part eleven
"Lastly the PTA would like to thank the school board, Principal Peskin, Sheriff Witter and Jack McPhee, and all the student volunteers for all their hard work in recent weeks setting up Capeside High's new violence prevention and outreach program – Safe Harbor. This is project, conceived by Mr.McPhee, provides students dealing with violence or the threat of violence, both at school and at home, with new resources and tools for getting help. They've all worked some incredibly long hours making this program happen and they've done it in record time. Their commitment to student safety and well-being has been admirable and inspiring. Let's give them a round of applause."
The audience dutifully complied and clapped politely. Jack smiled from his seat out front and nodded his head acknowledging the crowds support. He glanced over at Doug, who sat on the other side of a radiant Principal Peskin. Jack caught Doug's eye and Doug shrugged almost imperceptivity. Jack knew they were both thinking the same thing – the concerned parents and good citizens of Capeside had no idea how necessary this program really was. Since its official inception February first, Safe Harbor had dealt with issues ranging from bullying to attempted date rape to child abuse.
Jack had been shocked by how many problems were lurking just beneath the surface of the seemingly well-adjusted and happy student population. Just goes to show, you never really know what's going on with people, thought Jack.
Finally the meeting was over. It had felt interminable and Jack was famished! Standing up, Jack spoke briefly with a few parents who wanted to offer their congratulations and support. Jack found that one-on-one their support proved more enthusiastic than their tepid applause had indicated.
Once the crowd had thinned and Jack had extracted himself from the evening's last overly-hearty handshake, he looked around for Doug. They had made tentative plans to grab a bite after the meeting and Jack was more than ready to go eat. He spotted Doug over by the door talking to a brazenly flirtatious Angela Murphy. What's she doing? Jack wondered as he crossed the room.
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Angela reached out and stroked Doug's arm coyly, "So strong and so sensitive! Sheriff Witter you are an inspiration! How come I never see you around?" She batted her eyes at him and Doug had to bite his tongue in order not to snicker.
"I'm pretty busy with work and all. Say Angela how's your fiancée?" asked Doug inching away from her.
Tossing her red hair indignantly, Angela pouted slightly then smiled and said, "Brian and I broke up. I could never marry someone who didn't trust me!"
"Well I'm sure Pacey will be delighted to hear that," lied Doug knowing Pacey didn't really care one way or another if Angela got married.
"Pacey!" spat Angela contemptuously. "Pacey!" Rolling her eyes she said, "Who do you think spilled the beans about New Years Eve to Brian?" Leaning in, she seductively pressed her breasts against Doug and whispered, "You'd never betray a girl like that would you…Doug?"
"Uhm no, no I wouldn't. But I'm sure Pacey didn't mean to…betray you." Or did he? Doug wondered as he pulled away once again from the clingy girl. If so, I might not blame him. But he defended his brother saying, "It must have been an accident."
"So he claims. Your brother's an idiot."
"Well, I'm not historically the person to argue that…"
"But you're no idiot are you Doug? You know what a woman wants don't you? What she needs?"
"Uhmm," Doug didn't quite know what to say.
"Why don't we get out of here?" Angel purred as she laced her fingers through Doug's and clamped down on his hand.
"So, Doug you ready to get out of here?" Jack's abrupt, oh-so-welcome arrival made Doug want to dance with joy. "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?" Jack looked at Doug playfully and waggled his eyebrows at him.
"Oh, no, not at all. Jack you know Angela Murphy right? Pacey's friend." Doug put a lot of emphasis on the last sentence as he extracted his hand from her death grip.
"Right. Hi. Nice to see you."
Angela's mouth said, "Hi" but her eyes said, "Whatever." She turned her attention back to Doug and said, "So, Doug, how about it?"
"I'm sorry Angela, Jack and I have a Safe Harbor meeting now."
"At 9:30pm on a Thursday?" she asked incredulously.
"That's how we've gotten so much done so quickly," replied Doug.
"It's a lot of working keeping the children safe," chimed in Jack. "We're very dedicated."
"Obviously," said the tight-lipped red head. Undaunted, she asked, "Well, how about later then? After your meeting?"
Doug knew he needed to squash this here and now otherwise the tenacious woman would keep hounding him until he lost his mind. He looked Angela square in the eye and firmly he said "No. You have a good night." Doug turned and walked out the door leaving Jack to deal with a very shocked, very offended Angela Murphy.
She stood there, staring after Doug, looking annoyed and all but sputtering. Jack didn't know what to say. And frankly, he didn't know if he could say anything without laughing. "Bye," was all he could manage before he turned and left as well.
Out in the parking lot, he found Doug leaning up against his police cruiser waiting for Jack.
"So that was fun," laughed a bemused Jack as he elbowed Doug.
"Fun? For who?" asked Doug disdainfully.
"Oh, for me! Totally fun. Totally. Good times." Jack's eyes danced and sparkled as he teased Doug.
"Ha Ha."
"So, you and Angela Murphy. What would that be like?" Jack put his hand on his chin and assumed an expression of faux thoughtfulness as if intently considering the possibility.
"Shut it Jack. Are you ready to eat or what?"
Jack let the subject drop and said, "Pizza?"
"Sounds good to me. Let's go."
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An hour or so later the two men sat in a booth at Nat's Pizza Parlor. They were laughing and picking at the remains of a large pizza.
"So I asked the girl at the counter how the scones were today and she says 'Do you like a currants? Well more importantly, do you like a cardboard-y aftertaste?' and when I said 'Not really' she said 'Then I'd pass. Have a muffin."
"That was nice of her," said Doug as he picked mushrooms off the last remaining piece of pizza.
Jack nodded in agreement, "I thought so."
The very slight tone of sarcasm in Jack's answer made Doug ask, "How was the muffin?"
"Had a cardboard-y aftertaste."
"Huh. She must not have tried the muffin." Doug shrugged and smiled, "You wanna get another round?" he was having such a nice time that he didn't really want the meal to end.
"You can't really say another round when referring to ice tea – it only works if you're talking about alcoholic drinks. And actually…" Jack looked at his watch and frowned slightly.
Doug saw this and hurriedly said, "It is getting late – do you need to go or call Greg? Will he be worried?" Pacey had informed Doug that Jack had been getting a lot of heat from Greg for not being around much for the last several weeks. Doug could give a crap about Greg but he didn't want Jack to have to deal with more static on his account.
"No, that's not it. Our relationship isn't like that. I was just thinking I have to work tomorrow. I'm guessing you don't huh?"
"Nope. Big day off." So big, thought Doug to himself, that I'll probably go see a movie and hang out with my mother for a while. Thrilling.
Jack interrupted Doug's reverie when he said, "And…we broke up yesterday."
"You and Greg broke…Oh, wow. Uhm, I'm sorry...? Wait yesterday? You broke up on Valentine's Day? That's harsh."
Jack shrugged, "Well, it turns out that with a little effort, I can be a real jerk."
There was a pause, "So you broke up with him?" asked Doug trying to keep the excitement out of his voice.
"Yeah," Jack took a drink of ice tea before continuing. Doug just sat there telling himself to remain cool. "I kept waiting for him to break up with me but he just wouldn't do it – which was kind of unexpected to tell you the truth." Jack laughed self-deprecatingly.
Doug leaned forward on the table and stared intently at Jack. "How come?" he asked.
"What can I say? I'm a good catch?"
"No...I mean, right, but how come you broke up with him?"
Jack smiled at Doug's inadvertent compliment and replied, "Our relationship was…well, let's just say it wasn't what I wanted."
"Oh. And what do you want?" Doug's eyes bugged out a little when he realized what he had just asked. Could I be more obvious? And desperate? And sad? Doug berated himself.
"Whoa, this conversation has taken a sharp turn for the heavy!" laughed Jack as he pushed his long empty plate out of his way.
Immediately chagrinned, Doug retreated and said, "Sorry, it's none of my business."
"No, no, it's not that. It's just…I'm surprised you're interested." Jack looked at Doug seriously.
Doug looked right back at him and said, "Well, I am." Doug felt himself start to blush but he refused to look away.
"Oh."
"'Scuse me fellas, we were hoping to close up a little early tonight – my kid's got the flu – and well, if you wouldn't mind wrapping it up, I'd sure appreciate it," their waitress gestured to the otherwise empty restaurant and smiled apologetically.
"Sure"
"Of course."
Both men hastily scrambled for their wallets and Doug said, "Sorry to have held you up Mindy. Guess we didn't realize…"
"No trouble Sheriff and I'm sorry to be kicking you out like this. If the munchkin wasn't sick, you know I'd let you hang out here all night. It helps me study being here when it's all quiet."
"You still taking classes at the community college?" asked Doug as he handed her the money.
"Yeah. I'll get out of this hellhole one day." She laughed and starting making change for them.
"Careful Mindy or I'll tell your Dad you called his place a hellhole!" joked Doug in return.
"Hey I said it with affection!" She handed Doug the change. "Besides I'm pretty sure he already knows how I feel about this place. Here you go.""
"You keep it."
"It's too much!" She tried to hand the money back.
"Just my way of saying 'sorry we slowed you down'. Go on," Doug insisted. Mindy sighed exasperatedly and rolled her eyes. But she smiled and put the money in her pocket.
Jack watched this exchanged with pleasure. Doug had such an easygoing way about him lately. It was good to see. He stood up and put on his coat. "Pizza was great Mindy. As usual."
"Thanks Mr. McPhee." She followed them to the front door and unlocked it for them. "Have a good night. Please come see us again here at Hellhole Pizza." She winked at Doug and gave him a little shove out the door. "Night Sheriff."
Outside, Doug pulled his coat more tightly around him. He felt cold and vulnerable. He looked at Jack and said, "So?"
"So, I should get home."
Doug smiled to hide his disappointment and nodded, "Right. Work tomorrow."
"Yeah." Jack looked down and shuffled his feet, "But we'll talk soon ok?"
"Sure thing. Night then."
Doug headed for the cruiser but Jack called after him, "Doug?" He sounded uncertain.
Eagerly, Doug turned around and said, "Yeah?" His breath caught in his throat as he wondered what Jack would say now.
"Can I get a ride? It's freaking freezing tonight."
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Later that night as he tried to fall asleep Jack thought about his break up with Greg. He'd gone over to Greg's place for a romantic Valentine's Day dinner – which Greg had insisted upon. When Jack got there, he found Greg had ordered in Mexican food. Styrofoam containers and all. It didn't seem very romantic to Jack and he had said so…
"I thought you liked Mexican food!" huffed an offended Greg.
"I didn't say I didn't like it, I said it wasn't very romantic. It looks like you just ordered something from the place down the street because you couldn't be bothered to do anything else. Or am I missing something?"
Greg just set his jaw and repeated, "I thought you liked Mexican."
Jack sighed and said "Whatever, let's just eat before it gets cold." He took a bite and amended his statement, "Colder."
So dinner hadn't gone very well. And after dinner things got worse. Greg tidied up the remains of dinner and Jack went into the living room and flopped down on the couch. He noticed a pile of stuff on the coffee table and began flipping through it. One of the photos surprised the hell out of him.
When Greg came in, Jack held up the photo and asked mildly, "Hey, what's this?"
"I was going through some old photos and found those – that's an ex-boyfriend of mine from a long long time ago. His name is Toby." Greg took the photo from Jack and looked at it closely. He grinned, "Actually, I bet you would have liked him. He was great."
"Yeah, I bet," replied Jack a little baffled and truthfully, a lot creep-ed out by the coincidence. It made him more determined to end this charade and end it tonight. "Listen we need to talk…"
Greg sat down next to Jack, "About what sweetie?" He began to nuzzle Jack's neck. "You smell good."
Jack didn't move. "About us," he said curtly.
Greg stopped nuzzling and sat back. All he said was "Oh."
Jack felt his resolve weakening but he knew he had to do this. He steeled himself
and said, "I just don't think it's working. I know we've
both been trying to…make it work. But it's just not."
Greg looked sad. "You think we're still just chitchat and sex."
He said it like a statement not a question.
"Truthfully? Yeah I do." Jack stood up and walked over to the easy chair. He needed some distance if he was going to go through with this. "And I think we both deserve more than this…" he said as he sat back down.
Greg's eyes welled with tears. He looked at Jack angrily and said, "You don't fool me you know…"
Genuinely confused Jack responded, "Fool you? What do you mean?"
"The cop. This is about the cop. You spend all your free time with him." Greg struggled to keep his emotions under control but his voice cracked when he said, "I'm not stupid you know!"
"Honestly, this isn't about Doug. It's about you and me and the fact that emotionally we don't really connect," Jack said firmly knowing it was true.
Greg quickly got up and moved over to where Jack sat. He knelt on the floor next to the chair and said plaintively, "Is that what you think? 'Cause, I don't know, I feel pretty emotional about you Jack. I feel this." Greg gestured between them. He placed his hand on his heart and moved it to Jack's heart. He repeated the motion and said "I feel this. I feel you Jack!"
Jack took Greg's hand in his and said, "No you don't. Not really."
Greg yanked his hand away, "Don't! Don't tell me how I feel!" Tears ran down his angry face.
Very aware of his own dry eyes and dispassionate manner Jack gritted his teeth and said, "Well then I don't. I don't feel it. I'm sorry Greg."
"Liar!" Greg reached for Jack and forcefully tried to kiss him as if he could prove Jack wrong.
Jack pushed him roughly away and stood up. "Stop it! Stop it! You can't make this into love or passion or even lust!" Jack brusquely put on his coat and found his keys. He continued, "You can't force something to be something it's not and I'm tired of trying!" Jack looked at Greg bitterly. Greg sat on the floor and stared up at him, his mouth agape. Jack's voice softened, "Goodbye Greg. I'm sorry I wasted your time."
Jack walked over to the front door and opened it. From behind him, he heard Greg say "Jack? Jack? Don't. Don't go. Jack?" Jack ignored the desperate pleas and walked out.
"Good luck with your crush on the closeted cliché!" shouted Greg indignantly.
Jack closed the door decisively behind him. By the time he got to his car, he found that he was nearly overwhelmed by the feelings of relief that washed over him. I should have done this a long time ago.
Lying in his bed, Jack rolled over on to his back and sighed loudly. He knew that by trying to do the right thing by Greg he had made the situation worse. He also knew that he had been hiding behind the relationship. It was a welcome distraction for a while and it kept unwanted questions at bay. Jack had honestly convinced himself that Doug didn't have any romantic interest in Jack. They were friends. Yes, there was chemistry between them but that was all – it wasn't anything Doug wanted to act on. But Doug had made it pretty clear tonight that that might not be the case.
The thought sent chills racing down Jack's spine and tied his stomach in knots. Was simply a matter of trusting his heart and reaching out? He wondered if it could really be that easy. And if it was, then why was he so worried?
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end part 11