A/N: I didn't realize how much of an impact this story had on so many people. I didn't realize its importance. I'm sorry that I haven't updated in awhile. I hope you can forgive me.

R/R would be much appreciated!

-Ophelia

Cosima's eyes naturally closed, it's almost as if her body has been ready for this moment. Her thoughts raced but she wanted to enjoy every second of it.

Delphine's lips were softer than she imagined. They molded so perfectly to hers, the kiss was perfect and effortless.

Before Cosima could actually process the whole moment, Delphine's lips left hers. But Cosima's ached to reach hers again. Her eyes couldn't seem to open again, she was frozen.

"Thank you, Cosima." She heard Delphine's voice just cenimeters away from her ear. She could feel her hot breath dancing along her neck. Her whole body seemed to ignite as she felt Delphine's lips press the soft spot under her ear. Her nerves were tingling and still she had so many questions.

Cosima felt words formulate in her brain but they weren't real sentences. They were just: why, kiss, holy fuck, what, Delphine, kiss, lips, fuck, wait, kiss, Delphine lips.

Delphine backed away so she could look at the girl in front of her. "You're so sweet, Cosima. I mean it. I've never heard anyone say that to me before. I don't know why you are so kind to me, I feel like I don't do enough for you. You deserve so much."

Delphine was saying words and Cosima was still dazed, unable to process anything the other girl was saying. Her lips were tingling and sizzling. Her whole body was on fire and seemed to only get hotter.

"You-" Cosima was finally able to speak up. "You kissed me…" Almost immediately she wanted someone to slap her for what she said.

Delphine smirked and lifted an eyebrow. "Oui, is that okay?"

Cosima was at a loss of words once again. She wanted to say 'oh yes, it's great! Yes! Please, kiss me again.'

Delphine, by the looks of it, was trying to read Cosima's expression. "If not, I won't do it again."

"No!" Cosima jumped at the sound of her own voice. She felt heat rush to her cheeks and she tried to avert her attention away from Delphine's. "I mean, like, dude. Yes, I like this sort of-you know? I mean, if you want, you can totally, like, kiss me...again...if you want...wanted. Because I like kisses. Kisses are-" Cosima covered her face with her hands. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

Delphine squeezed Cosima's hand. Not saying a word.

"So...you kissed me."

"Oui," Delphine cracked a smile.

"Is that, like, a french thing?"

Delphine raised a brow. "French thing?"

"You know how like it's not American to just kiss on the cheek and it's super French to, like, kiss on the cheek."

"...um,"

"Or is it, like, a friend thing. Do you normally kiss your friends like that? Back in France? On the lips?"

Delphine looked down at Cosima's hand and rubbed her thumb in smooth circles on the top of her shaking hand. "Cosima, I don't know what it was. I just...did it." Delphine sighed. "It just seemed like the thing to do. I didn't mean to-"

"Wait so is that a good thing?" Cosima knew she was too eager but that still didn't stop her.

Delphine paused, and that concerned Cosima. "It-" She seemed to struggle to find words. "It was what it was. And I don't know what to say…"

Cosima's mind was blank. She was confused, so lost in the events that took place. She basically told her she loved Delphine, Delphine kissed her, Delphine thanked her, Delphine still doesn't realize the feelings Cosima has for her.

"You don't know if it was good or bad?" Cosima sounded so defeated.

Delphine shook her head. "Let's not worry about it, Cosima. It was just something I did. I'm sorry that it confused you."

Where her heart hammered, a hole seemed to dig itself deeper and deeper. The kiss was a mistake for Delphine, Cosima thought. She feared that it will become something they never speak of again. The one thing Cosima wanted was an accident.

"No, yeah, I get it." Cosima felt hole dig further as she cracked a smile. "Stuff like that happens." God, it hurt so much. "This has been a weird day for you, a weird day for me, weird stuff happens all the time, you know. It's all good." She tried to chuckle but it was a pathetic attempt.

"Cosima-"

Cosima immediately swatted her hand with a smirk. "It's alright, Delphine. It was just a kiss." God, it hurt so damn much.

Delphine looked at Cosima with curious eyes. "You aren't upset?"

"Upset?!" Cosima's voice was so tight as she ignored the growing lump in her throat. "Nah, let's just you know... not worry about it." Cosima felt daggers in her chest. "Like you said," She felt ice cold at this point. "It was what it was."

The two girls lay next to each other in Cosima's bed. They spent hours talking about everything but the kiss they shared. It got harder and harder to keep conversation with Delphine. Cosima felt the throbbing ache in her chest. She was so angry at herself for letting it happen. It was all her fault in the first place. She felt as if she shouldn't have said what she had said on the roof. She shouldn't have told Delphine how she felt. She got her hopes up, and, like every other time, she was let down. Of course Delphine didn't like her like that. Especially after today. Not Delphine knows she's a mess that can't seem to take care of herself.

Why did she kiss me?

It all goes back to that question. She could've easily just said thank you or hugged her. Obviously, Cosima thought, there was some connection there. For a split second they were actually on the same page. But why did she take it back like that? Are there platonic kisses? Is there such torture that awful? Why is she so romantic but labels it as friendly?

Cosima had to have been reading all the signs incorrectly. There is no such thing as the friendzone, those are delusions made by people that can't take no for an answer.

Delphine changed her position from on her back to on her side, just inches away from Cosima. The dreadlocked girl had the sudden urge to hold her but now it hurt her to even think about that. It's all one sided. So what's the point? Why keep hoping for someone who doesn't want you like that?

Why is this so important to me? Cosima thought to herself. Why should I waste my time caring if someone likes me or not? Aren't there other issues in the world? I shouldn't be complaining.

And it all goes back to accepting that Delphine is a friend.

Nothing more.

When Delphine went home in the morning, Cosima stayed in her room. Her textbook propped on her knees. She stared at the pages but didn't even read any of the words. She was upset about the fact that she was upset.

"Cos!" Sarah called from behind her door. She pounded on her door. "Food is downstairs!" She opened the door.

Cosima glared at Sarah. "You know, I just don't get it! Do you know how many times you knock on my door and still let yourself in?! I never gave you that invitation, Sarah!" Her word were spewing out of her mouth before she could even think about it.

Her sister just slouched and folded her arms. "Wha' the bleedin' hell is your problem, mate?" She barked at Cosima.

Cosima huffed. "My problem is you never think of anyone but yourself! Doesn't that bother you, Sarah? Because it bothers me!"

Sarah's eyes narrowed but she stayed still in the door frame. "Listen, 'Cos, I don' what's wrong with ya' but it needs ta' stop."

"Oh and there you are again! Everything you say sounds like a threat! And I'm sick of it!"

"Oi, listen, bitch-"

Cosima made an attempt to fight back but Sarah's voice overpowered hers.

"Stop talkin' back! Yer' no good at it!" Sarah stepped in a little closer to Cosima. "Yer' mood swings are infectin' everyone in the house. Don' ya see that? Yer little freak out last night? Let's talk 'bout that."

Cosima slammed her book shut and lay on her bed. The last person she wanted to talk to was Sarah. She was so pissed off and so short with her. She didn't care enough to watch what she said because she couldn't seem to hold anything back.

"Oh, the silent treatment, yeah?" Cosima could feel Sarah's glare from the corner of her eye. "'Cos, fer someone who so smart, yer actin' like a child."

Cosima stared at her ceiling, rage still bubbled throughout her entire body. She bit her tongue to hold back her nasty remarks.

Sarah huffed aggressively and plopped on the edge of the bed near Cosima's feet. "Yer worry'n me, 'Cos." She said softly. "Ya' haven't been like this in a long time." Sarah stated. "I don' want to go through this again. I can't see you like this again."

Cosima rolled her eyes. "Oh, this must be so hard for you, Sarah. So hard." She said bitterly.

Sarah glared. "I almost lost my sister, 'Cos. It was hard. It was hard for everyone." She said coldly.

"Yeah? Go worry about yourself." Cosima rolled over so she was no longer facing Sarah. "You're good at that anyway."

Sarah scoffed. "Whateva', mate. I don't need your bullshit." She started heading towards the door. "'Scuse me fer givin' a shit 'bout you."

And she slammed the door behind her. Leaving Cosima alone with her own thoughts.

A/N: Trigger Warning

Cosima remembered the day vividly:

*One year ago*

She had just gotten home from school. The dull throb in her chest, the one that was always there, seemed like a black hole that took over her entire body. Right when she walked in the house, she walked straight to the kitchen.

Her mind was so blank, her body was so numb. Tears streamed down her face. She couldn't tell if she was angry, upset, or panicking. She wasn't thinking about to tomorrow or yesterday. She was only thinking about the now and how much she hated the now. Sometimes she would be able to snap herself out of it and continue to keep going.

But this day was different.

She doesn't remember what set her off. Maybe it wasn't anything specific because of the fact that it was everything. Everyone's problems were on her shoulders. Everything was all at once up in the air and didn't seem to come down again. She began to feel less and less like a real person and more of an observer and she hated that. She hated watching, she hated listening, she hated the fact that everything grew more and more unfamiliar. Like this world wasn't even real. Like it was all just one big test. Everyone had the answer but her. Everything felt two dimensional and scripted and she didn't want to be a part of that anymore.

She didn't want to be a part of it anymore.

She opened up the medicine cupboard. Watching her own hands as she reached for the handle. Marveling over how she felt like her body wasn't hers. How her hand felt like it was moving on its own. She felt like she just took a step back and was watching herself go through the motions.

She grabbed the pain medication and poured two into her palm. Her eyes glued to the small tablets that rolled gently in her hands. Then she poured the bottle again, and again, and again.

Usually, there would a be voice in her head. The logical side of Cosima that would say, "Yo, dude, not a good idea."

But there nothing holding her back. Her body did it, her mind seemed to be shut off.

She didn't count how many pills she had in her hand. Why should she? It was enough to do the job. And that's all she cared about.

As she lifted the pills up to her mouth, she glanced to the side and saw a framed picture of her and her sisters. It was their Christmas card photo but their mother loved it so much that she framed it. The picture was just of them laughing. It was, as their mother called it, accidental perfection. Alison covered her mouth with one hand giggling, Sarah had her eyes closed, mouth wide open laughing and her arm around Helena who was close to falling on the floor from laughter, and Cosima held her forehead looked off to the side with a large smirk.

It was Cosima's favorite picture.

She clutched the pills in her fist and walked up to the framed Christmas card. After examining it longer, she felt like that day didn't really exist. The Cosima in that picture is a different person than the Cosima standing before the picture.

She reached her free hand on the top of the picture, feeling the coolness of the frame under her fingertips. Watching the dust disappear.

Cosima then set the picture face down and turned back around. It was almost as if she was an outside observer and watched herself bring the red pills up to her lips again. She popped on in right after the other. She watched herself grab another prescribed bottle and poured them into her palm.

The rest was a blur.

A/N: I'm sorry to leave on a note like that but I hope you understand how hard it was to write that. I've appreciated all the support and love from you guys. You really help keep me going.

I love you!

What did you think of the chapter? R/R

-Ophelia