Abby finds out Marcus isn't on the list.
«I'm sorry,» Clarke's voice resonate in the room, followed by a held in sob.
Abby's fingers tightened on the loose sheet but she didn't stop to read again and again and again the one hundred names, still looking for one in particular. «NO», her mind was echoing. «It has to be a forgetting. It has to be a mistake», her heart was screaming.
«Don't be. It's okay, you did well,» Marcus finally said after a few seconds, nodding.
Abby's hands were shaking increasingly. She didn't have said a word since Clarke had given her the list. The list which was both a passport for the life and a death sentence. She tried to take a deep breath but her lungs were like frozen.
«Mum?» Clarke called out for her, tentatively.
Abby remained still, her gaze locked on the black ink. «It is somewhere, it can't be otherwise», she told herself as she started to read the one hundred names again. Abby Griffin, Eric Jackson, Raven Reyes, Thelonius Jaha, Octavia Blake…
«Abby?» Marcus tried in turn, reaching for her shaking shoulder.
The way he said her name, in a short breath, with his familiar reassuring tone made her realize that she couldn't deny the reality any longer.
«He's the Chancellor,» she suddenly snapped, her voice hoarse as she took a step backward to shy away from Marcus' grip, her gaze fixed on her daughter.
«He has to be on that list too! You can't let him die, that's not–» she exclaimed angrily to Clarke.
She rather should have said, «you can't let them all die». She should have because that was exactly what she would have said if the lack of Marcus' name on the list wasn't so painful, if her heart didn't have taken over her reason.
Deep down inside her, Abby knew that, in a way, it was selfish to think about the people she loved first but still, right now, all she could think was that she couldn't lose him.
«Abby stop,» Marcus tried to cut her off calmly, catching her wrist with his usual tenderness.
«Without you, we'd be all dead! No ! I cannot agree with that! You kept Roan on the throne, You gave us time to figure it out, You—,» she argued fiercely looking at him right in the eyes, her distress hidden behind a fit of anger.
«Abby listen,» he told her in a low voice, cupping her face with his both hands.
It seemed to calm her down a little but quickly Abby started to shake her head, tears wetting her eyes.
«Marcus…no…no,» she whined in a pleading tone because she already knew what he was about to say.
Once again, he was willing to sacrifice himself for the good of his people and even if, in a way, she loved him for that, she couldn't let him do so. It wasn't an option.
«Clarke, can you give us a moment?» Marcus asked for, looking to the girl with a sad smile on his lips.
«Of course,» Clarke accepted with a quick nod, tears rolling down her cheeks.
«I won't—I can't–,» Abby started to object again the second Marcus' attention was drawn back to her.
«Abby, look at me, calm down,» he told her, brushing lightly his thumb against her cheekbones.
«It's okay. We both know that our people need doctors, farm engineers, computer engineers, mechanic… Clarke did the right choice,» he tried to reason with her.
«They need leaders too,» she retorted, her chin high with a spark of defiance in her gaze.
An half-amused, half-sad smile stretched up Marcus' lips.
«They already have two…,» he responded, his gaze landed a second on the door that Clarke got out.
«I…I can't…I can't let them lock you outside,» Abby croaked, her fingers clenching hard around the lapel of his jacket.
«You said we were in this together and we are! No matter what! When the door shuts down, I'll be next to you, no matter on which side we will be,» she asserted, tears running down her cheeks.
Marcus didn't nod, he didn't shack his head either. He just stared at her, swallowing hard, his lower lips trembling slightly with emotion. She knew that look, she knew that expression. He had the same one the day she told him how she felt for him for the first time. She heard his heart break in synchronization with hers. They both knew that no matter what she could say, it won't change anything. Their people needed doctors so she will be inside the Ark and he was too stubborn and selfless so he will be outside. But Marcus knew her, he knew that she needed to fight, to keep hope alive to get ahead so he left it to her and said nothing.
Quietly, he pulled her into an embrace, holding her tight against him as she buried her head in his neck, breathing him in. She could sense his pulse point beating. She could feel the warmth of his skin. And she could hear his breathing. He was still alive but for how long? What will be left when his heart stops, when his skin become cold, when the last breath leaves his lungs? A big, painful, unbearable hole in her heart, nothing more, nothing less.
«To hell with the list !» she swore between two sobs.
«To hell with the list…» he echoed in a whisper before pressing his lips hard against her temple.