Within Holy Walls

By Tenshi no Ai

(C) Square Enix

Eleven: Galatea (sculpting with my memories)

-0-

Normally, I like sleeping for more than ten hours a night. I can function with less, but I prefer at least ten. Lately though, I'm lucky to snatch five hours, what with sewing and thinking up lessons.

After all, I have a very special student.

"Izlude, your penmanship is becoming very nice." I hold up his paper so that it's at eye level, carefully inspecting the way he wrote out the alphabet in ancient Ivalician. Very nice. Looking over at him, I smile when I see his bashful expression lighten up into an unsure smile.

"You're...you're really sure, Miss Reis? I mean, the scholar who normally tutors me and my sister always says that my writing is deplorable compared to Meliadoul's..." He looks down at the table, his unruly bangs hiding most of his face from me. This is the second full day I've had in tutoring Izlude, and I've noticed that every time I praise him--because he's a very devoted student--he talks about how his sister has always been said to be better than he is.

It seems like...he's always been compared unfavorably to her all his life.

I can't stand that. He's...he's such a nice boy...

"Izlude." Slowly he raises his head at my voice, giving me a smile that feels like...like he's hiding his true feelings. I want to look away, but I force myself to keep my eyes on his false smile.

--Reis, you don't have to smile for my sake--

I understand why Beowulf said that...it's so painful to see someone hiding their true feelings. Someone that I really care about, even if I just met him... "Izlude, have you always been told this...that your sister is better than you?"

The false smile drops off his face as his dark eyes avoids my face in favor of the tabletop. "Because it's true. Meliadoul's already a knight, and she can wield a crossbow and a sword. She's going to be knighted as a Holy Knight in about a year, too. She's really smart, and really strong..." He takes a deep breath. "There's no way I could ever compare to her."

...That's horrible. He's only thirteen, and he truly believes this...

"Do your parents think this? Does your sister?" I can't help it. This has nothing to do with me, nothing at all, but...

He looks and acts too much like Quain that...that I have to know.

I have to know how my little brother would feel if he were in a situation like this.

"...Father always says that I'm not trying my hardest, that if I were really trying, I'd be as good as Meliadoul." I stare at him, shocked. How could a father say something like that to his child? "Mother, when she was alive..." Izlude smiles suddenly, his eyes full of sadness as he continues, "she would always tell me that I was just as good as Meliadoul. That I have the potential to be anything I want to be." He closes his eyes.

"But she's dead now, and no one tells me that anymore."

I look away.

I'm hurting him by being curious. I'm hurting myself by being curious.

It seems that I can't do anything good, but I still want to know.

Did Quain ever feel this way too? Papa and Mama never treated any of us different, never singled out one of us as being better than the others. But while Tyrei and I were more suited for the traditional hunter family lifestyle, Quain was...little brother Quain was such a nice boy.

Why would a parent ever raise a nice boy by telling him how inferior he is to his sibling?

"I'm sorry," I finally say. "It's because you resemble one of my brothers so much...I can't help but pry. I'm really sorry..."

"It's okay Miss Reis," Izlude says kindly. "You have brothers?"

I smile, trying to conjure up happier feelings. I am with my 'brother', after all. "Yes, two younger brothers who are two years younger than me. They're twins."

A true smile appears on Izlude's face. Good, maybe he's feeling a bit better. "Oh? Where are they?"

I don't know.

"Ah...they're not here with me right now..." I can't help but appreciate my skill at evasiveness. I guess that's to me as magic is to Beowulf...

He looks at me for a moment before his eyes widen. "Oh...I-I didn't mean to...I'm sorry!"

...What? "Sorry about what?"

His lower lip trembles. "They're dead, aren't--"

"No!" The scream bursts out of me, a sudden irrational fury rising in my chest. How can he say something like that? That's not...I don't know...

They're just missing. They're not...I don't know if my family...

They're just not here right now, that's all!

"I...I'm sorry for my stupid assumption...everyone tells me that I do that, but I didn't mean...I really didn't..." He lowers his head, and I can hear him sucking in air in that way people do when they're trying not to cry...

Did that feel good, Reis? I'm the one who started all of this, asking him personal questions and dragging the pain to the surface, and then I yell at him because I didn't like what he said.

I really am a horrible person, aren't I?

I reach out hesitantly, lightly touching his arm with my right hand. He looks up at me, no tears in his eyes but a deep redness about his whole face. "I'm sorry." Because it's all my fault in the first place. "It wasn't a stupid assumption at all. It's a realistic conclusion to reach, but I...I don't believe it. Not yet."

Not ever.

"Can you forgive me, Izlude?"

--I'm really, really sorry Quain. Please don't be mad at me, okay?--

"Of course, Miss Reis." He sniffles once, giving me a tense little smile. "That's the first time anyone's ever said something like that. Sometimes Meliadoul will apologize if she's wrong, but only if it's beyond a doubt." He blushes. "I think you're the nicest person I've ever met."

--O-okay, big sister...I'm sorry too--

I'm not nearly that nice. "You still have a lot of life left to live before you can say something like that." I remove my hand from his arm and turn in my seat, looking at Izlude's paper. "Since it seems that you've gotten the alphabet down, I'm going to test your reading now." I hand him a paper filled with different sentences in ancient script and he rewards me with a large smile.

"Okay, Miss Reis!"

--I can do it, big sister!--

I smile widely.

Yes...I'm sure you can, little brother.

-0-

I don't wake up when the first tendrils of light slither into my room. I never went to sleep last night, I went straight to my needle and thread.

Shakily, I continue sewing a yellow dress in the design of a female squire's uniform. The lantern beside me is dim, flickering in and out of existence.

My thumbs hurt, but they're wrapped so that I won't bleed on the fabric.

I don't want to see red right now.

-0-

A funny thing about sleep deprivation is the feeling of it. I'd like nothing more than to fall onto my bed and sleep for a day, but I'm also feeling more awake than ever. Kind of...jittery. A bit disturbing, but...I won't let myself miss out on teaching Izlude. He told me that he's leaving on Monday.

God, I wish he could stay with me longer...

I walk into the library, blinking rapidly. My eyes feel 'stuck'. I hope my dress isn't on backwards or something...something seems off. Probably just the lack of sleep affecting me...

"Oh, Reis, good morning." I turn and see Verden standing in the doorway.

"Good morning, Verden." Funny, it feels like I haven't said that in a couple of days. "I haven't seen you since Wednesday, have I?"

He shakes his head. "No, I've been studying the new edicts and volumes brought to me from Murond. When you're done translating Saint Ajora's prophecies, I've got some more work for you."

I struggle to smile at that. How lucky I am... "Is that so...I...I haven't been working on translating lately, actually."

"May I ask why?" Verden approaches me, something shining in his light blue eyes, "Reis, is everything alright?"

I close my eyes...oh, drifting...open eyes... "Everything's wonderful. I've just been tutoring Izlude Tingel in ancient Ivalician."

Verden looks surprised. "Did his father approach you for that?"

"No, I offered Izlude the chance and he was very excited about it." I smile curiously at his continued astonishment...why is he looking at me like that? "Is that alright?"

Verden's look softens into something that isn't his normal serenity, something that doesn't set him away from the rest of the world. His hands reach up to my face, softly cupping it...his hands are so soft...

My heart is pounding so fast...what is he doing?

"Reis..." His voice is soft, just like his hands... "You would willingly tutor a boy you don't even know...that is admirable of you."

This feeling...I'm trying to ignore it, but...

"I don't know about 'admirable' or anything...I'm just doing this because I wanted to..."

His face is closing in on mine...what is this...

"It's as I first thought. Reis, you truly are a queen of angels, both in presence and beauty."

I...

"I truly doubt that...Verden...I..."

He moves back, his hands slowly leaving my face. "And in modesty as well. I will see you at my sermon tomorrow, Reis." His gaze lingers on my face for a moment longer before he turns and walks out of the library.

Slowly, I bring my hands up to my face. My heartbeat isn't as frantic as before, but now I'm completely awake. That...that...

That feeling...

I wanted to run.

I didn't like that at all. Those soft hands are nothing like Beowulf's, that voice even less so. Even if Verden is a friend like Beowulf...I don't like his touch.

God, I miss Beowulf...

Ah...that undid all the calmness that sewing brings to me. That state of not-thinking, that wondrous state of forgetting...

"Good morning, Miss Reis!"

I look down into Izlude's cheerful face. Seeing those warm brown eyes, even if they are the wrong color...it's still very nice. "Good morning, Izlude. You're early today." He usually doesn't come by until after lunchtime. Could something be wrong?

He fidgets slightly. "I just wanted to learn more today, because...because I can't do anything else while I'm here anyway."

...Okay. I walk over to my table, listening to the sound of his boots as they lightly tread on the floor behind me. We sit down in our respective chairs and I pause as I reach for my notepad.

--because I can't do anything else while I'm here anyway--

Now that I think about it, with all the pressure on Izlude to become a great knight, why is he able to spend as much time as he is on more intellectual pursuits? Even if he is traveling... "Um, Izlude...why can't you do anything else while you're here?"

He looks at me. "Well, Father wanted to stop by here for so many days so that he could talk to Sir Kadmus, but Sir Chiroseau told us that Sir Kadmus is in Zaland."

Talk to Beowulf? Is something wrong? "Beowulf...ah, Sir Kadmus?"

"...You just now said..." Izlude pauses, then blushes. "Miss Reis, are you...close to Sir Kadmus?"

Um...well...that is...define 'close'. "We're friends."

"...Oh." He looks down. "He must be a nice person, since you're friends with him."

...Did I say something wrong? "Just like you, Izlude," I smile and he wanly smiles back.

Just like Beowulf...but different.

Significantly different.

-0-

I stumble back to my room, yawning every few minutes. Oh...sleep would definitely be good tonight...I open my door, clumsily shutting it behind me, then I heavily collapse on my short but wide bed...

Darkness...

It's always dark.

Step by step, I wander through the darkness, unrelenting, never-ending...

This isn't so bad.

There are worse things than walking alone and not seeing how truly alone I am.

That's fine.

"Reis!"

Hmm...? Is that Beowulf?

I turn and look up into deep red eyes. I can't see anything else but those eyes...that shade of red...

"Is this what you truly want? You would rather drown in the darkness than...than be with me? Am I really that bad?"

It's safer. You're going to leave me sooner or later anyway, so I might as well separate myself from you now.

"No...it's not me, is it? It's you...it's because of you. I'm trying...I've tried so hard to get you to open up to me, but you just keep pushing me away."

That's...that's uncalled for...

The red disappears.

Of course. I knew you would leave.

It's you...--

Because of me...is it truly because of my attitude?

Either way, you left. Whether it's because of me or because of something unavoidable in the future...you're still going to leave, aren't you?

Aren't you?

"Reis?"

"Big sister?"

Tyrei...? Quain?

"Reis, you're mean now."

"Yeah, you don't...you're not our big sister. You're just--"

"--a shell. A pretty shell with nothing--"

"--nothing inside."

"Just like you wanted to be."

Their voices ring out simultaneously with the last sentence, and I am brought to my knees.

What are you saying? I am Reis. I...I'm your big sister Reis...!

"No."

"Not anymore."

"You just look like her."

"We're going to find our real sister."

But I am--

Come back...! I want to tell you...I want to prove to you...

I am Reis.

I am...

I...

Is all this...my fault...?

I can't see...where is everyone? I want to find you, I want to show you who I am!

It's dark. Unrelenting and all-encompassing dark.

And I'm the only one here.

Always...

My eyes snap open. The evening light splashes into my room from my window, pooling over my bed, over me with a silver sort of blue.

God. Thank God it's not completely dark.

I sit up unsteadily, my arms slowly wrapping themselves around my thin frame. I can't see why Beowulf would want to hold someone as slender as me in his arms...

--I've tried so hard to get you to open up to me, but you just keep pushing me away--

Stop that. Stop that stop that I don't want to think about it! Please, just leave me alone...!

Fumbling, I crawl off the edge of the bed...ah--! I grit my teeth and sit up on my knees, clutching at my right shoulder with my left hand. The pain, after the initial bloom, slowly withers into dull throbbing. I lean against the edge of my bed, face towards the ceiling, gulping in deep breaths of stale air.

--You know, if you want to talk I'm right here. I'd like to hear what's going on in your mind--

Blindly, I grope around for my needlework case, hands smacking against the stone floor uselessly.

--We're friends here, after all--

What am I thinking? Lantern...flasks of oil...

--But...I think that you look beautiful, even with a glare on your face. You're really one of a kind--

I spill some oil on my lap, but through the night's light I'm able to fill up the lantern.

--We're compatible--

The light from the trapped flame blinds my eyes when I hastily turn the lantern's knob. Instinctively I clench my eyes closed, bright spots inhabiting the darkness behind my eyelids.

--I think that...you and I aren't as different as I thought at first...no, not at all--

What do you know?

--Trust me--

You say all these things so easily...

--Reis, if there's something you want to talk about, I'm right here. I'll always be here for you--

But you...

--You're not alone--

You and your destructive kindness...with those words, the way you touch me...you almost make me believe that you won't disappear! You'll stay with me...I won't be alone anymore...

--I'll see you later, Reis--

But even if you can't help it, you'll still have to leave me anyway.

I don't want to think about this anymore.

Just let me forget...

-0-

The light is shining brightly in my room and my fingers hurt.

It's not dark anymore.

That's a good thing...

I can see...I can see my loneliness.

That's not a good thing...

I should...I should go out.

If I go out, I should change first.

Yes.

I should do that now...

-0-

Slowly I make my way to the front of the church. There are lots of people pouring out of the main area...the nave. Oh...is today Sunday? Verden has his sermons on Sunday. I must've missed it.

I don't want to see Verden right now.

I'll go to the library then. He won't be there all day. The library is a good place now. It's good because...

My head hurts. I think it's because I've slept two hours this whole weekend.

That's bad.

So are my dreams.

Oh, library door. Open...

Nobody's here...hmm...?

There's a boy at the back of the library. His back is to me...he's familiar, somehow.

That height, that brown hair...could it be...?

Quain?

Quain!

I run through the small library, roughly landing on my knees and throwing my arms around Quain's waist. I rest my forehead against his lower back and this is true happiness even if everything seems so muddled...

But that doesn't matter! This is Quain! Finally, finally...!

"I've missed you so much, Quain...so, so much..."

He's so warm. His heart is beating so fast. He must be so excited too!

"...Re-Miss Reis?"

He's always been so polite, even after such a long time... "I liked it better when you called me 'big sister', Quain. But I don't mind..."

He shuffles around a bit. "Miss Reis, I'm Izlude Tingel. Remember?"

... 'Izlude Tingel'?

...Oh, I see. After all, if Tyrei's not with him, that means that Quain must be the only one left. He's always been more dependent, so he had to have been adopted in order to survive.

That makes sense.

"It doesn't matter what your name is, you're still my little brother." I hold him closer to me. "But if you're more comfortable with the name 'Izlude', I don't mind calling you that."

"I...Miss Reis..." Quain's voice has a hint of something...something's off...

Leave me alone. I'm not going to have bad feelings get in the way of my reunion.

"With you here again, everything's okay...your big sister is always going to be with you from now on..." I raise my head. "We'll always be together, okay?"

Slowly, so slowly, he starts turning his head. I smile. That jawline...those cute rosy cheeks, those eyes...

Those eyes...

Those aren't the right eyes.

Quain's eyes are amber, but these eyes are dark brown.

No.

This isn't...

"...You're not Quain Dular at all, are you?"

Those eyes look so sad. "No, Miss Reis."

...God.

No.

Everything else is the same, so why aren't you...you could've been, but those eyes...

If I had slept last night, there's no way I would've been taken by such a perfect copy.

No, that's not it either.

It's been almost eight years. If this had really been Quain, he would've been nineteen.

Izlude looks like the Quain in my memories. Those memories that I've thrown back into the deepest recesses of my mind for nearly eight years, then pulled them out into the surface. The memories that I've tried to drown myself in, tried to bring back the me I used to be, bring everything into the present...

Oh God.

What have I been doing to myself?

My arms drop to my sides.

I don't want to think about this...I want to stop this...

That's the exact thing that brought me to this moment, isn't it? My way of thinking, avoiding those thoughts that threaten to disrupt my mind, my sense of harmony. Avoiding, pushing away, not thinking...

This is what I've done to myself.

"...Miss Reis?" I look up into Izlude's concerned face. Concern, even after I mistook him for a brother lingering in my memories...God.

"I'm sorry, Izlude, I--"

"I want to be your brother."

...What? "Izlude, I'm sorry, but I don't understand."

He shuffles around for a moment before a tentative smile slowly appears on his face. "Miss Reis, you're a nice person. Even if you say 'live out your life first before saying that', I still think you're the nicest person I've ever met. You...you always tell me that I'm really smart and that I do a good job, and it makes me feel really good. So I...I want to do something nice back."

I look away from his comforting smile. "Still, I completely disregarded who you are. I was completely convinced that you were my little brother Quain, even if the ages don't match up...I don't think that I'm worthy of your kindness."

"But you are!" Izlude yells. "I'm sorry, but everybody's worthy of kindness. Even if they're an enemy, they still deserve a chance. And you...you're definitely no enemy. You just don't see that you're a really nice person."

I mistake him for an afterimage of one of my brothers, and he doesn't even care. Who's the truly nice person here? "...And you don't realize that you're a really great person."

He blushes. "I don't know about that..."

We stare at each other for a long moment before we both start laughing. It's completely absurd, but I feel so light.

I feel good. I've completely ruined myself, but I feel good.

"Alright then." I smile as the laughter dies down. "I would be honored to have a brother like you."

"Really?" Izlude's eyes light up and my smile widens.

"Yes, but on one condition." I hold out my hand to him. "We both have to try our hardest to reach our dreams and become great people in our own minds."

I won't look backwards for my support. I won't depend on my memories and force myself in a world inhabited by only myself, but I won't try to forget, either. I'll follow my instincts and, even though it's uncomfortable, I'll keep myself open from now on.

I'll try, anyway.

His smaller hand grasps mine. "Did you ever tell me who you wanted to be like?" I shake my head. Such an innocent question has an innocent answer.

"I want to be like my mother." I smile slightly. "I've always admired her."

He nods, then looks away. "Um, Miss Reis?"

"Yes?"

A light redness blooms on his face. "Does this mean that...um, I'm closer to you than Sir Kadmus?"

My smile fades, but I try to bring it back. Judging by his look, it was successful.

Beowulf...

--I've tried so hard to get you to open up to me, but you just keep pushing me away--

Even if that was a dream, it's still true. I don't want to admit it, but it really is.

I'm so sorry, Beowulf...

-0-

Monday has come too soon for my liking.

Izlude stands at the entrance to the library, looking down at his feet. "...I had a lot of fun these past days, Miss Reis."

Biting my lower lip, I kneel down before him and smile up into his lowered face. "So did I, Izlude. You've taught me a lot, you know."

"I...you've taught me a lot too." He smiles down at me. "I mean, more than just ancient Ivalician letters, but...I'm going to make my promise come true. Because of you, I definitely think I can do it."

Hearing these words, I feel so useful. If someone like me can motivate another like this and vice-versa, then I can't imagine the influence of the nobility. But then again, do they influence through power, or by kindness? "Be safe, Izlude. Even if you're going to be a great knight, I don't want to hear any bad news about you before I can see you again."

He stands taller, squaring his shoulders and looking more like a man than a boy. "Can I write to you? I'll write in ancient script!"

I laugh. "That's fine. I'll do the same."

This is a different sort of goodbye. It doesn't seem like such a tormenting experience.

I'm absolutely sure that we'll be reunited again.

--tmptmptmp--

"Izlude, are you done? Father's getting irritated!"

We both turn to the door, myself standing up in the process, just as a girl completely covered from the neck down in a forest-green dress appears just beyond the entrance of the library. She's about medium height for a female, with chin-length dark brown hair and piercing dark eyes.

What an intimidating girl...

"Melia, this is Miss Reis. She's the kind lady who was teaching me how to read ancient script." Izlude turns to me, smiling widely. "Miss Reis, this is my older sister, Meliadoul. She's going to be one of the best Shrine Knights ever."

This girl...Meliadoul tilts her head slightly to the side, staring at him with what seems to be curiosity. "Hm...what do you mean by 'one of the best', Izlude?"

He gives me a sidelong glance, then smiles at his sister. "I'm going to become as good as Father, just like you!" Izlude gives me his full attention now, "Miss Reis, thank you. I hope to see you soon." He grins lopsidedly at me, then leaves the room. Meliadoul, a bemused sort of smile on her face as she watches her brother leave the room, turns to me.

"Thank you, Miss Reis. I'm sure my brother will be all the more stronger thanks to the knowledge you've imparted onto him." She bows. Wow, that's really formal. But somehow, that doesn't seem appropriate coming from her. I don't think she's the gentle sort.

I bow deeply to her. "Thank you for entrusting your brother to me, and I hope what you say comes to be." She nods slightly, then turns and walks away.

Once again, I'm alone in this library. But that...it doesn't seem quite so bad.

My new little brother, Izlude...I hope you can fulfill our promise. I'll try my best too, and when we see each other again, we can talk about these days...the days that opened up our true potential.

Stay alive until then, Izlude...

-0-

"Reis--!"

I wince. My ears can't take that sort of punishment...I turn around from my door and focus my attention to quite possibly the widest grin I've ever seen. "Peppermint...is something going on?"

She bounces up and down on the balls of her feet a few times, practically glowing with happiness. "They're back, Reis! The knights--our knights--are back!"

My eyes widen. Beowulf's back? "Since when?"

Clapping her hands together in front of her, she takes a deep breath. "Seems about thirty minutes ago." She gestures to her regulated white mage's robe. "I'm actually going to go change now and meet my boyfriend at our place." She sighs. "Almost a week...it's simply too long, don't you think?"

With all the things that happened, including my recent revelation about myself, I'm inclined to agree. "It's a long time, that's true."

She laughs. "If you don't show your happiness, your friend's going to think that you don't care!"

...Is that really true? I look down. "Do you really think so?"

"Well, maybe for most girls, but I think you show your feelings in a different way." Peppermint grins. "Anyway, I've got to get changed! Bye!" I watch as she prances down the hall to her room, so completely enveloped in her happiness.

I kind of wish I could do that...show my feelings more openly. Well, maybe not the jumping around and the yelling, but...

Well, that takes time. I'm going to find my own ways to express my feelings more openly, and with Beowulf...that's easy enough.

--and meet my boyfriend at our place--

I smile.

I guess I can start now, right?

-0-

I sit on the sill facing--more or less--Bariaus Hill, swinging my legs over the side of the wall. Night is approaching, coating the sky in dark, dark shades of blue. It's a beautiful evening and I'm...I'm happy that I can share this with someone.

This feeling, a nice warmness spreading from my chest to the rest of my body, is so relaxing.

--tmptmptmp--

Hm...I don't hear metal against stone, just regular boots. And I only know one person who walks like that... "Good evening, Beowulf."

"I thought you would be here." Pause. "Although it surprises me that I'm right."

I guess I deserve that, considering my confused state of before. "I had a feeling that you would come here." But I'm not surprised to see that I'm right.

He approaches quickly, and...what's this? A string of weird shapes is being dangled in front of my face. "As I promised, I brought back something for you," he says warmly.

Reaching up with my left hand, my fingers brush against Beowulf's hand. He places the string against my palm, his fingers lingering against mine even after I close my hand around the string. I inspect the strange figures on the string, the lack of light making my eyes strain. They sort of look like paper birds... "What is this?"

"Miss Koizumi, the daughter of the ambassador, made these paper cranes when I mentioned you. They're for good luck." His hand is gone from mine, but he sits right next to me while facing the opposite direction. He's in his regular uniform. "She called them 'orizuru'."

Orizuru...what an interesting word. I lower the orizuru to my lap, making sure not to crush them. I look over at him, taking in the details of his face. It feels like it's been a long time... "She didn't have to go through all the trouble of making these..."

He smiles, dark eyes colorless in the night, and I feel even warmer. "That's what I told her, but I didn't have any choice. I was in security meetings all week, and I didn't have time to go out and buy you something like I promised."

"I didn't really want you to buy me anything." I look down into my lap. Ah...I could add a bit more to that, can't I? He doesn't deserve my evasiveness, so I look up at him again. "As long as you came back, that was enough for me."

Beowulf looks at me a bit strangely. "How was your week?"

Where do I start? "It was...interesting."

"'Interesting'?"

"Emotionally draining," I clarify, and now he looks a bit worried "But I found out a lot about myself, and what I want, and..." I lower my gaze to the differently-shaded paper cranes on my lap. "And what I need."

"That sounds like a lot," Beowulf says softly. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

A strange sensation tickles my throat, but at the same time I can't help but smile. I don't understand these feelings. The emotions that Izlude arose in me were all feelings that I knew once, that warm, gentle kind of feeling from being around my family. But the feelings that Beowulf inspires in me...they're all so strange, and they're beyond me. Something that I don't think I could've admitted before is how much I've grown to really rely on these new feelings.

How much I've grown to rely on Beowulf.

Setting the string of cranes onto the sill, I swing my legs over the stone railing and push myself off, standing inside of the church. I look at Beowulf, and now I feel...bashful. "There is something you can do, Beowulf."

I usually don't like asking people for things, but...

He looks at me, smiling in that way that is so uniquely him. "Sure, what is it?"

...Well, alright. "Will you...um, will you hold me?"

I hear him exhale heavily. "You don't have to ask for something like that." He sounds happy and I start blushing. He stands and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I return his embrace, my arms encircling his shoulders as I rest my head against the bottom of his scarf. His chin rests on the top of my head. "I missed you, Reis," he whispers, his hands soothingly rubbing circles on my back...ahh...

Closing my eyes, I lean into him and listen to the sound of his heartbeat. That steady rhythm...what a wonderful sound. "I missed you too, Beowulf."

I don't understand a lot of things, but I do know that we'll eventually have to separate. But that's fine.

There's always next time, and next time I won't ask.

-End to Eleven-

This was a hard chapter to write. I knew what I wanted to happen, but I only have five-line summaries of each chapter, so I wasn't sure what exactly to write. I hope it doesn't seem rushed, since my computer had to be euthanized on Friday and I spent most of Saturday fixing him up. I sincerely hope that it bonds well with the rest of the chapters.

Let's play the 'Chain of Events' game! At thirteen--give or take a week--Izlude learns how to read and write ancient Ivalician. Five years or so later, Izlude is sent to Orbonne Monastery to find a book written completely in ancient script...

If I remember correctly, Meliadoul's inherent abilities include 'Equip Crossbow' and 'Equip Spear', hence the reference.

Reviewers!

Rift, yeah, I tried to make it fairly obvious that Izlude was showing up while trying to not be blatant about it. Well, please tell me what you think about my characterization of Izlude!

Luna Crescent, I feared I wouldn't be seeing you for awhile. ; Considering you've been reviewing my stories since Shiawasena--late 2001, in other words--I'd think that your reviews would mean that much more because you know my style and all. You're a junior in high school...I'm really surprised. I thought you were my age, or roundabouts there, and since I'm in college I just figured you would be too. Oh, now about your review...well, you can judge for yourself what kind of influence Izlude had on Reis, and vice-versa. Personally, all it means is that Reis won't self-angst automatically...well, less than usual. Oh, and what it offers for the growing relationship between Beowulf and Reis...this is going to be even more fun!

And Arreat's Hymn has devolved back to Mavina...I seriously don't understand why likes picking on you so much. I'm sure it really loves you. Well, this is me being hard on Reis...it's not that bad, is it? And, I don't think it's sweetness that Reis has so much as self-pity and the ability to withdraw into herself...I honestly can't say if her way or your way is better, but yours is probably more healthy. Now, I have to ask this because you say it fairly often in your reviews, but what is 'Soa'? Curious minds want to know! I'll let you know how Arnold's doing, but he doesn't even take office until November 15th or so, but when he does I'm sure things will get more interesting down here...hopefully in a good way...

Star Eevee, I received your review just as I was about to check this chapter on preview...it's a good thing I check my email first. Y'know, considering that my Ramza's going around as an uber-squire with Two Swords--two Excaliburs, Elemental, Hamedo with 97 Brave and some other good stuff at only 21 years old, then Reis' father can skin a King Behemoth and various monsters can be served as delicacies. Food and clothing are lucrative businesses in Ivalice, apparently.
I like to think that it's my duty as a fanfiction writer to stay true to the story while expanding the characters' personalities. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the game creators...just not for the game translators. Don't worry so much about not getting the word 'pun', I just love having quirky subtitles. Heh, I still love chapter 7's the most. But anyway, about Beowulf...it's hard writing him because I have to adhere to the personality set by the game--and I thank the goddess that I can read enough Japanese to get a better idea of his personality--while making him realistic and, more importantly, not whipped. ; If you're like Beowulf, then I'd think that you'd be like Mustadio, too. Ah...I find it ironic that anyone would ever find this to be such a great romance, considering that I've been told multiple times that I'm as romantic as a rock! Anyway, if I get the chance to--and I just bought Disgaea and FFX so I'm not so sure--I'll read your story, okay?

Thank you for reading! If you have any questions or comments, don't hesitate to review! Reviewers and non-reviewers alike, you're both totally cool in my eyes!

Chapter 12: Monster Talk (the talent that's not): 'I watch the carnage before me, feeling more than a little dumbfounded. I know that Beowulf's staring at me with what can only be described as astonishment, and I don't really want to see his expression. I mean, this is...it's kind of ridiculous. I can only imagine how this event could be recorded...

'Reis Dular, the woman who wielded a chocobo in battle.''