Hi guys! Sorta quick update, yay! Well, I'm home from school because of my injured leg. it hurts so much I can barely move the leg T.T. Because of that I was able to type this faster and be able to write this. I know it's a little shorter than usual but the next chapter will be a lot longer. I took A LOT of risks with this chapter so please bear with me if it's horrible.
"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly." It was a quote that Aria could very well express and be able to relate to. It was also one of the quotes that Ezra had written on the board for the class to discuss.
Aria, along with the rest of the students in her period, watched Ezra attentively as he taught. But like everyday since that damned kiss, he had been jittery with his words an actions; today more than before. She caught him glancing at the clock a few times during the hour and fidgeting when seated. He had regained his composure though. And was no longer dazing off and losing focus. He seemed to now be constantly on alert.
As the bell rung, he cleared his throat and dismissed his pupils. His eyes seemed to dart around the room as his hands folded together. "Miss Montgomery, can I have a moment of your time?" Everyone seemed to stop and stare at her before going on their usual business, still a bit suspicious to what might be happening after they all left. Aria observed that Ezra's Adam's apple bobbed a bit as she came closer. She was scared too, it was the closest she had been with him since she was in his apartment. She couldn't help but feel bad when she ran out of the building that night, seeing his rejected expression as she sprinted like a frightened kitten.
"I want to say this in the most non-creepy way as possible. I just really need to get this off my chest so we can both move on." Ezra didn't dare make eye contact with Aria. His baby blues stayed fixed on the classroom's ceiling. His hands often ran through his hair and he took pauses as he spoke. "I can't stop thinking about you, about the kiss we had. About that night where you came to me, scared and confused. Even before that day, I felt an attraction towards you and it scared me. I know that it can only lead to no good for both of us if I continue this odd behavior. And I don't want to see to hurt more because of what might happen if I get out of control," He said. Ezra took a large breath, a small weight was lifted off of his shoulders after he finished, but the underlying stress of her still being in front of him, witnessing and hanging onto his every word was present.
"I know I could be arrested and lose my job for you being in my apartment. And I know I'm not being the most professional person by telling you the things that I am." Ezra confessed. Their eyes remained unconnected, but Ezra's hands continued to awkwardly twist his tie in between his fingers.
"I think we're far past the line of professionalism." Aria whispered, smiling meekly. Ezra smiled along and nodded ruefully.
"Yes, we are." Ezra took a deep breath before continuing. "Aria, I don't really know what to think about my feelings towards you. But I just need you to tell me that you don't want to be with me. That's all I need. It hurts me, but it's the only way I'll be able to get you off my mind and be able to leave you alone."
"What if I feel them too?" The words left Aria's mouth before she was able to think them. It was true that she had feelings towards this man, but how could she allow herself to fall in love with him? He deserved better than her. He didn't deserve a vicious seventeen year old with no chance at a real, happy life. Her words apparently shocked Ezra too. His eyes bugged a bit and he swallowed harshly. That was the wrong thing to say, but she couldn't take them back now. It was strange how the room fell silent for those few moments.
Before any of them could even think straight again, Ezra leaned down and pressed his lips softly against Aria's. His hands very gently grazing her soft, pink cheeks. Aria was fazed for a moment, but quickly fell under his spell and kissed back, gripping his muscular shoulder lightly. After a few seconds, Ezra pulled back, clearly shocked and ashamed again at what his foolish impulses made him do.
"Aria, I am so-" He couldn't even finish his sentence when Aria feverishly crashed her lips against his once more, seeking the warmth that radiated from his face. It was Ezra's turn to be taken aback by the sudden kiss and be stunned before returning the favor.
All of the morals Aria had set for herself when she escaped Ravenswood were thrown into the wind. All the promises that she had made to herself, saying she would never fall deeper into her affection she felt for this man, saying that she would not let herself corrupt his life like she did everyone else she came in contact with. He was so passionate, he was nervous talking to her in those moments. Not because he was afraid of what she did, he didn't even know. But because it scared him so much that he wanted something that could end up being so toxic.
They both pulled back and continued to hold onto each other. They stood in silence and their eyes remained closed. Ezra pulled back further and stood up straighter, glancing outside the window. "We can't do this here." He whispered. Aria nodded and squeezed his muscular arm again before breaking all contact with him and scrambling to grab her books.
"Aria?" Ezra shoved his hands into his tan dress pants pockets. "I'm sure that we're both confused about where this leaves us. If you could stop by my apartment so we can talk things out in a bit more comfortable environment. I-I'm available all day, okay?"
Aria nodded distractedly, her mind was still whirring about what went on the past few moments. The overwhelming, feuding sides of her mind fought for what they thought she deserved. Did she deserve that sliver of happiness Ezra was willing to give her? Or did she not suffer enough in Ravenswood? Nonetheless, she agreed to talk about things with Ezra, it might give her a more clear perspective of some things, hopefully.
Aria was currently seated on Ezra's leather couch, watching him fix their cups of tea. She wanted this relationship as much as she didn't. So many things could happen if they agreed to do this. Same would happen if they agreed to not. But it all revolved around whether or not Ezra knew the truth. The reality of what happened and who that made her. Aria swore to herself that he would never know, but she was only using him because of that. He became a safe haven for her because he didn't know, his apartment was a non-judgmental space for her.
Aria was unsure of his reaction, but if it meant either saving him or being able to live with one less thing to be guilty about, she'd have to take the risk.
Ezra sat down on the couch beside her, the couch shifting under his weight. He handed Aria the warm cup and stared around his apartment. "I don't know what to say, honestly. For once in my life, I'm at a loss of words." He said, staring straight at the dark blue walls. "I'm not sure what you hope to happen or if we're even on the same page when it comes to this, but I want you to know that this is your decision, I can't and will never force you into doing anything."
"I know you wouldn't." Aria whispered, taking a sip of her hot drink. Ezra observed how her pupils had become bigger in his dim apartment. The darkness in her eyes bled over the gorgeous ring of hazel, swallowing it all up. Her eyes still shimmered with nothing, like the first time that he had noticed her grim demeanor. He loved something so much different than anything else he had ever loved. All the other past women he had a relationship with were the wealthy daughters of other rich families or girls he thought would work out, despite his mother's constant complaining. But again, she was right and he was wrong. All of his relationships, 11 in counting, all ended in him heartbroken. He had constantly fallen foolishly in love with such one dimensional women. He felt Aria was so much more than that.
Aria wasn't afraid of him for being so upfront about this. She wanted this as much as he did.
She would be passing the point of no return if she told him the truth. He would be heartbroken again, but it was what was right. He couldn't love a person who could end up destroying him, possibly literally. She definitely had the potential to.
"Ezra, there's something that I need to tell you. You might want to put down your cup." Ezra stared at we incredulously, but complied. He folded his hands in his lap and turned his body to face her. He waited in silence before she continued. "You know I was detained, but you don't know why." Ezra shook his head and he started to grow a little nervous as she did. If the rest of the town knew, why couldn't he? He deserved to know why she was such a train wreck.
This was it, right? This was the moment that would either make them or break them. Aria was nearly certain that he'd run for the hills, but it was the right thing to do. If they were to have a relationship of whatever form, she would be living a lie with him. The secret was something that would ultimately change the way he thought about her entirely. It would only make her more guilty if she didn't. He deserved to know the truth.
"I was arrested because I'm a murderer."
You will find more in depth about what really happened NEXT CHAPTER. I know, I'm horrible for leaving a cliff hanger, but what's a good story without one? Next chapter will sort of be Aria telling Ezra what happens and flashbacks will be included as much as possible. I can promise you that it will be good. Until next time! Don't forget to review!