I should be sleeping, I've got an early start with the new job tomorrow and I'll need to be up. As fabulous as the new job is, however, I really wanted to get this out and I figured that since I'd managed to get it almost done I'd finish and get it up.

Dean feels a jolt of something right and wonderful flood through him as his lips meet Castiel's for the first time in too long. This is everything that he has wanted for longer than he has wanted to admit to and he does not want this perfect moment between them to end. This is the one thing that he wants for himself, this moment of love and security continued on for the rest of his life and he pulls Cas tighter against him as the kiss deepens. The angel is clinging to him and the hunter suspects that Castiel is as desperate to remind himself that this is real as Dean is.

He cannot tell Cas that over the months he has refused to talk to the angel he has dreamt of this moment. He is reluctant to admit it to even himself. It is not something that he thinks he could even share with Sam because part of him is completely terrified of the way that his brother will react to this development. Castiel must sense some of the hunter's unease because he ends the kiss with a gentle caress before pulling back to look up at Dean.

Somehow the eldest Winchester seems to always forget that the angel's vessel is shorter than he is when he is thinking about him. Castiel always seems to be ten feet tall in some ways because of his strength and his grace. The presence of the angel can fill a room when Cas wants it to and that impression of the being is always the one that lingers.

"Something is troubling you," Castiel murmurs as they stand pressed together, his hands are resting lightly on Dean's hips and it feels so natural that it is almost terrifying. The angel's expression is almost content; something which is beginning to slip away with ease moment that Dean hesitates in answering.

"Sam," he mutters finally and Castiel nods, seeming to understand where Dean thought he would be confused.

"Your brother has every right to be angry with me, Dean," the angel replies and there is genuine sorrow in his voice. "What I did, even though I thought it right at the time, was terrible. No one, not even my worst enemy, deserves to go through what I did to him. I know that."

"So why did you do it?" The hunter whispers even though he is loath to break this moment of perfect peace between them.

"I know how deeply you care about your brother, Dean, whether you want to admit it or not." Castiel squints up at him. "I believed that your devotion to him would prevent you from leaving him alone should he be incapacitated. I can't begin to describe how much I regret reaching the point when I was so desperate that I would do something so unforgivable. My goal was the right one, Dean, I did the right thing, but I admit that I am ashamed of the actions I had to take to achieve Raphael's defeat."

"You should have been honest with us from the start, Cas," Dean tells him, though a part of him is soaring in relief at the thought that Castiel truly regrets what he did to Sam. "You should have asked us for help as soon as you knew I was back in."

"Pride, Dean," the angel's voice is soft, sad, and he turns his face away. "I suffered from it in those moments as much as any human ever has. As time passed and we all fell deeper into it I found myself less and less able to tell you the truth. I wanted to; so many times I wanted to find you and tell you everything and beg you to help free me from Crowley and Raphael. It was too big, too dangerous, and there was too much risk that you would be hurt or killed. I couldn't allow that, Dean, I didn't want you to be hurt due to my pride and my mistake."

This is a position that Dean has been in. All of his life he has been making sacrifices and hard choices in the names of the people that he cares about. All of his life he has stayed the course that he has chosen out of pride and sheer stubbornness. The one time that he tried to change his mind, the one time that he allowed himself to give up hope, the angel in front of him was to one to pull him back. The angel that he is holding in his arms was the one to remind Dean that he has something to fight for. Just as Castiel's defection from Heaven became something of a beacon of hope for Dean, that if Cas could see that light then so could the other angels, the hunter realises that the need to protect him is what has kept Cas going over the last couple of years. For much of his life Sam has been Dean's reason for living. It appears that Dean has become Castiel's reason.

He could live with that, he concludes with a little surprise, as long as Sam is happy to let the past lie. Dean knows his brother well, he practically raised the giant after all, and he knows that Sam will not necessarily be content to let it go completely.

"He won't forget, Cas," he points out, "neither of us can."

"I know," the angel's response is gentle, "but forgiveness is not the same as forgetting what happened. I'm asking that you forgive me."

Dean does not speak, does not answer, just pulls Castiel into another fierce kiss. He cannot put forgiveness into words, not right now at least, because he is not entirely sure that he can completely forgive Cas for what the angel did to Sam. He wants to forgive Castiel, wishes that he could forget what happened, but he has learnt from all of this. He has learnt that when the angel is hiding something he needs to press that little bit harder, he needs to see that Cas is in a tight spot even when the angel will not admit to it. Castiel is clinging to him, like the angel cannot quite believe that this is real and if Dean is honest neither can he.

The hunter has dreamed of this, ever since that first kiss in Bobby's kitchen, being able to hold his angel like this, to kiss until his lungs are screaming for air and his body calling for Castiel's touch. The angel's whisper of his name against his lips is low, wrecked and wanting and Dean can imagine a hundred other ways that he would like to pull that sound from his angel's mouth. There is something else he needs to know, however, before they go any further. Added to which, he will not take this thing between them any further until he knows that Sam will be alright with it, he could not bear to get Cas back only to lose Sam due to it.

He tells himself that he has to get answers first, drags himself away from the intoxicating kiss that threatens to cut all ability to think from his brain. There has been too many secrets and too many lies between them and he wants the truth, although at this moment it is a close thing between getting the truth and letting the answers wait in favour of the backseat of the Impala. Besides, something about Castiel is different.

"Cas, what did those souls do to you?"

Artemis