A/N: Honestly have no idea where this chapter came from. Seriously. I usually can't write fluff anymore but this just popped out of nowhere. But being out in the snow with my friends means a lot to me so from my unresolved emotional issues to yours, i hope you enjoy. X
S T A R R Y E Y E D
CHAPTER TEN:
Two weeks, Tori wrote in her journal, It's been two weeks since Jade and I last spoke. I see her around school but we've both came up with this little system whenever we see each other. We both head in different directions. And if one of us is at the lunch table before the other, then that one finds somewhere else to go for lunch. Lunch for me now consists of me, Andre, Robbie and Cat one day, and then me and Andre going to eat lunch in the music room the next. It's almost like Jade and I are time-sharing our lunch table. Our lunch table. Ugh, I sound ridiculous. Sinjin's still going on about the switch from a free holiday to the full $500 we owe him and Trina's just a walk of freaking sunshine lately. I want to scream. I have no one to talk to. Not even Lane will take appointments with me now because he thinks I bring too much 'drama' into his valiumed up head. He's a Guidance Counsellor right? He's supposed to guidance! I'm like one of those stereotypical teenagers I promised my parents I'd never be. I have all these emotions and I can't talk to anyone about them, it's so frustrating… And the one person I can talk with won't talk to me. I am so alone. So completely and utterly-
"I need to borrow your lipstick" Trina barged into Tori's room and made Tori's pen fly right across her journal from shock.
"First drawer" Tori closed her journal over and gestured to her Vanity Mirror.
"No retort about my barging in?" Trina asked as she marched over to Tori's Vanity Mirror and began looking through Tori's make up.
"Not in the mood Trine" Tori let out a deep sigh and leant against her bed headboard, "Really not in the mood".
"Is this you pinning over Jade?" Trina asked disgustedly as she began trying on a shade of hooker red lipstick, "God, get a grip Tori it's only Jade, I have plenty of hot lesbian friends you can date".
"I'm not a lesbian" Tori frowned, "I don't know what I am… All I know is… I like Jade. I'm not interested in anyone else right now".
"Wh-at-ev-er" Trina dragged the word out slowly as if Tori were retarded, "Look, I'll help you here, okay? Think of Brad Pitt, all muscley and oily and tanned and all warrior macho like and oh, that face of his, that ravaging gorgeous amazing face-".
"Trina" Tori interrupted, "Get to the point".
"My point?" Trina asked dazedly as she tried on another shade of red, "Right, my point! Okay my point is, imagine Brad Pitt, naked and on your bed, wanting you! How does that make you feel?".
"Annoyed" Tori frowned, "I don't want any naked strangers in my bed".
"Yep you are gay" Trina declared.
"No, I don't think I am" Tori said slowly, "I think it's just… I only like Jade, just Jade, no other girls".
"That's not possible" Trina argued. She paused for a moment and asked, "Are you attracted to other guys?".
Tori winced slightly and Trina said, "We get it, you're a one woman girl, what I meant was, can you still find guys sexually appealing?".
"I guess so" Tori nodded.
"Then you're bisexual" Trina concluded, "I guess that's a good place to be, in the middle, you can chop and change if you're bored of one or the other".
"We definitely know Jade isn't completely gay" Tori said with a hint of annoyance in her voice, "She went out with Beck for two years".
"Please, my gaydar is working, alive and present, Jade West is not bisexual, that girl is through and through gay" Trina said as she blew herself a kiss in the mirror.
"Trina, she dated Beck for two years" Tori sighed, "Two years! Jade is definitely bisexual".
"Yeah and I'm the Queen of Italy" Trina fluffed up her hair messily.
"So what are you saying? That Jade and Beck lied about going out for two years?" Tori snapped, "Or what, does Beck have a va-jay-jay where his Captain is supposed to be?".
"Va-jay-jay? Captain?" Trina threw Tori a look, "For god sake Tori, just use the words Vagina and Penis. They're very easy to use, just say it… Vagina and Penis… Penis and Vagina, come on, join in with me! Vagina-".
"No!" Tori interrupted her sister, "I hate those words, stop! So crude".
"Oh my god, come on Tori, you're seventeen years old, learn to use the proper words" Trina snapped at her, "Say them! Just say them, like a normal human being… Vagina!".
"Ew" Tori clapped her hands over her ears.
"Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina!" Trina started to scream at her sister.
"I'll just come back later" Andre's stunned voice came from the doorway of Tori's room. He turned to leave when Tori hurled her pillow at Trina and got up to follow Andre downstairs.
"Hey Andre hold up" Tori called after him as they got to the living room, "What's up?".
"Vagina?" Andre smirked, about to laugh.
"My sister likes to annoy me" Tori said as she folded her arms, "But really, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?".
"Yeah, I was actually worried about you" Andre replied.
"Me? Why?" Tori frowned.
"Because you haven't been yourself for a long time, Tor" Andre sighed, "All of this started a month ago, when we went to that stupid club! I know you're hurting over Jade, and I'm sorry but you can't let this defeat you, it's unnerving to see unhappy Tori".
"I'm fine Andre" Tori avoided his gaze and began to walk into the kitchen, "I'm better than fine… I'm… okay" Tori looked down as she sucked in a breath.
"Tori?" Andre asked quietly, "What happened between you and Jade? I know she broke up with Beck and I assumed it was to go out with you but then you guys didn't go public…" he frowned, "I'm not very good at this whole… talking thing…" he hesitated, "Did you guys go out secretly and break up? Or are you two having a fight?".
"She didn't want me" Tori whispered after a moment of silence, "Or she did want me, she just didn't want me enough" Tori shook her head hopelessly, "I put myself out there, for her and I've never done that before and she said…" tears swarmed into her eyes, "She said I wouldn't be able to handle her. She probably meant I wasn't good enough for her" when she started to sob, Andre rushed across the distance between Tori and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting way.
"Baby girl that is never ever true" Andre shook his head, "Jade's just… Jade. Nobody knows why she is the way she is, it's just Jade to hurt the people she cares about".
"Hey Tor, can I borrow your new boots-" Trina's voice called as she appeared at the stairs. She spotted a sobbing Tori in Andre's arms and winced. "I'll just come back later" Trina disappeared again as Andre shook his head.
"I hate your sister" Andre mumbled under his breath.
"Everybody does" Tori sobbed even harder against his shoulder.
oOo
"I don't wanna see a movie" Tori grumbled as Andre pulled her along to the movie complex. Robbie and Cat were standing outside in the line waiting for them.
"I've been told this a real spirit-lifter" Andre told Tori, "Now come on you barely leave your house apart for school nowadays, it's okay to have a social life and still be depressed".
"Depressed about what?" Cat asked sadly as she caught the last lines of Andre's well-meaning sentence.
"Uh" Andre fumbled for a cover, "Tori just found out we're all going to die one day and she's pretty messed up about it".
"Oh you poor thing!" Cat whined, "Tori I'm so sorry".
Andre smirked slightly as Tori glared at him. "Yeah" Tori forced a grunt, "I'm just that stupid I just now realised that everything comes to an end one day and I'm just so damn depressed".
"We could make every moment count" Robbie raised his eyebrows suggestively at Tori who whacked him across the arm in return.
"You're disgusting" Tori yelled in Robbie's ear.
"Ow!" Robbie flinched, drawing attention to his two free arms. It was rare times like these that Tori savoured when Robbie had both his arms free.
"Flying solo tonight huh Robbie?" Tori asked.
"Oh you mean Rex?" Robbie replied, "He came down with the flu, so I gave him some Advil and tucked him away in bed. He's watching reruns of Doctor Who".
"What a raving social life" Tori grumbled to Andre as the line for the tickets dwindled down.
"Oh Michelle!" Andre suddenly waved someone over and Tori spun around to see a blonde girl their age and her black haired friend make their way over to them. "Everyone, this is Michelle and her friend Megan. Michelle, Megan, this is Tori, Cat and Robbie".
"Nice to meet you" Michelle's smiley friend Megan grinned at Tori.
"You too" Tori smiled back. She licked her lips and turned to Andre for a moment, "Andre, be a doll and come read that poster with me?".
"What poster?" Andre frowned.
"Now" Tori commanded and she marched out of the line, Andre following after her. She spun around and narrowed her eyes, "This is a double date isn't it?".
"Yeah" Andre confessed, "Look I'm sorry for lying to you but I'm not sorry I tried to do something as your best friend to make you feel better. Megan is great, she's just came out to her parents, she wants to be nurse and she's fantastic in cooking, plus she saw your picture on the and practically begged her friend to get me to hook you two up".
"Really?" Tori smiled slowly, "She thinks I'm hot?".
"I see your ego's working just as fine as your libido is" Andre chuckled.
Tori let out a deep breath, "I don't know Andre… I mean I'm still really hung up on Jade, isn't it wrong to string someone along? Or mislead them into thinking you're emotionally available when you're not?".
"For God sake you're not getting married, it's just a date" Andre sighed.
"I don't think so" Tori shook her head, "I'm sorry Andre, just tell them I got the flu or whatever, tell them I caught it from Rex-" something from behind Andre made her blood run cold.
Jade and Beck were walking together towards the movie complex.
"What?" Andre followed her gaze and spotted his two friends, "Oh".
Tori sucked in a deep breath and pushed her hair out of her face, "And on the other hand" she smiled at Andre and marched back towards the line, "Hey Megan, so Andre tells me you wanna be a nurse?".
"Team Andre score 1" Andre chuckled to himself as he followed after Tori.
"Andre!" Beck's voice had spotted him and now Jade and Beck were firmly heading their way towards him and the others.
"Oh Beck, Jade!" Andre grinned, "What are you guys doing here?".
"Seeing the new Jennifer Aniston" Jade rolled her eyes, "Beck begged me to go" she looked past Andre and saw the rest of the group and a few others she didn't know, "Oh look Beck, Andre invited the group, except not the whole group".
"I tried reaching you guys" Andre shrugged, "My phone must be not working or something".
"Or something" Jade forced a bitchy smile.
"Mind if we join your spot in the line?" Beck asked, "The queue's already so big".
"No sure man, join… us" Andre finished hesitantly as he noticed Tori's rigid spine. She was trying so hard to keep focused on Megan's story but he could tell, everything in her every fibre and being wanted to turn around and see Jade.
"Oh look Jade and Beck are here!" Cat said suddenly, "Yay! The whole group together again".
"Oh look at that" Robbie smiled back, "Do you guys know it's been like ages since we all hung out together, like we used to?".
Tori resisted the urge to turn around to see Jade and Beck as Megan began talking again.
"So you can sing, dance and act? Wow, you must be a real triple threat" Megan giggled.
"I don't know about that" Tori found herself blushing, "But I try".
"Tori" Jade's sardonic voice suddenly rang out in the cold air, "Aren't you going to introduce us to your friend?".
Tori spun around and froze. Jade's cheeks was reddened by the cold and for some reason it reminded her of Christmas. "This is Megan" Tori opened her mouth and steadied her voice, "She's a friend of Michelle".
Sensing the sudden tension that had arisen in the air, Michelle awkwardly waved at the sound of her name.
"Right" Jade grinned bitterly, "And Michelle is?".
"My date" Andre said as he wrapped his arm around Michelle's arm.
"How cute" Jade continued smiling but there was no humour there, "3 couples out seeing a romantic film, doesn't get much cheesier does it?".
"Oh no, Robbie and I aren't a couple" Cat smiled, giggling.
"Yeah thanks for that Cat" Robbie rolled his eyes, "But she's right, the only couple here is Andre and Michelle, I think we'd know if Tori was suddenly into girls".
At this, Tori felt her blood run cold as Megan glanced over to her with confusion. An awkward silence lingered for a moment until they had to move down the queue. Tori bit the inside of her cheek, all the while burning with humiliation as she bought her ticket and stormed away from the group towards the popcorn stand. She let out a deep breath and shook her head slightly, trying to clear her thoughts.
"So I feel stupid" Megan said to Tori suddenly as she joined the Latina.
"Why?" Tori replied as she began picking out several pic'n'mic sweets.
"Because I thought this was a date" Megan looked down, smiling slightly, "Michelle said Andre's friend Tori was into girls and I… I'm sorry if you thought I was coming onto you-".
"You're cute" Tori cut the other girl off, "But I'm the one who should be apologising, it's my issue not yours… I haven't…" she paused, "Andre is the only one of my friends who knows I like girls and Robbie is usually clueless about everything and Cat is just… Cat so I thought it wouldn't be an issue until…".
"Jade" Megan finished for her, "I get it, it's hard to tell people, especially friends and family… Is it awkward? Having to hang out with an ex?".
Tori scrunched her face up in confusion, "I never dated any of those crazy people".
Megan looked at her suggestively, "Oh so the tension between you and Jade is purely platonic?".
"It's complicated" Tori sighed, "But I'm looking to move on from past complications".
"Well good" Megan beamed, "I'm a fantastic kisser by the way".
Tori couldn't help but burst out laughing at this, drawing the attention of a certain Jade West. She glanced up from her position next to Beck and saw Tori smiling and talking to the black haired Megan. There was of course anger on Jade's part but something else she never thought she would experience. Her heart felt it was being ripped out from her chest.
This pain… This hollow icy feeling in the pit of her stomach was wrestling it's way to the top of the surface and at this, Jade's breath got stuck in the back of her throat. It was so numbing to see another girl make Tori laugh, to make her smile. Jade swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to block out the overwhelming sting of heartbreak. She wished she could just be angry. Anger was a more useful emotion.
But Jade knew she deserved it. She knew deep down, Tori had laid her heart on the line for her and she had stomped on, in typical Jade-fashion. Tori had every right to smile at other girls and touch their arms and let her fingers linger. She had every right to show them her room and smile at them sexily. Tori had every right to kiss them and be kissed back. They would probably be led onto her bed and all of a sudden, Jade couldn't stop picturing a naked Vega and some slut, moving in unison, fingers intertwined and breathy moans, becoming one.
A physical pain shot through her chest right up to her heart and Jade almost lost her balance. What was even happening to her? Why was seeing Tori flirting with another girl inducing physical pain? Jade turned round to face Beck. She knew she couldn't possibly sit through a romance film with Tori and this week's slut making out in front of her. That really would kill her.
"I have to go" Jade told Beck suddenly, "I'm sorry, I have to go, I can't stay here".
Beck watched with apologetic eyes as Jade turned and headed for the doors of the movie complex. He glanced back to Tori, who was already looking at him with confusion.
"Beck where did Jade go?" Tori ran over to Beck, abandoning Megan by the popcorn stand, "Is everything alright?".
"Yeah, she said she had a headache" Beck lied easily, shrugging, "I wouldn't worry about it".
"Hold these" Tori shoved her sweets into Beck's arms and without even giving Megan a second glance, she ran towards the doors and disappeared through them. The cold air nipped at her skin and she grimaced, looking left and right. Jade was already across the road, trying to hail a taxi, "Jade!" Tori screamed, running after her.
Jade spun around, eyes widened, "Vega?" she asked wearily.
"I hate this" Tori gasped as she caught up to the stylish goth, "I hate not being able to talk to you. I hate not having lunch with you… I hate…" she trailed off, "I hate the divide in the group, I hate a lot of things!".
"I know" Jade's façade faltered, "I hate this too… I'm so scared".
"Me too" Tori inched forwards, "I'm terrified as well, because every time I look at you I feel this connection, this rush of energy and all I want is to talk to you and I need to be your friend, again. I need to be something with you!".
"Putting yourself on the line again for me Vega?" Jade asked with a warm smile, "Didn't your mother ever tell you never to trust a heartbreaker?".
"She did" Tori moved towards Jade again, "She also told me to follow my heart, no matter where it leads me".
"I don't know if being your friend is good enough for me" Jade brought her hand up to Tori's face and let her fingers settle there. Tori closed her eyes at the feel of Jade's electric skin against hers, "But I guess I can try".
"It'll be hard at first" Tori whispered, "When we're near, I'll feel your warmth and want your touch" at this Jade moved in closer and pushed her body up against Tori's, "I'll remember the way your lips felt against mine and how my body ached for yours-".
"Vega" Jade placed her index finger on Tori's lips, "I need to be your friend too, I hate that I need you so bad and it'll be so hard but at least I get to be near you".
Tori felt torn. She wanted more from Jade than she could ever give her but at the same time, she wanted Jade in her life, no matter what. They would just have to suffer through it and swallow the spark. They would just have to learn to be just friends.
"This is kind of like putting the past behind us?" Jade asked suddenly.
"I guess" Tori smiled back sadly. If by 'past' she meant 'feelings' then yes, it was like putting it all behind them.
"How about a goodbye kiss? To send off the old era and lead in the new one?" Jade whispered. When Tori said nothing to this, Jade leaned in and closed the inches apart between them, pressing her natural peach lips against Tori's red ones. Tori felt a tightening in her stomach as she and Jade moved with each other, their bodies grinding together in the cold, sending sparks of electricity everywhere.
They would never be just friends but they would just have to fake it.
"That was some goodbye kiss" Tori said breathlessly as she pulled back.
Jade dazedly stepped backwards a little as she reached out and straightened Tori's messy hair. Jade opened her mouth to say something but Cat's voice suddenly rang throughout the air, "Jade! Tori!".
Tori spun around to see Cat, Andre, Beck and Robbie catching up to them.
"Aren't you guys gonna miss the movie?" Tori asked suddenly, feeling annoyed she didn't get to hear Jade's sentence.
"We noticed something" Beck began, smiling widely, "We haven't been a proper group in ages and when we saw you two were gone-".
"Robbie totally freaked out" Cat interrupted.
"I did" Robbie shrugged sheepishly, "I miss everyone hanging out together, I don't want us to drift apart okay? I… I…".
"Say it Robbie" Cat nudged him with her elbow lightly.
"I love you guys!" Robbie suddenly cried, "And… I miss you all! Okay! I said it!".
"He said it!" Cat cried, giggling.
Tori felt a slow but sure smile cross her face as she looked over to Jade, who was resisting a smile of her own.
"We're gonna go back to the way it used to be Robbie" Tori walked over to Jade, "I missed the group too".
"Thank god!" Robbie cried, "Can you imagine how bad it would be if you guys left me with Rex for the rest of my life?".
Cat's head jerked up to the sky as she felt something hit her skin. "Oh my god, it's snowing!".
The six friends glanced up to the sky together, smiling at the oncoming snow. "Snow in February?" Robbie gasped.
"I think we made the snow happy!" Cat grinned, going over to take Tori's hand. Tori smiled back and glanced over to Jade who quickly reached out and intertwined their fingers. Tori felt her stomach loop over in knots at the gesture.
"Come on Robbie!" Cat held out her hand for him and Robbie sheepishly walked over to take Cat's hand.
"Oh alright then" Beck laughed as he took Jade's hand and held out his other one for Andre, who took it with a mocking roll of his eyes.
The six joined teenagers just stood watching the snow fall, feeling a sense of harmony they hadn't felt together in a long time.
"Andre, where's your date?" Tori asked suddenly.
"I told Megan and Michelle to go home" Andre replied, "Turns out I just needed you guys tonight".
For the first time in a long time, they just enjoyed each other's company and the peace that came with the snow.