I, um, just wanted to say thank you for reading.

And Midnight Cougar, or MC, as I lovingly refer to her as is just the best cheerleader a girl could ask for. Not only did she take the time and energy to write a review for Crushing on TLS after the fic of the week win, but she also rec'd it on her blog. On top of all that she never fails at being a ridiculously supportive beta and just a great friend.

Now on to the chapter.

Crushing Chapter 11

BPOV

The stairs creaked as I made my way up them. And I questioned each step I made, but I shook my head at all the pathetic excuses. Esme had asked me to check on him, and even if that was all I was going to do, I needed to at least make sure Edward was alright. The smell of fresh ginger cookies hit my nose and I figured Edward had snatched the plate on his way up. They were some of the best cookies Esme made, ranking in right under her infamous chocolate chip ones.

At the top of the stairs I took a deep breath, thinking of everything. The nap, the feelings that had been bubbling up inside of me for some time now, the almost kiss, everything.

I must admit I was confused about a lot of stuff. Everything was so new to me. I could only hope his feelings could run as deep as mine. I knew there was always a chance of rejection and that really made me worry. Edward was my prince. He was supposed to give me my fairytale happily ever after and if he didn't love me I didn't know what I would do. I realized how narrow-minded I'd been considering I'd spent so many years pining for him that I'd never really looked at other men as prospects.

Edward's door was closed and I contemplated knocking, but he did tell me to come find him when I got bored, so instead, I just twisted the handle and pushed the door open.

It creaked against the old hinges and light spilled out into the hallway.

I peered in the room only to find Edward was lazily sprawled out on his messy bed. Black corduroy pants that hung so low on hips, it should have been illegal, and his shirt was half wrinkled up and part of his toned stomach was showing. That very happy looking trail was all there too. Fuck… I wanted to crawl over to him and lick it… downwards.

I shook my head and tried to clear my lusty thoughts. After all, they were only going to get me in trouble.

Tonight wasn't about those. It was about cheering him up and making him see life was ultimately better without Siobhan. I needed him to see that without too much bashing on my part. I wasn't there to make him hate her; I just wanted him to bring his life in focus.

I looked around the room for a quick moment.

A half-eaten plate of cookies was lying next to him.

In the corner, I saw his sheets balled up and off to the side of them was a small pile of clothes and other effects. He didn't want her or any of her stuff near him. I almost smiled at that, but I kept myself in check.

There was no need to get overexcited about anything like that. He had seemed pretty down earlier, so maybe her stuff was there out of anger.

"Hey," he said with a small smile, bringing my attention to his face finally. The light dusting off the stubble over his jaw, the blue circles around his eyes from lack of sleep. They were all things I hadn't noticed before.

Things that told their own story.

"Hi," I said startled, being caught off guard by the state of the room.

His green eyes were focused in on me and I gave him a small smile. They didn't look too bleary, so who knew maybe he wasn't drunk yet.

The lopsided grin he gave me back made heat rush through my body all the way down to my already heated core. I was working on getting drunk on him though. Yummy…

His eyes slowly traveled the length of me.

"Mhm, good you brought me more," he murmured seeing the bottle in my hand.

My eyes darted around the room and I noticed the empty one on his nightstand. Uh oh…

I wanted to shake my head, but I didn't, I figured he deserved some time with Mr. Walker after all he had been through.

I chuckled lightly, "Yeah, I figured you could use some more."

He patted the bed, moving the plate, wanting me to come and sit with him.

I hesitated and even in his inebriated state he could see it. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that just last night Cinnabitch was in here or it was because he was sprawled out on the bed looking like a spread of delectable pastries and I was the girl just starting Weight Watchers.

My willpower was clearly waning and he was looking tastier and tastier by the second.

"Don't worry, there's nothing up here to mess up your pretty dress except for a few crumbs."

I smiled softly. Edward had tried to put a new set of sheets on the bed, but he'd failed, I just shook my head and walked over to the bed.

I wasn't sure if it was for him, or me, but he'd stripped the bed and I couldn't have been happier.

That meant no lingering smells. No wondering if she had been naked on the same sheets I was sitting on. None of that.

Thank God for that because I didn't think my heart could've taken thinking about those sorts of things.

I handed him the bottle and I sat down, trying to be somewhat ladylike, my shoes stayed on the floor and I sighed in relief to have them off. They didn't hurt that bad, but it was nice I didn't have to wear them any longer. They made my feet swell and my back ache.

I smoothed out the edge of my dress making sure it was covering everything.

Things were still very grey between us and I wasn't about to let him get a look at the goods if there wasn't going to be any future between us.

I wanted him to have everything, but tonight wasn't the night to hammer any of those details out.

Edward rolled on to his side, facing me, lifting himself up on his elbow. Now, he was a hell of a lot closer than before.

His face and those eyes were right there. My hand itched to cup his flushed cheek.

This could be seriously dangerous. We were in a bed together and Edward was well on his way to drunk. If I was smart enough I could've used the situation to my advantage, but again I shook my head at that thought.

I didn't want him as a quick fuck; I hadn't respected my virginity for twenty years to lose it that way. If it was going to happen at all it needed to be out of love or something pretty fucking close to it.

Sure everyone thought he loved me, including his own mother. But until I'd heard it from him or at least seen something which pointed to that conclusion, nothing sexual was happening between us.

I'd made it this far and everything was still intact, so it was certainly worth it to me to wait a little while longer before I let anything like that happen.

I grabbed the bottle back from his other hand.

"I figured if I couldn't cheer you up, this would at least," I said tearing the label and twisting the top off.

The spicy aroma clouded my nostrils and brought back memories of Rose and I sitting in front my father's liquor cabinet sipping and sampling before we melted into a giant giggling heap.

He nodded and tried to grab it back from me, but I held on tight.

"Uh no, my turn first," I told him with a smile.

It wasn't my first time trying whiskey so I prepared myself for the heat I knew was coming.

He shook his head at me, "You're too young to get drunk and you don't have any clue what whiskey's like."

He was so fucking wrong. Everything about that was wrong. Too young… hah

I rolled my eyes, "Edward, I'm a college student for one. Not to mention my father has expensive taste in liquor and he was never around when I was growing up."

Rose and I had never exactly got so drunk we were sick, but yeah, we sampled his collection a time or two when we were curious. It was just a part of growing up. Who didn't know the taste of alcohol before they were twenty-one? It wasn't as if I was a lush or anything like that. And it was how I found out that I didn't particularly like whiskey. I mean, for the most part, it did the trick, but the sear on the back of your throat wasn't all that appealing. But I did always love the warmth it created at the pit of my tummy.

He sighed, but didn't say anything so I took the bottle full of caramel liquid and tipped it into my mouth, waiting, almost desperately so, for the familiar burn that always followed.

I swished and then swallowed. Damn.

Then my mouth was on fire. The sweet burn made my nerves ease though and promised a relaxing evening. Like I said, it did the trick.

I took one more hearty swig before handing the bottle over to him.

"God, you didn't even flinch," he said with his glassy eyes wide.

I shrugged. He didn't need to know just how much Rose and I partied at school, but he needed to understand I wasn't fifteen anymore and this wasn't a stolen brewsky out by the pool. No, this was hard liquor and I was more familiar with it than he was comfortable with, obviously.

I watched carefully as Edward's soft lips wrapped around the neck of the bottle, right where mine had been. I finally got why men like to watch women give blow jobs. It was sensual, sexy even. The way his tongue flicked out to catch the first drop. And then his hand tipped the bottle just enough to begin to pour easily into his mouth. He went to swallow and his Adam's apple bobbed. My tongue poked out of my mouth on its own accord and I slowly licked my lips. I so badly wanted to lean down and lick that sucker, but I stopped myself and tried to concentrate on anything else. I knew if I kept my thoughts focused on him and kept drinking, I wouldn't be able to suppress my desire.

I smoothed my dress and tucked my legs together Indian style, before laying the skirt of it over them. I wanted out of the damn thing.

"That color looks good on you," he said sweetly, after he pulled his lips off the bottle.

I looked back at him to see his eyes wandering over me for a second time.

I told myself it was the booze and nothing else. There was no way he could be honestly checking me out right now.

"Thanks," I muttered, "But it's uncomfortable."

I hated the feeling of the dress. It wasn't that it was scratchy or anything, I just wanted to be out of it, even though he liked me in it. I was a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl through and through and there was just no denying that fact.

"I'm gonna go change real quick," I told him, making up my mind, before I slipped off the bed.

He grumbled something and I turned to ask him what.

"Need some clothes?"

I almost laughed. Edward was drunk enough to be forgetting my room with tons of clothes was right next door to his, but I stopped myself. I'd take something of his over something of mine any day. Just the thought of wearing his clothes made a shiver run through my body. I shook it off though and cleared my throat.

"Whatcha got?"

"T-shirts are in the third drawer down on the right side and if you want them, the boxers are up top."

I gulped... Did he just offer me a pair of his boxers?

Boxers… as in his underwear. Where his… well you know… lives? Uh…

Oh hell yes.

I wriggled open his t-shirt drawer and took out the top one. It was his Forks HS one actually, making me smile, but he couldn't see that since my back was to him. I held it carefully, brushing my thumbs over the softly worn gray cotton before placing it over my arm.

I remembered all the times when he'd been shooting hoops in the driveway and he'd been wearing it. When the sweat would've been soaking through and Rose would've had to nudge me along because I was creating a river with all my drool.

Yeah, that same shirt.

The one that I dreamed about peeling off of him.

Then, hesitantly I reached for the top one. To Edward, I was finally a big girl. I could drink. To him, I had dated men and I needed to prove to him that a pair of boxers wasn't going to cause my heart to give out, even though they probably would.

I fumbled through a few pairs until I came to a set of green plaid ones. I thought they matched his eyes, so I snagged those. I didn't take the time to brush over the material like I had with the shirt. I just placed them on top of the shirt before turning around.

But my mind did flick to a mental image of Edward only in them. I'd seen him in his bathing suit plenty of times so it was easy to picture him in those. Oh and what a picture it was. The pair I had grabbed were far from new, so I knew he had definitely worn them before.

Weird questions sparked in my mind about whether he had worn them while thinking about me… and if you… things… had woken up in them before.

I quickly coughed at that mental image and headed for the door.

"Thanks, I'll…uh…be right back," I murmured quietly, before slipping out into the hallway.

Once in the bathroom I let myself be a girl and squeal a little over the fact I was putting on Edward's clothes. It was kind of a big moment for me and I was going to enjoy it for a few minutes.

The gray soft cotton of the t-shirt fell over me like a bag because it was so big. And for a moment, I just stared in the mirror. I quickly turned sideways, because on the back was his last name, and wearing that damn t-shirt had more significance than the fact it was Edward's, it meant I was truly a Cullen, well to me at least. Sure, legally, I would always be a Swan, until some man came and swept me off my feet, but while my parents stayed on a beach sipping their drinks in the South of France this year, and I was here, it made me feel like I was really and truly a Cullen.

It was little things like the shirt that helped me get through the rough times.

I knotted the worn material on the side of my hip, hoping to synch it down to my body.

Tears stung at my eyes and I wanted to cry, I really did and I could feel my emotions were starting to get the best of me. This usually happened at least once over the holidays, but it was less and less every year. It wasn't even I missed them so much anymore, because there wasn't much to miss; they had been absentee parents for a long time. We're talking a while here. I sure as hell didn't feel like I knew my parents anymore. Nope, it was more they didn't want me and it showed through everything they hadn't done for or with me, especially in the last five years.

They had always put work first. And vacations certainly didn't include me. Before they pawned me off on the Cullens, they left me with Nana Swan. But she passed shortly before I turned eleven.

They seemed to always make me feel like I was an enormous burden when they were home. My dad almost missed out on a huge deal because I had come down with the chicken pox. To this day, I think if he hadn't scored that deal he would've put me up for adoption or at least rubbed it in my face for life.

Art was their lives and I was the mistake that interrupted their jet-set lifestyle. I'd never felt truly wanted or unconditionally loved by them, as any child should, and I guess now as an adult, I was really starting to feel and understand the aftereffects of their neglect. I knew one thing for sure though, when I had children of my own, they would know they were loved and wanted.

I shook my head and wiped my eyes, I had better things to focus on then my absentee parents.

Last piece was his boxers. They were black, green and soft. And it wasn't really the fact his dong had been in them before that got me all hot under the collar. It was more because this was an intimate piece of clothing and you didn't just let anyone wear your underwear. This was a new thing for us, something on a different level. It might have been because he was drunk or it might have been because he was using that as an excuse to do things he wouldn't normally have done.

I didn't really care to think too in depth about it at that moment, so instead I unfolded the soft cotton and slipped them over my naked legs. I grabbed a facecloth and washed off all the make-up. I needed to wipe away the mascara lines that had flowed down my cheeks with the few stray tears.

The hot cloth cleared them all away and I looked more like myself. I twisted my hair into a knot and grabbed up the dress from the floor.

A couple calming breaths and one last look in the mirror, I felt ready to finally face Edward again.

I opened the door and ran right into Rose.

"Hey Bella," she said before pausing to look me over.

I mumbled out a "Hi" before turning my eyes to the floor.

"What are you wearing?" she asked with a smirk, her blue eyes lit up and I could tell exactly what she was thinking.

"Clothes," I murmured softly.

"Yeah and whose clothes, Bella?" she asked again, clearly amused and already knowing the answer.

I blushed and smiled at the same time. While I was embarrassed she was drawing attention to the fact I was wearing his clothes, I was still happy about it.

"Listen, nothing happened, he just offered them to me when I told him I was going to change."

She smiled and nodded, seeming to believe me but I saw the sparkle in her beautiful, mischievous eyes.

"What are you doing up here?" I wondered nonchalantly.

She shrugged, "I was just stashing away some goodies for later," she said gesturing to the brown paper bag in her hands.

She opened it up so I could see. Mhmmm some vodka and rum!

"Can I take one of the vodkas, I'm not big on whiskey?"

She hesitated, "Drinking with him is dangerous territory, Bella."

"Like I don't know, but it's all I have left, I can't seem to cheer him up any other way."

She sighed, "Okay," and slipped the bottle of Grey Goose out of the bag.

"Be careful, Bella, I love you, and I don't want to see you get hurt," she warned before taking the dress from me and disappearing into her room.

I scurried down the hall and back into Edward's room before I had a chance to really think about what I was doing. Rose's warning had pretty much gone in one ear and out the other.

My back was to him when I came back in so when he groaned I couldn't tell if it was from sitting up or from seeing me.

But when I faced him, I could see that he was still lying back against the mound of pillows, in the same position I had left him.

"I didn't think you were coming back," he murmured sloshing the bottle around. It didn't look like he had drunk much while I was gone.

"I told you I was," I whispered, getting back up on the bed.

"I'm glad."

His hand reached out for me and I grasped it in my free one. I took a second to look down at his eyes. They were as always one of my very favorite parts of Edward. You could see his mind working away usually, but when I glanced down there tonight, it seemed like a fire was burning in them. Something deep... probably pain and anger from his broken engagement.

"Look what I brought," I said reaching for the bottle I had sat on the floor.

He shook his head lazily and frowned at me.

"Vodka is a killer."

"Yeah, but I like it."

"Well then, let's toast, shall we?" he asked sitting up a little.

I unscrewed the cap on the frosted bottle and watched as vapor rolled out like smoke. It curled out smoothly and right around his face before it began to dissipate.

"To the future," I said, holding the bottle up.

"How fitting, yeah, to the future."

We both took big gulps before dropping the bottles back down. I scrubbed my palms up and down on my thighs trying to warm them up from the frigid bottle.

"I feel like I'm back in high school," he murmured after a few quiet moments.

"Why's that?"

He chuckled, "Hiding in my room, drinking with a sexy girl in my bed."

I tried to keep my reaction as casual as I could, but I felt my cheeks heat up at his words. "You did that a lot back then?" I asked after clearing my throat.

He shook his head, "Nah, you know damn well just how thin those walls are, but I dreamt about it all the time."

I nodded.

"How 'bout you? Did you sneak around when you were in high school?" he asked with his eyes boring into mine.

"Nah, I mean I was home alone a lot so there was no need and when I wasn't there, well I was here, and between you and the other guys there was no way any shit like that was going to happen."

"Damn right!" he muttered before going quiet for a few moments.

"So it wasn't until college then?"

What the fuck was he talking about?

His drunken rambling had to stop.

"Until I started partying? Yeah, I mean Rose and I snuck a couple of beers around here before, but mainly everything else happened there," I said taking another sip. I wasn't about to let the Goose go to waste.

He swished the bottle of whiskey in his hand and then took another long pull off of it. "So you waited all the way until college before you started dating?"

Well technically... I never really went out on too many dates though...

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," I said looking away.

He just shook his head. "I don't know how you did it. When Tanya Winters walked by in a miniskirt when I was sixteen, I knew there was no hope on me holding out until I was older. I just hope yours wasn't at some frat party. That would be a shame."

Oh wait... I think he's talking about dating...

He thinks I might've lost my virginity at a frat party.

I blushed and shook my head.

"Where was it then?"

I blushed again.

"Come on Bella, you were all for talking about this at the bowling alley."

"Uh..."

"It can't be that bad," he urged.

I hesitated and took a deep breath.

"It wasn't…anyone I know…was it?" he asked after taking a long gulp. His brilliant eyes were burning their way into me.

"Edward, I've never had sex," I confessed quietly.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, making me peer down at him. I found him staring at the apparently very interesting Johnnie Walker label.

We stayed quiet while we both sipped randomly from our bottles.

I wondered if he was pissed about me lying to him or not.

A half hour had passed and I couldn't take the silence anymore.

"So she's gone for good?"

"Yes."

"Have you talked to her?"

"Just a couple of text messages."

"That sucks," I said half-heartedly.

He chuckled, shaking his head and I wondered for a moment if he knew more than he was letting on.

"She's gone, it's probably for the best. You can't tell me you really miss her anyway."

I shrugged, still not wanting to tell him that I hated the bitch.

"Don't worry, it doesn't really bother me that my whole family hated her," he said with a smile.

"I don't think it's that everyone hated her," I said, trying to cheer him up some.

"No they did, it's okay though, because at least I finally wasn't alone."

I gave him a half smile and decided to make myself comfortable. I laid my head back against the pillow and stretched my legs out in front of me.

So he hated her? Jeezz… I doubted it, he was just drunk, upset and lashing out.

I took a long drink of my vodka wanting to burn Ms. Model right out of my brain.

It was starting to work. My buzz was getting really good and I was teetering right on the line of drunk.

I couldn't stop myself from curling into his side. He was so delicious looking and I just wanted to be close to him.

My body pressed up against his side and he wound his free arm around me.

I watched as Edward matched me sip for sip and his green eyes got glossier and glossier. We didn't say much, no, we just enjoyed the spirits in our hands.

"Di'ya mean what you said?" he asked out of nowhere.

What the fuck was he talking about?

"What part?" I sputtered.

"The part where you told me you were a..." he trailed, apparently allergic to the word.

"A virgin?" I asked with a giggle. Oh the Goose was already getting me into trouble.

"Yeah," he breathed and I could smell the alcohol wafting off of him. Not only that, but also the distinct smell of Edward which was all him and one I had come to know and love over the past couple of weeks. I'd known it before, but lately it was stronger.

I nodded slowly, not really knowing what to say.

"'Kay," he replied, sitting up against the headboard. His arm didn't move from around me, but the minutes continued to pass silently between us making everything so awkward and uncomfortable.

"Why?" I finally asked letting my curiosity get the best of me. They always said curiosity killed the cat, but I swear the cat was probably sipping on some of my Goose because it did bad, bad things.

"I wanted an easy way out," he whispered turning his face away from me.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, she'll be there in New York when I get back, begging me to take her back. And I just thought if I could tell her I slept with someone while she was gone it would put the final nail in the coffin."

"Why don't you just tell her you don't want her and it's over?" I asked, swaying back into his side.

He shook his head, "She'd never take it, she'd beg and weasel her way back into my life. She's always been manipulative."

Call it what it was, desperation. But I wanted nothing more than to say he could take whatever he wanted from me. Though I might have wanted to do that, I still had some self-pride, thank God. And I wasn't giving up everything for one sloppy night with him. No matter how many years I had dreamt of it.

"Lie to her, tell her it was me. I don't mind," I told him.

And hey maybe down the road after we'd been dating a while we could make it the truth.

"Naw, she'll know if I'm lying and connive me into staying with her," he says looking defeated.

Sure it could be all an act, but I saw just how good little miss Siobhan's acting skills were. She was going to win an Oscar one day. She had fooled all of us, including Edward.

"Well maybe we could..." I began but he interrupted me.

"No! Not like that, never. I- You're just better, yeah, no."

My face heated in embarrassment. I'd never been flat out rejected before and I wasn't even suggesting sex.

"Maybe we could do something that wasn't sex but was still considered cheating?" I asked unable to look at him.

"Hmm? And what would that be, little miss virgin?" he asked with a crooked grin.

I silently congratulated myself on the idea of getting him drunk. It was just what he needed. My mind glazed over at the sight of his grin and I had to try really hard to remember what the hell I was talking about.

I mumbled something about 'other things' and he grinned wide.

"Little girl, life has taught me one thing. If you can't say what you want out loud, you sure as hell aren't ready for it," he told me seriously.

I could feel it as my face fell in disappointment.

"Maybe if you're a tad clearer about what you want, you'll get it."

I took a deep breath and swallowed hard before turning to him and looking straight at those beautiful green eyes. "I was thinking I could... um, I could go down on you and then you could tell Siobhan about it," I said praying my voice sounded more confident than I felt.

His face was blank as he sat there and just blinked at me.

I think I may have stunned him speechless…

I know what you're all gonna say... it's another cliffy... but hey at least we're finally getting somewhere you know?

Who thinks Edward is gonna take her up on that offer?

And who thinks Bella is gonna snap out of her little Goose induced mind set?

See you Friday for the next teaser! :) Leave me some love in the meantime, please?