Hi!
I'm sorry it has again taken me so long to update. Thank you so much for your patience and perseverance and your kind words. On the off chance my promises are still worth anything to you, I will try to update faster.

Unexpected Expectations Part 2

Chapter 5

Mara sat by the window staring out at the traffic shooting past in endless ribbons of red and orange light. It was still nighttime on Coruscant but this planet never got quiet. On the surface layers, someone was always working, or travelling somewhere. Ships were always arriving or leaving. Business was always being conducted. Underground, it was the same although the business was more obviously shady and cutthroat, and creatures were more likely to be consumed alive.

When she was young, planet watching had not been a relaxing experience. She'd often been assigned the task of watching for certain arrivals or ensuring certain beings made it to their destinations. Sometimes she was to ensure they didn't. Still, even with such unpleasant tasks to associate with it, the sheer beauty never escaped her. Coruscant was a frenzy of constant activity and yet it seemed to flow. There was calm at the centre of this buzzing world: a strange order, as air speeders wove in and around one another, and ships took off and landed in constant cycles as though the downward drive of one, thrust the other towards the stars. The reds and oranges and yellows seemed to blur and bleed into one another like as thought there was a light at the core of this planet that all life fed from. Even here, among the steel and permacrete, was the Force.

She gathered all the calm she could from that thought as she sat in a padded chair, slowly running her hands around her swollen abdomen.

Mara did not feel at peace.

It had nothing to do with the discomfort of being nearly nine months pregnant; nor with her lingering fears of becoming a mother - although that feeling did grab her at the most inopportune moments, like the baby shower Leia had thrown for her the previous week. Adoring beings had surrounded her: mothers telling her what a blessing from the Force this baby was, and how lucky she was. Mara had identified more with the young women who eyed her condition with a combination of awe and trepidation. "I feel, how you feel," she'd wanted to scream, but Mara Jade…er…Skywalker or whatever her supposed married name was, was not one to scream. So she calmly accepted the gifts of tiny nightclothes and bonnets, and listened to child raising traditions of a dozen different cultures. Giving free advice to new mothers seemed to be universal.

It wasn't those fears alone. It was Luke.

She never had a chance to talk to him about his behaviour and decisions the night they'd given the news to Han and Leia. They'd gotten home late after Jacen and Jaina insisted that Luke and Mara each read two stories to each child, and the baby. When they got back, she'd poured herself a bath and by the time she got out, Luke was asleep, still dressed, in the chair beside the bed. He must have crawled in beside her sometime during the night because she woke to him tossing and turning in the throes of another nightmare he would never mention later.

He spent more and more time out of their apartment in constant meetings and practice sessions. He'd come home too tired and sweaty to talk, crawl into bed and wake her up four hours later with his strangled cries. She didn't know what to make of this man who seemed to be a stranger again.

When she'd arrived home after the baby shower, she'd shown the gifts to Luke. He'd gotten that look on his face that always made her soften. His expression told her, without a word, that she was fulfilling his dreams, and that he loved her. In the face of that, she could usually relax and decide that giving birth to little Whatshisname (as they'd taken to calling the baby) wasn't such a bad idea after all. But this time, as he looked at the toys and holofilms and clothes and blankets, a tinge of fear clouded the love and hope in his eyes. When he'd finished he'd quickly stammered out that the gifts were beautiful and they should send out some thank you notes. Then he'd given her a completely false smile and left the room.

She'd packed up the presents in a box, placed it in the bedroom closet and hadn't looked at it since. Its presence ate at her, symbolic of Luke's withdrawal. Two tears forced their way out of her eyes on to her cheeks. Over the last week or so, she'd been forced to the conclusion that he couldn't share this fear with her because she was the fear. Didn't the idea of her being a mother, drive Han to drink? Everyone had laughed, but laughter and smiles often cover fear. Hadn't she, herself, pasted a smile on her face at the shower while inside, her heart was pounding in terror at the idea of holding this tiny being in her arms and being responsible for its welfare and emotional health?

More tears dripped off her chin. What did the Emperor's Hand know about emotional health?

A noise jarred her out of her painful reverie. She thought she'd heard something outside the bedroom door. Slowly, she hauled herself to her feet, holding the chair to steady herself as she found the strange new centre of balance she suddenly had to contend with. As she swiped at the moisture on her face with her hand, she heard Luke let out a moan in his sleep. Turning her attention to the bed, she saw him roll over onto his side. He murmured, "No" and his body seemed to tense up as he shook his head, flailing wildly. Mara watched him as he was held, yet again, in the grip of the nightmare he'd been having for the past three months: the one he refused to tell her about. She knew now that it was about her. He was afraid of the effect she'd have on an innocent child, what she'd teach a baby about the galaxy. She could teach Whatshisname nothing about love and the Force, and he was ashamed of her for it. She could feel the guilt and pain rolling off of him. Without even trying, she was breaking his heart.

His flailing and cries got louder as she stood there, paralyzed. Finally he yelled out "Mara! No", and sat bolt upright, chest heaving, eyes wide.

Luke found himself sitting up, staring into the darkness of his own bedroom. He blinked sharply once or twice trying to banish the horrible images of Mara's clammy green hued face and all that blood, from his mind. His nightmares had been getting worse. Day or night, he couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was going to happen to Mara and the baby. He knew she'd noticed his uneven emotional state and his nightmares but they were so painful that he wouldn't know how to begin to tell her of them. And he knew she was scared about little Whatshisname anyway. She was worried about becoming a mother; and how the galaxy would treat her son. He didn't think it would help if he also made her worry about being ripped away from him by a dark shadow and bleeding to death.

He took a deep breath to calm his pounding heart and quiet his heaving chest. As his vision started to clear and his eyes adjusted to the dark, he saw Mara standing in her nightgown at the end of the bed. Her hands rested limply on her belly, and she was watching him with wide and devastated eyes. As a speeder swooping past lit up the room, he could see salty tear tracks on her cheeks. Mara had been crying?

"Mara!" he breathed, "what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Her expression shifted from shocked and devastated to angry in a heartbeat.

"What do you mean 'am I okay?' You're the one who's so upset about me being the mother of your baby that you won't talk to me about your nightmares. You won't even get excited about the gifts from the shower. You won't even suggest a name for your nameless son!"

Luke was taken aback by her outburst. He never thought she'd take his silence as a lack of trust. Actually, he hadn't thought at all about how she'd take his silence. He wasn't used to her noticing his moods and wanting to know about them.

Wait a minute! That wasn't true at all. If he really thought about it, Mara had always noticed his moods and asked about them, usually in an abrupt and demanding fashion. It was only over the last few months that she kept quiet about his nightmares, even when they'd woken her up too. Since the night she'd woken him from the first one, she hadn't asked him about them.

Now he knew why. She thought she already knew what they were about. She thought he too doubted her ability to raise their baby well. She saw him withdrawing from her and thought he didn't want her anymore.

"Mara, I-" he began, but Mara was in no mood to listen to his explanations.

"What exactly do you think you're going to do, Luke?" she ground out his name like it was a pile of gravel at the back of her throat, "You've barely been around since we got here. You don't trust me. You'd rather lie to the galaxy about us than actually marry me. And you've been lying to me too. I know you want little Whatshisname, but you certainly don't want me."

"What? Mara, don't be ridiculous – ", Luke began again. Mara glared at him.

"I'm being ridiculous! You're the one who seeing terrible things every time you close your eyes. You're the one who wishes just about anyone else in the galaxy were standing in my shoes now. You're the one who's pretending you know all about morality and life and the wonders of love while lying to everyone. You're the one who's pretending to love me. But you have no idea how!"

Luke looked at her, stunned.

"Do you really think that?"

She felt angry tears pricking at the corners of her eyes again. How dare he ask her that? What else did he expect her to think?

She shook her head at him disappointedly and left the room.

He watched her go, rubbing his hand over the tight feeling under his breastbone. She was upset, once she'd had a chance to calm down a bit, they'd talk. He'd apologize and explain himself. Maybe he'd even be able to find words for his nightmare.

The tight feeling in his chest intensified sharply, like a sudden warning from the Force. The image of Mara in a pool of her own blood flashed across his mind and he leaped from his bed.

"Mara!" he yelled as he ran for the bedroom door, "Mara!"

As the door slide open, he surveyed the empty corridor. There was no way she could have gotten so far so fast on her own.

He reached out to the Force and called to her presence with all the love he could find.

There was no response, no acknowledgement. It was as though Mara had been stolen from the Force.

Luke felt his knees buckle and he slide down the door jam and landed on the floor, unable to think, unable to move. He could barely breath.

Mara was gone.