell him that she had caught a glimpse of tears sparkling in Grissom's eyes.

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Cragen didn't like the tension. He didn't like the situation even more. He didn't want Olivia to be the bait in this case. She was his daughter and even Cragen could tell that she was something special to Elliot and important to the whole team. He rubbed his bald head. He had no choice. Olivia was the best choice for the job. She was resourceful, street smart, and a tough cop. His alternatives were to send either the browned-headed CSI, or one of his other detectives.

He carefully thought out his options. Being the captain, it was his job. First he covered the rookie cops. Bad idea no doubt. They were untrained, easily excited, and very likely to blow their cover due to lack of experience. The results could be disastrous. The CSI was out of the question. The perp knew her and would immediately know that it was a trap.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Casey. He knew both the lawyers in the room were tough, but they were lawyers, not cops. They knew books and law terms, not how to fool a perp. Casey was a great shot, but she was still not a detective, nor could she compete with Olivia in her aim.

Melinda was his second best option. She knew forensics. She could really analyze things, but that the problem was she was still not a cop. She couldn't do what cops could do, or have the training in particularly dangerous situations. Cragen also did not want to lose his best coroner to an insane perp.

Olivia was the only option.

"I'm authorizing it." He said slowly. "In case we haven't noticed. Grissom is Vegas. I'm Manhattan and right now, we're in Manhattan.

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Elliot didn't like this. He intended to tell Olivia so. They were on their way to the tech lab to pick up a wire for Olivia, when she went in that night.

"Olivia, we need to talk." Elliot said, grabbing her arm and pulling her into one of the empty rooms.

He really had no idea who's office it was, but it was there and he needed it at the moment.

Olivia willingly followed.

"Yeah?" she asked, tilting her head to one side.

He felt tongue tied, unable to speak. Undercover jobs were especially risky. Elliot knew the dangers and Olivia's chances for survival. He didn't like the odds. He also had something to get out of his system before she went in. He knew he had no control over her, or else he wouldn't let the woman he loved do this. But she was her own woman, and if her mind was made up. It was impossible to change it.

"Olivia, we need to talk about us." He said slowly.

She raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware there was an us, El." She replied softly.

Elliot looked at her with hopeful eyes. "What if we tried to make an us?" he asked, taking her hand in his.

"I don't know." Olivia said cautiously. She didn't want to mess upt he best thing she ever had with Elliot.

Elliot couldn't let her walk into a battlefield without him wearing his feelings for her on his sleeve. He forced himself to tell her.

"Olivia, I love you." He said hesitantly. "I have for a while. At first when you walked into the squad room, I saw a hot girl, not a cop and thought it was a bad thing that I was assigned with a girl. But you showed me something. You showed me that I can't judge a book by its cover. You are just amazing, Olivia. The best cop I know and everyday I fall in love with you a little bit more."

He reached for her hand. Olivia found herself being drawn to him.

"You're walking into God knows what, Olivia. I want you to know how I feel. Every time I turn around, it's like I'm losing someone I care about. I don't want you to be one of them. I don't want anything to happen to you, but on this job, I can never be sure. I want to make sure that before you go in, before you put your life on the line. You know that you matter to me more than anything else in the world."

Olivia felt wetness in her eyes. "Why are you saying this now?" she asked softly, as Elliot put his arms around her.

Elliot heaved a heavy sigh. "Because if something goes wrong tonight, I may never have the chance to tell you."

Olivia was silent; she couldn't believe what she what she was hearing. Ever since they had started working together, she had admired Elliot. He was a damn good cop, but he was caring even with his toughness. She had fallen in love with him sometime afterward. Every time she went out with someone, she always saw his face in her mind. She couldn't find the words to say.

Elliot mistook her silence for rejection. It was the second time. The last time had ended up in disaster, he had never even thought he would try it again. He cleared his throat.

"It's okay if you don't feel the same way." He said looking at his shoes. "I understand."

"No." Olivia spoke up. She leaned in and gently graced his lips with hers. "I feel the same. I love you, Elliot."

With that, she was in his arms and his hands were tangled in her golden brown hair. She was against him with her arms around his neck. No space between them. Pretty soon, she was up against the wall with Elliot against her, kissing her from her neck to her lips. She let out a soft moan of pleasure, running her hands down his back. He felt a shiver shoot down his spine, and he kissed her harder, feeling a passion he never felt with anyone before.

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Gil Grissom was a broken man. At times like these, he would turn to Catherine for help and guidance. He sat alone on the curb of the police precinct, ignoring the strange looks people were giving him. He didn't care. He wanted Catherine back so much, but he knew her deepest desires and her way of doing things. Sending Olivia in was something Catherine would have never done. Despite the danger she was in, Grissom had to respect that. In their field, they spent most of their time looking for bodies, and sometimes, doing things the way the victim would have wanted, is the only thing left they could do for the victims, besides catch their killer.

Grissom didn't understand what he was feeling for the woman. No law, no science, could describe it. He couldn't find his symptoms in any textbook or reference. It pained him as much as it enthralled him. He didn't know what it was, or if it was even a disease. All he knew was that he liked it, as much as he hated it. Nick's words had cut deep into him. Grissom had dried his tears, but the impact of the words was still tearing him to pieces.

His mind drifted to a memory of a conversation or more like a fight he and Catherine had had. It wasn't a big deal to them anymore, in fact he now found it a little amusing.

Flashback

Catherine had gotten in a little trouble by getting personal on a case and not telling him their suspect was a date she had had the night before. He had been reprimanding her when she said something that always followed him around.

"Grissom yeah I should be just like you, alone in my hermetically-sealed condo, watching Discovery on the big screen. Working on genius-level crossword puzzles. No relationships. But no chance one'll slop over into a case. Right, I want to be just like you." She had said sarcastically.

To which Grissom had replied, "Technically, it's a townhouse. And the crosswords are advanced, not genius. But you're right, I'm deficient in a lot of ways, but I never screw up one of my cases with personal stuff."

He hadn't seen this coming, thinking he had made a good argument, but Catherine had just stared at him with an exasperated look on her face.

"Grissom, what personal stuff?"

Reality

"She's not dead," he voiced out loud, firmly. "If she was, I would know."

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Catherine pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She felt exposed. Tears were drifting down her cheeks. Never in her life did she expect to be hurt and violated in so many ways. She wanted to crawl in a hole and die there. She had never felt so much pain. Eddie had never treated her well, but nothing was like what Smith had just put her through.

She broke into a fresh torrent of tears. He had come in and taken her secrets, the things that were her own. He was finished with her for the moment, but she knew he would be back. Part was her was no longer believing that Grissom would come for her. She wondered if he would find her body the way she had found all the other victims'. Would he look at her corpse as unemotionally as the way he looks at all the others? She trembled. They said rape was as bad as death. Catherine had heard that from the lips of Sara and from Sofia. They were wrong. She thought. It's worse.

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Warrick flicked on his cell phone. "Hey Arch. I need a favor."

"Watcha need?" a statically voice came over the phone.

"Can you trace a GPS from the Vegas lab?" he asked, not noticing a brilliant red head coming to stand in the doorway.

"Yeah why?" Archie asked, curious.

"We may need you." Warrick said.

"I'll be here."

"Great."

A click and Warrick turned to face a curious looking red headed ADA.

"Who was that?" she asked.

Warrick was taken back for a moment. Casey was a pretty girl, but he never expected her to be so outspoke and approach him with guns blazing.

"Well I'm just calling for some technological back up in case we need it." He said.

Casey's eyes narrowed. Putting her friend's life in danger was not something she was fond of.

"Well we need it?" she asked without a hint of emotion in her voice.

"Better safe than sorry."

She nodded, seemingly satisfied. Without another word, she swept of the room, calling back. "Alex and I are gonna get his case ready. Make sure you don't do anything that can get this undercover job thrown out of court."

Warrick watched her go, shaking his head slightly. Before coming to Manhattan, he had hated lawyers, but in the short time he had been here, he had met two of them that he didn't have a problem with. One of them was dating his best mate. The other he had yet to figure out. He had a slight thing for her, but he knew so did Greg. Greg was never one to be very subtle with his emotions. Casey may not have noticed, but Warrick had. He wondered who would pay out in the end. With a smirk, he went and started to set up Olivia's GPS system.

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"I can't believe Olivia's gonna go through with this." Alex sighed, sitting beside Nick, who was narrowing down the field of potential suspects and the relative area Olivia would be in.

"She's a brave woman for doing this." Nick mused.

Alex smiled. "She is." She took a soft breath. "Babe, do me a favor."

Nick scooted closer. "Anything." He replied.

"Take him a alive and let me and Casey hang him in court."

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Author's Note

Well there's the next chapter. I promise the next on is when Olivia goes in. Do I see that Greg has some competition::GASP: Who thinks who should get the redhead? Huh? OR maybe somebody completely different? Tell me your ideas on the pairing and I'll put in which ones I like the best.

I tried my best to include a little bit of everyone in this chapter and still keep it organized. I really like that flashback, since it was actually in CSI, so I just had to add it in there. I also really liked that end part about what Alex said about she and Casey wanting their turn at him.

Tell me what you guys liked and didn't like. Constructive criticism is always good.

Mwah Mwah! Lotsa luvness for all my readers and reviewers! Thanks!