Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. I just like to write for fun.
Chapter 11
Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
"So I know you were upset over your parents divorce but I didn't think it'll lead to this," Jade gestured towards Tori's body with both hands, motioning in circles over the girls body.
"Lead to what?" Tori questioned, she adjusted in her seat wanting to face Jade better.
"Your depression and self-harming," Jade said.
She shook her head. "Well their divorce and my mom's disregard for Trina and me was a catalyst for my depression but it wasn't full on bad as it was now," she sighed. "Towards my first year at NYU I had accepted that it was for the best that she left, I was upset but I was trying to see the silver lining in the situation. You know? Like I still have a great dad in my life. Trina. You guys, the gang."
"So what happened?" Jade asked. "What pushed you further into your depression?"
She groaned, this was the worse part but she knew that she had to tell Jade. "Parker Avery," she answered.
"Who?" Jade hissed. Just by the look in Jade's eyes she knew that the girl was trying to remember if she ever got to know a Parker, so she can hunt him down.
"You never met him," Jade's eyes narrowed at that. "I met him my freshman year here."
"Oh," That's all that Jade said and gestured with her hand for Tori to continue.
This was never an easy thing to say out loud and more than anything she knew Jade would be fuming the moment she told her everything. "He swept me off my feet," her voice wavered and Jade gave her a concerned look. "I ran into him one day, I mean literally ran into him, as I was leaving Dean & DeLuca."
"Typical Tori," Jade snickered.
She rolled her eyes. "I apologized and he said 'he'll only accept my apology if I had coffee with him.' So I was still hesitant about being in New York and the people here, I mean there a lot of creepers here but I saw the NYU badge around his neck and I was sold, I figured I could trust a fellow student. I accepted. Gorgeous guy. Hazel eyes, caramel skin, great smile. He was smart and funny, everything a girl would be looking for in a guy."
"I bet," Jade muttered.
"Yeah, so that first day we spent hours talking about everything and anything. I didn't know where that was going but I knew that I was smitten by this guy."
"How did Andre take it?" Jade asked. "You both never mentioned anything."
"Andre was fine. He was dating this girl he met in his English course and well he was happy that I had someone in my life as well. So Parker," she sighed. "Everyday I met up with him after that. We did various things around the city. Spent weeks together without establishing what we were and he hadn't even tried to make a move on me. At that point I was wondering what was going on, if a guy wants to spend so much time with me but doesn't even try to kiss me or ask me out officially had me concerned. So I decided to make my move."
"Go ahead Tori," Jade cheered but became somber once again as if remembering what she was cheering.
She chuckled at that. "Three weeks in and we were walking around Central Park. We were both quiet, just walking along the path and I was lost in my thoughts. I thought it's now or never so I stopped him and kissed him," Jade's eyes widen. "Yeah, I know. He kissed back. There were declarations of liking one another and by the end of the day we were officially dating."
"So when did things go sour?" Jade asked.
"For the first few months everything was good. I was happy, this great guy loved me and I loved him. Took a little while for me to have sex with him but once it happened it made the relationship even stronger. Like even Andre thought he was cool, they hung out a lot. I unfortunately failed to see the signs," Her eyes began to tear up. "I didn't realize how possessive he was of me. I saw him everyday, I had to see him everyday even if I was exhausted or sick. I had to visit him in his apartment. We had sex everyday, there were times I didn't want to but he did and he would sort of just say go with it babe you know you want this and we would have sex. I wouldn't be into it but I faked it so he could get it in and out."
She let out a shaky breath. "That bastard," Jade fumed.
"Days that I had my period, I had to give him head or a hand job because he felt neglected and I wouldn't be a good girlfriend if I didn't."
"What the fuck? You were basically his sex slave," Jade balled up her fists. "How did you put up with that?"
"He was so nice and caring, everything a girl would want in a guy. I thought hey I need to please him, he loves me and I love him. Sex is great thing, sometimes I really wanted it and it's okay if he gets it in even when I don't want to have sex. I was afraid to lose him, that he'll go somewhere else if I didn't have sex with him," she hated to admit how dependent of a guy she was, of his affection.
"But Tori you had a right to just say no," Jade said.
"I did," she muttered. "What?" Jade asked.
"Numerous times, I said no," One thing she disliked remembering were the nights she had said no and he had ignored her and just fucked her.
"What?" Jade roared. "That's rape Tori."
"I know," she cleared her throat. "I didn't admit it out loud but I knew that I was getting raped."
Jade sighed. "So what happened?"
"The relationship just kept going. I didn't want to lose him and I was being a great loving girlfriend. I even spent the summer in the city to stay with him instead of going back to Cali. But there was a turning point in the relationship. At that point I had dated Parker for a whole year and I believe three months, so it was the beginning of November my sophomore year. I was at home with Andre, spent the day listening to music with him and talking about random crap. Andre said he was going to buy his ticket to go back home for Thanksgiving and he asked me if I wanted him to buy me mine. I thought, heck yeah. I'll get to go home see Dad in person instead of skyping all the time and see you guys."
"I remember that Thanksgiving you did come home," Jade paused. "But you were sad."
"I was," she sighed. "I didn't tell Parker I was going home until a few days before leaving. He got furious that I was going back home and leaving him. I told him he should go back home and spend time with his family. That it was just for a few days. He's a trust fund baby, hated his family and he thought I should hate mine too. I told him I was going and I didn't care what he said. He was so mad and next thing I knew I was thrown against a wall, my head had hit the wall, my side ached after the impact. He began to apologize and I was in shock. He started begging for forgiveness, that he lost control and he swore he would never touch me like that again. I just told him I'm going to go back home, I was going to think about this whole thing and that I'll talk to him when I got back in the city."
"So you thought about it? You didn't go back to him right?" Jade questioned. "How did I miss this?"
"We were all just wrapped up in our own lives so far away from each other. As much as I wanted to talk to someone about this, I just didn't. I was ashamed, he had this power over me that I couldn't explain."
"Oh," Jade groaned. "You didn't break up after Thanksgiving break, right?"
"I came home. I was ready to break it off, I had evaluated everything and I knew our relationship wasn't healthy," she paused and Jade groaned once again. "I told him we needed to talk. I went to his apartment, first mistake. He groveled, promised he would never do anything like that ever again. He was crying and that broke my heart. I loved him Jade, I loved him and he was crying for me. I forgave him that night and we made love."
Jade doesn't say anything, just angrily stared at her and she just took it as a sign to continue. "The first few weeks were beautiful. The nights I didn't want to have sex, he understood and we just cuddled. I thought he was changing for the better. That was until he suggested that I move in with him. I flat-out said no. He got angry. Started accusing me of fucking Andre and that's why there were days I didn't want to have sex with him. I was mad at that point but I let him calm down. Which he did, he apologized. I let it be and we were good."
"Alright Vega you are annoying me right now," Jade commented.
"I annoyed myself. Anyways, so winter break came and went. Andre went home, I stayed with Parker in the city. A few months passed after that with just a few arguments here and there. He never laid a finger on me but he called me names from time to time, he would verbally abuse me. Everything was alright, the relationship was fine that was until I got invited to an end of the year party and I knew Parker had plans that night with his friends and I thought I can go out to the party and have some fun without Parker. Plus Andre was going to go so better."
"Don't tell me. Parker got mad," Jade deadpanned.
"Furious. He went to the party, he marched in there and grabbed me by the arm. A few people noticed but they didn't stop him. He yanked me out of the party and he was yelling at me the entire time from the moment we left the party until we got to his apartment. He said I was worthless, a slut, that I was lucky to have him in my life. That he didn't know how he could love someone like me, that I didn't deserve his love or anyone's love. That I was so pathetic that not even my mom could stand being in my life that I should be grateful that he wanted to be in my life. He said no one cared about me. So many painful things, he took all my insecurities and just yelled them at me. I was sobbing uncontrollably the whole drive to his place."
Tori was now openly crying, as she remembered that night. "Where is this bastard now so I can punch him?" Jade demanded, ready to storm out of the apartment.
"But it didn't end there. The moment we got into the apartment, he pushed me down on the floor right in front of the apartment door. He said that's where sluts like it, on the floor," she let out a shaky breath. "With no disregard to anything, he pinned me down and removed my underwear. I was yelling for him to stop, to let me go and he hit me twice, told me to shut up. And I did, I just stopped yelling."
"He didn't," Jade whispered.
"He raped me," Tori sobbed and Jade reached out to touch Tori but Tori pulled away before she could even be touched. "No one arrived, no one saved me."
"Wait but Andre was at the party did anyone tell him?" Jade questioned.
She wiped at her eyes, wanting to stop crying. Parker never deserved her tears. "They did," she said. "He actually came to get me that night. He left the party, angry that Parker treated me that way and he knew where we were going. Oh Jade, I remember laying on that floor after Parker got done and walked away. He just left me there. I was just sobbing didn't know how much time had passed but everything hurt, I couldn't believe that had actually happened. And then the banging on the door started. Parker was taking a shower and I knew I had to get out. So when I saw Andre on the other side of the door, I just threw myself at him. He held me tight and I felt safe for the first time in a long time, I knew I was safe."
"Please tell me no more Parker," Jade whined.
"No more Parker. I told Andre what had occurred and he immediately took me to the hospital even though I protested. He told the nurse I was raped and that she should contact a police officer. I couldn't stop crying, they got a rape kit and I could tell the female doctor wanted to cry with me. I told the police officer everything that had happened, that Parker was my boyfriend but I didn't consent to it. The rape kit confirmed that I was raped, he was so forceful that he actually caused some damage and the bruises on my face were another thing against Parker."
Jade wiped away a few stray tears. "This went to court?" she asked.
"Yeah, his attorney was a bastard. They tried to turn it on me, that I had given it up but was trying to get some money out of it. I didn't. I didn't sue for money. I didn't want to go to court but Andre begged me to do it, to press charges against Parker. I decided to do so because I didn't want Parker doing the same thing to another girl. Andre paid for all the legal fees, I didn't want to tell my dad anything about it plus things were tough money wise as he paid for Trina and my school things. Mom helped a little but it was never enough. But thankfully Parker was found guilty of third degree rape and was sentenced four years in prison and a chance for parole after that time served."
"Why didn't you tell your dad? Or any of us? We would have been there for you," Jade's hand inched out but stopped herself. Tori reached out to grab Jade's hand.
"I know, I know you guys would have but I was ashamed. I still am. Not a lot of people know what happened, I still haven't told my dad. I still haven't told anyone else in my life about this. Andre and Mark are the only ones that know well also Andre's mom does too. She was happy to pay for everything and to make sure the bastard got what he deserved."
"But only four years?" Jade asked. "He deserved more."
"Everyone thought so, I was in abusive relationship but that's the thing. It was a relationship so his defense played it down as much as possible. I was just glad he got time and he got the help he needed. He had to do court mandated therapy and I know he's on parole right now. Thankfully I haven't had to run into him, I don't know what would happen if I saw him or if Andre saw him. I think Andre would gladly beat his ass the next time he saw him."
"I would love to beat his ass too," Jade said.
Tori tried to give Jade a reassuring smile but knew it was futile, Jade was furious. "I've been in therapy ever since."
"And the self-harming started when?" Jade asked.
"When I was still with Parker. Just little cuts here and there," Tori admitted. "He noticed them but he didn't care. He sometimes would even press down on them. He liked to hear me hiss in pain and then he would kiss me. Andre found out my sophomore year that I was cutting and he comforted me. I had promised that I would stop and he let it go. I wish he didn't. He never asked not until after the ordeal with Parker was over. I told him I was fine, that the cutting had stopped and that I was getting better, that therapy was helping."
"But it wasn't," Jade groaned.
"It was and at the same time it didn't help enough," Tori admitted. "I could hear Parker's words over and over. How worthless I was, that no one loved me. Every single thing he ever said to degrade me kept playing over and over in my head."
"Do you still think it?"
"Yeah at times I do. That's why I've had such a hard time accepting Andre's love. He loves me but he doesn't deserve to be with me, someone like me. So damaged but he loves me. I think I'm worthless," Tori sighed.
"You aren't," Jade said, she gave Tori's hand a slight squeeze. "You have come so far and look at you. Finally admitting you love Andre, he's a dumbass for giving Alana a shot because he loves you."
"And I hurt him. After the Parker thing. I focused on school, didn't date but I had one night stands. A lot of them, I would make Andre pick me up each of those mornings after. He was upset that I was doing that to myself and would say I worth more than that but it felt good to be wanted, to be-."
"He wanted you though," Jade cut her off. "He always wanted you, you knew that."
"Yeah, I did," she grumbled. "I was hurting him and he stayed. He wasn't innocent either, he fucked other girls, dated other girls."
"Cause he couldn't wait," Jade exclaimed. "Though we all knew that those girls meant nothing, those relationships went nowhere. It was always you."
"I know, I knew that. I knew that no matter how much I messed with his head or heart, Andre would still be here. And he was, for years he was always here. He has waited for so long and to have him finally give up, hurts."
Jade rolled her eyes. "He didn't give up," she said. "He just wants to make sure that what you want is him and only him. He knows you've been through so much and well he wants to make sure you know how much he loves you and you love him."
Tori smiled. "I know."
She waited for him that night. Jade had gone to sleep a little after ten, still tired from her flight and Tori stayed up waiting for Andre to arrive home.
A quarter after eleven, she heard the door open and she turned to see walk through the door. "Hey," he greeted her.
"Hi," she genuinely smiled at him, happy to see him. Sundays were always their day, they always hung out and not spending the day with him was something she didn't want to get used to.
He smiled back at her. "Surprised you are still awake. You have school in the morning," he said as he walked over to the couch to join her. "Or are you playing hooky with Jade tomorrow?"
"No, I'm working tomorrow," she responded. "I just wanted to wait for you. We usually spend Sundays together that not seeing you for much of today was weird. I figured we can talk for a bit when you got home."
"We can do that," his responded, almost apprehensive as he sat down on the couch. "What did Jade and you do all day?"
"Talked a lot. She now knows basically everything."
"Everything? Even about-" She cut him off. "Yeah I told her about Parker," she said.
He smiled at that. "That's great. I'm glad you are letting her in."
"I know," she tried to smile but sighed, she realized she didn't have to fake a smile. "It hurt to tell her everything, remembering him, his words and the pain."
"I just wish I had noticed sooner, what was going on," He balled his fist up and she knew after all this time he still felt guilty.
"Hey," she rested a hand on his hand. "You had no way of knowing. I barely realized what was going on. In front of everyone we were a great couple but there were days that he just was an asshole behind the privacy of closed doors."
"I'm sorry," Whenever they spoke about Parker, he always said he was sorry. "I still-"
"Nothing. You were there when you finally realized something was wrong. You went to his apartment to get me once you were told that he manhandled me out of that party. That speaks volumes of the man that you are and I love you for that. You got me out, helped me build myself up when I was at my lowest. I'm still working on me and you are still here. You don't see me as less and you love me."
"And never doubt how much I love you," he turned to face her and the tears in his eyes shocked her.
"Never," she moved closer to him. "I love you."
"I know," he leaned forward, his eyes set on her lips and she wanted to smile knowing what he intended to do. "I love you too."
"You both love each other," Jade's voice broke through their thoughts and they jumped away from each other. "I love you guys but Tori needs to sleep and you too Harris."
"Fine," Andre mumbled as he got up. "Goodnight ladies," he said before he walked into his bedroom.
"Jade!" Tori hissed at Jade as she followed her into the room. "He almost kissed me."
"I know," Jade smiled. "But he shouldn't be kissing you if he was with Alana. What did I say? You keep your distance and he'll want more of you."
"So I should keep my distance and be respectful of his relationship. Fine," she sighed. "I'll be supportive and not try to ruin the relationship, let him come to me. Maybe tease him a bit."
"How?" Jade asked, throwing herself on the bed.
She walked over to the closet. "Show off my gorgeous body."
Jade smirked. "I like where this is going."
The next morning Tori was awake and ready for work before Andre even emerged from his bedroom which was surprising because Andre was always ready first. She had just turned on the coffee maker when he finally exited his bedroom.
"Wow, you are up and ready before me," he walked towards the kitchen. "That's a first."
She playfully rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah well it had to happen once," she said took out their mugs from the cabinet.
"I see that," he responded entering the kitchen than stopped mid-step as he saw what she was wearing. "Wow a dress, you usually don't wear dresses to work."
"I know, I know," she said pulling the carafe of coffee away from the coffeemaker. "I saw this in my closet as I got dressed and thought why not. The weather will be nice today so I figured it didn't hurt."
Of course she wouldn't tell him that it took almost an hour of going back and forth with Jade discussing her clothing choice and what's proper to wear as a high school teacher. They had finally compromised on a sleeveless navy blue mini dress with red thin horizontal stripes with a nice revealing v-neck plunge that was still good for work.
"It doesn't," he said as he watched pour the coffee into the mugs. "Kind of short tho," he added as he tugged on the hemline of the dress. "Not really proper."
She smirked. "Don't worry about it," she walked over to the counter where she had a pair of red leggings resting on. "I'll just be wearing these underneath and no one can comment about my attire."
"Good," he muttered. "No one should get to see those legs."
He smiled sheepishly, after he realized what he just said. "No one but you?" She teasingly asked.
He grunted. "Yeah," he said before he left the room, leaving her to smile widely at his reaction.
A/N: Hi, it's been while. Finally updated. Took me while but here I am. Let me know your thoughts on the story, what you hate, what you want, what you like. I can't believe Victorious is over and disliked the way the series ended but at the same time I really enjoyed it. But hey, sometimes it happens like that. Thank goodness for fanfic. What are you guys thoughts on the finale? I'll try my best to update soon, take care til then.