King and Country
Part Eleven: Gimme the Prize
"Aren't you going to answer that, Darling?" Blackadder asked softly, after several seconds had gone by.
"Yes, Darling, see who that is," growled the impatient general. "I'm more concerned with getting to the bottom of this Flasheart business than being bothered with these innumerable interruptions."
The agitated officer muttered something under his breath but did as he was told. Standing on the other side of the now-open door, completely calm and collected, was a red-haired woman in a nurse's uniform. It was she who was now the focus of General Melchett's nearly nonexistent attention span.
"Nurse King! What a delight to see you again so soon -- will you two show some respect, there's a lady present -- now then, my dear, what brings an angel of mercy such as yourself to my office?"
"Commander Flasheart," she replied, and smiled prettily at Melchett. "At your orders, sir, he was taken to the base hospital to sleep off the alcohol that we thought was affecting him. This morning, however, there was no change in Lord Flasheart's condition; and from this it was determined that there had in fact been no alcohol in his system the previous night."
The general was aghast. "None?"
"None whatsoever."
"Do you mean to say that Flasheart was fully aware of what he was doing?" questioned Darling, suspicion evident. "That mean that he *was* invited there.. by someone." He stared pointedly at Captain Blackadder, who ignored him. "I don't know how you did it, but you were the cause of this, I know it-"
"If I could be allowed to clarify my last statement," interrupted Nurse King, deftly shutting up the captain with an icy glare that could have frozen the flames crackling in the office's fireplace. "Commander Flasheart may not have been drunk, but in no way was he fully aware of what he was doing. He's come down with a bad case of food poisoning -- you remember, captain, the kind that hit Ypres four months ago."
"But that's where my niece is transferring -- to get away from all the crazies around here, or so she says -- the sickness isn't going 'round there again, is it?"
"Oh no, Ypres itself is clean. Flasheart picked up this bug here."
Darling took a quick step backwards, just in case the nurse might have brought some of her patient's germs with her. "You mean the strain that causes muscle weakness, violent stomach upset, fever, chills, dizziness, confusion, and delirium?"
"Why yes. You have an excellent memory, captain."
"And Flasheart's got *that*? Shouldn't he be quarantined from the rest of the base? Sent to another hospital or something?"
Nurse King made calming motions. "The commander has been isolated, pending his reassignment to his original unit. Unless General Melchett wishes for him to stay on here, at this base."
"Flasheart's being transferred?" Darling asked in disbelief.
"Keep that bounder here? I've never heard of such poppycock," rumbled the general. "Send him back where he came from, that's the thing to do. I decided that last night. Can't have him molesting other female personnel."
Captain Darling was well aware of the implications of Flasheart's reassignment. "Perhaps, sir, his improprietous actions might have been caused by the delirium and confusion brought on by his illness.. both of which are major symptoms of the Ypres variety," he hastily pointed out. He did not particularly care for the RFC officer, but the alternative would be utterly intolerable.
"At that early a stage, the bacterial toxins could have only produced instability along the lines of alcohol intoxication. There would have been a breakdown in self control, but little else."
The tall man scowled. "And that's the hospital chief's confirmed diagnosis?"
"Yes, it's Dr. Mitchell's diagnosis." She held out the report she'd brought with her. "If you'd care to examine it, Darling?"
The captain moved to take the file from her, but his hand never quite reached it. Instead he froze, rooted to the spot, as his brain processed what the woman had just said.
Madeleine King cleared her throat. "I say, Darling, are you all right?"
She'd said it again. Darling's eyebrows shot upward. Madeleine King had just done the unthinkable. She had just addressed him in the overly familiar manner used only by the general, and no-one else.
No-one, that is, except Captain Edmund Blackadder.
Darling stared blankly at the nurse, horrified at the possibility of collusion between her and the dark-haired officer who had remained so very quiet during this interchange, almost as if he'd known what she was going to say..
"It can't be," he murmured to himself.
"'Eh?" Nurse King stepped forward for a better look. "General Melchett, would you like me to examine your second? He doesn't look at all well."
The offer of medical assistance prompted Darling to snatch away the file. "I'm fine, thank you," Darling replied hurriedly, not wanting to stay within reach of the nurse with the gentle bedside manner of Ghengis Khan. He leafed through the report, then glared suspiciously at Captain Blackadder and Nurse King. "Tell me, nurse, what was the name of the doctor who diagnosed Commander Flasheart?"
"It was Dr. Mitchell, chief of surgery."
"I see. Well, Nurse King, forgive me if I say that I'm very skeptical of this whole business, and that I'd very much like to speak with the doctor in person. Just to make sure that this report is one hundred percent accurate, of course."
"I'm afraid that will be quite out of the question," the nurse replied.
"Oh?" asked Darling, his suspicions growing by the moment. "And why is that?"
"Because," she finished apologetically, "Dr. Mitchell seems to have developed a case of food poisoning himself." She shrugged. "Quite a coincidence, really."
"Really," repeated the exec, deadpan. He already knew what the answer to his next question would be. "And I suppose that Dr. Mitchell is already in the second stage of the illness, the delirium, and that by the time he's recovered he won't remember a thing pertaining to Flasheart's case?"
"Why yes," the woman said brightly. "Captain Darling, have you ever considered joining the medical corps? We could certainly use someone like you, with a good eye and a good memory for symptoms."
"No thank you, nurse," he sighed. He knew he was beaten, yet again, and that this time -- as always -- Captain Blackadder had escaped unscathed. It just wasn't fair.
"So, my dear," beamed General Melchett, for whom things had settled firmly into place. "I'll leave it to you and the rest of your staff to get Commander Flasheart's belongings together. Captain Blackadder, you can see to his things in the trenches."
Blackadder smiled in a very similar way to Nurse King. "I'm sorry, sir, but during the last German aerial attack the dugout section containing Commander Flasheart's gear was completely destroyed."
"Destroyed?" echoed the general.
"Buried ten feet under, sir," he replied. Then he sighed long-sufferingly. "But I suppose we'd best dig it out, to make it ready for the next unit commander.. "
"Oh, no need for that, captain. Considering the lack of talented officers, and what's been going on here with the one talented officer I managed to find, I've decided to reinstate you. That's why I called you here. Your unit is yours again."
Blackadder saluted, barely able to contain his glee. "Thank you, sir. And may I say that I shall do my own personal best to command that unit, and-"
"Don't worry about doing your personal best, Blackadder. Just run the unit like you always have."
"Why thank you, Darling," replied Blackadder, in far too good a mood to be riled. "And if I'm no longer needed here, I should be on my way.. "
"Yes. Get back to your trench, Blackadder, and see that everything's ready for my next inspection."
"Yes, general," he said, saluting again. "Nurse King, could I give you a lift back to the field hospital? I shouldn't want to see such a dainty little thing as yourself worn out from such a long walk."
"Why captain, I'd be delighted," she said, taking the arm he offered. "How very kind of you."
"Come along, then. My transport is right outside.. "
Captain Darling glared after the two as the door of the general's office shut. Then he rubbed his forehead wearily, deciding that he needed to relax. Yes, it was definitely time to make another unscheduled visit to the officers' club.
"Aren't you going to answer that, Darling?" Blackadder asked softly, after several seconds had gone by.
"Yes, Darling, see who that is," growled the impatient general. "I'm more concerned with getting to the bottom of this Flasheart business than being bothered with these innumerable interruptions."
The agitated officer muttered something under his breath but did as he was told. Standing on the other side of the now-open door, completely calm and collected, was a red-haired woman in a nurse's uniform. It was she who was now the focus of General Melchett's nearly nonexistent attention span.
"Nurse King! What a delight to see you again so soon -- will you two show some respect, there's a lady present -- now then, my dear, what brings an angel of mercy such as yourself to my office?"
"Commander Flasheart," she replied, and smiled prettily at Melchett. "At your orders, sir, he was taken to the base hospital to sleep off the alcohol that we thought was affecting him. This morning, however, there was no change in Lord Flasheart's condition; and from this it was determined that there had in fact been no alcohol in his system the previous night."
The general was aghast. "None?"
"None whatsoever."
"Do you mean to say that Flasheart was fully aware of what he was doing?" questioned Darling, suspicion evident. "That mean that he *was* invited there.. by someone." He stared pointedly at Captain Blackadder, who ignored him. "I don't know how you did it, but you were the cause of this, I know it-"
"If I could be allowed to clarify my last statement," interrupted Nurse King, deftly shutting up the captain with an icy glare that could have frozen the flames crackling in the office's fireplace. "Commander Flasheart may not have been drunk, but in no way was he fully aware of what he was doing. He's come down with a bad case of food poisoning -- you remember, captain, the kind that hit Ypres four months ago."
"But that's where my niece is transferring -- to get away from all the crazies around here, or so she says -- the sickness isn't going 'round there again, is it?"
"Oh no, Ypres itself is clean. Flasheart picked up this bug here."
Darling took a quick step backwards, just in case the nurse might have brought some of her patient's germs with her. "You mean the strain that causes muscle weakness, violent stomach upset, fever, chills, dizziness, confusion, and delirium?"
"Why yes. You have an excellent memory, captain."
"And Flasheart's got *that*? Shouldn't he be quarantined from the rest of the base? Sent to another hospital or something?"
Nurse King made calming motions. "The commander has been isolated, pending his reassignment to his original unit. Unless General Melchett wishes for him to stay on here, at this base."
"Flasheart's being transferred?" Darling asked in disbelief.
"Keep that bounder here? I've never heard of such poppycock," rumbled the general. "Send him back where he came from, that's the thing to do. I decided that last night. Can't have him molesting other female personnel."
Captain Darling was well aware of the implications of Flasheart's reassignment. "Perhaps, sir, his improprietous actions might have been caused by the delirium and confusion brought on by his illness.. both of which are major symptoms of the Ypres variety," he hastily pointed out. He did not particularly care for the RFC officer, but the alternative would be utterly intolerable.
"At that early a stage, the bacterial toxins could have only produced instability along the lines of alcohol intoxication. There would have been a breakdown in self control, but little else."
The tall man scowled. "And that's the hospital chief's confirmed diagnosis?"
"Yes, it's Dr. Mitchell's diagnosis." She held out the report she'd brought with her. "If you'd care to examine it, Darling?"
The captain moved to take the file from her, but his hand never quite reached it. Instead he froze, rooted to the spot, as his brain processed what the woman had just said.
Madeleine King cleared her throat. "I say, Darling, are you all right?"
She'd said it again. Darling's eyebrows shot upward. Madeleine King had just done the unthinkable. She had just addressed him in the overly familiar manner used only by the general, and no-one else.
No-one, that is, except Captain Edmund Blackadder.
Darling stared blankly at the nurse, horrified at the possibility of collusion between her and the dark-haired officer who had remained so very quiet during this interchange, almost as if he'd known what she was going to say..
"It can't be," he murmured to himself.
"'Eh?" Nurse King stepped forward for a better look. "General Melchett, would you like me to examine your second? He doesn't look at all well."
The offer of medical assistance prompted Darling to snatch away the file. "I'm fine, thank you," Darling replied hurriedly, not wanting to stay within reach of the nurse with the gentle bedside manner of Ghengis Khan. He leafed through the report, then glared suspiciously at Captain Blackadder and Nurse King. "Tell me, nurse, what was the name of the doctor who diagnosed Commander Flasheart?"
"It was Dr. Mitchell, chief of surgery."
"I see. Well, Nurse King, forgive me if I say that I'm very skeptical of this whole business, and that I'd very much like to speak with the doctor in person. Just to make sure that this report is one hundred percent accurate, of course."
"I'm afraid that will be quite out of the question," the nurse replied.
"Oh?" asked Darling, his suspicions growing by the moment. "And why is that?"
"Because," she finished apologetically, "Dr. Mitchell seems to have developed a case of food poisoning himself." She shrugged. "Quite a coincidence, really."
"Really," repeated the exec, deadpan. He already knew what the answer to his next question would be. "And I suppose that Dr. Mitchell is already in the second stage of the illness, the delirium, and that by the time he's recovered he won't remember a thing pertaining to Flasheart's case?"
"Why yes," the woman said brightly. "Captain Darling, have you ever considered joining the medical corps? We could certainly use someone like you, with a good eye and a good memory for symptoms."
"No thank you, nurse," he sighed. He knew he was beaten, yet again, and that this time -- as always -- Captain Blackadder had escaped unscathed. It just wasn't fair.
"So, my dear," beamed General Melchett, for whom things had settled firmly into place. "I'll leave it to you and the rest of your staff to get Commander Flasheart's belongings together. Captain Blackadder, you can see to his things in the trenches."
Blackadder smiled in a very similar way to Nurse King. "I'm sorry, sir, but during the last German aerial attack the dugout section containing Commander Flasheart's gear was completely destroyed."
"Destroyed?" echoed the general.
"Buried ten feet under, sir," he replied. Then he sighed long-sufferingly. "But I suppose we'd best dig it out, to make it ready for the next unit commander.. "
"Oh, no need for that, captain. Considering the lack of talented officers, and what's been going on here with the one talented officer I managed to find, I've decided to reinstate you. That's why I called you here. Your unit is yours again."
Blackadder saluted, barely able to contain his glee. "Thank you, sir. And may I say that I shall do my own personal best to command that unit, and-"
"Don't worry about doing your personal best, Blackadder. Just run the unit like you always have."
"Why thank you, Darling," replied Blackadder, in far too good a mood to be riled. "And if I'm no longer needed here, I should be on my way.. "
"Yes. Get back to your trench, Blackadder, and see that everything's ready for my next inspection."
"Yes, general," he said, saluting again. "Nurse King, could I give you a lift back to the field hospital? I shouldn't want to see such a dainty little thing as yourself worn out from such a long walk."
"Why captain, I'd be delighted," she said, taking the arm he offered. "How very kind of you."
"Come along, then. My transport is right outside.. "
Captain Darling glared after the two as the door of the general's office shut. Then he rubbed his forehead wearily, deciding that he needed to relax. Yes, it was definitely time to make another unscheduled visit to the officers' club.