"I broke my promise." I say as I lay there on top of Paul with his arms around me. I remember the last time I left and how I had promised him I'd never leave.
"You can't just up and leave when you feel like it, Jackie." I hear Paul say sadly and I nod knowing that. What if I'm not ready to be married to him and be that committed. I lift my head and rest my chin on his chest to look at him.
"I can't keep having you leave. I was going to propose and I don't think you're ready for that and I don't think I am anymore." he says and I nod as I understand what he's getting at.
"Maybe this is how long we were meant to be together, not any longer." he says and I'm surprised at his reluctancy to give up. I break his eye contact and lay my cheek back down on his chest.
"I thought you wanted me back." I say sadly.
"I don't think you want this or marriage, because you keep running away." he says and I swallow as my throat is dry, I'm going to cry.
"This is it?" I ask him as my voice threatens to break.
"Yeah, it is." he says and I nod and get off him and we both get dressed.
"Bye." he says and we hug as tears spill down my cheek.
"Bye." I say and he kisses the top of my head. He leaves and I get a flight out of there hours later and stay with Holly. All of my stuff from his house comes to the apartment and I move back in, as hard as it was. I didn't want to be back here, not really with Holly, I hate this town and I miss London.
After two weeks of it happening I still can't wrap my head around it. I left him, he found me and begged for me back, we made love and he decided he didn't want this or if that is even correct. It got easier I guess over the next year as I went to college and my mind was taken off of it. I still miss him, but it wasn't as overwhelming and life consuming as it was at first. I didn't date other guys, because I was always reminded of Paul and how what we had was special. I stopped being a fan of the Beatles, I put all my stuff in boxes and put it in the garage. Holly still is a fan now after a year of us breaking up.
Its January of 1968 and I found one of Holly's Beatles magazines on the counter and it was flipped open to a page with a picture of Paul and a brunette, apparently a girl he's seeing. We hadn't talked not even once over the past year and I feel so badly about what happened. I was in my room going through some old box when I found pictures of Paul and I, a whole envelope from Hawaii, my graduation, his first trip here and London, and I started to sob so hard and I couldn't stop until hours after. Holly found me crying in my room and took the pictures from my hand and hugged me as I continue to cry.
"Shh, it's okay." she says as her arms are wrapped around me and I cry into her shoulder.
"I screwed up, Holly. I screwed up so badly." I cry into her shoulder as I remember how it was all my fault. I left first, I was a controlling bitch about him doing drugs and I left the second time. He just couldn't forgive me another time.
"It's okay, it'll be okay. You'll find somebody else." she says and I shake my head.
"No I won't Holly, I love him and I messed it all up. It's all my fault." I complain as she rubs my back.
"It wasn't meant to be, Jackie." she says and I move away from her and cover my face with my hands as my elbows rest on my knees.
"He must hate me." I say while my face is slick with tears.
"No he doesn't." she says and i shake my head in disagreement.
"Yeah he does, I broke his heart and now he probably doesn't even give a damn about me because he has some new girlfriend." I rant.
"Im sure he still cares about you." she says as she lightly rubs my back and I sigh as I try to breathe from crying so damn hard.
"She was some girl he was spotted with." she says.
"Yeah, some girl he's sleeping with." I say whilst crying. How could I be so incredibly stupid and ungrateful? Ugh I hate myself so much for this.
"Maybe you two need to resolve things." she says.
"No, he won't walk to talk to me." I say and I hear her sigh. She squeezes my shoulder and leaves the room.
Paul's POV
I left her basically. I couldn't go on knowing she couldn't handle that commitment and I didn't want to waste my time. It took me months of being depressed and doubting my decision, but I resisted calling her and I guess I moved on. I went on dates, slept with some birds, but never had a serious relationship. I haven't heard from her and I hope she's doing well and is happy, and maybe with a man who she'll want to commit to, but the thought of her being with a man whose not me bugs me and I don't like the thought of it really. Of course I have been haunted by memories of her for months on end and I still am, by old pictures I have in drawers, the ring I stowed away in a dresser, memories of her laughing in the kitchen and so many other things I couldn't forget. It was hard at first to date again and to sleep with a bird who wasn't her, but I figured i need to throw myself out there after the tabloids found out we had broken up and I wanted sex basically. It was weird to be with another woman at first, to go out on a date and practically know nothing about them. Where with Jackie I could tell what mood she was in by the look on her face, understand what she meant when she made no sense and what she wanted when she was too shy to ask. I never forgot about her.
I'm downstairs reading the paper with a cup of tea and Martha at my feet when the phone rings.
"Ello?" I answer the phone and mentally note what line I'm at in the article.
"Hi Paul." a female voice says and one I haven't heard in a year, I'm surprised to hear it.
"Hey Holls, how're you?" I say and I hear some rustling on her line and her arguing with another female. Jackie?
"Why're you calling, love? Is everything alright?" I ask a bit concerned.
"I think you and Jackie need to talk." she says to my complete surprise and I hear a voice in the background say 'no, we don't'.
"What about?" I ask.
AN: Thoughts?