Author's Note: In honor of April Fool's Day, I give you this. May your jokes and pranks all be successful ;)
The sun gently warmed the Himalayas on the first day of April, rousing the mountains and their inhabitants from their winter slumber, so it was no surprise to Bi-Han that Kuai Liang and Tomas had vanished from the Lin Kuei Temple shortly after dinnertime. Annoyed with them for sneaking out without him, he crawled through the broken grate in the sewage pipe leading from the Temple, and he ventured forth to find them, heading towards their secret fort deep inside the forest. The days were longer now, but twilight had already fallen across the land, and the shadows had deepened and expanded, casting eerie pictures on the ground. The young Cryomancer rushed along, trying to ignore them as he trekked towards the fort.
About fifteen minutes after he left the Temple, their little hideout came into view. The boys had made ample progress on its construction; it now boasted two levels, one on the ground around a pine tree trunk, and one in the branches above, with a ladder connecting them together. As Bi-Han approached it, he heard the muffled sounds of the two boys arguing. Puzzled, he crept closer, wondering what they were fighting about today.
Suddenly, Kuai Liang began screaming. Bi-Han had never heard his brother cry out like that before – he wailed the word 'no' over and over as if in pain, his cries short and panicked – and he lifted an eyebrow in worry. Uncertainly, he plodded closer, realizing that Kuai Liang and Tomas were in the level above, and he looked up, trying to see inside as the younger Cryomancer continued to shriek.
Suddenly, Tomas' deepening voice roared, "Get over here!" A split second later, Kuai Liang howled long and loud, his voice and apparent pain dragging out for seconds that felt like hours before dissolving at last into a pathetic gurgle.
"Kuai Liang!" he cried, afraid for his brother. He ran around beneath the fort, trying to get a good look, frightened to climb up to see what had happened. "Kuai Liang! Tomas? What's going on up there?" he called. "Is everything okay?" He paused, knowing the boys' penchant for mischief. "If this is a joke, it's not funny!" he yelled.
There was no answer.
Trembling, he nervously found the ladder and started to climb. With every step he climbed, his heart beat faster in his chest, his dread growing. Please let Kuai Liang be okay, he prayed to whoever might've been listening.
"Kuai Liang?" he called again, his voice more timid and unsure this time. "What's going on?"
At last, Bi-Han reached the top rung. "Kuai Liang?" he whispered as he peered through the entrance.
There, lying on the wooden planks in a pool of blood, was his brother. Kinky intestines and dripping, beet red internal organs burst from a large, gaping hole in his shirt, soaking his lower half in gruesome carnage. But the worst part of the scene was his eyes; they gazed blankly towards the ceiling, their blueness vacant and cold. Immediately, Bi-Han screamed in anger and grief at the sight of his baby brother, dead. He stumbled backwards, accidentally slipping off the rung and falling to the ground.
He hit the dirt hard, but he was already sobbing. The sharp pains shooting through his tailbone paled in comparison to his shock, fear, and grief. "Kuai Liang," he cried, shaking. His brother couldn't be gone. No! Oh, God, what has Tomas done? Thoughts of what his father would do to Bi-Han as punishment coursed through his brain, but fear of the wicked man paled in comparison to the thought of failing his mother. He'd sworn to her that he'd protect his little brother. This was a nightmare, and any second now, he was going to wake up. Bi-Han pinched himself through scalding tears to this end, but nothing happened. Okay, think, Bi-Han, think. You've got to tell someone. Go get Sifu Halsey. We've got to find Tomas.
Immediately, he pushed himself up and turned around to run to the Temple, but he jumped a mile and squealed like a frightened girl when he saw Tomas standing behind him. The boy dripped with blood, and pointed at him with an equally bloody knife. Bi-Han, confused and frightened, awkwardly backed away, his fists surging with icy power now. He couldn't think clearly; he didn't want to hurt his friend, but Tomas had just killed Kuai Liang. Part of him wanted to maul the kid with his bare hands, even as he cried for his brother. But he didn't know what to do. So he kept his hands at his sides, inwardly debating about whether or not to freeze him.
"What is it, Bi-Han?" Tomas said in annoyance as he waved the knife around. "I've had a really bad day and now I've got a whole bunch of cleaning up to do."
"I…I need to go back to the Temple," the Cryomancer stuttered. "I forgot something. I-"
"Would you just look at this mess?" the Czech teenager cut him off, pointing to his clothes and the upper level of the fort. "I don't know how many times I've said it to myself: it's just like gutting a fish." He sighed in exasperation. "I swear I was much better the last time."
Bi-Han stepped back even farther, trying to stifle his tears of mourning, but to no avail. "The last time?" he croaked.
Tomas grinned. "Yeah, you know. Back in Czechoslovakia? That kid stole candy from me too." He paused. "Hey, I know! Why don't you help me clean up?" he brightly asked as he waved the bloody knife at the Cryomancer. "We could chop up his body and dump the pieces in the forest. Nobody would have to know. Everyone would just think he ran away. Then you could run away too like you've always wanted. Let's be honest, here, Bi-Han. Kuai Liang always kind of held us back."
Bi-Han felt sick. "Oh, my God," he moaned, flushed with guilt over ever thinking about abandoning his brother. "I...I need to go back to the Temple. I forgot that my father wants me to train with him-"
Tomas narrowed his eyes. "Oh, no, you can't go," he declared. "You'll tell on me!"
"No…no, I won't," he argued. "I won't tell." He stepped back further and abruptly ran into something.
When he turned around, Kuai Liang was there, his outstretched hand offering him an internal organ. "Liver?" he calmly asked.
Bi-Han shrieked and bolted a few feet away while the boys roared in laughter. Hot, angry tears dribbled down his face as he whirled around and glared at them. Tomas had already dropped to the ground, rolling in old leaves, unable to contain his hysterics. Kuai Liang wasn't in much better shape. He leaned against the ladder, clutching his chest as he gasped for air. The older Cryomancer shook his head in furious disbelief before he stormed away, sniffling. But he only took a few steps before he whirled around once more.
"That wasn't funny!" he yelled. They had gone too far this time. "I almost murdered you!" he roared at Tomas.
"You know, Tomas, every time we mess with my brother like this, he gets so ticked off," Kuai Liang said to the Czech boy as if he hadn't heard his brother at all.
Tomas gasped for air. "Yeah, when will we learn?" he asked.
"I hate you both," he snapped and then marched away, seeing red as they laughed even louder.
Later, that evening, the two older boys found Bi-Han seething in their shared bedroom. The young boy was sitting cross-legged on his bedroll and trying – unsuccessfully – to read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. When his younger brother and ex-friend shuffled in, giggling softly, he felt his ears burn hot with anger.
Tomas immediately flopped down on the bamboo roll beside him and said, "I bet you're wondering if we planned that, but it was pretty spur of the moment."
Bi-Han furiously snapped his book shut. "You're a brilliant prankster," he drily remarked. He shoved the boy off his mat and grabbed his sackcloth blanket.
The Czech boy scoffed. "Oh, I know," he smirked. "You're still mad."
The Cryomancer glared at the other two. "That was just sick. And evil. And what is wrong with you two?"
"What are you so upset about?" Kuai Liang asked. "It was a great joke! One of Tomas' better ideas."
Bi-Han now stared at his ex-friend. "It was your idea?" he growled.
"Hel-lo?" the other replied in a sing-song voice. "Are you new here? Of course it was my idea."
"You scared me to death and you embarrassed me," he accused.
"Oh, come on Bi-Han, it was all in fun," he dismissively retorted.
"I felt humiliated," he insisted, thinking of the way he'd sobbed in mourning for his brother. Even worse than the humiliation was the genuine fear that he'd lost his brother for good. He didn't want to exist in a world where Kuai Liang didn't. The revelation surprised him.
"Oh, don't be humiliated, we won't tell-"
"Don't tell me how to feel!" Bi-Han yelled.
Tomas' eyes widened in shock. "But…you're wrong!" he insisted in genuine confusion.
Bi-Han punched the teenager in the arm. "There is no right or wrong, you jerk!" he snapped as Tomas yelped. "It's how I feel."
"Alright, fine. Be humiliated, you big girl," he indignantly retorted, now stretching out on his own bedroll.
"Well, I'm not anymore," his Cryomancer hissed. "Now I'm just angry. I mean, it's bad enough what you two jerks did to me, but you don't even care about how I feel about it. All you care about is how funny you think it was."
"Maybe you should go back to feeling humiliated," Tomas suggested. Bi-Han kicked him in the leg in response, so he added, "Come on, don't be such a bad sport."
"If you were me, what would you do?" he asked pointedly.
"I would laugh at all my friend's pranks because I would appreciate him for his comedic genius," the other answered.
"Keep dreaming," he growled. "So, let me get this straight. What you did to me…that wouldn't bother you if I did it to you?"
Tomas grinned. "Bothered?" he cried. "Ha! I'd be flattered!"
"Yeah?" Bi-Han asked skeptically. "Well, we'll see about that."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Kuai Liang wondered.
"Yeah, what do you mean by 'we'll see'?" Tomas added.
"None of your business," the eighteen-year-old said.
Tomas scoffed. "Oh, please. What are you going to do? Try to get me?"
"Let's just say, 'prepare to be flattered,'" he warned.
Kuai Liang yawned. "Come on, Bi-Han, don't be angry. It was just a joke."
"Oh, I'm not angry," his older brother replied. "Not anymore." He gave Tomas a wayward glance, glaring daggers at him.
"Oh, what?" the Czech boy baited him. "You think I'm scared now? I'm not scared, you big girl. You hear me? I'm not scared."
"Good night," he curtly replied as he rolled on his side away from his ex-friend and pulled his blanket in a cocoon around him.
"I'm not scared!" Tomas insisted, crawling into his own bed for the night.
The following morning at breakfast, Tomas was with Kuai Liang and Sifu Hydro at a table, eating a grapefruit. He jammed his spoon into the sour citrus and immediately yelped when juice squirted directly in his eyes. The Czech teenager yelped and wiped away the burning, sticky fluid, but naturally, that was the moment Bi-Han showed up with a bowl of porridge and sat down.
"Are you okay, Tomas?" he asked in genuine concern.
The teenager cleared his throat and nodded. "Oh, yeah," he said coolly, trying to downplay the accident.
Halsey laughed at him. "He's merely sufferin' from temporary blindness."
Bi-Han nodded his understanding. "Okay," he shrugged. Then he looked at his friend. "Listen, Tomas, I was thinking about that joke you guys played on me, and I think I must have been taking myself too seriously. I think I might have overreacted. So, I just wanted to apologize."
"What joke?" Halsey demanded to know.
Tomas looked at him. "I killed Kuai Liang."
Halsey sighed and slapped his palm across his face. "Again, you stupid git? I thought I made it clear you were never to do that again. You nearly gave Kamala a heart attack the last time. Don't you idjits ever think about what kinds of consequences your stupid jokes have? You're lucky Bi-Han didn't kill you because gods know I might have. You don't joke about death, idjits, especially the death of someone's family. It's like invitin' bad things to happen. So you and Kuai Liang both owe me three sets of kata during study time tonight."
"But Sifu!" the boys yelped as one.
"It's okay, Sifu," Bi-Han said. "You don't have to punish them. I forgive them."
Halsey looked at him suspiciously. "Really?" he asked.
"Yeah," he replied. "Because the fact is, they really got me and in retrospect, it was kind of funny."
"What about you saying you were gonna get me back?" Tomas asked. Now he was suspicious.
"Oh, that," Bi-Han scoffed. "I didn't mean it. That was just in the heat of the moment. I'm not gonna get you." He smiled sincerely at his friend before he pulled a soda pop from his training robes. "To prove it, I even brought a peace offering so we could call a truce. Xiao-Ping gave this to me last time I saw him, and I've been saving it. You want to share?"
Tomas immediately grabbed the can. "Wait a minute," he said. "You shook this up, didn't you?"
Bi-Han's eyebrows lifted into his hairline in surprise. "What? No!"
"Oh, come on!" the other boy cried. "You've never shared your soda with me before. Admit it. You want it to explode in my face, don't you?"
Now the Cryomancer scowled. "Oh, why would I want that?"
"Oh, we all know why," the other said.
Now Halsey scoffed. "Quit actin' like a fool, ya git," he admonished. "Mind your manners. It was kind of Bi-Han to offer to share."
Tomas now stared at him. "This is how it starts, Sifu," he said. "Soda pop in my face, an onion dipped in caramel. Laxative in the khir. I should know. That's what I would've done."
"I'm not gonna get you, Tomas," Bi-Han insisted, glowering.
"How about the grapefruit?" he countered.
The Cryomancer scoffed and laughed in disbelief. "You think I rigged a grapefruit to squirt in your eye?" he demanded to know.
"That doesn't really sound like a denial," Tomas said.
"Listen, I'm telling you I'm not-"
"You're telling me you're not so that I'd think you're not," he deduced. "But I am not that big of an idiot."
"Tomas," he sighed, "nothing's going to happen, so just drink the pop."
"You drink it."
"I don't want it."
"Hey, how about I give it to someone at the Temple?"
"I don't want you to give it to someone else!" Bi-Han yelped. "It's a gift to you."
"How about if I give it to Kuai Liang?" he asked. "Just to open it for me."
The Cryomancer rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. You do that."
"Oh, you would do that, wouldn't you?" he jeered. "Let it explode in your kid brother's face? A person who's done nothing but idolize you since he was born?"
"Go ahead," Bi-Han shrugged. He pushed the can towards Kuai Liang.
"What kind of a person are you?" Tomas accused.
"A person who's going to be congratulated by everyone when he beats your butt to a pulp." Bi-Han sighed. "Are you going to drink this, or what?"
"Oh, I get it. You want to embarrass me in front of the entire Temple. Maybe get me in trouble with the Grandmaster for having a soda when I'm not supposed to."
Halsey rolled his eyes before he impatiently snatched the pop and started to open it.
"No, Sifu!" Tomas cried. "Don't do that-"
But nothing happened. Halsey looked at him pointedly as he drank a long swig of black cherry soda. "What's your problem, you git?" he asked.
Bi-Han crossed his arms and looked at Tomas. "See? I told you so."
Tomas thoughtfully returned his stare. "Yeah, you did," he agreed. "It's too obvious of a payback. Why would you settle for that? That can't be satisfying. You see me spill stuff on myself every day."
"I'm not getting even with you, you moron," the Cryomancer insisted as Tomas jumped to his feet to leave the table.
"Yeah, you are, but it's gonna be much bigger than a soda exploding in my face," he insisted. "Our fort. Our training. Our excursions to town with Sifu Halsey." He started backing up. "I'm watching you." With that, he accidentally backed into a support pillar. He jumped a mile and slightly yelped, drawing the attention of all the boys and teachers around him. Bi-Han, Kuai Liang, and Sifu Hydro merely shook their heads in disbelief.
A few days later, Bi-Han walked into the study hall with an armload of books and plopped down next to Tomas. It was crowded with people – mostly kids – as always, but they spoke quietly, afraid to get in trouble with Master An Zhi, who was monitoring them that day.
"Hi," the Cryomancer told Tomas.
"Hi," the other warily replied. He gazed at him like a hawk. The other hadn't pulled his prank yet, but Tomas knew it was coming. And when it did, he'd be ready for it.
"Sifu Halsey wanted me to give you a message," he began as he cracked open a book about ancient European history. "He said he wants you to help him clean up the training room tonight."
"Oh, really?" he suspiciously asked.
"Yeah," Bi-Han said. He was scarcely paying attention to his friend. "He said it was your turn because he's helping you sneak into town tomorrow."
Tomas sighed. "Okay," he grumbled. "Thanks."
"What are you doing in town tomorrow anyway?"
"Just visiting Xiao-Ping," he said, hesitant to tell his friend any more. The truth was, Xiao-Ping was letting him have first dibs on a shipment of candy from the United States, but if he didn't come the following morning, he'd have to let the citizens of Tingri have it. Unfortunately, candy from America always sold quickly. Kuai Liang and Bi-Han had been invited too, but Tomas had greedily kept it a secret from the latter.
"Oh, okay," Bi-Han shrugged. He was reading more than listening.
"I better go see Sifu, just so I wear the right shoes this time," he said as he slid away and walked towards the exit. Master An Zhi stared intently at him, his cold blue eyes regarding him suspiciously, so he didn't dare run. Just outside the door, he abruptly ran into Kuai Liang.
"Your brother is evil," Tomas said to him.
"What?" the Cryomancer said, lifting an eyebrow.
"I told you so! This is bigger than soda." He cautiously peeked around the archway and into the study hall. "That's where it's all going down," he whispered. "At Xiao-Ping's shop."
Kuai Liang snorted. "You mean where he's gonna get you? Shut up."
"Yes, of course, it's perfect!" he cried. "Everyone will be there to buy the American candy. He'll have an audience. I know him. I know him far too well." He rubbed his hands together before he looked back at Kuai Liang. "But he's hip to me too. So that's why you've got to go in there and find out what he's up to."
"How?" Kuai Liang asked.
"Just do what brothers do," he said. "Just get to the truth. Make him talk before he lawyers up."
Kuai Liang looked at him with an expression of derision. "What are you, stupid?" he replied. "He's one of the Elites. He has to be on his best behavior or he'll get whipped with the cat o'nine tails. You know that! He's not going to humiliate you."
Tomas glared back. "I don't have time to explain the concept of revenge to you." The Cryomancer rolled his eyes, so the Czech boy grabbed his arm. "Please," he begged. "Come on, just do it."
The younger boy sighed. "Fine," he grumbled. He quietly walked into the study hall and sat beside his older brother. "Bi-Han, are you gonna get Tomas?"
The older Cryomancer didn't even take his eyes from his book. "No," he said dispassionately.
Calmly, the younger brother stood and left the room once more. He found Tomas just outside where he left him, and the teenager looked at him with wide, expectant eyes. "What did he say?" he asked.
"He's not going to get you."
"How do you know?"
"Because I said to him, 'are you gonna get Tomas?' He said 'no'. Case closed."
"That's it?" he yelped.
"He also said he ran out of toilet paper and used your blanket to wipe his butt."
"Dang it, Kuai Liang!" Tomas growled. "Seriously, what's going on?"
"Tomas, nothing is going on," he insisted. "I know when people are up to something. I can smell it."
The Czech boy lifted a puzzled eyebrow. "And he smells alright?"
"He smells very good," the other shrugged.
"Oh, my God, he got to you, didn't he?" Tomas accused, pointing his finger at him. "You're both in on it. Blood is thicker than water and all that brotherly love crap."
"Now you're talking crazy," Kuai Liang replied.
"Oh, sure, you'd love to get me too, huh?"
"What?"
"You'd love to see me humiliated. Isn't that right, Kuai Liang?"
Kuai Liang merely rolled his eyes, shook his head in disgust, and walked away.
That night, Tomas laid on his bedroll, shivering. He'd kicked his blanket to the side because he couldn't be sure Bi-Han hadn't messed with it. He glared at the sleeping form of his friend, then promptly jumped up and lit their only candle. He couldn't take this anymore. Quickly, he knelt beside him and shook him by the shoulders.
"Wake up, Bi-Han!" he whispered. "Wake up!"
The Cryomancer groggily looked at him with narrow blue eyes. "What?" he yawned. "What's wrong?"
"Just so you know, I canceled it," he declared.
"Canceled what?" he asked, sleepily sitting up.
"My outing to Tingri," he replied. "I told Sifu Halsey that I wasn't going, so I didn't have to help clean the training hall."
"What? Why?" he said, suddenly more alert.
"Because you smell, pal," he said.
Bi-Han looked at him in a strange mix of disgust, disbelief, and amusement. "Oh, my God, I really do have to kill you."
"That's where you're gonna do it!" he accused, pointing his finger at him. "That's where you're gonna set your trap. I know how your mind works."
"You don't even know how your mind works," he hissed. "I already told you I'm not going to get you!"
"Will you just do it?" Tomas begged, folding his hands together in prayer. "Come on! Whatever you're gonna do, just do it now because I can't take it anymore!"
Kuai Liang, who'd woken up by this point, looked at him sympathetically. "You're really worried about this, aren't you?"
"I'm not worried," the Czech boy quickly corrected him. "I'm anxious."
"So you're feeling anxious?" Bi-Han repeated.
"Yeah, I'm feeling anxious."
"Well, you shouldn't feel that way."
"What?" the other cried indignantly.
"Don't feel that way," he simply said, shrugging.
"Don't tell me how to feel!"
Bi-Han smiled triumphantly at him. "And there it is," he said pointedly.
"Huh?" Tomas asked, looking at him in confusion. He wasn't alone. Kuai Liang frowned and studied his brother in bewilderment.
"Why don't you just take a moment to put it all together," he suggested, his face sneering.
"I don't get it," the Czech teenager confessed.
Bi-Han sighed. "After you pulled that prank on me, Tomas, when I was feeling angry and humiliated, didn't you say the same thing to me? 'Don't feel that way.' Remember that?"
Now Tomas slowly nodded. "I do remember that because that's when you started torturing me." He paused as his eyes suddenly bulged from his face. "Oh, so you didn't do anything? You let me do this to myself? All week long I could have had rice pudding? I could've worn underwear? I could've gone to the bathroom inside the Temple? It was all me? That's how you got me?"
Bi-Han grinned. "Nothing I could think up could screw with you more than what's already in that beautiful brain of yours. Good night, Tomas." With that, he grabbed his blanket and laid back down on his bedroll while Kuai Liang started softly laughing.
"Oh, yeah, that's right," the teenager replied, feeling embarrassed to have been had so easily. "I do have a beautiful brain because it takes a beautiful brain to come up with not canceling my outing to Tingri, but telling you that I did just to get you to spill your guts." He climbed into his bedroll. "You're not the only clever one around here, Bi-Han. You zig, I zag."
"You canceled it, didn't you?" Kuai Liang asked from his bedroll with a snicker.
"Yes," Tomas groaned.