X.

When I came to, I was being carried up the stairs by Stefan while somewhere behind us I heard shouting, wailing and then finally a woman's screams. I was confused about everything except the fact that my head was absolutely killing me and my ribs on my left side hurt like all get out. He was being really careful carrying me. I leaned my head back against Stefan's shoulder and groaned. I was really pretty sure I had a couple of cracked ribs.

"You're safe," he said softly. "I am so sorry, Sookie."

Stefan carried me into Pam's office and she made some kind of exclamation but I couldn't make sense of it. As he set me down on the couch and propped me upright, I felt very dizzy. My head felt horrible.

Pam sat down next to me and took my face in her hands. I tried to focus on her. But it was hard.

"Sookie? Talk to me?"

I wanted to but just couldn't. My head hurt too much. They went on talking but it was like I was fading in and out. My scalp started stinging and I was aware of Pam fussing over it and then suddenly it felt better. Stefan was answering his cell phone and then I heard him saying,

"Eric said he was already on his way back. To say he's upset would be quite an understatement. Let me go see that Cadel and Rasul are taking care of it. I just can't believe Char did this." He looked at me with a grave face.

"I don't know what Eric was thinking allowing that one to live here. She's been nothing but trouble. Ever since she latched onto Cadel she's been trying to work her way up to Eric. I told you she was just using you, Stefan. You were one rung further up the ladder. She's mental, that one, like a stalker. Sookie? Sookie! Shit!"

I seemed to just fade at that point, losing the sense of her words.

I awoke again, resting back against Eric's chest with his chin pressing on the top of my head to steady it, his right arm was around my waist and his legs hugged my hips and thighs. With the taste of his blood still on my lips, the gash on his rapidly healing wrist seemed to have just pulled away from my mouth. I slowly started to come around to lucidity and then felt much better, clearer headed. We were alone in Pam's office, still on the couch. He seemed to sense my increased alertness and kissed my temple.

"How do you feel? Your head is better? That should be enough. You had some of Pam's, too."

I leaned my head down toward my chest a bit and then raised it nodding. He probed my ribs on my left side and seemed satisfied. They didn't hurt anymore.

"MmmHmm. Better. What… what happened? The last thing I remember was going downstairs to get something to eat and…" I groaned slightly and put my hand at the back of my head. It didn't hurt there anymore. But it had. "Someone hit me in the head. Hard. I realized too late that she was going to hit me. It was like the idea just popped into her head on the spur of the moment. Freaky. It was such a spontaneous thing. Who is she?"

"Charlotte. A resident. A resident donor. You must have sensed it enough to move out of her way a bit because Rasul said she had to hit you a second time before you went down. He got to her then, but she kicked you in the ribs as he pulled her away. She had on heavy shoes. But I think you are healed."

Eric spoke with distaste and his voice sounded strained.

"Is it really okay that I had even more of your blood, Eric? I had Pam's blood, too? I mean isn't there a point where it just gets to be too much and…"

"You hadn't had any in three years, Lover. You've only had a bit since you've been here. And you haven't lost your own blood this time, so it's not like it was when you were injured that time and needed so much. It will be fine. You'll just have to trust me. I can feel how much would be too much. And you were really injured by the woman. Pam gave you a bit to slow down whatever was going on because you lost consciousness. She was very worried."

I really was afraid to ask but had to.

"What are you going to do with her, this Charlotte person? She's a human, right? What are you going to do with her, Eric?"

"I believe that Rasul and Cadel have already taken care of things."

I cringed.

"What does 'taken care of things' mean, Eric?"

He inclined his head around to look at me and said,

"I'm not sure, but since Rasul really likes you, I'm not thinking it means anything particularly good for her. And considering that you were knocked out and beaten up in my own compound, I really don't give a damn what they do with her, Sookie. They could string her up and have a feast for all I care. It would probably be better than what I'd do to her, I assure you. You should be glad I wasn't here. As soon as Pam is back, I'm going downstairs to have a little conversation with the rest of the residents to make a few things abundantly clear. No one is ever going to touch you here again."

Now that it was evident I was okay, I could feel his anger. But I felt uneasy. Unless the attack was totally random there was only one reason that I could see that someone would go after me. Jealousy. And I had felt just a snippet of something like jealousy right before that spur of the moment idea of hitting me crystallized in the woman's mind. She'd been a strong broadcaster and her thoughts were... jealous.

"Eric, you weren't sleeping with her, were you? You wouldn't… you wouldn't let them kill someone you'd slept with if she was jealous and attacked me, right? Because she was jealous." He didn't answer right away. "Eric?" I tried to turn to look back at him. Frankly, the very idea that Rasul and Cadel might be killing this woman was so upsetting I could hardly stand it.

Eric was silent for another minute and then said,

"She was Cadel's. And then Stefan's. I had never even fed from her, Lover. I was not interested. I have not been interested in anyone for some time."

Before I could ask what he meant by that, Pam came in after knocking once and looked at me cautiously.

"She's fine," said Eric, effortlessly lifting me up over his leg so that he could get up. "I'm going to go and have a little chat with people downstairs."

"How many humans live here? " I asked quietly before he rose.

"About twenty-five, at any given point. Sometimes more when we have guests. Pam keep an eye on her."

I grabbed his hand, looked up at him and said, "Eric, if she's still there, you can't let them kill her, okay? I mean you just can't. Make her leave, or let me call the police and press charges against her, but you guys can't just kill her. She did it to me, and I'm telling you, it's wrong. It's just wrong."

He stared down at me and a chill ran up my spine. She was less than nothing in his eyes, I could see. I wasn't sure whether it was because she had attacked me or because she was just food in his eyes, food that had gone bad. Food, I reminded myself. The people downstairs are food in the eyes of most people here. You get more food when you have company. You get rid of food when it goes bad or you decide you don't like it anymore. I looked down and away and didn't comment further. He reached out to turn my face back to him and stroked my cheek, then left the room without a word. But I could feel what I'd said had made absolutely no difference in his mind. I thought about the living areas downstairs, which I'd not even seen, and realized it was like one great big pantry for vampires. I really wondered in a way what had made me so different in all their minds. It wasn't just that I was Eric's. It predated that, really. Was it the telepathy? Luck? The fact that I would never go offering myself as a live-in snack to a vampire? The way I saw vampires, that is a more human side to them? Well, I could be sure I'd never get a straight answer on the topic. And as bad as things might have ever gotten from being around vampires, I certainly couldn't say they'd ever done much to directly harm me. But I wasn't so sure about the food downstairs getting harmed. They were obviously rather expendable.

I looked over at Pam.

"Pam, did they already kill her? Will they kill her? Tell me the truth."

She pursed her lips and looked at me with disapproval.

"Rasul apparently started to drain her and then thought better of it out of respect for what he believes are your… 'principles'. He healed her wounds and glamoured her heavily and then he and Cadel dumped her off at a hospital where they assume she will be cared for. Eric is going to be furious. I know I am. If she comes back, I will personally drain her dry and have her discarded to the nearest crematorium. She's after Eric, trying to get involved somehow with him. She's like a stalker, as far as I'm concerned, and I'm not too fond of her for going after you with a cast iron skillet, either."

I must have visibly relaxed, because she continued, saying

"You have such a deleterious effect on us at times, Sookie. Honestly, as much as I enjoy you, you really have a very bad effect on our judgment. Rasul should have just had done with her."

"Pam, you simply cannot tell me that the woman deserved to die because she hit me, okay? I mean, really, you just can't."

"She could have killed you, Sookie. You clearly are still not thinking straight at present. She could have killed you. Because she was after Eric. I told Stefan that. She was working her way up in her mind. First Cadel, then Stefan. It was obvious. Not that Eric would have shown interest since he's been so…" she trailed off, shaking her head. "In any case, if she comes back, I'll personally drain her dry. If you want, I'll say I'm doing it in the name of protecting Eric and not because she went after you, okay? Lie to yourself. Just think to yourself 'Pam won't do anything to anyone who tries to kill me'. You know, Eric told me you let him glamour you once. When you were injured, in Jackson? I'd be happy to fix things here for you. How about you let me glamour some sense into your stubborn head? Because really, Sookie, you need to get a better grip on reality at times."

"Pam, my grip on reality is quite fine thank you but it doesn't extend to people seeking retribution on my behalf. If what she did was wrong we can get a police report and I can press charges against her for assault. Personally, given how spur of the moment it was, I'm really thinking she's kind of unbalanced. Forgive me if I think that killing the mentally ill is rather medieval and I want no part of it, okay?"

I couldn't think of a single time when I'd really argued with Pam before. But what she thought about the situation was just plain wrong in my book.

We had sort of a tense silence for a while and then finally I said,

"Eric said you gave me some of your blood, Pam. Thank you. I appreciate it."

"Now I'm stuck with having to feel you until it wears off. You're such a pain in the ass, Sookie. I really don't know why I like you so much. You're as stubborn as a mule. And as for all your qualms about Charlotte, just remember, we're vampires. No matter what the publicists for the American Vampire League will tell you, we're not exactly sweet. Get over it."

"I love you too, Pam. But really, thanks."

Eric came back in with Stefan. Stefan stood in front of me and bowed his head and apologized to me yet again. I felt myself blush and couldn't meet his eyes at all. Why on earth was he apologizing to me when he hadn't done anything wrong in?

"Stefan, you cannot possibly be held responsible for the actions of another, independent person. There is nothing to apologize for, so I can't accept your apology."

I finally looked up at him and he looked at me as if puzzled.

"Thank you for bringing me back upstairs," I reiterated.

He just stared at me. Finally, Eric just waved him away.

After he left the room, Eric said,

"Because she was his, he is held responsible according to custom. He believes that you do not forgive him for the offense."

"Well, I guess you're going to have to explain my pathetic human rationale to him Eric, because I'm not forgiving him for something he had absolutely nothing to do with, okay? To me that would be insulting him. I'm supposed to be yours, right? You fix it."

Eric and Pam looked at me and then at each other as if I was being petulant.

I rose and said,

"I'm going downstairs to get something to eat."

Eric hesitated and then said,

"Let me have whatever you wish brought up to you."

"I'm fine. I really feel fine. And I'm hungry. Pam said that the woman isn't even in the compound anymore, so it should be fine."

"I would prefer to have something brought up for you. At least for tonight. We're all getting ready for the rest of the work for tonight. I would prefer to have you accompanied in future."

He had to be kidding. I stood there with my arms crossed.

"So then it's not even safe for me to go downstairs on my own and get something to eat? Geez, my instincts were right all along. Iraq is safer than Louisiana. Who knew?"

He looked at me as if I'd struck him. I just winced as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Pam looked away, biting her lip.

Okay, what was wrong with me? I asked myself. I didn't blame Stefan for the fact that his girlfriend, or whatever she was, went after me but I was going to take it out on Eric? Clearly Eric felt bad about the whole thing. He had said again and again that he would keep me safe and now I had been knocked out cold, gotten head trauma, and had been kicked hard enough to crack a few ribs. In his own compound. He could keep me safe from vampires and maybe even other supes, but the humans here might be another story, I thought. Of course, I'd blithely assured him only two days before that I could handle humans. Crazy women swinging skillets at my head clearly didn't enter my thoughts. To make it even better, I realized he must have known that I was getting hurt, yet again. Not even forty-eight hours since the last time. And hurt much worse this time. Did I really have to be such a jerk about it? At least Rasul had stopped before anything happened that I wouldn't want to live with, so why did I have to be so nasty?

I made good on my promise to be more considerate. I sat back down on the couch and said,

"Okay. I'll let you get something sent up. And I apologize for what I said." I paused for a moment and then clarified further, "I am actually ashamed of what I said. It was mean. The Iraq comment was totally uncalled for. I shouldn't be making light of Iraq because I know better. And I shouldn't be slamming you. If it's not Stefan's fault, it's even less your fault, Eric. It just happened. There was a crazy lady living here and what she did was no one's fault."

I sat there and checked out the really good manicure I'd gotten on Friday evening. Still no chips. And I reflected on the fact that sometimes my temper was more caustic than lye.

"What would you like to eat?" said Pam finally, since Eric was just silent.

"I guess whatever they're having downstairs. I remember smelling cooking food."

"You have no preferences?"

I hesitated. "Is it really safe to eat the food?" I asked her, biting my lip. I mean, if I wasn't even safe going downstairs, then…

And then even Pam hesitated and tipped her head at a slight angle, thoughtfully. A wrinkle she clearly hadn't considered until now. Well, that did it. I was going to solve the problem for myself.

"This is just silly. I'm going to call Amelia and ask her if she can meet me somewhere. I'll just go out to get something. It's only what? 9 or 9:30 pm? If Amelia can't go then we can get one of Bennett Tucker's Weres, right?" I rose and looked at Eric. "Can I get my phone? And my purse?"

Eric seemed to be lost in what looked like very troubled thought. Instead of the very calm expression that he usually tried to project, for a change he looked about like what he appeared to feel, which seemed to be a rarified blend of frustrated and full fanged really, really angry. He scowled, glanced at his watch and then said to Pam tersely,

"I'll be a few minutes late." It was then that I realized he was in yet another suit and clearly dressed for a business meeting. Of course, I'd seen him dress but somehow the earlier part of the evening was a little jumbled after getting hit in the head. He'd gone to a Regional Planning Commission meeting with Markus and Andor accompanying him, and then had come back to the compound for further meetings.

He extended his hand to me and when I took it he latched on firmly and led me toward the stairs. But instead of going up, we went down. He drew me through the corridors away from the kitchens and we passed a series of mostly open doors to what appeared to be something akin to college dorm rooms. He came to one that was closed and summarily opened it without even knocking, disturbing Andor, who was feeding from the neck of a topless woman sitting on his lap with her back against his chest. Eric growled something at him in a language which sounded to my ears like it was vaguely Scandinavian but not exactly what he usually spoke, either.

Andor sealed up the woman's neck, lifted her off his lap and tossed her shirt to her. He looked up at Eric and nodded his head toward me and replied to Eric. They had a brief verbal exchange punctuated by Andor making a sweeping gesture, waving toward Eric and me. His manner seemed to suggest agreeing with whatever it was that Eric was suggesting. Andor rose from the woman's bed, telling her "You must come."

Eric pulled me off toward the kitchen and a dining area. He drew me into the long dining area, which was empty, pulled out a chair at the far end of the room and turned it back toward the doorway. He nodded that I was to sit.

"Where is Andor from, Eric?"

He paced while we waited but said,

"Stavanger. In Norway. We had the same sire. He is about ten years younger."

Well, that was a shock.

"What, one big, tall blond guy just wasn't enough for him? Geez."

Eric turned to me with a dark look and snorted with a bitter laugh. "You have no idea."

But his expression only darkened further as people began to enter the room. He stood behind me and put his hand on the back of my chair. The room filled with people and all of them just stared at me. I only knew Ruben, who was the cook or chef. He looked pretty wide-eyed and nervous. Andor filled the doorway at the back after having pushed the last two into the room.

Eric crossed his arms and said in a voice so cold and hard that I didn't think I'd ever have recognized it as his,

"This is my wife. And just to drive home the point of what I told you earlier, let me make things even simpler for you. If a single one of you is responsible for any harm to her, I'll kill the whole lot of you. Every single one of you. And I won't be quick about it, either. So you should have a vested interest in making sure she is safe and keeping me, and those who serve me, happy. If you don't like it, leave. There are plenty to replace you. Now all of you get out. Except for Ruben."

I could hardly breathe. Officially saying I was his wife in the same undead breath as threatening to kill everyone? A lot to absorb there... I swallowed hard as I looked straight ahead. Andor looked me directly in the eyes and looked calm.

You could have heard the proverbial pin drop. I felt a sea of eyes on me and heard a flurry of inner voices. Some were thrilled by the 'exciting' vampire threats, others unsettled by the idea that a mistake by one could be taken against all of them. Many of them looked at me and wondered why Eric was even making such a big fuss over plain old me. I didn't look all that young or pretty or anything. Andor started to hustle people back out the door. He wasn't particularly gentle about it either, as I saw him literally push some people out. He was nicer to the woman he'd been with, who was one of the last in the room to exit. I was glad to see them go. I just didn't get it that so many humans seemed to be fascinated by the vampire dominant and scary manner. And frankly, even though I couldn't see Eric's face, since he was still standing behind me, he was sounding pretty scary. I didn't think that I'd ever heard Eric sound quite like that, not even when he was looking to find Bill a number of years before and trying to scare me.

Ruben, the cook, stood off on the other side of the long table in the dining area. Andor took him by the arm and pulled him over to Eric. Ruben looked shaken and now fearful.

Eric just loomed over the man, who was only a little taller than I was, and who was presently trembling. I guess the fact that I had been banged up in his kitchen in tandem with Eric's threats did not instill a lot of comfort.

"Ruben," said Eric in a softer voice, "you will make whatever the lady wants for meals at least twice a day. If there is anything wrong with her food, I will hold you personally responsible. Do you understand?"

Ruben blanched. "Yes, Mr. Northman."

Well, I thought to myself, I wonder how long before he quits?

Eric signaled that Ruben should return to the kitchen and then turned to Andor and said something in whatever language, I guess Norse, that they shared. Then he turned to me and said, as he helped me rise from the seat,

"Andor will stay with you while you eat and then take you back upstairs to wait in Pam's office. We'll be busy for a while, perhaps another hour or two for Pam. I'll send Pam to get you something to read while you wait. Just rest while you wait for us, Lover."

He looked at me as if to assess how upset I was with what he'd said to the other humans. I was unsettled and I guess he could clearly tell. Yes, it was kind of unsettling to think the person I was having sex with and sleeping next to every day had just threatened to kill an entire room full of people. Slowly.

He stroked the nape of my neck and said in a soft voice,

"We'll talk later, Lover."

Then he kissed my forehead before leaving to go upstairs.

Andor turned to me and gestured that I should go head into the kitchen, then followed after me after pushing the chair back under the table.

Ruben looked at me nervously and asked me what I'd like to eat. I said I'd just have leftovers from whatever he'd made earlier. He offered to make me something fresh but I insisted leftovers were fine. He had some roasted chicken and vegetables that he took out of the refrigerator. I told him I'd serve myself and he left the kitchen. I pulled up a stool to the kitchen island counter and sat down to eat. Andor pulled up another stool and sat next to me. He didn't seem bothered by watching me eat. His manner was relaxed. I tried to relax, too. While we sat, I asked him how long he had been living in the US.

"Only since this year basically. I arrived in late December to help."

I quickly calculated and realized he meant he arrived in time to help take out Felipe and Felipe's people.

"Eric said you had the same sire."

He nodded with a bitter look on his face.

Without meeting his eyes, and while cutting my chicken breast into bite sized pieces, I asked,

"Was it very bad, Andor? Was Ocella very bad?"

He recoiled ever so slightly at the name and I glanced up and met his eyes. I had never really been close enough to get a good look at him. He was easily a foot taller than I was. I knew that he, and Markus, were kind of Eric's enforcers. But now, sitting at the counter almost next to him, in the bright kitchen light, I realized that he must have been much younger than Eric when he was turned. Still a teenager. His eyes were light blue and he had freckles. His hair was very light blond, almost white, and he had it tied in a pony tail that was wrapped with a criss-crossing leather cord. In spite of the fact that he was slightly taller, heavier and even more muscular than Eric, he had a sensitive face. He had been so very young. He seemed to grasp my thoughts.

"I was in my seventeenth summer when he caught me. I had never even been to fight. I had never been away from my family and had just married. Ocella was a hard man. He had been in the Legion. I had never seen such things. If Eric had not still been with him, I would have found a way to meet the sun. Eric kept him distracted, tried to give me more time to adjust. Ocella would get angry and sometimes punish him for it. Eric was much stronger than I was. More resilient. After a long time he released us. But after Stefan, we put an end to him. He was cruel to Stefan. Stefan was more like Eric. Resistant, and always trying to fight being compelled. But Ocella was even worse by then. It was many hundreds of years later. He would summon us all sometimes." He seemed to dwell on that thought for a moment and looked totally repelled. "Being with Ocella was more than bad. He taught you many things. Most of which you would rather not know," he said shaking his head as he glanced over at me.

I nodded and said quietly, "Eric told me some things. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry if my asking bothered you. I am glad you are all free of him, Andor."

Internally, I just shuddered to think of it. At least Ocella was dead, I thought, which I had wondered about. The revelation that he had also turned Andor and Stefan was just chilling. He obviously had had a thing for tall, blond haired and blue-eyed men. It was really kind of sick. Imagine having your entire human life ruined because of an accident of your genes, I thought to myself. But I guessed that attraction was attraction. Clearly Eric liked blue-eyed blondes himself, since he'd turned Pam and wanted me. But Eric's manner of 'ownership' if that's what you could call it, was so benevolent compared to what Andor seemed to hint at. It made me understand something of why Eric was the way he was, both with Pam and with those who owed him fealty. The idea of Eric being compelled, cowed and forced to do things, sexual or otherwise, that he found offensive really chilled me. It put his comments about my surviving Neave and Lochlan in a slightly different light. Going through hell and still being yourself was obviously something that held great personal meaning for Eric. Only I guess his hell had lasted a lot longer than an hour or two. He said Andor was about ten years younger than he was, and Andor said that Ocella hadn't released them for a long time. I shivered at the thought.

My appetite was gone thinking about it all, so I rose and started cleaning up after myself. As soon as I ran the faucet, Ruben came running, looking all concerned.

"I can clean up after myself, thanks," I said quietly. He stood watching me, hovering, hoping that I would just leave him to it and go away. He was very worried about how to keep everyone safe. I felt bad and stopped reading his thoughts. "Thank you, Ruben. I'm very sorry for all the fuss. Do you prefer to send something upstairs for me from now on? I want to do what will cause you the least amount of trouble. I don't want you to feel you should quit."

He hung his head. "I can't quit. I am ill and I need the blood. I get a bit of blood every week. It keeps me healthy. I will arrange something. Sending things upstairs would be easier. I can do three meals or more if you wish it. I will deliver them to you. Although Miss Pam said that tomorrow I have to pack food for you, because you will go out with her before eating." He looked over at me. "Thank you, Mrs. Northman. Thank you for your kindness."

I wasn't so sure that I was comfortable being called Mrs. Northman. Especially considering Mr. Northman's threats.

Andor gestured that we should go back upstairs. As we went back up I said,

"In a way I guess you and Eric are almost like siblings, then. In a vampire sense."

Andor looked down at me and nodded. He smiled slightly, but said no more.

Pam had left several books on her desk for me to choose from. Middlemarch, Daniel Deronda and Little Dorrit were all so long I didn't think I'd be able to finish the book before the end of my stay and I didn't want to take one of Eric's books back to Virginia and chance losing it or having something happen to it. I settled on Emma and started reading. Emma was a rather annoying character in some ways. She was bright but so stubborn and infuriating. I hadn't read the book in a long time, but remembered thinking that Mr. Knightley had the patience of a glacier to have dealt with her. As I started reading the book, I glanced over and looked at the two very thick George Eliot novels and then wondered if selecting them along with the several hundreds of pages shorter Emma was deliberate on Pam's part. Perhaps Pam thought that I, too, was stubborn and infuriating. If she had intended the analogy, it was hard to take it any further currently, at least in my mind, because I had a very hard time envisioning the older and very patient Mr. Knightley threatening to kill more than twenty people if even one of them did anything to Emma. I thought of Eric making such a threat and told myself that surely he didn't mean it. Another part of me was not quite sure he didn't. The vision of the Eric that Andor described seemed incongruous with the Eric who had promised collateral damage if any one of the downstairs 'food' harmed me again. And this was the same Eric who was so gentle and affectionate with me, who worried that he could hurt me? The look on his face when I had talked about Charlotte just chilled me. I thought of what he had said several nights before, that he thought that maybe what had bothered me was that I had fallen for a vampire. I had scoffed at the idea, but I guess that I hadn't had many opportunities in recent times to reacquaint myself with what vampires were really like. It made me realize that Eric was insulating me from a lot of things. His takeover, the problems with the Area 2 vampires, some of whom had been rendered finally dead that second night that I was here, when Pam had been instructed to keep me nicely and safely on the other side of the building. Violence was just a slap of supernatural reality.

I was already on page 126 when Pam came back to her office shortly after 2 am. She seemed amused that I had selected Emma.

"I figured it was more likely I'd be able to finish it before I leave, but it's going pretty quickly."

"Yes, it's a quick read. Emma is so endearing, isn't she? I just want to drain her, turn her and compel her to behave herself." She smiled with her fangs down ever so slightly.

"I wondered if you were trying to send a subtle message with the choice of Emma, Pam."

"What message? A book about a stubborn, headstrong, and difficult young woman? I don't know what you could possibly mean, Sookie."

She sat down at her desk and started working, typing at lightning speed on her keyboard. After a few moments she said,

"We're still on for the shooting range tomorrow evening? I don't have anything on my schedule for tomorrow until after 11 pm."

"That's fine," I said quietly.

After a long pause, I said,

"Pam, do you resent me?"

She craned her head around her computer monitor and looked at me with narrow eyes.

"I have no interest in conversations loaded with emotional revelations, Sookie. I'm working here."

Geez, I guess that's a yes, I thought to myself. I went back to reading and tried not to ruminate on that point. Finally, almost fifteen minutes later, Pam said from behind her monitor,

"I do not resent you. I wish you were kinder to my sire. But I have told you this before and it made no difference in your manner. While I don't believe that you are as callous as your manner makes you seem, I do think that you fail to see that your distrust is so often misplaced and your manner hurtful."

I stared at her and blushed.

"You think I'm callous? Why? Because of what I said earlier tonight? I apologized. And I felt bad that I said what I did."

"That was just the latest example. You do it all the time, Sookie, all the time. Unchanged for years. Your manner, more than what you say. I really don't know what you want from Eric. You're bound to him. You should be able to know how he feels and that he just doesn't deserve what you throw at him. I know you're damaged but honestly, Sookie, you need to wise up. No one is an infinite well of patience and forgiveness."

"You think I'm bad with Eric, then?" Damaged. Pam says I'm damaged? I thought to myself.

"No. I think you are distrustful and deliberately distant. Not 'bad'. Although occasionally, like tonight, you are so cutting that it makes even me shrink. But I am hardly one to chide you for sarcasm. Why show up, however, just to be distant? Why bother? If you're really so reticent about the relationship, tell him to get lost so he can get over it already. But don't jerk him around again, Sookie. He really doesn't deserve it. And to be distracted by you at this particular juncture would be more dangerous than ever. The consequences were already heavy enough in the past."

She then went back to typing rapidly on her keyboard. Could she feel my present sense of distance or reserve because I was worried about what Eric had said downstairs? But still, Pam calling me distant was the pot calling the kettle black.

"I really think it's something, you're talking to me about being cool or distant, Pam."

"Trust me Sookie, I know of whence I speak."

"Is this from Dear Abby? Lizzie Bennet's advice to her sister Jane?"

"No, my friend, it is from real life observation. Of you. And knowing what it's like not to trust easily myself. There's a reason why I'm still here a hundred and fifty years later. There's a reason why people who have known Eric for a thousand years are here."

"I know why Andor is here. He told me. And, I guess, the same for Stefan."

"And don't forget Cadel," she said.

"Cadel? Cadel, too? But Cadel's dark-haired…" I said, surprised. "Not Markus, as well?"

Pam erupted into laughter.

"They tell jokes about it. Evidently there really aren't a lot of blonds in Wales. No, Markus is actually Andor's child. He was part of their plan to get rid of their sire. I'm not sure of the all details. Andor evidently had to turn him or he would have died, or something. But it's not just the sibling survivors of Eric's sire. Look at Rasul, at Maxwell, even Bill. Everyone in Area 5 that helped us. There has to be a reason for all our loyalty, after so long for some of us. Certainly mine is the only one that could be compelled. And Eric has rarely compelled me to do anything. Other than perhaps being quiet. No, Eric is very decent, Sookie. He likes people to be happy. He, himself, tends to be very happy. He is not a dark and tortured vampire. Unless of course, it comes to you. So think about how he got that way. There's a mirror over there if you need assistance," she said acerbically giving me a sharp look.

She suddenly resumed typing and looked busy referring to a couple of documents on her desk, just in time for Eric to enter the office. He looked tired and somewhat annoyed. He eyed Pam as he sat down on the couch, but said nothing. Then he looked at me and tapped the space to his left on the couch. I rose and sat next to him. He wrapped his arm around me, pulled me closer and kissed me.

"Your head continues to feel better, Lover?" he murmured to me.

I nodded. I felt odd, confused about what I felt and thought about Eric.

"And you ate well?"

I nodded again, thinking about what Pam had been saying, while looking up at Eric's face. He seemed so very complex in my eyes, now. More so than he ever had before.

He looked at the spine of the book I was holding, with my index finger keeping my place.

"Emma? She gave you Emma?" He made a face. "That's such a silly Austen book." He glanced over at Pam and shook his head. "A frivolous Austen heroine. I only finished it so that I could argue with Pam about her incredibly bad taste. She'll tell you some garbage about social constraints." He looked back at me. "You like Tolstoy. What about Flaubert? James? Thackeray? Galsworthy? Or Wharton. Fitzgerald? More Dickens? So many choices better than Emma. Maybe go more modern. Kundera? Ondaatje? Pamuk?" He shook his head as he looked darkly back over at Pam. He sat up slightly to see what else was on her desk and groaned. "She's going to make you read Middlemarch, Sookie. If you keep coming back, she'll eventually make you read it, one way or another. She'll just look for any excuse. Any slight. Watch yourself, Lover. She discussed Middlemarch for the better part of a decade back in the 20's."

Pam went on typing faster than I could even think or speak. Steadfastly ignoring Eric. And Eric looked... tired. If that was possible for a vampire.

"You look tired," I said softly.

He seemed hesitant and then finally said,

"If I asked you to do me a favor, would you not take it the wrong way? Not think I was trying to use you or something? Just consider it my asking you for help?"

"Well, without knowing what it is, I can't say if I'll take it the wrong way. What's the favor?"

"I would like you to listen at a meeting with someone. A project manager who is a holdover from the previous regime. I have a feeling the person isn't honest but I haven't been able to put my finger on it. A lot of people are invested in the project and I have concerns but we haven't been able to turn up anything to confirm my intuition. Cadel has been looking into it for weeks but found nothing concrete... I think the man is very clever. But I'm sure there is something wrong there. Would you mind doing this for me? I meet with him tomorrow night."

"I wouldn't mind as long as my same old rules apply. If the guy is robbing you blind, you call the police or handle it by legal means."

"Of course, Lover. Of course."

"And you have to promise me that if anyone downstairs goes for me, you won't kill everyone living there. Then we have a deal. I'll read people for you any time I'm here if you need me to, if you agree to those two things."

"But I could glamour them all into thinking I did in everyone else and that each is the sole survivor of a bloodbath and then have them dumped in the Quarter with the thought they barely escaped with their lives?"

"No. Of course not! How much better is it to have everyone think that you did that, Eric?"

He laughed at me. "I think it's certainly much better to the people who aren't dead, first of all," he said wryly. "And I have my really evil reputation to maintain, Lover."

It had never occurred to me that Eric would glamour people into thinking he was worse than he really was.

"I'm serious Eric. What if they went to the police? How do you explain it then?"

"And so am I, Lover. If you glamour them well enough, they'll be afraid to go to the police. They'll just stay away from vampires for good," he said with a slight smile. "My way is better. But no matter what, if any person here harms you, that person is done for and there's nothing that you're going to tell any of us to make us do otherwise. I've already talked to Rasul. That mistake will not be made again. It sets an unacceptable precedent of tolerance for something I will not tolerate. So you better get over that idea. It's non-negotiable, as you like to say." He said this with a real edge to his voice.

From behind the desk, Pam said "You've got dibs but we're taking turns, okay?"

"I think not. But I have already told them all that if I am unavailable that you are in charge and that no decision is to be made without consulting you. Rasul overstepped. And he has been reminded that he did."

I guess I had to be seriously vigilant if I went downstairs. I hoped that Ruben's arrangements would work out. I changed the subject.

"What time is your meeting tomorrow? I promised to go to the shooting range with Pam so she can learn how to handle a gun."

I could almost see Pam smiling behind her computer monitor over the fact that I was honoring my plan with her.

"We can switch it to 11 pm, if that will work for you both. Pushing it back for my convenience lets him remember who is in charge, anyway. I'll have Stefan contact him through our day person."

I tried to shift my thoughts away from the whole situation with the people downstairs. I was lost in thought for a while and then finally said,

"Could I use a phone here tomorrow in the early evening to call someone? I don't want to use my cell phone to make the call."

Eric turned to me and frowned. "Of course you can." He shook his head as if amazed I'd even ask such a question. He didn't ask whom I wanted to call but I could tell he was curious.

I looked away and said, "I want to call Jason. I keep thinking about how Bill described him on Saturday. He said he's not doing well. He must feel very alone. It's making me feel very guilty the more I think about it. Maybe when I come back next month, he can drive down with Bill and Sam. I could put him up in a hotel for the night. But first I want to just talk to him and… apologize."

"Use my cell phone to call him, Lover." Eric said as he massaged my shoulder.

Pam looked at me from across the room and smiled with an amused look on her face. "So you are already coming back next month? So soon? Careful. We might think you like it here."

I was actually planning for more than next month. In fact, I had already set the plans in motion in the afternoon, before all the commotion. Pam seemed to think that I was so 'reticent' but I had tried to set the next two months of vacation, in accordance with my discussion with Eric the previous day. Now I was a bit uneasy with the plans. I tried to focus on the idea that Eric's statements to the people downstairs were just bluffing. That he was being clever. That the Eric I loved wouldn't really do anything so horrifying as what he had suggested. It would be fine, I told myself.

"I emailed personnel late this afternoon and asked for the third week of July and the third week of August and copied my boss. I think I can still hear his boss's explosive response all the way here in Louisiana. As Ahmed would say, he was probably seriously hacked off."

Eric seemed surprised.

"I thought you were so concerned about whether they would even let you keep working. Now you're telling them you want more vacation without resolving things first? It's the opposite of what you said you'd do."

"I know. I also wrote to my boss suggesting that they just find a vampire in one of the intelligence branches and try to get him or her to glamour me. I mean, it's the simplest and most straightforward way to address what their real concern is. I've really been thinking about it. Somebody has to have vampires working intelligence. Glamouring people is a great way to get information or make people forget they gave the information or make them even forget they had the information in the first place. And vampires would be terrific at surveillance. They're so stealthy and quiet. If you have one that can fly, you don't even have to worry about dropping them too close to a target. Maybe even for assassination purposes. I'm betting that both the CIA and NSA have vampires working for them at this point. The FBI has Weres. That I know for certain. Anyway, maybe that will just do it for them. If I can prove I can't be glamoured, they have nothing to complain about unless they just don't like vampires, right? That's the only reason they can possibly have to be concerned. That I could be used for access to classified information."

I felt like I was almost convincing myself on the point. The person I needed to convince the most was Manny's boss, Chuck Powell. Chuck had never really exactly liked me. He thought 'soft' interrogation had only limited use. And Chuck had absolutely no problem with the idea of using whatever 'enhanced' means were necessary to get information out of people. Of course the quality of the information was the issue to me. We had little respect, and something even bordering on active dislike, for one another.

I guess because Eric was so pleased I'd already requested the weeks in July and August, he didn't say anything further about the situation or start questioning if I could move or what was going to happen when I ran out of PTO, or really any of the stuff that got me stressed. Which was fine with me because I really didn't want more stress. He just pulled me closer. I leaned my head on his shoulder and we sat on Pam's couch, while Pam explained to Eric why even Emma was a better read than the 'vile' Crime and Punishment. She could barely keep a straight face, but I genuinely admired her efforts. As we rose to leave her office, she mentioned that she thought my hair looked lovely in spite of my having been smacked in the head several times. I just laughed at her shaking my head.

Eric went to speak to Stefan before we went upstairs. I found Rasul watching TV with Andor. They were watching soccer. He looked up at me, a bit edgily. I wondered what Pam, and then Eric, had said to him after he'd let Charlotte live. I sat next to him and just took his arm in mine. We didn't talk. I was sure the gesture was enough to convey my gratitude for his understanding me so well and sympathy for it having gotten him in trouble. I knew he wouldn't ever be able to do something like that again, but I could be grateful for what he had done. Five minutes later Eric entered the room with Stefan. He looked rather stonily at Rasul but said nothing. I rose and as I passed Stefan, I smiled at him. I guess Eric had tried to explain something about my thoughts on Charlotte to him because he smiled back and seemed more at ease. I said good night to the three of them and we headed upstairs.

As I started to undress, Eric came over to help me, undoing my bra and then wrapping his arms around me from behind. He bent his head lower and pressed his face against the side of my head. I shivered.

"You are still unsettled," he said in a low voice that rumbled through me.

"What you said frightened me. It frightened me from a moral standpoint and it frightens me because I work for the Justice Department, Eric. You threatened to commit murder. Mass murder. Because of me."

"To protect you."

"Well, I'm not comfortable with that. Not at all."

"I already told you exactly what I'd do Sookie. And I can assure you that I'm one of the most reasonable of my kind that you are ever going to meet. I care about what's mine, about my people, and only secondarily about some rather sketchily designed laws. If someone has intended to harm you, seriously harm you, they are open fare. What I said is a guarantee for your safety. You should be pragmatic enough to realize that by now. My way of doing business has been successful for centuries. I think you should trust me to know what I'm doing and how I do it."

I felt so tense. He turned me around and tipped my chin so that I would look up at him. I could see his eyes glowing softly. The only real light in the room came from the lamp out in the library. He pulled me closer to the nightstand and turned on the light so that I could see his face more clearly. He took hold of my jaw this time, firmly but gently, to make me look up at him. I swallowed hard looking at his face, which looked like a frightening blend of masculine beauty and predatory power, with his fangs fully down and his eyes boring into me.

"So in the end, there is an issue with my being a vampire, isn't there? I frighten you? Repel you? Do you think I would do what I said to those people downstairs? Yes or no?" he asked in a voice that was edgy enough to make me slightly scared.

My pulse accelerated and I struggled to get it better under control, breathing deeply. I looked him directly in the eyes.

"Do I think you have the ability to do that? Yes. Of course, you're a vampire. Do I think you'd really do something like that?" I paused and glanced down, swaying slightly in his grasp as I took a deep breath. "No. I just...No, Eric. I just can't believe that the same person I know, who can be so gentle would be capable of doing that. It would be so wrong and totally unfair and unjust. I... " I shook my head in his hand. I really just couldn't see it. I couldn't even see him getting anyone else to do it on his orders, either. "No," I said finally and firmly looking back into his eyes. I trusted him. The Eric I knew was a good person, just as I had said the night before to him. "I meant what I said yesterday. And I still think it's true. You're a good person. Being a vampire doesn't make you bad person." I actually wondered how much harder it must be to be good when you had a kind of power that could so easily be abused.

I reached up and touched his cheek. He caught my hand with his and kissed the palm of my hand. His face softened and his fangs began to retract somewhat. He gazed at me, wearily.

"Du är så mycket problem, min älskade. A lot of trouble," he chuckled softly. "But I've always loved trouble." He kissed me. "Let's go to bed. It's late."

We got undressed and I got into bed, and I thought again to myself that Eric seemed genuinely tired. I'd never exactly seen him tired before like he was tonight. I guess it was really like an emotional or mental thing, since physically it seemed vampires never tired unless they lost a lot of blood. We lay propped up in bed, reading until close to dawn. He picked up my hand and just held it, until he needed to turn a page, or until I did.

I read slowly, somewhat lost in thought. I was reflecting on my conversation with Pam. Distrustful, damaged, deliberately distant. Callous. Such harsh words. Were all these qualities really mine? Even though I'd disagreed with Pam about handling Charlotte, no one could argue about Pam being a shrewd judge of character. Pam would have seen Arlene's turnabout after the Were revelation coming a mile away. She had warned me months before that Arlene was not my friend. She had seen through Charlotte's scheming. Long ago she had told Eric to tell me the flat out truth about Bill as they knew it at the time. What Pam said she saw in me was unsettling to me. I thought about what she said about all the people who trusted Eric. It didn't matter to me that they were vampires who trusted Eric. If anything, it was almost more telling because it didn't seem to me that vampires were too trusting of anyone, even each other.

I looked back over what I knew of Eric's behavior with respect to me and had to say that he was always pretty protective of me, even if conveniently mutually so. Going back to the beginning, when he had staked Long Shadow for attacking me. He certainly hadn't always been as nice as he was at present with me, but I couldn't really pinpoint a time when I thought he done me any real harm. Even his threatening long ago to torture me to get the info about what Bill was up to had a different spin in my mind after hearing his thoughts about what he'd do with the people downstairs if anyone hurt me. I remembered his saying at the time, after telling Pam and Chow to leave, that he was just saying that for Chow's benefit and maintaining his reputation… I hadn't known what to believe at the time. Now I thought he'd probably really meant just that. He'd almost apologized for scaring me and had gone far out of his way to protect me in Jackson. I'd trusted him enough to even let him glamour me then, the only time I'd ever let anyone do so. There was that time he'd tried to really scare me, after I'd taken care of him, when I'd been shot. He had scared me, but then he ended up trying to protect me from Mickey only moments later. And really, in the months that followed, he hadn't even stuck to his words that his interest in safeguarding me would only continue until there was a conflict with his own safety or those of his people. Clancy had died protecting me. Eric put himself at great risk protecting me. Eric talked hard, and I knew he could probably really be hard, but it seemed like he was very careful about meting that hardness out. I remember Pam telling me when I arrived that Victor Madden's unfair treatment of Maxwell had tipped Eric over some edge. I gathered Eric had been quite hard on Victor. I didn't even want to imagine what they'd done to him. It seemed that Eric followed some internal code, just as I'd sort of recognized in our conversation about fidelity. He did have a sense of justice and fairness even if, for the sake of expedience, he was willing to make it seem otherwise. I thought about what Pam had implied about trusting Eric more. Why would I even be in a relationship at all with someone I couldn't trust? The answer was that, really, I wouldn't be. I had always trusted him in so many ways, even almost foolishly so. And yet I was still so guarded about being able to trust his feelings for me in return.

I glanced over at Eric and saw that it must be past dawn already because he was just out, with the book still in his hand. I took the book out of his hand, noting the page. It was something in German by Thomas Mann, an author I'd never read. I looked at the German text and wondered exactly how many languages Eric spoke. I even found myself wondering when Eric had learned to read, as in what century, and thinking about his collection of books. I knew that books had only been available within the past few centuries for people outside of universities, churches and for the wealthy. He seemed to really treasure his books. After so many centuries of wandering, I guessed it was a luxury to own so many books and to have a nice place to keep them. He must have been delighted to find that Pam liked to read, I thought to myself with a smile. It still amazed me that Pam seemed to harbor no ill will toward Eric for his having turned her. Personally, I'd have a hard time not holding a grudge against someone killing me and turning me vampire for, um, 'companionship'. It was after all, exactly what had happened to Eric himself. But Pam seemed to think it all worked out swell. Of course, my own 'companionship' experience with Eric was very pleasurable, so maybe that was part of it. But still... I also thought about her saying when she had told me about her being turned that she did not love Eric. I wondered if vampires just existed in a world with no love, or very little of it. That thought just made me sad. Possessiveness wasn't love. Eric had said once to me that he didn't like having feelings. None of them seemed to want to have feelings. To me, you loved your closest friends, at the least. I couldn't imagine living centuries without loving or being loved. It seemed that Eric did have vampire friends, if Andor, Stefan and Cadel were an indication. I wondered at Pam's comments. She had gone off on her own and lived in Minnesota for a time but then returned at what she had characterized as Eric's request, to help with Fangtasia. Could she really not love him in some sense? Where were the emotions in the vampire world I wondered?

I was finally getting sleepy as I thought about the fact that my visit was almost halfway over. In spite of having been hit in the head, and having spent a few hours being scared about what the other side of Eric might really be like, I was glad I'd come. I sighed heavily and thought to myself that I wasn't sure where things were headed but found that Eric was right. I felt more alive inside than I had in a long time. I had become a stronger, more experienced and certainly more worldly person in the past three years. But I had brushed aside some emotional inner life that, somehow, being here had managed to reconnect. Was it just the bond? Was it something in me? Would I feel dead inside when I went away? Had being here and being able to finally unburden myself even a bit about that horrible night finally released something inside me? I tried not to think about how it would feel to leave and go back home. Instead, I thought about how ironic it was that here I was thinking about how unemotional vampires seemed to be or seemed to want to be, while it was a vampire who had managed to make me feel so alive again.

I set aside Emma with Eric's book, rolled over and pressed my face into Eric's shoulder and drifted off into sleep.