Author's Note: Early post in honor of Thanksgiving, here in the States. Thanks to mille libri for her beta!
Bioware owns all, I'm just happy to play in the sandbox!
Steal Away Home: Chapter 11
Hawke, Got plans. You said I was free to go when it was safe. Don't want to be your pet. Thanks, Macie.
The girl had written Aeryn's and her own name neatly and with due care, though the rest of the note was a childish scrawl. Sebastian reading over her shoulder as he tucked her robe around her made a distressed noise low in his throat. "Aeryn, we have to go find her!"
Aeryn glanced up from the note, a certain hesitation in her voice. "I don't..."
Sebastian felt shock lance across him and anger right after. What could she mean?
Aeryn saw it and raised her hand, to make him pause. "No, I mean of course we will. But I did tell her she could go and if she doesn't want..."
But that had just been Aeryn trying to make Macie comfortable in their company, he'd thought. "She's a child, Aeryn! She's not old enough to decide what's best for her." Fierce gray eyes met his, but her voice was soothing.
"Macie's young, Sebastian, but she's not a child. She's been on her own too long to call her that." Aeryn jerked her chin. "Beth, go sound the alarm, please?"
"Alright, sister." The mage left in a swirl of loosely belted robe.
"She needs..."
"I do intend to look for her, Sebastian. Get dressed." Aeryn had gone suddenly cool and Sebastian watched, confused for a moment, but she just yanked a tunic out of the trunk and tossed it his way before finding one of her own. They dressed silently, Aeryn leaving the room without a glance back before he'd finished lacing his boots.
They went into the small room that had been Macie's. It was neat, but mainly because there weren't many things there. She hadn't been with them long enough to accumulate possessions. There was a scattering of shiny pebbles, a snail shell, and a few colorful feathers she'd picked up here and there on the window sill. A hump of pillows pretending to be a girl in the middle of the small cot drew Sebastian's eye and he touched the pillow at the head, with a soft brush of fingers.
Aeryn surreptitiously watched him with a sinking heart as she looked through Macie's nearly empty clothes press. He had grown to care for the scamp and now she'd disappeared on them. No matter what Aeryn felt herself - and there was more than a little relief mixed in with her concern - she'd have to look for Macie.
The small chest that had held Macie's stash was open and empty except for Roget's dagger. Aeryn had meant to sell it off, but they hadn't had a chance after Alistair had engaged them in the search for assassins. "Well, at least she won't starve. And she took her winter gear. She has sense, anyway."
"Small comfort, I'm afraid." Sebastian said quietly. He glanced out the open window and Aeryn followed him.
Pointing at the ironwork on the window next to them, she sketched out Macie's likely descent. "Down that and it's just a little drop to the balcony outside the library. And then, she could have shimmied down the trellis into the garden. Not a bad trick." Aeryn was a little impressed. In the dark, and with the damp chill in the air, it would have taken a bit of courage to make that first grab for the ironwork.
Hearing the tone of her words, Sebastian looked at her. "And then into the dark, out in a city she barely knows?" He was reeling, and he'd admit a little hurt, from the idea that she'd just left. Macie had seemed to be settling nicely, until Aeryn had mentioned schooling.
"Adventure, you know." Aeryn was wearing a half, rather wistful, smile. As though she might have followed Macie on her escapade, given the chance.
He chided, "Until she finds herself in the hands of another like Roget. Or worse."
Aeryn's eyes flashed beneath her lashes. "Well, there's that, yes. C'mon, I don't see anything here to help us."
It took a precious half mark to organize a search, first in the palace and then spiraling out into the surrounding town.
-000-
Harry, their page and Macie's nearest thing to a chum, had been completely surprised. "She seemed to like it here well enough. Though…"
"What, lad?"
He scuffed his toe against the rug before he looked up, green eyes a little worried. "She didn't like it, when she found out you were going to have her join the rest of us at lessons. She didn't say anything about running away, though, m'lady, I swear. Just that...she didn't have to stay and be ordered around like…well, we allowed ourselves to be, the rest of us." Harry listed off the places that he'd shown Macie, the little alcoves and hidden play spaces that children always managed to find.
"Thanks, Harry. If you or the others think of anything else, let us know, please." Aeryn watched the boy go. Sebastian's voice jarred her into movement again.
"You shouldn't have told her as you did, Aeryn. We should have thought of another, gentler way." There was something like blame in his voice and Aeryn felt her hackles rise, defensively.
"Perhaps you could have mentioned that earlier?" Distracted by his worry, Sebastian failed to notice the clipped nature of her words. Aeryn was moving and off to seek out anyone else who might know something and he was left to scramble behind her.
Alistair made the situation known to the Guard, but Aeryn axed their outright help.
"Macie won't see the guard as anything but a threat, I'd guess." The slightly amused expression on her face made Sebastian frown, inwardly. He accepted it was true, but somehow it seemed wrong to turn down help from any quarter.
"Well, still. I'll send a note to the Sergeant at Arms for the city. He can at least make sure if Macie turns up caught for stealing that she's brought back here instead of taken to Fort Drakon or to the Arl's keep. Neither of those are fit for children, really."
"Thank you, Alistair." Sebastian acknowledged, gratefully.
Alistair waved him off, "Well, these things...I always wondered how children survived on the street. I never could have."
Aeryn smirked a little. "Well, children of Macie's aptitude and inclination do alright, if truth be known." Sebastian frowned at her and Aeryn shifted, uncomfortable under his disapproving gaze. Void, it's not like Macie was some little princess who couldn't find her own nose. She'd been a street urchin for years, leaving the Chantry where she'd been housed as an orphan by the time she was six.
Dierdre spoke softly. "It may help to have the servants notified as well. They always seem to know the best kept secrets and ours are very discreet." Aeryn acknowledged the queen's assistance with a nod. Not a bad plan. Servants knew how to watch, unobserved. Someone might have seen something.
Fenris' shoulder twitched and caught Aeryn's eye. "We should check the dockside. Slavers would..."
Alistair interupted him. "There are no slavers in Denerim."
Aeryn arched a brow. That was a pretty blanket statement. Tevinter slavers respected no boundaries, as far as she knew. "Alistair..."
He shook his head. "I make sure of it, Hawke. Tevinter and Orlesian ships that come into port here are subject to search before they leave. And that includes ships that stop in their ports. We had a problem during the Blight, Loghain allowed slavers into the alienage to finance his civil war after the nobles started rebelling. In order to ensure that the Tevinters didn't make any assumptions about that continuing, I put in some pretty harsh requirements for any ships coming in. Foreign ships are thoroughly inspected by elves set in place by Bann Shianni. And last year I hung three Tevinter citizens in the courtyard, one of whom was a magister's son. We divided their profits among the victims and set the ship on fire in the harbor."
Aeryn looked wide-eyed at the king, grimfaced and solid in his seat behind his desk. "Ah. I think I might have the answer to why bloodmages might be after you, Alistair."
He nodded, acknowledging that it was likely. Smiling, just a little, he added. "Well, if the Tevinters aren't mad at you for something, you're probably going wrong somewhere."
Fenris' laugh cracked through the wide room.
-000-
Between the crew, they could quarter the city. Varric and Isabela turned out the underworld contacts they had. Isabela, in particular, was concerned about the brothel. "I don't think Sanga would take an underage whore, but I'll check it out."
Just before she left though, Isabela pulled Aeryn aside into one of the broad stairwells, allowing the others to walk ahead of them. "You know, sweet thing, we aren't going to find her if she doesn't want us to."
Sighing, Aeryn nodded. "I know. But...Maker, 'Bela. What else can I do? Sebastian's beside himself."
"He's going to have to get used to the fact that he can't bat those eyes of his and have his whole world fall into place." Isabela smirked. "Just because he tamed one wild child doesn't mean the rest of them are his to command."
"Look tamed, do I?"
The warm golden gaze gave her a familiar and somehow comforting leer and Aeryn posed for a minute, channeling her old sullen sultry self. "Look? No. Sound? 'Oh, Sebastian, oh, please...'" Isabela whined, in a fair imitation.
Aeryn sniffed. "I dare say you'd beg, too...no, no, never mind. No dare! I take it back!" when Isabela's whole face lit up with wicked glee. They stifled laughs and Aeryn sighed again, sobering.
"Sebastian's pretty sodding aware that the world is a hard place, pirate. I think that's the problem."
Isabela shrugged. "I'll check out the brothels. Sanga'll know which ones deal in the dark stuff. But after that, I'm done unless you find some sign she's in trouble." The pirate glanced over her shoulder to the shadowy palace halls. "Count on me to keep an eye on the queen, while you all are busy, though. I owe Alistair a favor for hooking me up with his shipwright."
"Yeah. Alright. Thanks, 'Bela." And wouldn't it be nice if Aeryn could just ignore Macie unless there was some proof of trouble, too?
Sebastian couldn't find anything to complain about in Aeryn's efforts nor her clear concern. But as they fruitlessly searched, he also realized that the majority of her concern was for him. Now and again as they set their plans, he had looked up to see her bright eyes on him, considering. It irked him, to be honest, that she was spending her energy on him rather than the missing Macie.
When he and Bethany split away from her and Fenris, Sebastian was almost glad, but it was a fruitless conversation with the sisters. The Revered Mother was in a conference with the Grand Cleric and could not be disturbed for a lost child. They were allowed to question the mother in charge of the children in the Chantry's care, but to no avail. She'd not seen Macie. Bethany, usually a dab hand with children, had taken the older children aside. With a shake of her dark head, though, the mage had indicated that they'd been no help.
Sebastian took a moment to breathe in the incense, light a candle, and whisper a prayer that Macie might have a change of heart before she found herself in trouble.
Where was the foolish child, then? He'd been independent enough to try and run away in his childhood, like many. An hour or two and he'd been convinced he'd starve to death and gone home. The last time Sebastian had tried he'd been eleven, before his eldest brother's wedding. It was a full free afternoon, rummaging through the marketplace and almost to the city walls before the guard had found him. His father had had him beaten for causing his mother grief (though Sebastian didn't see that she'd taken any notice, other than he'd missed his fitting and the rehearsal) and his grandfather had given him a lecture on duty to one's family. The old man had been grim and the shame of that had caught Sebastian's attention more than the lashing.
But there would be none of that for Macie if...no, when she returned. Certainly no beating and Sebastian didn't fool himself that their ward held either he or Aeryn in such regard that a shaming lecture would bear much weight.
Sebastian emerged from the dim, warm Chantry, into the brighter, chilly forecourt, to see Aeryn plying a small group of street children with treats and coin, trying to bribe a bit of information from them while Fenris did his best to appear less menacing. A few of the children were far more interested in his tattoos and, though the warrior looked uncomfortable, he was trying to talk to them in hopes of loosening their tongues.
"Heya, ser? Does them marks, does they help you lift that big sword?"
"Ah. That is not their function, no. I had training to wield my broadsword."
"Couple of the kni...urm, elvish folk in the Alienage, they got them marks, too, but they ain't shiny-like."
"Those are vallaslin, they are tattoos of the Dalish. Made with ink."
"Does your kin all have them...tah-toos, too? Hey! I made a rhyme!"
"Oh, you're a rhyme." The children broke into a scuffle and Fenris was forced to raise his voice.
"No. Mine are...different. They were not given to me by my family."
A girl with a tumble of cornsilk curls looked up at him and said, "I betcha a scary old witch gave 'em to you 'cause they made you pretty and then she disappeared like smoke and you have to help protect her from Templars whenever she calls you!"
"That is not where they came from, no." Fenris tried rather desperately to draw Hawke's attention, but she was still trying to wheedle a bit of information from the older children and completely ignored his plight. If Sebastian hadn't been quite so worried about Macie, he might have had to tease Fenris just a little about the elf's huge, imploring eyes. Bethany giggled beside him.
From the sound of protests, the older children were swearing to a soul that they'd seen no sign of a girl like Macie. Aeryn didn't look like she quite believed them. He caught her eye with a wave and Sebastian was a little taken aback at the look she gave him, frustrated and wary.
Sighing, Aeryn acknowledged their presence and took Bethany's shrugged shoulders as a sign that the Chantry had been bare. She'd had little hope that Macie had taken up with the Mothers, but it had been sensible to ask. If the guard had caught her, the girl might have been brought here by a sympathetic believer, rather than cast into Drakon.
This lot knew something, she thought. But it would take more than a smattering of coin and sweets to pull it from the streetwise bunch so quickly and Aeryn didn't really want to intimidate them.
Finally, Aeryn gave up. Fenris seemed to heave a sigh of relief as she untangled him from his knot of admirers and they joined Sebastian and Bethany, standing near the garden by the Chantry wall.
She eyed Sebastian, who looked drawn and worried, and swallowed a sigh. "We should go back to the palace, see if anyone's found a trace."
He nodded and they followed her across the bridge. Sebastian was brooding, his lips set and a small wrinkle at the bridge of his nose. Grim and stark, it really was appalling how attractive it was. She could feel the growing impulse to speak coming off him and nudged, "What, then?"
"You shouldn't have given her the coin, Aeryn. If Macie hadn't..."
Aeryn resisted the impulse to swallow and look away. "She'd be gone anyway and with no stake. She'd have had her hand in someone's pocket before she left the courtyard." Though Macie probably had anyway, just to prove to herself she hadn't lost any of her skill. Six would get you seven that Macie would just prowl Denerim for a night or two and they'd find her curled up in her bed in a few days. Still, strange city and all. Winter coming on. And Denerim, despite being the king's seat, had its reputation as a rough place. And they really never had gotten a good handle on the blood mages. It was even possible that someone had seen her as another way to get in to the king's circle. Flames.
Back at the palace, Isabela had sent word with Varric that a ship had left port for Cumberland with two new cabin boys, one of whom could have been Macie, by description. "And, Hawke, there were two dwarven caravans heading out this morning. One to Redcliffe and the other to Highever. Kid could have signed on as a hand. She's eager and quick enough. Dwarves hire human children pretty readily. Still have reach on them."
Aeryn saw Sebastian deflate and it wrenched her heart. Impulsively, she said, "We'll go. We'll split up and...I'll charter a ship. We'll get to Cumberland and keep looking."
"Hawke, you can't..." Varric started but stopped when she shot him a quelling glance, raising his hands. "Sure you can. Do what you want. You generally do, anyway."
She bloody well could, if it meant taking that look off of Sebastian's face. And to shake the knot of regret and shame that had tightened in her stomach. The fact that none of them had found any sort of good sign at all made her nervous.
"D'ya really think she's gone there?" Sebastian's usually warm voice was flat and defeated sounding. Aeryn leaned against the window frame and shrugged.
"No...if Macie's left the city, she likely went with one of the caravans and we can catch up, they'll be slowed with wagons and all. But if we leave it too late, we'll lose her, for sure. We need to go now."
"But you think she might be here and just doesna want to be found?" Void, he sounded so confused. Aeryn tried to explain.
"I...if it were me, I'd have taken the caravan. She still had a stash in Amaranthine, she may be trying to get there. Or, maybe she lied. Maybe she had family somewhere. I..."
Merrill asked, "But, Hawke, why? The poor little girl, she had a good thing here with you, why would she?" Sebastian wondered the same thing, grateful to Merrill for voicing it.
Aeryn was rueful when she answered. "I would have." Fenris and Varric nodded. "I wouldn't have...She doesn't want school work and such, she wants to be a thief. If someone had taken me and made me mind and kept me from thieving? After years of being on my own? I'd have run, too. Admit it, Sebastian. When you were a boy? Wouldn't you have rather gone off on your own?"
Her question echoed his earlier thoughts. Of course he had. More than once. But, "Then why did we make her do such things?" He meant it somewhat rhetorically - he'd been the one concerned about her learning new techniques - but Aeryn answered him.
It was too much. Suddenly Aeryn was very tired of this...vulnerability. How easy it was for Sebastian to hurt her. Walls she'd thought she'd abandoned slammed into place, old defenses. She snapped, "You'd rather I just threw her into the street to steal? 'Well, young miss, your quota is six silver a day or I'll have your hide.' Even I think ten is a bit young for baby's first lesson in throat slitting. Though, what else do I have to teach her, really?" Bitter twist of a smile on her lips.
Caught up in the heat of the moment, Aeryn didn't notice Bethany's eyes lock on her sister's face at her acid comment. If she had, Aeryn would have noticed that her sister's gaze was as Hawke-like as the man who had earned the moniker, taking it to replace the last name the Circle had stolen.
Sebastian breathed in, shocked. "Aeryn. I didn't mean..."
But Aeryn was still speaking, her voice gone sharp and cutting, and Sebastian flinched at the implication. "She needs schooling, training. Maybe she'll make a bard. At the very least, a scout for the army. Better than I managed. You wanted her and I brought her and I was following how I was being taught, before. What else was I supposed to do?"
Aeryn had crossed to the other side of the study while Sebastian paced by the door. It was unusual, as they normally simply gravitated towards one another, and it was her distance most of all, that made him take notice as she gazed out the window into the crisp late autumn afternoon, rubbing her brow as though to rid herself of a headache.
Fenris frowned at him from where he leaned against the next broad sill and Sebastian looked at his lover closely. Aeryn's shoulders were slightly hunched, her lip was chewed half-raw and she'd wrapped an arm around her waist, protectively. Suddenly startled out of his concern for Macie, Sebastian cast his thoughts back over the day. Maker. Had he truly been accusing Aeryn of neglect since Bethany woke them?
"Oh, leannan. I'm sorry. I swear I didn't mean...I know. You were trying to do right by her." He crossed the room to slip his arm around her waist.
Something like a shudder ran through her and she stayed stiff. For just a moment, Sebastian thought aeryn might jerk away from him. It took a minute before she relaxed enough to look up and he winced at the cool, flat, reserve in her eyes.
Aeryn twitched her shoulder, accepting the apology. He hadn't meant to, she knew. He'd just been worried and out of sorts. It was fine. And she should be more worried. "We should go. Ah...Varric could you and Bethany and Fenris take the Redcliffe caravan and Merrill and I will head towards Highever."
"I'll..." But Aeryn cut him off, with a shake of her head. Business.
"You've got that meeting with the ambassador from Cumberland in the morning. We might not be back in time. And some of us need to stay, in case Macie comes back and to keep an eye on the queen."
"I don't want..." How could she think he'd go to a meeting and leave her to search alone?
"Well, Alistair did request your presence."
And that was so. Alistair had been particularly interested in having him, since Sebastian had known the ambassador's family. He nodded, reluctantly
"I swear I'll find her, Sebastian. If she'll let me." Aeryn pressed her small hand against his chest.
That reserve was still there, though, in the stormy gray eyes. Aeryn might have accepted his apology but she was still hurt, still holding herself aloof. "I know you will, Aeryn. I do." He covered her hand with his own and squeezed.
Aeryn ducked her head, breaking eye contact, uncomfortable with his earnest regard. She'd have to find Macie, to make up for her own lack, her inability to make the girl content enough to stay.
She pulled away from him and Sebastian felt the loss of her like a lash. "Let's get our gear."
Fenris cocked his head at the archer as he followed his partner out the door. Sebastian looked a little hollow as he watched Hawke leave without a backwards glance. Fenris caught up to her as she adjusted the scabbards across her back, before climbing the stairs.
"I should come with..."
"No... I want Bethany with you and Varric. I need to know you've got her back, if I can't, Fenris. Merrill and I can travel pretty fast and quiet together."
"As you like, then." He paused for a moment, "Hawke..."
"Yeah?"
"I think Sebastian regrets...He was..." Venhedis, it was some sort of joke that he found himself as the mediator between these two again. But Hawke took pity on him, this time.
"Was only worried and tense with it? I know. I also know that I'm probably not concerned enough...but really, what can I do? I can't keep a guard on her the whole time. If she's done a runner once, she'll certainly try again. I don't know how to make her want to stay if she doesn't want what we have to offer."
"You should perhaps say that to him."
Admit to the man who wants you to raise a family with him that you haven't the foggiest idea how to deal with children beyond bribes and the occasional job? Oh, well. "I don't know, Fenris. Let's just make our arrangements and find her."
-000-
Back in the study, Sebastian watched Aeryn walk away from him, the line of her spine like one of her blades.
He ducked into their room and pulled out his pack and hers as well, their gear starting to mix together instead of staying neatly separate in their personal trunks. Meeting or not, he was going with her. Not about to let her leave him behind, when he'd hurt her.
Aeryn had gone to the kitchens to arrange for travel rations with Cook before she came to their room to pack, only to pause at the door. Sebastian was folding one of his new woolen tunics into the rucksack he liked to carry. Her own was set out next to his on the bed, as if he'd taken it out when he dug his out of the truck and laid it to air while he worked.
It was like him, to be that thoughtful on her account. But if he was packing, too, he didn't think she'd find Macie without him. She did her best to ignore that cold chill curling up in the back of her mind, that Sebastian didn't trust her. And that he was probably right not to do so.
"I thought we agreed you'd stay for your meeting and to watch Dierdre." She spoke quietly, padding up behind him like she'd considered sneaking past. He turned, dropping his extra trews onto the open packs.
"I want to help."
She nodded as she tucked a pair of knitted stockings into her pack. "I know…but this is important, isn't it? That you make these ties? It would insult the ambassador if he's been notified that you were meant to be in the meeting, which would do you no favors, later."
Sebastian slumped a little. He'd been the one to explain that, when he was telling her about the politics of the Marches. "Yes, but…Aeryn..."
"If she's in the caravan, Sebastian, I will find her." Aeryn kept her voice level, but it was unnaturally soft and formal. And she hadn't looked at him, once. Just kept packing.
Maker, she'd taken the fact that he wanted to go as a lack of faith in her. Enough of this. Sebastian reached out and pulled her to him, his hand tipping her chin up and letting his fingers stroke the soft skin at her throat, soothingly. Counting on touch to get her to open up to him. "I know that. Aeryn. Believe me, mo chridhe. I'm sorry for before." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, cupping her face. But she was still avoiding his eyes, the red lashes brushing her pale cheeks, and she pulled away to sling her bag across her shoulder.
"We'll be back by mid morning. Merrill and I can make triple the time that any bunch of merchants and their oxen can."
"Aeryn, stop please? Wait. Look at me." Sebastian felt a small trickle of panic at the way she was keeping herself set apart from him.
She didn't want to. Some part of Aeryn wanted to stay hurt, build it up with anger and use that to hide away the honest truth that she didn't know how to deal with Macie. But… a note of fear in his voice made her pull up. It was a petty thing she was doing, she knew.
Aeryn stopped just before she got to the door, did as he asked, and Sebastian sucked in a relieved breath as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. He held her for a moment before he whispered.
"I canna let you go from me hurting, leannan. What is it, tell me how I can fix it, please."
"I'm alright, Sebastian."
"And that's a lie. Dinna...please talk to me, Aeryn." He tried to pull her down with him to sit in the armchair they kept facing to the fire. A warm place to sit and tug your boots on in the morning after they'd warmed on the hearth. Aeryn resisted his pull, though, and Sebastian had to settle for holding onto her hand. He rubbed her fingers, thumb brushing across her callused palm.
Maker, fine. If he wants to know so bloody much... "I'm…not hurt." When Sebastian interrupted to object, she had to acknowledge, "Not only hurt, okay? I'm ashamed that...you're right. She's just a little girl. She needs guidance. But I don't know how to make her want to stay with us...I don't want to be her jailor anymore than she wants to be a pet."
Sebastian considered that. "And neither do I…and you're right. We can not put her under lock and key. We aren't her parents and if she willna trust us…well, there's little we can do, no." He pressed a kiss to the side of her hand. "But do we not have to try? At least…maybe she just thinks we don't care enough to do that, even."
Aeryn heard his brogue smooth out as he spoke. "But…I did not mean to shame you, à ruin. I don't expect you to know any better than I how to deal with the child."
When Aeryn spoke again, Sebastian thought perhaps she was telling him something she'd only barely admitted to herself.
"I…it's easier for me to think of her as just an apprentice. I know you're attached to her, love. But I'm…it's harder for me. I don't want to…I spent seven years of my life in a city I hated because I didn't want to run out on the friends I made there. I can't…I just can't do it again, so soon. And what are we going to do, take her to fight a war with us?" Snagging her lip in her teeth, she kept her eyes on her booted foot, tracing a swirl of red yarn in the rug's woven pattern with a steel toe.
Sebastian stared at the fire, crackling in the wide hearth, just a little shocked. He knew she'd been reluctant to take Macie on, but it had never occurred to him that she might hold the girl at arms length to protect herself. Aeryn, who had taken half of Kirkwall under her wing. And where had it left her?
Aeryn could see the astonishment. Oh. She smoothed her face and tried to stand, ignoring the lump in her throat. She needed to be on the road.
Sebastian, realizing she was trying to get away again, hummed, softly. "Give me a moment, Aeryn. I dinna want to say the wrong thing, again. Alright?"
She nodded, reluctantly giving him his time. Sebastian gazed at her as he considered. She looked…unhappy and, oh, afraid. Aeryn had been afraid this whole time of telling him how she really felt about taking Macie on and he'd insisted on it, adding a burden to her just as she thought she'd freed herself from being responsible for other people. Maker, forgive him.
"I didn't stop to think, Aeryn, how this felt to you. I didn't know you were…You have to tell me, mo chridhe. I cannot read your mind, though Maker knows, it would be a useful gift."
His brogue, warm and rolling, brought her eyes to his face. Sebastian was solemn and when he reached out for her again, Aeryn finally went willingly to him, settling on his lap. Leaning his forehead against the top of her dark auburn hair, he breathed in the rich scent of almonds, letting it relax him.
"It doesn't really matter, now, Sebastian. I brought Macie along because it was necessary to protect her and I do need to find her, at least to make sure she's not into something over her head. If she wants to come back, well…I guess we'll figure out a way to make it work."
"I don't know, Aeryn. But we have to, if she'll let us. And as for taking her along with us into a war…I have a thought or two I'm pondering about Starkhaven. Maybe a way to gain her without a brawling, damaging fight." He saw curiosity flash in her eyes, chasing away the clouds.
"What?" But he shook his head.
"No, now. I'm not quite ready. It's an idea that still needs banging about in my head a little longer. I promise if I decide anything, you'll be the next to know." It was Varric and his storyteller's mind he needed to pick, to see if it was viable at all.
Aeryn nodded, though curiosity was prodding her. She rested against his broad chest, a little lighter for having told him one of the gnawing things that had been building in her. And the others? No, not now. There was still Macie to find, while she lazed here, sheltered in her archer's strong arms.
"I need to go, Sebastian."
"I know." He tightened his arm around her, though, and nuzzled against her cheek until she turned her head to kiss him sweetly. Sebastian ran the fingers of his free hand into her hair to rub at the bone behind her ear and the back of her neck. She arched into the loving touch, craving the solace after a day of holding herself apart from him.
Aeryn's lips were soft and full, warm as honey in the sun, and Sebastian thought he might be content to sit here, trading gentle kisses and murmuring apologies and love words next to the crackling fire until they were old and grey, but the world and its troubles were calling to them.
Sighing against his mouth, Aeryn finally whispered, "Promise me you'll sleep tonight? In the bed?" The sight of it, comfortable and inviting over his shoulder, had reminded her of Sebastian's earlier declaration about not wanting to sleep comfortably without her next to him.
"I..."
"Sebastian. Don't make me worry for you, love. Promise."
"Alright, then. But..." Sebastian pressed another kiss to her temple. "What of you? Does Merrill know how to wake you if..."
"I don't dream when I camp, usually. And the two of us like to walk in the dark. We may not bother." Aeryn brushed her thumb against his cheekbone and he leaned into the caress. With a wry little smile, she continued, "You eventually have to let go, Sebastian. Every minute takes the caravans farther down the road and I'm sure the others are ready by now."
But they hadn't spent a night apart since he'd woken in her bed, back in Kirkwall, and Sebastian was dreading it. Finally, he dragged his hands away. "My prayers go with you, mo chridhe, always. Be safe. Be careful."
Reluctantly, Aeryn pushed herself to her feet and bent to adjust the lay of the laces of her boots. "Careful as I can be, beloved. And you as well. We've no guarantee that Gaven's death was the end of the assassins," she reminded him. The hanging had taken place the day before, in the misting chill of the early morning. Aeryn had attended and stood impassively next to Sebastian as he whispered prayers for the condemned man's soul. He had observed a few such punishments as Elthina's aide, but it was the first time for Aeryn, since the army. Hanging was a common enough end for a thief. She'd rather die at the end of a blade. Aeryn had welcomed Varric's invitation to drinks at the Gnawed Noble, afterwards. A bit of noise, a raucous card game and a pint had been a good antidote to the pervading gloom.
"Isabela and I can manage," Sebastian assured her as he turned her to adjust the scabbards across her back and to smooth a wrinkle in her sleeve under the shoulder of her jerkin. It always rode up there and left a rubbed red mark on her skin. She gave him a soft, sidelong smile for his fussing and he touched the dimple in her cheek, with a light stroke of his fingers.
"I've no doubt of that, my love. Watch your back, though."
"I always do, around Isabela." He grinned at her and they walked hand in hand to the courtyard to meet up with the rest of her mad, merry band.
Author's Notes: One of the things I'm thankful for this year is lovely readers. I really appreciate the favorites and follows and reviews.
Just a head's up. Next week's chapter will probably be delayed as I will be out of pocket for most of this week. The next few chapters will be shorter, as I finish up another project.